Tag: sex advice

Hi, my gf and I have been together for about a year (LDR) but the times we have been together and had sex we sometimes have issues b/c I can always make her come but it takes me much longer and her hand gets tired before i do. we have fought badly over this b/c i suggest other positions but its like she just gives up so I feel like she doesn’t care to try to please me as much as I please her, but she says she does try. she doesnt like oral & dildos are expensive. help?

Maybe you’re right, that she doesn’t care enough about your needs like you care about hers. If that’s the case, then you guys don’t stand a chance and you should get out now.

Maybe you’re wrong and she actually really does care a great deal but her inability to get you to orgasm is making her feel inadequate. So much so that she’s starting to feel insecure about all of it and it comes across as her not wanting to try harder or do different things. Instead, she doesn’t want to try more because that only means failing even more, and then she feels like she’s letting you down – that she’s not good enough for you – that she’s not enough for you.

I don’t know what the truth is.

So my advice? 1) She’s gonna have to learn to figure out how to get onboard with oral. I mean, really. It has to happen. She’ll get used to it the more she does it. At least she can start off with it and end with her fingers. That way it’s evened out and neither her jaw nor her hand will wear out as quickly. 2) You should save up money for that dildo or strap on. You want to orgasm, you gotta work for it. You need to figure out what the best thing is for you and the only way to do that is through experimentation.

Make sure she knows that it’s not her fault that it takes you a longer time – it’s different for everyone! Really sit down with her and explain (WITHOUT ARGUING) how bad it makes you feel when she stops and it makes you think that she doesn’t care enough to please you. Be as openly honest as you can, heartfelt, vulnerable, all of it. It’s the only way to really get through to a person.

Don’t accuse her of anything. Use “I statements”. I feel, I want, I wish, I like, I don’t like, etc. Nothing that comes across as “YOU DON’T LOVE ME ENOUGH TO MAKE ME CUM”. For example: “it makes me feel like you don’t care about me and that hurts so much” vs. “you don’t care about what I need, I care more about you than you do about me!”

Big difference, right?

After that conversation, try those different positions you want to try. Get her excited about them by being excited to try them on her as well! It seems like you might be encroaching on the rut of “sex as a chore”. So break out of it. Try some new stuff. Don’t put all the focus on the orgasm, just enjoy whatever it is you do feel. Try doing lots of foreplay, have fun, and neither of you orgasm! It’ll take the pressure off, and in the process, actually help you get closer to your goal.

If an orgasm is the only thing you care about, then you’re not doing it right.

Im dating this girl at the moment but I’ve lost feelings however she hasn’t… I feel like if i break it off i will break her heart terribly. I tried hinting im not into her anymore but she says i still love u and will always forever…

Suck it up and break it off. It’s never pleasant. It’s never easy. It’s ALWAYS messy. One or both people will always get hurt. That’s why break ups suck.

But it’ll suck even more if you wait and lead her on. Would YOU want someone to stay in a relationship with you if they weren’t into it anymore? Think about role reversal. What would you want if the roles were reversed?

Rip off the band aid.

My boyfriend doesn’t have much sexual experience… but I do. How can I direct him without being offensive?

The trick is to find a balance between ENCOURAGING and being CONDESCENDING (or overbearing).

You don’t want to tell him: “do this”/”don’t do that”/”go here”/”not there”.

Instead, try for subtle guidance. Place his hands where you want them to be, when he hits the right spot or gets a good rhythm – hold him there and encourage him to keep going. Moan, gasp, use any verbal or non verbal cues to clearly encourage him and show him what gets you going.

If there’s things you want to do and he doesn’t have the slightest clue where to start or even know that you want it, make it a sexy suggestion. Whisper in his ear what you want him to do to you (or you want to do to him) while you’re making out or even use it as a seductive way to get things started! Mention it while sexting or during phone sex. He won’t resent you for being “forward” and eager to have sex with him – in fact, he’ll love it (who wouldn’t?) – but that’s what you have to make sure is always the key idea/feeling coming across. Eagerness, sexual desire, attraction, craving, need, etc.

What I mean is, make sure you put an emphasis on making him feel the eagerness and desire that you have to fuck him, instead of making it feel like you’re giving him a step by step “how to” guide because he’s falling short of your expectations. Basically, it’s about positive reinforcement, not negative reinforcement. Always talk about the good, avoid the bad (unless the bad is so bad that you really need to tell him not to do something). He’ll take cues from the good and eventually learn what not to do from what you don’t mention or react well to.

Take the lead for now. Be the “top” to show him what you want and what makes you tick. As you guys start to become more familiar with each other and he grows more comfortable, then you can step back and let him take the reins sometimes so it’s a more even exchange. He won’t begrudge you for being assertive during sex (especially if he’s inexperienced). He’s just excited to be having sex and learning about this whole new world. 😉 The point is not to make him feel inadequate about it, which is where the positive reinforcement comes in. Jump on top of him, show him what you want, fuck him the way you want to fuck. You’re not telling him “this is how you do it” you’re telling him “this is what I like”. See the difference?

Definitely be vocal and assertive about you want and make sure it happens, but the effectiveness is all in the delivery. Have fun!

I have an on nd off relationship w/a guy for 3years now nd he was my first kiss and etc. nd farthest we went was him just grabbing my ass inside my pants nd I’m virgin he isn’t but then there is this girl I been talkin to sexually but idk who to pick

Why do you have to pick? You’re not in a relationship with either of them. Don’t make a commitment until you’re sure of who you want to be with. Be honest with both of them and do not mislead them into thinking they’re the only person you’re seeing. Spend more time with them and see who comes out better.

It’s not about sex at this point, it’s about who you actually enjoy spending time with.

Every time I’m in a relationship with a guy or hooking up with guys, I always think about having sex with girls. Every time I’m in a relationship with a girl or hooking up with girls I always think about having sex with guys. I’m so confused. I enjoy sex no matter what but I’m just so confused as to why it seems as if I’m never fully satisfied… Help please!!

Does it affect your relationships that you think about sex with the other gender? To the point where you don’t want to be with that person anymore? Or you feel guilty like you’re cheating on them?

I don’t think it’s necessarily a BAD thing that you have a crossover. We all have fantasies. Besides, you enjoy sex with both genders. So maybe it’s a masculine energy that comes out when you’re having sex with guys and a feminine energy that comes out with girls. You seem to be switching roles in terms of domination or really just “who’s on top”. It simply manifests in those kinds of sexual thoughts. Here’s the hard question: Do you just THINK about having sex with a guy when you’re with a girl or do you WANT to have sex with another guy?

You say you’re enjoying it, so what’s the problem? Maybe it’s just a turn on for you to think about guys when you’re with a girl and vice versa? The only time a problem comes in is if you actually WANT to have sex with someone other than the person you’re with. Thinking/fantasizing is one thing, actually wanting to follow through with it is another. Also, are you thinking about specific people in your life when you do it? Ie. Do you think about your ex girlfriend when you’re with your current boyfriend? That would be problematic.

A vague idea of men/women or celebrities or the girl you saw in the coffee shop yesterday is very different than fantasizing about sex with people you’re close to or were close to. It turns into an emotional connect and not a physical connect.

Do you truly feel like you’re not fully satisfied or are you assuming that there must be something wrong because you think this way?

hi, my bf and I have been together for about 3 years now, and when we first had sex it was outdoors. we kept doing things in public places coz it was a turn on for both of us and now its not for me but hes still into it. my libido has dropped a lot as well and I feel like our sex life has died because of me even though we regularly give oral to each other, and he fingers me and stuff… is there any way of increasing sex drive again? :/

First, it’s not unusual to experience this. It’s a common factor with women because much more goes into our sex drive than just hormones. For men, it’s more common to just have a “plumbing issue”, but for women, it’s more complicated. Decreased libido comes down to two things: external factors or a decline/conflict in the relationship.

By external factors, I mean are you taking any new medication, do you have any health issues going on, are you sleeping enough, are you experiencing more stress than usual, are you anxious/depressed, etc.

If you’re not experiencing the “external factors” then it might be time to look at your relationship. Are you getting bored? Are you guys still on the same page as you were a year ago or two years ago? After 3 years you’ve reached the point where you have to decide is this going to be a lifer or is it starting to fizzle out?

You say you’re still going outside often to have sex, but it’s not doing anything for you. Well, change that! Do something different. Be more spontaneous. Try different positions (get a book on sex positions and see which ones interest you then TRY them – try them all! lol). Use toys. Roleplay. Have sex on the washing machine during the spin cycle! lol. You get where I’m going with this.

You need to think about what sexually excites you and go for it. Pushing through the boredom and the sexual rut you’re in is the only way to break out of it and start something new that will get your sex drive going again. You know what to expect now. It’s the same thing each time. You’ve been with him for years, it happens. You do the same things over and over and it’s boring. How can you possibly get excited about that? So change it up!

If it’s not working, no matter how well rested you are, well adjusted you are, or how many different things you try…then perhaps you’ll have to consider a deeper reason going on that’s causing your lack of sexual interest. Maybe this is your body telling you what your mind isn’t ready to accept – that it isn’t working with him anymore. Not just sex, but all of it.

I’m a straight girl, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I love him so much! I don’t consider myself ‘bi’ at all, because I would never want to date a girl. But I prefer sex with girls.. is this normal?

Why don’t you want to date a girl? What puts you off about it? Sex with them, sure, but not dating. Why?

If you enjoy having sex with girls, then you’re not straight. So just get that out of your head right now.

I guess you need to consider what it is you prefer so much about having sex with woman and compare it to what’s missing from your sex life with your boyfriend. What is it that you get from women that you’re not getting with him? Is it just the gender difference or is it something specifically that happens with women and not him? Do you get more aroused with girls? Is he less sexually experienced than the girls you’ve been with? Do you have a more intense sexual connection with girls than you do with him? Were the girls you’ve been with just simply better at identifying your needs and satisfying you than he is?

These are the kinds of questions you need to ask yourself. And it comes down to this: do you think he will ever (even with communication and more practice) be able to sexually satisfy and fulfill you the way you’ve been with other women?

I know you love him, but is he really fulfilling all your needs in the relationship? Obviously not because you’re here telling me you prefer sex with girls after a year of dating him. From my perspective, it seems like you’re holding onto the identity of being straight because the idea of ACTUALLY being bisexual, or even gay, scares the crap out of you. You can’t envision what that would be like because you don’t want to envision it. In your head, you’ve decided that if you just have sex with women then it doesn’t count and you’re still officially straight because you’re not emotionally connecting with women – therefore no worries! Totally straight.

WRONG. Sorry. Sex counts. Sex counts majorly. Huge. HUGE! It’s kind of the biggest point. Maybe you haven’t met the right girl yet that you want to be in a relationship with, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t exist.

I think it’s time for a change. You could date another guy, see if that changes your view of sex, or maybe you could just take a shot and date a girl. Just to see what it would be like. You can’t judge it until you’ve experienced it.

My boyfriend doesn’t want sex with me. He says he loves me. He’s sexually attracted to some friends and he says he misses sex with men but wouldn’t cheat. I feel like my existence is getting in the way + i feel inadequate i dont know what to do.

Your boyfriend is gay and you need to break up with him so that you can find someone else that has the same sexual interests and needs as you that can be fulfilled.

Stay friends if you can!

He’s not what you want or need for a romantic relationship. It may take some time to move on and accept that, but it’s what you have to do. And you’re gonna find someone else that’s AMAZING and you’ll realize how much you were missing by wasting your time with this “confusion” bullshit.

Just end it. It’s messy and stupid to try to have a relationship with someone who a) makes you feel inadequate b) is not sexually attracted to your gender c) is being a SELFISH JACKASS by stringing you along like this.

Break up with him. By this time next year, he’ll be your gay husband and you’ll laugh about the time you tried to be together.

OMG! You need to watch Will & Grace…

Me and this guy have been dating for a while now and we’ve done pretty much everything but sex. My question is about blowjobs. I get him to moan and he seems to enjoy it but he always ends up taking over to finish him self off. Does that mean I’m bad at it or something? Any tips.

No, not at all! Just that practice makes perfect.

He’s used to his own way of masturbating so he’s probably used to a hard and fast jerk off to the finish line (he should take it easy with that!).

So maybe you just haven’t been able to get the pace he needs at the end. Ask him! Try speeding up, sucking harder, etc. See what works. You can’t do the same thing every time and expect different results. Think of it as a fun experiment, not something to stress and worry about. It’s all about getting to know each other and what each of you like!

It’s helpful to combine your hands and your mouth when giving a bj. The two different tactile sensations are awesome! (Ie. one hand on the base of his shaft, jerking him off, covering whatever you can’t fit in your mouth.)