Author: sumptuousdaydreams

Okay, I have a problem… I love my boyfriend, I love having sex with him, I love how I’m comfortable around him, but my anxiety is now seriously starting to hold me back from enjoying sex. I am on the birth control pill and I take it religiously every morning, we always use a condom and make sure it didn’t break or tear, yet every month when I’m supposed to get my period, I have massive anxiety attacks that it won’t come. I don’t want to stop having sex but I just don’t know what to do.

You are taking all the precautions possible. There’s nothing to be worried about. You’re on the pill and you’re using condoms. Other than having him get a vasectomy, you’re doing everything you can.

Your anxiety about this leads me to think that there are some other stressful things going on in your life. Or maybe you know someone who recently got pregnant?

Talk to your doctor or someone else qualified and have them explain to you the chances of you getting pregnant with the preventative measures you’ve taken. Your chances are very, very small. You’re taking on the pill, that’s 99.9% effective. Then you have a condom as a physical barrier. The condom more than takes care of that freak chance of .1% you have left after the pill. You have to think about this logically, with facts, not let your head run away with all the ‘what if’s’.

Keep being careful and you will not get pregnant until you want to be pregnant. Okay? Think about some of the other factors in your life right now that might be influencing this anxiety about pregnancy.

Anonymous asked sumptuousdaydreams:

I have a situation that I don’t feel comfortable talking to others about very much and maybe get a second opinion before I act on anything. My current boyfriend is kinda OBSESSED with me, and I don;t know if I’m really diggin’ him that much… and him and my mom are really close so I feel like I’m really alone when it comes to helpful advice. Even worse I talked to him numerous times about giving me space, and a week later MY MOM LET HIM MOVE IN. I feel trapped in my relationship & idk what 2 do

If someone is making you uncomfortable like that, you have every right to speak up for yourself, and you NEED to speak up for yourself. Your Mom, unfortunately, has put you in a bad position, but you DEFINITELY need to talk to her about this. You’re walking on eggshells and hoping no one will get upset, but you can’t do that, it will only make the situation worse for you.

Obsessive tendencies in a relationship only get worse. I once had a guy talking about marrying me when I’d only known him for two weeks and after one date! I got out of that as quickly as possible and it’s a good thing too because I started learning a whole bunch of stuff about him afterwards that was less than stellar. Definitely some psychological issues. It wasn’t easy cutting him out though because he made me feel so terrible for not returning his feelings, told me that I had reached into his chest and ripped out his heart, that he had to go to therapy after what I “did”. And, yes, this was after a grand total of three weeks and one date and one kiss (not even a real kiss). He made me feel uncomfortable and came on way too strong when I didn’t feel the same way. I asked him to go slower and he said he would, but he just seemed like he couldn’t help himself. I knew then that it wasn’t going to work and made my exit as quickly as I could.

So my advice is for you to find a way out of this relationship with this guy ASAP. Discuss it with your mom, tell her exactly how uncomfortable and smothered you’re feeling, tell her that you don’t like the way he makes you feel, tell her how you’re feeling trapped. I don’t know what she’ll do because I don’t know her, but hopefully if you sit down with her and let her know that this is getting bad, she’ll listen. As your mother, she should, and most likely will, listen to you. Her relationship with him comes second to her relationship with YOU. She’s your mother, she’s supposed to protect you.

Now, ending it with him…especially since he’s living with you…won’t be easy. If he’s obsessive, he’s not going to let you break up with him so easily. He will argue with you, try to convince you to stay with him, guilt you, anything! If he does anything that makes you feel unsafe, you need to tell your parents or someone at school or someone in a position of authority. Do not, for one second, let him make you feel afraid. You have the power to end it, the RIGHT to end it, and it’s OKAY that you’re not that into him. It sucks and feelings will get hurt, but that’s life. You would be lying to him if you stayed in the relationship when his feelings obviously don’t match yours so breaking up is the right thing to do for you both! It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to you.

You should be honest with him and tell him that you don’t feel the same way about him that he feels about you. Make it very clear that you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. I’m not saying crush him into the ground, but if you’re not strong and firm about it, he’ll think he still has a chance to “win you back”. A notion that’s often very delusional and it will be even more uncomfortable for you. It can also get out of control. So be clear, concise, and strong.

You should never feel trapped in a relationship. You have the power to get out. Believe that and keep reminding yourself of that, no matter how messy it is with your mom and him staying with you. If you ever feel afraid or he crosses a line, tell someone immediately and get help.

If you want to talk more about this, message me again, and we can discuss it privately. Even if it’s only so you just have someone to vent to.

I really wanna have sex with this guy but there is a five year diffrence and i’m under age.

A five year gap when you’re already under age is a BIG deal. There’s a huge difference maturity wise and just in overall life experience. I know your hormones are telling you one thing, but you need to let your head convince you of another.

It’s not a good idea. I’m not even talking about the fact that it’s illegal (cause who gives a shit about that?), but having sex with a guy in his 20’s when you’re still a teenager never goes well and almost always ends badly with hurt feelings. You’re in completely different stages of your life, don’t get into something messy like that. I can pretty much guarantee you that it won’t be worth it. Even if you’re thinking a one-time thing…it is NOT worth it. Look him up again when you’re 18 if you want, but you’re young, try to make good choices for yourself.

You wouldn’t be on my blog, asking me this question, if you didn’t have doubts about whether or not this is a good choice. That alone should tell you what your feelings are about it. 🙂

So i am pretty sure i just made myself squirt. It was more of a gush more than anything but anyways.. I am not 100% sure if it was cum or pee.. It was clear and i am just not sure! How do i know?

If it’s clear and doesn’t smell like pee then it wasn’t pee. You ejaculated! Congratulations! 😀

(And, yeah, it’s more of “gush” than a “squirt” but that’s what they call it anyway. haha.)

Hey so I haven’t had a lot of experience making out, or doing anything really other than kissing. The only times I’ve made out the guy just stuck his tongue in my mouth and didn’t move it at all and the other times I just had no idea what to do. What am I supposed to do with my tongue?

Well, first off, I am so sorry you had to deal with the dead tongue. UGH. The good news about that is that you know to never ever do that to someone else!

I think the best way to help you out here is to give you a video tutorial. And who better to show you how to kiss than Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair?

WATCH AND LEARN!

If you want a more detail oriented “how to” guide, read this. It’ll explain every step and even gives you pictures!

I suggest you watch the video AND read the tutorial. After that, get kissing! Practice makes perfect. You need to kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, and kiss some more. Kiss until you think your lips might fall off. That’s the only way anyone ever becomes a good kisser – with practice! 🙂

i love having sex, but i’m somewhat self conscience of my chest area, what do i do?

Chest area? You can’t even call them boobs? Breasts even? Cause you have them, you know…

Are you worried that something about them is unattractive (ie. nipples, birthmark, whatever) or do you feel like they’re too small/big?

There’s not much I can do to help you other than to say that you have to find a way to love and accept your body just the way it is. And there are many people who love your body just the way it is too. We are our own worst critics. Our self image is completely distorted from how others perceive us. Not to mention the media portrays a fucked up example of “normality” when it comes to our bodies. What they show is actually ABNORMAL and representative of perhaps 1% of the human population. Everyone looks different, everyone has their own thing, and if you’re worried about other people – don’t. People that you’re with often like you more than you like yourself. And isn’t that sad?

Love and embrace your body for everything that it is and that will actually make YOU sexier and more beautiful simply because of your confidence.

I understand how hard it can be to reach that point of self assurance so if you really feel that strongly about it, for now (DON’T MAKE THIS A LIFELONG HABIT), why not just keep your shirt on during sex or your bra? Work your way up to being more exposed and feeling more confident about your body. Don’t hide away forever. It doesn’t do you or your partner any good. You need to feel confident and comfortable during sex, so do what you need to do to make that happen.

Hey I’m girl who was nervous about her bf eating her out. Well, I was still feeling awkward about the whole thing so i talked to him and he basically said he wanted to eat me out to get me off cos it’d feel good for me and he wants me to feel good. And basically I thought it was really sweet and hot at the same time and we didn’t actually do anything yet cos his parents were downstairs, but he’s invited me over today and I’m so nervous and excited? Any tips?

I think it’s great that you talked to him about it! Good for you! Honesty in these situations is the best possible solution.

It’s hard to give tips for someone RECEIVING oral, but basically…make sure you’re freshly waxed/shaved, take a quick shower to clean up, and from there it’s all about relaxing and feeling good! Close your eyes, give yourself over, breathe deeply, and let him do some work.

If he’s not really getting it right or doing something outright WRONG, don’t hesitate to correct him. By ‘correct him’, I mean encourage him to do something else – ie. push his head slightly to where you want to feel him or whisper/moan what it is you want him to do. Tell him to use his tongue, tell him to go faster or slower or to be more gentle or to go harder, you get the point! Just don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.

The trick is to do it without making it seem like you’re criticizing him and don’t forget to give him a little bit of encouragement/praise when he’s doing something that feels really good! You don’t have to say it if you feel awkward talking, but moaning or pulling him closer will show him that he’s getting it right and it’ll help him please you better once he knows what’s working for you!

Again, just remember that it’s all about you in this moment and you’re allowed to be selfish about what you want (he said it himself, he wants to make YOU feel good!) so be calm and enjoy it! Don’t be afraid to laugh or giggle in the beginning. It’ll help your nerves. 🙂

Does every uterus have the potential to squirt?

First off, fluid from female ejaculation does NOT come from the uterus. It comes from what researchers have dubbed the ‘female prostate’ and exits through the urethra.

Now that that’s out of the way…

It has not yet been proven (or disproven) that all women have the ability to ejaculate. It’s still a relatively new area that’s being explored right now in the medical community. They didn’t even acknowledge the existence of squirting until the ’80s! No one has been able to prove what it “is” definitively nor can they prove that all woman are capable of it.

It’s 2013 and they still haven’t figured this shit out yet! Jfc…

I really respect you and your blog and I want to keep following you. However, earlier in a post you said, “Do you know how many girls have to push and needle their boyfriends into giving them head? Guys are selfish assholes.” I’m sorry, I really feel uncomfortable when reading this. My girlfriend and I share a very modern relationship where we both are expected to help one another and contribute equally in sex. I respect your advice, but I don’t want to feel as if I am not respected as well.

You’re right. I apologize. I was generalizing when I shouldn’t have. There ARE a lot of guys who are selfish assholes when it comes to sex, but there are also lots of guys who are really giving and love to please their partners. I didn’t mean to make a blanket statement about all men. I was really just referring to the ones who girls have to strong arm a little bit into giving them oral or just any extra attention at all – even the guys who think they’re sex gods and refuse to listen to what their partners are telling them. I was referring to THOSE guys. Not someone like you who, obviously, cares about his girlfriend’s sexual satisfaction and goes the extra mile.

I wouldn’t call what you have a “modern relationship”, I would call it a healthy one. 🙂