Tag: sex advice

Hello I’m a 21 year old girl and every time I have sex my vagina starts out fine and well naturally lubricated but usually about 20 minutes it dries up and isn’t wet anymore and I don’t know why, what is happening?

A few things come to mind as possible causes:

1) You might just not be into it! Yep. It could be that easy. The sex sucks, you stop being excited, you stop being wet. A guy gets hard because he’s aroused. A girl gets wet because she’s aroused. If he stops being hard or she stops being wet that means there’s a distinct lack of arousal. That’s how it works. You get turned on at first, but it seems like your interest drops off once you start having sex. How is the sex? Your arousal ends when actual sex begins so maybe it’s time to evaluate what’s going on. It could just be the simple fact that the sex isn’t good and you need to change it up or find a partner that actually “does it” for you.

2a) Dehydration. Believe it or not, drinking more water (especially when you’re NOT thirsty – key!) could solve your problem. Dehydration is a common issue for people that they don’t even notice because unless it’s SEVERE, the symptoms are mild and usually brushed off as normal.

2b) Your diet! Are you eating healthy diet with lots of fruits and veggies, or are you a meat and starch person? Lower the amount of high cholesterol foods, increase fruits and veggies and drink more water. The cleaner, healthier diet keeps all of your parts moving and your sex life benefits too! Take vitamins, especially zinc which helps with lubrication.

3) Do you think about sex in general? Does it interest you? Do you daydream about sex with celebrities, etc.? Do you masturbate? Do you stay wet while you masturbate? If yes, that would indicate that you are interested in sex, but you’re not interested in sex with whoever it is you’re having sex with. This could be a sign of the person/relationship being the problem – not you.

4) Anxiety is the natural enemy of sexual pleasure. Are you feeling stress or dealing with other matters at work life, school, family, that would be enough to be affecting your sex life?

5) Are you taking any medications? Lots of medicines can cause vaginal dryness as a side effect.

Look, female arousal takes more time than male arousal, so foreplay is crucial. Try focusing on “warming up” more than the penetrative act in sex.

The inner channel of the vagina is not the most sensitive area for a woman and 15 minutes of senseless thrusting into a relatively numb area is not going to keep you going. It’s not gonna do it for any woman! Inevitably, you dry up because it’s not feeling good for you and then you start getting sore, which makes everything 10x worse. The idea is to utilize all the other pleasure zones you have WHILE being penetrated. Also, oral sex as foreplay helps out hugely because if done right, you can be right right on the cusp of coming, dripping wet, before any penetration even occurs! Perfect!

Just to cover all my bases, other factors that could affect arousal and lubrication are hormone levels, sleep, and lack of exercise.

Hope this helps!

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via dorkvader)

i feel like this should be published and sold everywhere

(via the-hammer-of-fenris)

THIS OMG

(via archangel-abdiel)

When you start giving a handjob to start the mood, isn’t it dry and wouldn’t it be painful at first? Like are you supposed to do something first to your hands or the penis? Or do you just start rubbing anyway?

Dry is okay, but it’s not ideal. You have to be careful, you can’t go full on. It’s more of a tease than a real HJ when you do it dry. If you start really rubbing up and down and gripping him tightly, it chafes, it can hurt, and it might tear their skin, so the easiest thing is always to use spit. Spit in your hand, spit on his dick, whatever. If you don’t want to do that, keep lube nearby. You can spit a couple times and then his precum will start leaking and you can use that – spread it out.

The only other thing that would influence this is whether or not he’s circumcised. Cut, yes they need some kind of wetness, uncut, it’s actually much easier to give a dry handjob without it being painful because the foreskin slides up and down naturally.

Ok so I gave my bf head for the first time and I swallowed all of his cum. I was really proud and thought this was good but when I got home… I had a “cumshart” lol and then I had the worst diarrhea for two hours. On Google it said hiv but no I’m his only partner. Why did this happen? How can I prevent that? I really want to swallow his load but I can’t if I’m going to have the runs after lol. I’m so upset, has this happened to you?

I don’t know about the HIV aspect, I haven’t heard that, so I can’t tell you anything. I’m not a doctor. You did have unprotected sex so, yes, you are at risk for it. He told you that you’re his only partner, but people lie. You never know 100%. It’s always a good idea to get tested. That’s all I can say about that.

Now I’ve never experienced it, but I’ve heard about it happening to other people. My best guess is (again, I’m NOT a doctor nor do I have any medical expertise) that there was some bacteria on his junk.

Diarrhea is essentially the body flooding your bowel with water to flush out toxins before they’re absorbed into your blood stream. It’s a defensive measure.

There shouldn’t be any bacteria in semen, but it’s easy for it to collect on his dick/balls. It could have also been from your hands since I’m sure you used them in addition to sucking him off. So my advice is for both of you to thoroughly wash up before engaging in any sexual activity.

Another thought is that it could be an allergy of some kind? The first seems more likely. Either way, I’d try making sure you’re both scrubbed clean and if you still have the same reaction then don’t swallow it anymore! Obviously, your body is rejecting it for a reason. Have him ejaculate somewhere on your body or on your face, just don’t swallow and keep it away from your eyes!!!

Since when was is offensive to ask a person about their sex history? I asked this girl and she got upset about it.

How did you phrase it? And when did you ask? It’s all about timing and the wording of it.

Yes, you should talk about sex history, but there’s a very specific way to go about it without making people feel like you’re accusing them of sleeping around/having an STD, or prying into something that’s none of your business, or using it in a moment of frustration/jealousy.

It should be a very calm discussion where you both agree to be truthful with each other about past sexual activities. It should be in a private, comfortable setting. Try not to ask it in an actively sexual situation. So not in bed or when you’re fooling around.

Basically it’s: “I know this is really awkward, but have you been tested before? When? I did it (insert answer here).” Something along those lines.

It’s a mature dialogue between two consenting adults. Not “So…how many people have you fucked? Do you have anything I can catch?”

If they don’t want to talk about specifically the people they’ve slept with, then you don’t get to push that. Yes, you should know about STD screening and risky sexual behaviors, but you don’t have a right to know more than that. It’s up to them to disclose any more details and if they don’t want to, that’s their prerogative and you don’t get to be mad about it.

First off, you need to think about WHY you’re asking these questions. If you’re asking because you just want to know what their number is or juicy details on who they’ve been with, not because there’s any concern of STD’s or HIV, then you need to RECONSIDER. The number is not important and you can discuss that later in the relationship when you’re both comfortable with each other.

This discussion is for two things, really.

1) To assess safe sex practices (which should be talked about early in the relationship when the sex starts…)

2) To be closer to your partner by learning about the extent of their experiences and who they’ve been with. This is to increase intimacy, not to compare numbers, amount of experience, or to find out if they hooked up with that one person you always suspected…blahblahblah.

Other tips?

– Don’t ask questions you don’t want an answer to.

– Be upfront about your expectations. “I want us to get tested before we have sex. I want to use condoms. etc.”

– You have to be careful about coming across as judgmental. Laughing, whistling, making jokes, all of that can be interpreted as assholish judgmental behavior.

– Reassure your partner that you care about them and that you want to learn, support, and figure out which precautions to take, not to pry or judge on previous behavior. OKAY?

It’s a tricky line to walk, but if you have concerns, you must voice them. Just choose your words carefully and come from a place of respect and understanding.

Also, just going to point out that you should always choose your partners wisely because people lie. You can ask all you want, but people lie. That’s reality. Be careful about who you trust.

I’m a sexually repressed female. I don’t act on my urges very often and I was raised very sheltered. I date women, and I sleep with men on occasion.. I started really watching porn when I was 18. I got into it wayyyy more in the past two years but I got to the point that I was watching really graphic porn. The violent and the fetishized were flooding my dash and I started to find it hard to cum with a partner. so I deleted my “sex tumblr” because I felt desensitized.. Can you offer any advice?

Well, the problem with porn is that it can act like a drug. With drugs, prolonged usage requires consistent increases in dosage because your body starts to get used the drug, your threshold (tolerance) is higher, and you need a stronger dose in order to overcome it.

The same thing with porn. The more porn you watch, the more desensitized you become. Which often leads to you seeking out more hardcore/fetishes/violent porn because it’s different, new, more intense – something to shock your senses into arousal because now you have a higher threshold to overcome.

Deleting your blog was a good step! However, you should step away from porn altogether. You’re being overstimulated and making it far more difficult for any real life encounters to live up to the wild and violent fantasies you’ve been immersing yourself in. Cut yourself off, go cold turkey, and then give it time.

Your sensitivity will start to come back and increase the longer you stay away from porn. It’s like delayed gratification: the less sex you have in your daily life, the more special/exciting/arousing it will be when you do actually have it.

Sometimes my boyfriend doesn’t ‘finish’. Some days it’ll be within a minute or so, and some not at all. He isn’t masturbating, there is no stress (we live together and are together 24/7) so idk what it could be. Is it that he doesn’t find me attractive or is there another reason? I’ve tried talking about It with him, and he says he honestly doesn’t know what it is. It’s kinda lowered my self confidence abit, aswell as my sex drive

I have no idea. Is he lying about masturbating? He could be. But it could also be a medical issue. Maybe he’s having some emotional/psychological issues that he doesn’t want to admit to. Who knows?

It’s not you. He needs to figure out what’s going on and how to fix it. You can’t fix this for him.

It’s not you.

Okay sooo if you start to catch feelings for your fwb (and you know nothing will come out of it) should you stop sleeping with them? :/ :(

Yep. Because you’re going to end up very angry and resentful and hurt when (logically) you know this is what you signed up for.

Get out now, recover, lick your wounds, and move on. Do it before it gets worse.

I’m a guy and when me and my gf have sex she always cums first and I mean I don’t mind I feel great that she’s enjoying it but she gets upset that I never cum, she’s never masturbated and I have, so how can I make it mutual? Any advice?

It’s a simple matter of her wanting to see you lose a bit of control. She ALWAYS orgasms first? Then you have (or she has) to finish you off manually or orally? I think it’s great that you look out for her needs, but you’re either holding back a lot or she’s doing something that you’re not into. If you need her to do something differently, just tell her. She WANTS sex to be just as good for you as it is for her.

When you never just “slip up” and get so into it that you can’t help but fucking blow it before you’re “supposed to”….she can tell you’re holding back and that’s frustrating. It’s also a little disappointing because she wants to know that she’s attractive and sexy enough to make you want to blow your wad right then and there!

Simultaneous orgasms are possible, but you have to work a bit harder for them. The best thing you can do is communicate during sex, be aware of how close she is to orgasm. You should be able to see signs of it (when you’re with someone for a while, it’s easier). She can also verbalize it for you (“I’m so close”), but your best bet is to know exactly what turns her on and exactly when she’s going to orgasm. When she starts getting close, that’s when you need to time your orgasm to match hers.

It’ll be trial and error, but when you see her getting closer, you can feel it/see it/hear it, that’s when you speed up and do whatever you need to do to cum yourself. If you can time it so you’re 5 seconds after her – that would be awesome. Simultaneous orgasms are difficult but achievable if you get your timing down. Takes practice. Most people don’t think to do that which is what leads to the issue of guys always coming faster. You have to actually THINK about working together to cum together. 😉

While you’re trying the “focusing on timing” method. Maybe a few times you can get a little raunchy/wilder than usual, and go all out. Cum while you’re inside of her. Cum before her. Then eat her out or finger fuck her until SHE comes. It’s changing it up. Instead of her finishing you off, finish her off. Either way, you both should always be taken care of!

Have fun!

I’m in my 30s, f, love sex, but have never gotten off from oral. All oral has ever done for me is make me beg to be penetrated. Or too wet. Really feel I’ve been missing out. Didn’t seem to matter, who was doing it. Is there something I should try?

To each his own.

Either you’ll meet someone who makes oral a life changing experience for you or you’re simply not into it. Everyone’s different! Use it as foreplay and then go for penetration!

There’s absolutely nothing unusual about it in the least. It’s all completely normal stuff. You like being penetrated to orgasm – that’s what works for you! Other people would say the opposite. Everyone has their own thing. Own it. Enjoy it. Use it.

(How is it possible to be “too wet”?? Pfft! No such thing!)