Tag: relationships

hi, me and my boyfriend are sometimes kind of rough during sex, he strangles me, pulls my hair and stuff, but the other day he was holding really tight on my neck whilst i was on top, and it was just too much to handle, so i forced his arm off aggressively and i felt really angry, and i couldn’t fully relax after that as i wanted to let my anger out. was wondering if you think that’s normal, like i was just doing it in defense or something? and is there anything less rough we could try?

You need to set clear boundaries with him. If that’s what you’re into, then by all means, continue! However, you need a safe word. I can’t stress that enough. You need SOMETHING to indicate during sex that what he’s doing is NOT okay with you, that it’s crossing the line. Something that will tell him loud and clear so that he can immediately back off, check in with you, then move on to something else.

Outline the things that are okay and the things that are off limits (ie: hair pulling – okay, pinned down by the back of your neck – not okay). Make a list and write all of it down so there’s no miscommunication. It’s something you should sit down and do together.

I don’t know why you were angry. I’m really not the person to ask. Maybe it was an instinctive response that increased your adrenaline for self defense.

Or maybe you were upset that he went too far. He scared you and someone that you trust like that shouldn’t scare you. It can be seen as a letdown or a betrayal even. That’s something to be angry about. He didn’t protect you like a partner should and that would make anyone angry.

There are a LOT of less rough things to try. Spanking? Restraints? Biting? Tit slapping? A whole world of stuff out there. Are you really okay with the sex being rough at all? If that’s not something you’re into, it’s OKAY to tell him that you don’t want that. Never do anything you feel uncomfortable or unsafe doing. If he continues to be too aggressive during sex after you’ve talked to him about it, that’s when you really need to stop and consider what you’re doing with this guy and that it’s time to end it. No one, male or female, has the right to push you to do anything you don’t want to.

Okay so first off I’m 16 and i’m bi.. and me and my girlfriend wanted to try out having sex while wearing a short skirt or a dress in public are there any positions or techniques we should use or any tips?.. Ps we will both be in school before this so we can’t bring our toys without getting caught…

Try a park. It’s outside, lots of possibilities for coverage, and public. Two kinks at once!

I’m the same anon from earlier, the bisexual girl. Okay ;) fine sex. I just didn’t really no what to call it. Thanks for the advice. I just didn’t know really how to approach it, because I’m a bit socially awkward.

No problem! Happy to help. 🙂

When it comes to things like that, honesty and straightforwardness is the best approach. There’s no leaving things to misinterpretation. It’s a frank understanding between two people. You want to have sex but not a relationship and you’re friends, if you want to continue to have her around for that sort of thing, just be honest about it. People respond really well to that sort of blunt “this is what I’d like” declarations when it comes to a friends with benefits sort of thing. You can keep it light and make it clear that it’s just something enjoyable to do with your friend. And, hey, we all need the stress relief so if you’re not in a relationship and you have some talented friends…might as well take advantage! 😉

I’m a bisexual girl and i want to have lesbian sex with my friend and last time she stayed the night at my house we ate each other out. She was really good at it and I want to do it again. How do I ask her to do it again?

Lesbian sex? lol. It’s just called “sex”, okay? With a boy or a girl, it’s still just “sex”. 😉

Well, if you were good at it too, then there’s no reason why she wouldn’t be up for it again! Are you guys casual friends or is there more history?

If you’re close, you should be able to feel comfortable to bring it up again. You know, a really simple, straightforward confession of, “I’m horny, you’re amazing, please get me off again?”

If you’re casual friends, it’s easy to see as a one-off, but try dropping some hints, touches, etc. and see how receptive she is? If she’s into it then I’d just go for it again like you did the last time.

This is a response to your advice from that one girl who’s falling for another girl bound for arranged marriage. I just want to thank you for giving me the most helpful yet realistic advice:) you are indeed right, and taking matters slow is the best way to go if I ever pursue her. Before I asked you that question, I have dropped some hints (but not blatantly expressing my feelings) and her response were both + and -. Now, it’s a matter of deciding if her gesture towards me were special or not.

You’re welcome! I think the best thing you can do is make the choice that you won’t regret. Would you regret never knowing the truth – never knowing that she might feel the same? Or would you regret pursuing her and (possibly) be turned down? Which one is worse?

There’s three ways it can turn out: 1) You get hurt and you lose a friend. 2) You find out that your feelings are returned and she likes you too. 3) You get hurt but she wants to still be your friend.

What decision will be the best one you can live with?

I wish you all the best! 🙂

Hello, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I want to give him a lap dance. I suggested the idea to him and he thinks it sounds great, I’m scared I’m going to end up laughing though or I’m not going to be very good at it. Any tips?

Try to relax and have fun with it. It’s a very “movie” thing that says you’re not allowed to laugh. You’re allowed! Laughing is sexy too. You can find a balance. A giggle breaking out is not going to ruin the lapdance. The more comfortable and confident you are, the hotter it is. Set up some music (nothing cheesy!), put on something you feel good in, and show him what you got. If you laugh, that’s okay, it’ll actually release some tension for you. Once you get into it, the nerves will fade, and laughing won’t be on your mind anymore.

The more comfortable you are, the better you’ll look, and the better the dance will be. Watch some videos to get pointers if you’re feeling a little lost for inspiration on the technicalities… 😉 Sexy, intimate, tease and tease, then tease some more with a whole lotta grinding.

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I’m a girl (I’ve never had a girlfriend) and I like this girl who happens to be very inexperienced with relationships because she doesn’t address the existence of romantic love, and is bound to be arranged-married and whole-heartedly accepts it (for cultural purposes). Now here’s the case, we are really good friends. i’ve only known her for less than a year. Should I take a shot at it? or should I just let it go?

An arranged marriage? Wow. I have to say that is woefully out of my range of experience…

But it all comes down to this: how strongly do you feel about her? If you didn’t take the risk, would you regret it? That’s what it always comes down to, no matter what the details are.

Do you feel like she might be open to you if you tried? Because I’ll be honest, it is a real risk. You might lose your friendship with her, but then again…you might not.

How much do you want it? How much do you want her? That’s what you need to ask yourself. If she’s set on an arranged marriage and doesn’t give you any sign of being interested in you, I’m sorry to say you might be setting yourself up for failure. But if it’s worth it, if it’s worth taking the chance, then take it.

If you do decide to try, my advice would be to take it slow. Don’t rush into declaring your feelings all at once. Drop some hints, give her some signs, test the waters, and see what happens, how she responds. You can go from there. 🙂

My boyfriend and I are really honest with eachother but I feel like me riding him isn’t as good as he says it is. Any help or tips on how I can improve my skills?

In this case, I’m gonna tell you to be selfish.

If it’s not feeling good for you (and it should be because that’s a great position for women) then that’s something you need explore for yourself. Try to experiment with different angles, positions, rhythms, etc. You need to really focus on what pleases you and what works for you in that position. You have the control. Have him do different things as well! Encourage him to play with your breasts, circle your clit, thrust up while you grind down, move this way, go that way, and so on! Do what you need to do to make it work.

‘Cause if it’s feeling good for you, it’ll be feeling good for him, trust me. On the other hand, even if it’s not feeling that good for you, it’s probably still working for him. Guys are easy to please. Men are very visual creatures when it comes to sex (and many other things) so they love when a woman is on top because they get to see everything. You’re doing most of the work and they get to watch, it’s a win/win for them!

So I don’t think your boyfriend is exaggerating or lying to you when he says it’s good. I think you’re not feeling very confident up there and that’s negatively influencing the experience for you. If YOU are feeling good up there then he’s gonna get the ride of his life! That’s what the key is: YOU feeling good about it.

Seriously, when it comes to riding a man, it is ALL about you. Go for it! In this case, he’s just along for whatever you want.

Hey this is awkward but you seem to give good advice and stuff so oh well. My gf has been crazy lately (i know she’s allowed to be)and she realized how she was treating me and apologized a lot and felt really bad but i didn’t care because she is honestly the most amazing and georgous girl but she doesn’t understand how i can not be mad and insists she deserves deserves punishment so i was thinking of just doing something fun (sexual) as “punishment” but i don’t know where to start, Any ideas? :)

Haha, well I’m really not the person to ask about anything regarding s&m.

Although, I will say that you shouldn’t call your girlfriend crazy. If she’s been acting out of the ordinary or erratic, I guarantee there’s a legitimate reason for it, even if she won’t tell you what it is. Don’t call a woman crazy, especially if she’s your gf/wife.

I’m pretty sure the reason why she wants this “punishment” is because she treated you like shit and you just accepted it when you should have stood up for yourself. (It also probably makes her feel worse about treating you poorly.)

Women want a man who will not only stand by them, but also stand toe-to-toe with them. Do you know what I mean? She wants you to stand up to her if she’s being a bitch. I’m not saying you can’t be understanding and let things roll off your back if she’s going through a hard time, but don’t let her just walk all over you. It’s not good for you and, frankly, it’s a turn-off for her.

As for “punishment”, again, I’m really not the person to ask, but I think an easy little experiment into that for the first time could be tying her hands together, leaving her at your mercy. Of course, you have to make sure she’s okay with it first, then you can have some fun.

If you’re a talker, then get into the role a bit. Bind her hands (comfortably, with a scarf or something soft) and tell her that she’s being tied up because it’s your turn to do what you want since she’s been...(insert whatever she’s been doing here). Be a little more forceful than usual, assert your role as the dom in this, touch her, tease her, have her suck you off, play with her body, get her worked up, but not enough to cum. (For me, that’s torture! lol.) She’ll be insensate by the time you actually fuck her.

Can’t stress this too much: make sure she’s on board and trusts you in all these areas BEFORE you try anything. Okay?

That would just be something I’d have fun with, but it’s not for everyone. Anyone else here have suggestions?

Okay so im kinda socially awkward with girls, I have simple conversations with them but it never really goes beyond that. So I dont have many friends that are girls, and I dont know why but I just kinda get nervous when I talk to them. So do you have any tips on how to stop being like this, and how to have more friends that are girls and even beyond that?

It’s normal to be nervous when you’re not used to it. But all you have to remember is that girls are just people too. lol. 😉 Don’t second guess yourself so much. Relax and talk to girls like you would with a guy (just don’t be a pig, remember respect). That’s all. I would hope that comes easily to you…

As for tips, the best one I can give you is CONFIDENCE. Now, that doesn’t mean being a cocky, arrogant, jackass. It just means being secure about yourself and who you are. Feel good about yourself and know who you are. That’s a quality that attracts everyone. Whether it’s just friends or someone you’re into.

If you want to be friends with a girl, talk about things you might have in common, TV shows, books, sports (if she’s a jock), movies, a party coming up, classes, etc. Keep it light, make her laugh. Everyone loves being around someone else who can make them smile.

BE YOURSELF. Girls know when you’re trying too hard, we see it coming a mile away, so just be yourself, be genuine, and you’re going to find some girls that really like you, whether it’s platonic or not. Girls are naturally drawn to guys who are secure about themselves and honest.

When you’re looking for a girl for a friend, she’s just going to be another one of the guys. That’s how you have to visualize it.

If you’re looking to pursue a platonic relationship, try saying something casual like “we should text!” during your conversation and you can get her number that way. Then you can text her and talk about whatever it is you found you had in common. It’s not a big deal, it’s just a way to keep in touch. You can text about “drama” that’s happening with other friends that you both know, some new event coming up. Hell, if you guys chat enough, you could start asking HER for advice about girls! It doesn’t have to be a huge deal because it’s not, okay? Girls aren’t as scary as they seem. (Okay, some are, but not all! I promise!)

Be yourself, be genuine, and be confident.

Those are the best tips I can give you. I promise, you’ll find the rest of the way on your own, and it won’t be half as hard as you think it is right now.