Tag: relationships

my boyfriend gave me oral for the first time ever tonight and he tried so hard to get me off and it felt so good but i felt like uit was taking me so long to even get close. and once i got close i never really got close and i just started losing it and he felt like he was a failure cos he couldnt get me to come. ive never orgasmed before and i just feel bad cos everything he did felt amazing but i just didnt come and i think hes even more disappointed than i am :/

Aw, that’s so sweet! It’s common not to orgasm the first time someone goes down on you (especially if the person giving it is inexperienced). I’m sure he was disappointed because no guy wants to let you down! He wanted to please you! Just reassure him that you did enjoy yourself and tell him that you really want to try it again (and again…and again…and again…).

The key to oral is rhythm and never BREAKING that rhythm. So my advice is that when he hits a good spot or does something that you really like, make sure he KEEPS doing that and don’t fucking let him stop! It’s about working you up, finding that pace, and then keeping a steady/increasing rhythm until you break!

Try to help him more next time, give him guidance, lead him where you want him, and if he does something really good, physically hold him there and tell him to keep going just like that!

He’s not a failure – I know you know that – but guys shoulder a lot of the burden and the ones who care about your pleasure really take it hard when it seems like they’re unable to give you what you need. Again, reassure him that you enjoyed yourself and you really want him to do it again. (Don’t overcompensate by drawing attention to your lack of orgasm, that makes it worse, just continue to show sexual interest in him and an eagerness for more.)

Sex is all about experimenting. The more you experiment, the more you learn, the better you get. So…tell him to get back down there and try again! The sooner the better! And make sure you relax! You guys will find a way to make it happen.

I’d love to ride my man more often, but I get so self conscious when I do. I’m not the skinniest girl and am quite chubby, and I’m so nervous about things like bouncy up and down and everything. I know it’s a great way to give guys pleasure, but I don’t get pleasure from it because I’m so nervous :/. Please help!

I completely understand. Being on top exposes all of those little areas of our bodies that we’re insecure about. The first thing to remember is that your man LOVES it when you ride him. He does! He’s not seeing or focusing on this “bulge” or that “jiggle”, he’s seeing you riding his cock and it’s the hottest thing ever to him.

However! It’s not all about the guy. YOU have to feel good about it first. And I’m going to correct you about something – it’s not just a great way to pleasure a guy; being on top is the BEST position for WOMEN!

Women are the ones who get the most out of being on top. And that’s why you should want to do this, not just cause your guy will be into it. DO THIS FOR YOU!

So…take baby steps. Work your way up to feeling better and more confident about being on top. You can’t let your insecurities about your body get in the way of YOUR pleasure. After trying this position a few times, you’ll soon realize that all those other little things that you were worried about don’t mean jack squat when you’re squeezing his dick inside of you and riding him like a fucking bronco!

The more you realize how GOOD it feels and that he’s enjoying it just as much, then the more relaxed you’ll be and the more secure you’ll feel even with the being “exposed” part.

How to take baby steps? You can make sure the room is dark. No visual stimulation, it’s just all about the sensation. Now, this would be for you, primarily. He’ll like it more when he gets to see you, but like I said, baby steps first! You can work up to it! (And he’s going to love whatever you do, really.)

You can also try reverse cowgirl. That way he’s just seeing your back and ass, there’s less exposure there for you, so you get to feel more secure and he will get an awesome view of his cock going in and out which will drive him crazy.

Basically, try to create situations where you feel comfortable being on top, however you need to do it. Think about what the things are that bother you and then think about what would make you feel more comfortable when you’re on top. Once you start feeling sexier up there (and you will because having control is hot and gives you so many more options), you’ll slowly begin to loosen the reins on your limitations and just ride the fuck out of your guy without a care in the world but getting your damn orgasm!

GO FOR IT! OWN YOUR BODY! OWN YOUR PLEASURE! YOU’RE SEXY AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!

Anonymous asked sumptuousdaydreams:

I have a situation that I don’t feel comfortable talking to others about very much and maybe get a second opinion before I act on anything. My current boyfriend is kinda OBSESSED with me, and I don;t know if I’m really diggin’ him that much… and him and my mom are really close so I feel like I’m really alone when it comes to helpful advice. Even worse I talked to him numerous times about giving me space, and a week later MY MOM LET HIM MOVE IN. I feel trapped in my relationship & idk what 2 do

If someone is making you uncomfortable like that, you have every right to speak up for yourself, and you NEED to speak up for yourself. Your Mom, unfortunately, has put you in a bad position, but you DEFINITELY need to talk to her about this. You’re walking on eggshells and hoping no one will get upset, but you can’t do that, it will only make the situation worse for you.

Obsessive tendencies in a relationship only get worse. I once had a guy talking about marrying me when I’d only known him for two weeks and after one date! I got out of that as quickly as possible and it’s a good thing too because I started learning a whole bunch of stuff about him afterwards that was less than stellar. Definitely some psychological issues. It wasn’t easy cutting him out though because he made me feel so terrible for not returning his feelings, told me that I had reached into his chest and ripped out his heart, that he had to go to therapy after what I “did”. And, yes, this was after a grand total of three weeks and one date and one kiss (not even a real kiss). He made me feel uncomfortable and came on way too strong when I didn’t feel the same way. I asked him to go slower and he said he would, but he just seemed like he couldn’t help himself. I knew then that it wasn’t going to work and made my exit as quickly as I could.

So my advice is for you to find a way out of this relationship with this guy ASAP. Discuss it with your mom, tell her exactly how uncomfortable and smothered you’re feeling, tell her that you don’t like the way he makes you feel, tell her how you’re feeling trapped. I don’t know what she’ll do because I don’t know her, but hopefully if you sit down with her and let her know that this is getting bad, she’ll listen. As your mother, she should, and most likely will, listen to you. Her relationship with him comes second to her relationship with YOU. She’s your mother, she’s supposed to protect you.

Now, ending it with him…especially since he’s living with you…won’t be easy. If he’s obsessive, he’s not going to let you break up with him so easily. He will argue with you, try to convince you to stay with him, guilt you, anything! If he does anything that makes you feel unsafe, you need to tell your parents or someone at school or someone in a position of authority. Do not, for one second, let him make you feel afraid. You have the power to end it, the RIGHT to end it, and it’s OKAY that you’re not that into him. It sucks and feelings will get hurt, but that’s life. You would be lying to him if you stayed in the relationship when his feelings obviously don’t match yours so breaking up is the right thing to do for you both! It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to you.

You should be honest with him and tell him that you don’t feel the same way about him that he feels about you. Make it very clear that you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. I’m not saying crush him into the ground, but if you’re not strong and firm about it, he’ll think he still has a chance to “win you back”. A notion that’s often very delusional and it will be even more uncomfortable for you. It can also get out of control. So be clear, concise, and strong.

You should never feel trapped in a relationship. You have the power to get out. Believe that and keep reminding yourself of that, no matter how messy it is with your mom and him staying with you. If you ever feel afraid or he crosses a line, tell someone immediately and get help.

If you want to talk more about this, message me again, and we can discuss it privately. Even if it’s only so you just have someone to vent to.

Hey I’m girl who was nervous about her bf eating her out. Well, I was still feeling awkward about the whole thing so i talked to him and he basically said he wanted to eat me out to get me off cos it’d feel good for me and he wants me to feel good. And basically I thought it was really sweet and hot at the same time and we didn’t actually do anything yet cos his parents were downstairs, but he’s invited me over today and I’m so nervous and excited? Any tips?

I think it’s great that you talked to him about it! Good for you! Honesty in these situations is the best possible solution.

It’s hard to give tips for someone RECEIVING oral, but basically…make sure you’re freshly waxed/shaved, take a quick shower to clean up, and from there it’s all about relaxing and feeling good! Close your eyes, give yourself over, breathe deeply, and let him do some work.

If he’s not really getting it right or doing something outright WRONG, don’t hesitate to correct him. By ‘correct him’, I mean encourage him to do something else – ie. push his head slightly to where you want to feel him or whisper/moan what it is you want him to do. Tell him to use his tongue, tell him to go faster or slower or to be more gentle or to go harder, you get the point! Just don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.

The trick is to do it without making it seem like you’re criticizing him and don’t forget to give him a little bit of encouragement/praise when he’s doing something that feels really good! You don’t have to say it if you feel awkward talking, but moaning or pulling him closer will show him that he’s getting it right and it’ll help him please you better once he knows what’s working for you!

Again, just remember that it’s all about you in this moment and you’re allowed to be selfish about what you want (he said it himself, he wants to make YOU feel good!) so be calm and enjoy it! Don’t be afraid to laugh or giggle in the beginning. It’ll help your nerves. 🙂

hey! i slept the first time with my boyfriend and it was the first time for him too. he could not cum and he said he could not really feel anything, is it because he was masturbating so much (i’ve read your post about that)? maybe you could help me because i don’t know what to do :$ thank you :)

It’s very possible that too much aggressive masturbation could be the cause, but I’m a little worried because that excuse sounds a lot like a guy trying to make up some bullshit reason as to why he “can’t” wear a condom – because he can’t “feel” as much… If that’s the case, tell him to fuck off. You don’t need that kind of assholery in your life.

Now, I could be completely wrong about that! I have no idea what your situation is. So if it’s not that or an issue of masturbating, then it could possibly be a physical problem, or perhaps drug-related, prescription or non-prescription. It may be because of strong religious injunctions and/or guilt; the idea of not wanting to surrender to a woman; or, even fear of pregnancy! There’s a lot that goes into a guy’s state of mind when he’s not able to ejaculate. Either it’s a real physical problem or there’s something going on in his mind that’s stressing him out too much.

It was your first time! Keep trying. Make sure your movements have enough friction happening. If all you were doing was grinding, that could be the problem right then and there! If the same thing happens every time, then he should see his doctor about it. Remember though, this has NOTHING to do with you. His inability to orgasm is not your fault by any means so do not put that on yourself!

To be safe, tell him to keep his hands off his dick for a few weeks, try to have sex a few more times, and see what happens!

friends with benefits? pros and cons? please help me out

Pros: If you’re both coming from the same emotional place of ‘I like you and I need to fuck somebody but I definitely never want to date you’ and you’re both good at fucking…it’s a good time! Friends lending each other a helping hand!

Cons: One friend either has more feelings than the other or develops more feelings and then when someone else comes into the picture, everything goes straight to hell. Unfortunately, this is what usually happens to FWB…

Tread with caution! How much do you value your friendship? Is it worth the risk?

Stupid question, i really want to make my boyfriend come I’ve given him hj and bj but i always stop early because i dont know what its going to be like. i love the fact that i get to please him and i’m ready to be doing all that. i hate the fact that i tease him and never let him release! but yeah what should i do? should i have a chat to him about it?

Definitely talk to him! If you’re feeling nervous about it, you need to explain exactly that to him – let him know what it is your feeling/thinking. Guys need us to spell it out for them, they respond well to a direct “this is what’s going on” approach. They do not understand mixed messages and get confused very easily so the best form of communication is the one that is as straightforward and honest as possible.

What is it exactly that you’re worried about? Some white stuff is gonna come out and you just wipe it off with whatever you have handy. That’s it really. Just make sure you’re not in the way so it doesn’t get on your clothes and make a mess. Also don’t let it get in your eyes! Burns like a mofo. 😉

If you’re really worried about taking it all the way to the finish line,  try this: do what you usually do and then when he gets close, instead of stopping altogether, have him take over. Tell him to finish himself off. So he’ll jack off in front of you and you can watch and see for yourself without worrying about the responsibility. He’ll think it’s hot if you ask – anything so that he gets to come! Once you see it the first time, it’ll never be a big deal again, haha.

Do you want me to post some “cum shot” gifs for you so you have an idea of what it’s going to look like?

I’m a 19 year old boyish lesbian. I have had sex with girls but I have never made a girl a cum and I have never used sex toys. I am the dominating one in most cases and I prefer giving sex than receiving. I would like to know what would be the best way of making a girl cum. How can I make her have an orgasm. It will be really helpful if you could answer to these questions. I want to give her the best pleasure that I can. Thanks

Okay, first, have you ever had an orgasm? Whether from masturbating or with someone else? Because if you haven’t, that’s the first thing you need to do. In order to be able to understand the pleasure you’re trying to give another person, you need to experience it for yourself. That is, first and foremost, the best way to comprehend what it is you need to do, how to connect with what your partner is feeling, and to be able to give them the best experience possible.

You don’t need sex toys to make a girl orgasm (but it always helps, definitely not a bad thing). Oral is the easiest way to make a girl cum. Master that first and the rest of it you’ll learn with time.

The way you phrased it really makes me think that you take all of the pressure of sex on yourself and that you view it as your job to please the other person and know exactly how. That’s not how sex works. Sex is a physical and emotional connection between two people. It’s something you do TOGETHER, with give and take, not just one person doing all the work and the other getting all the pleasure.

You have to understand, being able to receive is GREAT, but a lot of people really enjoy giving as well (as you do!). Giving can grant just as much satisfaction as receiving, it’s just in a different way. It’s all part of the experience. You like being able to make someone feel good and that makes you feel good in turn, right? Well, remember that you’re not the only one who feels that way! Other people want to give too. They want the chance to be the one to make you cum and know what that feels like as well. So less dominating and more teamwork! You need to be able to listen to your partner and work in tandem to make this happen. It’s not a one-woman show! Talk to her, ask her questions, listen to her, watch her responses, a moan, a lip bite, a sigh, her stomach muscles contracting, etc. All of that will help you become more in tune with what she needs.

For a step-by-step process to lay it all out for you, read this:

Back to Basics

I know it’s not your first time, which is what the article is aimed towards, but it’s really specific in each step that you should think about and take into consideration. So I would definitely give the whole thing a read from beginning to end!

Hi I need some help. I’m bi and i’m 18 and me and my girlfriend are kinda bored of our 69 position and just fingering each other/kissing. We want to have sex in a more interesting way what should we try doing?

Sex in new places is always helpful and changes things up! Showers, other bedrooms, hot tub, kitchen, couch, chairs, on a washing machine going through the spin cycle…etc. And that’s only places restricted to the house! lol. Look for opportunities when you have a little bit of privacy, but also the risk of getting caught. Always a turn on! 😉 It’ll get you guys out of the rut.

I also recommend a trip to a high end sex shop! Browse through it together for new things that stand out to you both. New toys to play with is always awesome, but even just going through the store (without buying a ton of stuff!) and seeing what they have, is inspirational. It’ll give you new things to think about and be interested to try in your own way.

I must say, a necessary staple in your collection of sex toys is a strap on. You both get to take turns with it and it opens up many more positions for you to try! It should be a joint decision because you both obviously have a personal preference. If you don’t agree on one, then invest in two! WORTH. IT.

Download a .PDF file that has 101 Lesbian Lovemaking Positions here!

So.. last night me and my friend went to a party we got really drink and we made out for a while she ate me out and had an orgasm I liked it. and i’m so confused right now am I a lesbian? we haven’t talked since it happend and i’m so confused like I’ve never even had sex before and urgg

Does it matter?

You had sex with a girl and you liked it. Okay. Do you want to date her? Do you want to have sex with her again? You can do all of that and then if it doesn’t work out then maybe later down the line you’ll find a boy you’re attracted to and date/have sex with him. Maybe you’ll like that more, maybe you’ll like being with a girl more, maybe you’ll like both for the different pleasures it gave you!

Don’t rush into a gay panic. Enjoying sex with a girl simply means that you enjoyed having sex with that one particular girl. It does NOT mean that you now have to swear off boys forever, cut your hair like Justin Bieber, and eternally doom your closet to plaid button downs. (JOKING.) I mean, really, calm down. You’re not a lesbian just because you enjoyed having someone go down on you. It’s a very pleasurable sex act…

Focus on whether or not you actually want to be with the girl you had sex with. Not because she’s a girl, but because you like her, you’re attracted to her, and you want to do all those things you do with a bf/gf – cuddle, kiss, fuck, hold her hand, cry on her shoulder, bring her soup when she’s sick, dance with her at a club, talk to her about everything and anything, laugh until you cry, sit on her lap even when there’s plenty of room elsewhere, etc.

If that’s not what you want, then you’ll meet someone else you’re attracted to. Could be a guy. Could be a girl. Just go with it. We like people for being who they are, not for being a certain gender.