Tag: sex advice

Hey so this is kinda embarrassing but when I finger myself I cannot male it feel good and I dont like it is there something wrong with me??

There’s nothing wrong with you! Focus on your clit and other erogenous areas rather than pumping your fingers in and out of you. Many women don’t even find enjoyment in penetration while masturbating. You have to experiment to find what works for you so don’t give up!

Timing is everything. You should be really wet and aroused before your fingers even think about going inside. You can’t just start off with penetration! You have to work up to it. And if it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it! Find out what YOU like instead of what you think you’re supposed to like.

Which orgasm is more intense? clitoral or vaginal

They’re two very different types of orgasms. Clitoral orgasms are generally considered more intense and even preferred by a lot of women. It’s more like a man’s orgasm – powerful, quick release, enjoyable.

Vaginal orgasms are more wavelike and last longer. You also can have multiple vaginal orgasms (one after the other) whereas you can really only have one or two clitoral orgasms before your clit gets too sensitive to keep going. Vaginal orgasms are deeper and more intense emotionally (if that makes any sense). You’ll find yourself needing time to recover after a vaginal orgasm.

It’s all about personal preference! Ideally what you want is to have the “full body” orgasm, which occurs with simultaneous clitoral and vaginal stimulation! Those are the ones that blow your mind and render you incapable of speech or movement for a period of time. 😉

I am a lesbian and a virgin and I don’t shave ‘down there.’ will this be a problem when I do have sex? Also when I’ve tried to shave it just itches.

I suggest you wax. If shaving is annoying for you, (well, shaving is annoying for everyone) then make an appointment to get waxed. You don’t need to be BALD down there. That’s a matter of personal preference, of course, but you do need to be well groomed.

It’s necessary, whether male or female, for you to maintain what’s happening down there. (Boys: trimming is an absolute requirement – don’t be lazy, it’s gross and annoys your partners!) If you want a full bush, that’s great, but it still means shaping and trimming to a certain extent. Even with a full bush, it doesn’t mean you can let everything grow totally wild.

I’m going to be totally honest with you, it IS a turn off when everything is just a wild mess down there. Keep it neat. Waxing is the best option. Shaving is second best (see here for tips on shaving). There’s always going to be a little bit of itching when it grows back, but the more you do it, the less it affects you.

My advice is that you definitely need to do some form of maintenance down there before you have sex. It’s just polite, really. What exactly you want to do and how much, is entirely up to you!

so ive been going out with my girlfriend for about 3 months and never have trouble getting hard whenever were just fooling around but anytime i think were going to have sex (when i bring a condom) i cant get it up and get really frustrated and upset. the only time we’ve been able to do it is when she surprised me with a condom. any advice? this is really confusing and frustrating and just destroying my sex drive

I hate it when people say this, but in your case, it seems to be the exact problem… It’s all in your head.

You seem to be getting really anxious or nervous about having sex, which is why when you know it’s going to happen and you prepare for it, you essentially psych yourself out. You bringing the condom is also you knowing that you’re going to have sex and stressing out about it. Stress and anxiety are some of the most common factors involved in not being able to induce or maintain an erection.

Am I wrong to assume that when you don’t start getting hard at first, you get even more frustrated and stressed out? Well, that’s exactly what’s causing it! It’s a vicious cycle. You’re stressed out and anxious about sex which makes it harder for your body to relax and react in a natural way and when it doesn’t happen you get even more worked up which virtually ruins your chances of getting it up at all!

The fact that you have no problem when she surprises you, or when you’re fooling around, eliminates any physical problems that might have been a possibility. You are physically capable, it’s your mental state that’s causing it.

You have to talk to your girlfriend about how you’re feeling, whatever stress may be on your mind, let her know that you’re frustrated about this. She would want you to be able to talk to her about this! It makes things less awkward when you’re open and honest about what’s going on. Never let something like this be the pink elephant in the room!

Since it seems to be a detriment for you to “prepare” for sex (it gives you too much time to think about it) ask your girlfriend if she wouldn’t mind being the condom carrier for a while. 😉

It shouldn’t always be on her to bring protection, of course, but since it’s causing you to be more worried about sex (and then leading to no sex), ask her to help you by taking that responsibility off the table for a while.

You need to think about why you’re stressed about this. Are you worried about your performance? Worried about pleasing her? Worried about getting her pregnant? All of the above? None of the above? You have to try to pinpoint the source so that it can be resolved!

In the meantime, if your girlfriend makes sure you’re always prepared for sex, then you don’t have time to psych yourself out about it. Don’t make plans for sex. Let it happen when it happens so it’s always a surprise of some kind. (ALWAYS USE PROTECTION! That’s why I said ask your girlfriend to bring condoms. Just because you’re not planning to have sex at a specific time doesn’t mean you can’t always be prepared for it.)

After a few times of this happening without incident, you should eventually be able to fall into a good routine and feel more confident about your sex life. Then it won’t matter who brings the condoms – you’ll be ready to go and feeling good about it no matter what!

Another good thing to try is that if you’re not getting hard when you’re fooling around: take the pressure off of you (and your dick) by focusing on her and eat her out, finger her, just focus on getting her off by other means. Don’t let yourself get upset and frustrated – it’ll only make things worse. So when you know its not happening right then, switch gears, and turn it onto her without thinking too much about it. Relax and make a clear decision to take care of your girlfriend, forgetting about what’s going on with you. By focusing on something other than your lack of erection and putting all your energy into making her feel good and seeing how she reacts, it might actually help you calm down mentally and allow your body to physically get excited the way it wants to!

how is it like to have sex if i’m on my period? is it disgusting for boys?

I can’t speak for boys. It’s really a personal thing. I know some guys are okay with it and others are totally grossed out by it. Also, a lot of girls don’t even want to consider it because when you’re on your period you feel gross anyway and the messy factor is just not appealing. Although! There are also a lot of girls who would love to have sex even when on their period, but they worry about their partners being turned off or grossed out and even think them weird for wanting it. So a lot of girls don’t even try asking because they’re embarrassed.

Lesson to learn here? Everyone has their own personal preferences, you’ll never know what your partner is or isn’t okay with unless you ask, and judging someone’s sexual interests will NEVER do you or them any good. Be open!

i’m 17 and live with my mom I’m too afraid to look up on google homemade like dildos and whatnot. do you know of anything I can use at home besides a shower head and fingers

There’s this cool thing called “delete browser history”! You should try it. Keeps that nosy Mom out of your business. 😉

But since you asked, a cucumber is generally the go-to item for those times where your fingers are just not enough and a trip to the sex shop (whether in person or virtual) is out of the question. Other veggies with similar shape will do as well.

Use lube and wash the cucumber before you use it (and after?) lol.

Anyone else wanna chime in with your fav every day go-to item? So many possibilities, so little time…

I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year now and we said from the beginning we would take our time and work up to things like kissing, making out, sex, etc. Problem is, we had sex a few times and I stopped it. IT FEELS AWKWARD. Almost like “I made a mistake” awkward… and I was wondering, can LACK OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION really be a good reason to loose feelings for someone in a relationship? He’s sweet and caring but I dunno if dating feels right… Am I being SHALLOW? INCONSIDERATE?

NO.

Lack of sexual attraction is one of the biggest and most simple reasons to break up with someone. You have every right to end it because the feelings just aren’t there. It happens!

It’s OKAY.

You’re not obligated to date him just because he’s a nice guy. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there. That doesn’t make you a bad person! Lack of sexual chemistry is ABSOLUTELY a reason to break up with someone. It’s obviously not the only reason why you date a person, but it’s a huge part of it, and without it, your relationship is actually called “being friends”.

Don’t beat yourself up about it! You’re not to blame nor is he. You’re just not that into him. That’s all. That’s life. Try to make a clean break and move on. It doesn’t do either of you any good to force something like chemistry which is something that you simply either have or you don’t have. You can’t MAKE chemistry happen.

You’re not being shallow or inconsiderate. You’re being honest. Love doesn’t work the way we want it to work. We don’t get to make the rules. We don’t get to dictate the terms. Love does its own thing and we go along with it.

my boyfriend gave me oral for the first time ever tonight and he tried so hard to get me off and it felt so good but i felt like uit was taking me so long to even get close. and once i got close i never really got close and i just started losing it and he felt like he was a failure cos he couldnt get me to come. ive never orgasmed before and i just feel bad cos everything he did felt amazing but i just didnt come and i think hes even more disappointed than i am :/

Aw, that’s so sweet! It’s common not to orgasm the first time someone goes down on you (especially if the person giving it is inexperienced). I’m sure he was disappointed because no guy wants to let you down! He wanted to please you! Just reassure him that you did enjoy yourself and tell him that you really want to try it again (and again…and again…and again…).

The key to oral is rhythm and never BREAKING that rhythm. So my advice is that when he hits a good spot or does something that you really like, make sure he KEEPS doing that and don’t fucking let him stop! It’s about working you up, finding that pace, and then keeping a steady/increasing rhythm until you break!

Try to help him more next time, give him guidance, lead him where you want him, and if he does something really good, physically hold him there and tell him to keep going just like that!

He’s not a failure – I know you know that – but guys shoulder a lot of the burden and the ones who care about your pleasure really take it hard when it seems like they’re unable to give you what you need. Again, reassure him that you enjoyed yourself and you really want him to do it again. (Don’t overcompensate by drawing attention to your lack of orgasm, that makes it worse, just continue to show sexual interest in him and an eagerness for more.)

Sex is all about experimenting. The more you experiment, the more you learn, the better you get. So…tell him to get back down there and try again! The sooner the better! And make sure you relax! You guys will find a way to make it happen.

Anonymous asked sumptuousdaydreams:

ok,so my bf&i were having a bit of fun&i got him to cum. i licked up most of it,but some was still on his pelvis like,just under his tummy&just above his penis-after some time i sat on his tummy&we were making out,naked&i was just absolutely terrifying myself that i was going to somehow get his cum in me. do you think i mightve? i mean, i think it was dried before i did that, it was 2 or 3 minutes after he came that i climbed onto him. do you think something could happen or am i just paranoid?

i was sitting like at or just below his belly button but i was worried otherwise. idk if it dried and im freaking out. im a virgin and absolutely terrified i dont know i just gfbdgbiladfgb please help?

It’s highly unlikely that you’re pregnant, but I have to admit that it is possible…however small the chance. If his sperm came into contact with your vagina then you were exposed. If you are really that concerned then take Plan B. Again, the chances of you being pregnant are EXTREMELY low, but stranger things have happened so I can’t tell you for certain.

Sperm in semen can survive for hours after ejaculation (longer if in a hot/wet environment – like a bathtub) and if semen is ejaculated into the vagina, sperm can survive for 3-5 days inside a woman.

Be smarter and don’t mess around like that again unless you’re using a condom or you’re on birth control.

why is it that when my boyfriend tries having sex with me in certain positions i feel pressure and it starts to hurt? Especially when im bent over for example

There’s a number of different reasons why it could hurt. Many of them have to do with medical issues so the next time you see your gynecologist or internist, I STRONGLY advise that you discuss it with them. (STD’s are a possibility…)

However, a common reason why certain positions hurt is because he’s penetrating you more deeply and possibly hitting your cervix. If your cervix is closer than average or tilted, he could be banging against it. PAINFUL! It’s another reason to talk to your doctor because they can examine you and tell you if that’s the problem.

Sex should not hurt (if you’re not a virgin). So this is definitely a problem you need to address with your doctor ASAP so that you can find out why this is happening. Avoid those positions that hurt until you get to the bottom of this.

Also, try using lube! You might not be aroused enough sometimes and if he’s pumping away, that’s extremely unpleasant.

And tell him to take it easy and be more gentle. He might be going too hard and being too rough with you, especially in those positions where he has the opportunity to penetrate you more deeply.