Whichever opportunity comes first! Whatever you feel comfortable with. There’s no right or wrong answer to this. Only that it is ABSOLUTELY OKAY for you to experiment and see where it leads.
Don’t stress. Let it come naturally.
Have fun!
Be safe!
Tag: sexuality
I’m a 16 y/o girl. I can’t figure out if I’m bi or lesbian. I know I shouldn’t worry about labels, but I’m a teenager and labels are kind of our thing. Additionally, I’m terrified to come out to my conservative friends and family as lesbian to later have them think I’m “cured” if I end up with a guy. How can I sort this out? I like kissing guys but touching anything below their waist grosses me out. I’m definitely attracted to girls though. Please don’t blow me off, I don’t know who to talk to.
Even if you’re a teenager, why not be a mature teenager and tell everyone to fuck off? 😉
You’re keeping your options open right now. You like girls, you may or may not also like guys. Date people! Figure out what’s right for you.
You’re only 16. You do NOT need to have it all figured out by now. Please, name one freaking 16 year old that has their life completely sorted out? It’s a myth! People will pressure you, sure, but they’re WRONG to do that. You need to remember that and remind them of it as well. Some people discover certainty in their sexuality earlier than others, but there are so many people who won’t feel that way until they’re in their 20s or even 30s! There’s no rush.
This is your time to explore and find out who you are and what you like. If anyone has a problem with that, tell them to grow up. You like people. You want to date PEOPLE. Bisexual, lesbian, it doesn’t matter. You’re open to experiences. If they can’t understand that, that’s their problem. It’s YOUR life.
Don’t let the pressures of friends and family make you feel like you have to define who you are before you’re ready. Be strong. Stand up for yourself. Just because you’re a teenager, that doesn’t mean that you have to do what everyone else does – even if it feels that way. You have options, you can make different choices for yourself that’s not going to be what you see everyone else doing.
They’ll probably be dismissive of you and say you’re going through a phase and that you’ll end up realizing you’re straight after all. That’s okay. Who cares? You gave them fair warning! Just let them think what they need to think and focus on yourself. Don’t let anyone push you into a corner and demand that you define your sexual interests before you even get out of the starting gate.
You’ve barely entered this stage of your life! Who knows what the future will bring? Get ready to enjoy the ride and don’t let anyone strong arm you into slapping a label on yourself until YOU are certain of the one you want.
Every time I’m in a relationship with a guy or hooking up with guys, I always think about having sex with girls. Every time I’m in a relationship with a girl or hooking up with girls I always think about having sex with guys. I’m so confused. I enjoy sex no matter what but I’m just so confused as to why it seems as if I’m never fully satisfied… Help please!!
Does it affect your relationships that you think about sex with the other gender? To the point where you don’t want to be with that person anymore? Or you feel guilty like you’re cheating on them?
I don’t think it’s necessarily a BAD thing that you have a crossover. We all have fantasies. Besides, you enjoy sex with both genders. So maybe it’s a masculine energy that comes out when you’re having sex with guys and a feminine energy that comes out with girls. You seem to be switching roles in terms of domination or really just “who’s on top”. It simply manifests in those kinds of sexual thoughts. Here’s the hard question: Do you just THINK about having sex with a guy when you’re with a girl or do you WANT to have sex with another guy?
You say you’re enjoying it, so what’s the problem? Maybe it’s just a turn on for you to think about guys when you’re with a girl and vice versa? The only time a problem comes in is if you actually WANT to have sex with someone other than the person you’re with. Thinking/fantasizing is one thing, actually wanting to follow through with it is another. Also, are you thinking about specific people in your life when you do it? Ie. Do you think about your ex girlfriend when you’re with your current boyfriend? That would be problematic.
A vague idea of men/women or celebrities or the girl you saw in the coffee shop yesterday is very different than fantasizing about sex with people you’re close to or were close to. It turns into an emotional connect and not a physical connect.
Do you truly feel like you’re not fully satisfied or are you assuming that there must be something wrong because you think this way?
I’m a straight girl, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I love him so much! I don’t consider myself ‘bi’ at all, because I would never want to date a girl. But I prefer sex with girls.. is this normal?
Why don’t you want to date a girl? What puts you off about it? Sex with them, sure, but not dating. Why?
If you enjoy having sex with girls, then you’re not straight. So just get that out of your head right now.
I guess you need to consider what it is you prefer so much about having sex with woman and compare it to what’s missing from your sex life with your boyfriend. What is it that you get from women that you’re not getting with him? Is it just the gender difference or is it something specifically that happens with women and not him? Do you get more aroused with girls? Is he less sexually experienced than the girls you’ve been with? Do you have a more intense sexual connection with girls than you do with him? Were the girls you’ve been with just simply better at identifying your needs and satisfying you than he is?
These are the kinds of questions you need to ask yourself. And it comes down to this: do you think he will ever (even with communication and more practice) be able to sexually satisfy and fulfill you the way you’ve been with other women?
I know you love him, but is he really fulfilling all your needs in the relationship? Obviously not because you’re here telling me you prefer sex with girls after a year of dating him. From my perspective, it seems like you’re holding onto the identity of being straight because the idea of ACTUALLY being bisexual, or even gay, scares the crap out of you. You can’t envision what that would be like because you don’t want to envision it. In your head, you’ve decided that if you just have sex with women then it doesn’t count and you’re still officially straight because you’re not emotionally connecting with women – therefore no worries! Totally straight.
WRONG. Sorry. Sex counts. Sex counts majorly. Huge. HUGE! It’s kind of the biggest point. Maybe you haven’t met the right girl yet that you want to be in a relationship with, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t exist.
I think it’s time for a change. You could date another guy, see if that changes your view of sex, or maybe you could just take a shot and date a girl. Just to see what it would be like. You can’t judge it until you’ve experienced it.
My boyfriend doesn’t want sex with me. He says he loves me. He’s sexually attracted to some friends and he says he misses sex with men but wouldn’t cheat. I feel like my existence is getting in the way + i feel inadequate i dont know what to do.
Your boyfriend is gay and you need to break up with him so that you can find someone else that has the same sexual interests and needs as you that can be fulfilled.
Stay friends if you can!
He’s not what you want or need for a romantic relationship. It may take some time to move on and accept that, but it’s what you have to do. And you’re gonna find someone else that’s AMAZING and you’ll realize how much you were missing by wasting your time with this “confusion” bullshit.
Just end it. It’s messy and stupid to try to have a relationship with someone who a) makes you feel inadequate b) is not sexually attracted to your gender c) is being a SELFISH JACKASS by stringing you along like this.
Break up with him. By this time next year, he’ll be your gay husband and you’ll laugh about the time you tried to be together.
OMG! You need to watch Will & Grace…
So I thought I was asexual… But I sometimes get turned on my thinking about this guy I’m in love with (it’s long distance too) just full on fucking me till I see stars and dirty talking to me… Is that like really weird?
Nope! Just sounds like your sexual needs aren’t that easily defined. Having sexual desires for someone you love is perfectly normal. I wouldn’t worry so much about putting yourself in a box and instead just be open to the experience.
Just a passerby to add further thoughts on this matter. There are plenty of variances from individual to individual within asexuality. One thing I’ve learned personally being asexual is that the idea of sex in its sort of remote non physical perfection can be a stimulating turn on and it doesn’t make you any less asexual to be turned on by the idea. Actual real sex is worlds apart from an idea, and even if it played out exactly the same way as in your fantasy, it really might not work for you in reality…because you’re asexual.
That said, sexuality is fluid. We shouldn’t be so quick to slap permanent labels on ourselves. What you like today won’t necessarily be what you like next week. And as cliche as it sounds sometimes you really do meet one person that makes you feel entirely different from everything you’ve ever thought you knew and understood about yourself. We’re constantly changing and growing, and shouldn’t place ourselves in boxes that stunt that growth.
I like you.
I’m a 15 year old girl and fantasise about having sex with a girl and when I masturbate I often think about girls. Does this mean I’m bisexual? I find males attractive but when I think of having sex with a girl I get excited. I have never had a girlfriend and I have never even kissed a girl before, so is there any chance I could be bisexual? Is this normal?
Sounds like you’re leaning more towards lesbian than bi at this point. But who knows? Who cares? Whoever you’re attracted to, go for it.
If you find someone you really like and you’re sexually attracted to them – GO FOR IT.
Worrying about what to label yourself is a waste of time and effort, creating needless anxiety when all you have to worry about really is just finding those amazing people you want to spend time with.
Hey, I love the blog! I also have a suggestion, do you think you could also tag your advice as “gay, lesbian, straight” so I can find the correct tab for advice for me? Again, not telling you how to run your blog, just a helpful suggestion! Keep on doing what you do, you’re great! :)
Categories of “gay, lesbian, and straight” have no place on my blog. I can’t tell you how many messages I get on a daily basis about people worried about how to define their sexuality. The simple answer is: don’t.
Besides, lesbians can learn from the tips I give to guys about what to do with girls. And straight girls can learn more about themselves from tips I give to lesbians. And guys can learn from any one of those posts about what to do with a girl or a guy. Bisexuals reap the most benefit, lol.
You can learn a lot if you don’t turn your mind off to something that’s not specifically labeled to how you define your sexuality. In fact, you’d be surprised by how much you miss out on by doing that.
Sometimes idk if i’m lesbian, straight or bi. Idk how to say this but, i don’t like to make sex with guys (dislike their body type) but i also feel weird when thinking about having sex with a girl (i don’t like scissoring or finger). It’s really weird to have a kinky with girls with… dicks? I know that girls can have toys but, i think it’s bad cuz the other girl don’t feel the pleasure too.
One, stop worrying about the specifics of your sexuality. Just focus on getting to know PEOPLE and allow yourself to be attracted to whoever you want.
Two, have you had sex with a girl or have you just thought about it? Because unless you actually try it, you really don’t know for sure. Especially if you find yourself attracted to women and it’s the sex aspect that concerns you.
Three, strap ons are a common presence in a lesbian sexual relationship (especially long term relationships). Both women get pleasure, it’s just in different ways. Again, you really won’t understand it until you try it. What’s the harm? Experimentation is the best thing you can do for yourself.
How do I tell my current bf that the first person I did it with was a girl? I like men but I’m not so used to touching their thing down there and i know he knows that. I’m just not sure if I should say anything about my past though.. Should I?
Why do you feel unsure about telling him? If you’re engaging in sexual activity with your partner, one of the first steps is to tell the other person your sexual history. I don’t mean every detail of it, just the bare bones. How many, have you been tested, etc. Just tell him you haven’t had sex with a guy before and that way you can hold off for a little while before explaining that you’ve been with a girl before. I think you should tell him, but if you want to wait on it so you get to know him better before revealing that, then wait.
Sumptuous Daydreams 