Tag: sexuality

Hi I was wondering if I could get advice or tips on pleasing girls? My boyfriend and I are having a threesome soon and I have never done anything with a girl besides hook up with them. I am attracted to girls and still trying to figure out if I could be bisexual or not. I watch a lot of lesbian porn and so far I have been very turned on while kissing another female, It’s just I have never found the right girl to find out with. I am very nervous that I won’t be able to please the other girl right

I think you’re pretty much between a 2 and 3 on the Kinsey Scale… If not certainly a 3. You’re attracted to girls, you like making out with girls, etc. It just so happens that you haven’t found the right girl yet. That will happen eventually.

As for tips, check out the sex advice tags page.

But the easiest thing to stress is to trust your instincts. Think about what YOU like and then transfer it to her. You change and adapt according to the response she gives. Trust me, you’re not sexually inexperienced, you know what works to make yourself orgasm, now the tables are turned and you have to apply that knowledge to another girl. Maybe she’ll even teach you a thing or two… 😉

what if a guy massages his own prostate as he jacks off? is that gay?

NO!

It’s called PLEASURE. Jeez! Men and women have different erotic hot spots. The prostate is a major hot spot for men, there’s a concentration of nerve endings there. Too many men are insecure about their sexuality which leads to questions like yours: is it a “gay thing” to massage my prostate?

Stimulating the prostate actually intensifies a man’s orgasm and can delay ejaculation which makes it a good thing for BOTH parties involved! Men have their “g-spot” there, just as women have their own “g-spot”. It’s absurd to deny yourself pleasure just because you think it’s this weird, stigma thing that will turn you gay if you try it.

No! You have an erotic hot spot, use it! More women would absolutely utilize it during sex if guys weren’t so uptight about it. They really would not have a problem with slipping a finger up there while giving you a BJ. It’s the “taboo” weirdness that straight guys place on it that ends up making you ignore a really fantastic source of pleasure. This is not about your sexuality! It’s about orgasms and making them better! It’s WHO you want to fuck, not HOW you fuck.

Anal play does not make you gay. Having sex with men makes you gay.

It’s really that simple.

there’s nothing wrong with a straight guy watching gay “guy” porn, right?

SEX IS SEX.

There is no right or wrong here. Don’t be ridiculous. Gay porn is often rough and hard, which can be such a turn on, even if you’re not into anal or two men.. You can jack off to two guys fucking without wanting to actually fuck a guy yourself.

BUT if you wanted to fuck a guy too…that’s OKAY.

I get questions every day from straight girls who ask me if they’re gay if they’re turned on by lesbian porn.

The answer is NO. You do not have to be gay or bisexual to enjoy same sex porn. Sex is hot. Good sex is even hotter. That’s all it is. Doesn’t matter what the gender is.

Here’s a dilemma I have: I find lesbian girls extremely attractive, especially some of the “butch” (sorry for using it, lack of a better word) girls. I’ve imagine myself having sex, making love, fooling around, etc with my friends who are STRICTLY lesbians. The issue is I’m a male. What happens if you fall for a lesbian from birth? What do you do then as a guy? I always wonder is it possible to have a healthy, loving and safe relationship involving 3 people who are willingly open?

You certainly do have a dilemma. Lesbians are called lesbians for a reason: they don’t want to be with a man. At all. They want women. If they were going to be in a poly-amorous relationship, it would be with two other women! (And bigamy is a very messed up road to go down… I wouldn’t attempt it.)

What is it about your lesbian friends that attracts you to them? Their personalities? Their masculine energy? Their independence? Their lifestyle? There are plenty of “butch” women out there that are straight or bisexual – therefore interested in being with a man. You don’t have to be gay to have that kind of personality/energy.

Maybe you’re attracted to the unattainable. Being the only man to ever make a lesbian enjoy a heterosexual relationship. You want to be the GOD that changed their lives the way no one else could. It’s a heady sexual power trip. Makes for some good fantasies.

Or maybe you’re attracted to them because they’re safe. Lesbians would reject you for just being a man. You don’t have to be afraid of them turning you down for any other personal reason. There’s no risk, no chance, no opportunity, so maybe you find comfort in that, in the fact that you can’t ever be with them so there’s no chance of being hurt. That’s something easy to fantasize about.

I’m just theorizing. I don’t know why you’re drawn to lesbians, but you have to figure it out for yourself and change something because it is never going to work out for you this way.

Lesbians = women who want women. Which isn’t to say that you can’t have many lesbian friends, but they don’t want to be with you romantically, sexually, or have anything more than a platonic relationship.

You don’t stand a chance so give up whatever delusion you might have about being with a lesbian and start focusing on what it is about the QUALITIES your lesbian friends possess that make you attracted to them. I don’t think you want to sleep with them because they like to sleep with women. There’s something else there. Figure out what.

a couple of questions…

ive been enjoying your post and also the great advise you seem to give. my situation is a tricky one, I’m a christian girl who has been attracted to girls lately, like thats all i seem to think about. to add to all this confusion I’m a virgin who is saving myself for marriage. so my issue it that i want to be with a girl but who? without no one finding out? and how would i go about finding someone with no ties to people who will know me from church. i want to have a secret relationship with a girl.

p.s. are you into girls? and if so how did you ask a girl. like there is no one i know really to experiment with. im kinda going crazy.

First of all, let’s get this straight. If you want to save yourself for marriage, sex is sex, so whether it’s with a male or a female you’re still having sex. Intercourse is usually what we refer to when people talk about saving themselves for marriage, but just because there is no penis involved, doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be having sex.

I understand it’s a bit more complex for you coming from a religious background, but the truth is you have to be willing to risk that someone will find out that you’re having relations with a girl. Of course, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but you don’t have to broadcast it for the world, either. It’s your life and your choices, and you’re allowed to experiment with whomever you wish and have relationships with whomever you wish. Sure, some people in your church or community might judge you, but that’s a risk that you would take whether you were sleeping with a girl — or sleeping with the shady guy that everyone thinks is trouble. People are always going to make their judgments so you can’t stop living simply because of the fear of what other people think.

Having said that, as someone who is bisexual, I can understand the desire to have sex with another female. It can be an awesome experience. There are several ways for you to find someone to interact with, but you may already know someone that is interested. Maybe you have a friend who is curious, too, and they’d be open to experimenting a bit — talk to them about it, see where it goes. Sometimes people surprise you, and there’s nothing more interesting than finding out that someone is interested in the same thing you are — and afraid to open up about it, as well.

-teagan.

Is it possible to be emotionally a lesbian but sexually straight? I’ve never had an emotional connection to guys like I have with women. Although I’m more attracted to a girls body and would rather be intimate with them, I can’t seem to hit the big O when I have sex with a girl. I have to think about guys to orgasm.

Anything is possible?

Honestly, I think you’re gay. lol. You’re a lesbian. It’s okay! haha.

I don’t think you picture guys during sex because you want to have sex with guys. The image of men, the stigma attached, especially sex with men, represents a more aggressive and dominating type of sex. That might be what you’re missing in your sex life, what you need to be able to orgasm.

Maybe you want that kind of forcefulness that you envision comes with a “dominating male” and you’re not getting that from your partners. Maybe you want a strap on used on you more often if penetration is what you’re looking for. Maybe it’s not the physical acts, but just the energy you need; you’re looking for a more “masculine” energy from your partner during sex. Maybe you need the sex to be rougher and and ramp up the intensity level. Maybe you’re not choosing the right girls to be with…

That’s a lot of maybe’s, I know! haha. Sorry. I can’t give you a definitive answer because I don’t know your particular reasons. Only you know the answer. I just tried to give you a few ideas and hopefully that will spark something for you and help you put together the pieces yourself.

Don’t be afraid to go after what you want/need when it comes to sex. It all starts with finding the right partner. 🙂

And if you truly think that you want to have sex with a guy, then by all means, try it out! What better way to know for sure then to actually experience it? After you have sex with a guy, you won’t doubt yourself anymore. Maybe it’ll turn out that you like both men and women! Maybe it’ll just reaffirm that you’re a lesbian. Maybe it’ll show that you do indeed enjoy sex more with men than women. Who knows? If you feel that strongly about it, then the only way to know is to test it out for yourself.

So I’m straight–but recently I’ve really reallly been entertaining the thought of eating another girl out. I want to so badly! Any ideas on how one would initiate this?

Well, firstly, I’ve always thought sexuality is a fluid thing so even if you currently identify as straight, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing the same sex if you’re curious.  In fact, congrats on being open minded and wanting to see what else is out there in the world.

That being said, I would try to find someone that you have a bit of chemistry with.  Explain the situation and let them know that you’re curious, and looking to experiment a bit.  Be up front with them, if that’s all you’re looking for.  You don’t want to drag someone along and hurt their feelings because they think you’re looking for more than something physical.

I’m sure that you know some girls that might be into it already, hell, maybe some of your own “straight” friends are feeling the same way and you can help each other out.  I can say from experience that I’ve had more than a few sexual encounters with friends of mine who didn’t think they were into girls.  Just go with the flow and see where things take you.  There’s no real rush, and hopefully you’ll find someone that you click well with and you have a lot of fun.

Of course, I have to remind you that safe sex is the best sex and if you’re planning on going out and picking up a random instead of someone you’re associated with, then make sure that you’re safe.  Simple things like if you use sex toys, use condoms with them to keep everyone involved healthy and happy.

-teagan.

I’m a girl. And I desrcibe myself as bisexual. But when I watch gay porn or sometimes even shemale porn it gets me off so easy, as weird as that may sound. But I’d rather have sex with girls.. I’m so confused please help!

Here’s a box:

Don’t put yourself in it.

How can I ask a girl if she is into girls? Or how I could know without asking?

Check the nails.

If they’re reasonably short, go ahead to the second step. 😉

Talk about past relationships! Work it into the conversation. If you’ve dated a girl, mention that and see what her response is. If she’s into girls, you need to provide an opening for her to say “oh yeah I dated this girl once…” or “I would so sleep with her” etc.

If you admit to your sexual interests, it opens it up for her to reciprocate by admitting her own. Just bring it up in a casual dialogue and see what response you get.

You’d be surprised how easily that works. People are much more open about their sexuality now. Not everyone is, of course, but the number of people being open and comfortable with their sexuality grows every day. 🙂

If you’re friends with any of her friends or people she knows, ASK THEM! I’ve done it a thousand times. I meet someone that I’m curious about, but I don’t want to be forward, I talk to her friends. I’m usually pretty blunt with them (because I already know them) and I get my answers that way. Then I feel confident enough to approach!

So many girls are not what you would not expect because they’re not “stereotypical gay”. Many are actually quite open to being with other women. I’ve discovered many a bisexual just by asking her friends, lol.

Sorry, but even if you have the best “gaydar” in the world, there’s still no way to tell if someone is a lesbian or not. Lesbians don’t fit into one mold. There’s a certain “type” of course, which is usually the short hair and butch clothes/attitude, but that’s not always accurate. And there are many “femme” lesbians. Then there’s the girls that are bi and that’s just a crapshoot. So unless someone out there creates a device that you can point and scan people to determine their sexuality, we’re left with only one option: hearing it from that person (or one of their friends).