Tag: sex advice

I don’t get excited about sex anymore. I’m a female & when my gf asks me to talk about sex or we have sex, I just don’t feel like it or sometimes I can’t even talk about it. I love her & I think she’s incredibly attractive, so there shouldn’t be an issue. What’s wrong with me?

After being in a relationship for a long period of time, things start to stagnate and become routine – especially when it comes to sex. Both partners have to put a little effort into spicing things up, changing up the routine, get yourself out of the rut. Try having sex outside, someplace semi-public, try out a different toy, a different position, get massage oils, surprise her with a quickie out of the blue. Just anything outside the norm for what you usually do together.

Do you masturbate? Is it your libido that’s waning or is your desire for sex with your girlfriend waning? If you think about having sex with someone else, does that excite you? If yes, then this a relationship issue. You may love her, but you may not be in love with her anymore. Finding her attractive and BEING attracted to her are different things. Sexual attraction often fizzles out in relationships and it’s just not meant to be. Like I said before, if that is the case, try a little harder. Get yourselves out of the rut, try harder to have sex. Often, once you start (even if you weren’t in the mood) you get into it as the foreplay goes on. Sometimes you need a little jumpstart. If that doesn’t work and you’re still masturbating on your own, then this is a relationship you need to really think about.

However! If your answer is no, and sex with anyone or anything sexual doesn’t interest you in the slightest, then maybe this is a libido issue. If you’re not interested in sex, at all, with anyone, then maybe there’s something else going on. A number of things can affect your sex drive. I can’t possibly list them all, but I’ll mention 3 of the most common ones and hopefully this will spark some ideas for you and lead to some introspection.

1) Are you overwhelmed in your life? Has there been a change with work or family that maybe just has your head somewhere else?

2) Do YOU feel attractive? Have you had any changes in your body where you might feel less sexy/less attractive?

3) Are you taking any psychotropic drugs? Ie. antidepressants, mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, benzos…  Those have a HUGE impact on your sex drive. Many of those medications basically erase any sexual urges.

I have never been interested in girls. But, I get really turned on when I see lesbian gifs and things like that. Should I experiment, or just dismiss it? Is this normal?

I’m all for experimenting! You never know until you try. No matter the outcome, you’ll know for certain where you stand afterwards. You’re into, you’re not into, you’re kinda into it, whatever! As long as you tried.

It may very well be that you just think two women are hot together, but it’s not what you want for yourself, or you may be starting to discover a new side to your sexuality. Who knows? Give it a shot!

IT IS ABSOLUTELY 100% NORMAL TO BE EXPERIENCING THIS.

My boyfriend ate me out for the first time today and i could feel i was really close but i just couldnt cum…. What should i do to help that happen….?

Deep breathing and relax, let your mind go. That’s the best advice I can give. Plus, it was your first time where he did that so it’s only natural that you were perhaps a bit nervous and tense because of that.

FOLLOWER PARTICIPATION TIME! I NEED YOUR HELP!

So about 90% of my ask box is constantly filled with questions from girls/women about masturbating.

…I can only answer this question so often and I can only give one perspective – my own. That’s not good enough because everyone is different and everyone likes different things. One method might work amazingly for some while the same method will do nothing for others.

So what to do?

I need you – all of you females that follow me (sorry boys, next time) – to message me or send me a fanmail or reply to this post with some of the ways that YOU like to masturbate.

I’ll repeat: TELL ME HOW YOU LIKE TO MASTURBATE.

You can be anon, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to reply to your message. What I’m going to do is compile a list of at least 10 different ways to masturbate (hopefully you guys will give me more than that) and then I’m going to post it for everyone to see as a “master list” of sorts. Then I can have that for anyone else in the future to see if they need ideas for how to masturbate.

No names will be used. I just need ideas! I need you to tell me what works for you and it needs to be as detailed as you can be. No “I use toys” or “I watch porn”. DETAILS! What toys specifically? How exactly do you touch yourself when you watch porn, and what kind of porn are you watching, and where are you watching it, etc? What is your surefire, go-to, method to orgasm?

Don’t worry about being “weird” or “unusual”. IF IT WORKS, IT WORKS. There’s no judgment here! And the stuff that we don’t typically hear about is exactly the kind of thing other women need to know! Because maybe that’s exactly what they’ve been looking for!

I’m sure there will be many that overlap so the goal is to have at least 10 distinctly different ways to masturbate. This is to help others so please don’t be shy! Who knows? You may discover something new to try yourself! That’s the whole point!

Exchange secrets, ladies!

It’s time to get this masturbation issue solved once and for all.

So message me or even just reply here, whatever you feel comfortable with. Fan mail is ideal if your response is too long for the usual ask box message. Remember, I’m not giving out names. This is just going to be a compiled list. NOW START TYPING AND HIT SEND!

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I have kind of a strange question. Is having dark hair around the nipple really strange for a girl? It’s so so so embarrassing and I always try to trim it short but it’s a real knock on my self-esteem :(

About 30% of women have nipple hair simply due to genetics. So it’s not strange at all.

Trimming or tweezing are your best options. Never shave – the area is way too sensitive, you’ll easily cut yourself. It often causes more hair growth and makes the area darker. It’s not abnormal, I promise, but it is a pain to maintain. Don’t be ashamed of it. Everyone has something going on. Nipple hair, inverted nipples, birthmarks, dark spots, hairy asses, whatever! Everyone has something so do not think you’re alone in this and that you have something strange.

That dork Tyler Posey on Teen Wolf talks about how he has to trim his nipple hair all the time. Guys have it too! Just genetics.

My boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex for a long time but we can’t because the condoms won’t fit? Don’t get me wrong, is not as if he has an extremelly big or gigantic penis, it’s actually pretty normal, but the condom won’t come down and he says it is just so tight it hurts. Maybe he has a fat penis or I don’t know. lol. We know the right side to put it and the way it should go, we just want to be confortable and find a condom that will make him feel good and will make me feel safe.

Condoms are not one size fits all. It’s really common for guys to have trouble finding the right fit. Have you been experimenting with different condoms to find a better fit?

Here’s a size chart that should help you get a better idea of what you need.

Another common mistake is that you THINK you know how to put it on correctly, but you don’t. There are some really basic mistakes that everyone makes so don’t be embarrassed about that. Read this to double check and make sure you are doing everything correctly.

So I have a boyfriend.. But lesbian porn turns me on so much. I want to try kissing a girl and “stuff” but I don’t want to loose my boyfriend. I have a couple lesbian friend and I want to ask them if I could try with them but I don’t how to. And I don’t know if its right. Should I go ahead behind my boyfriends back or is that cheating?!

Kissing someone else when you’re in an exclusive, monogamous, relationship is generally considered cheating unless you have different parameters in your relationship. If he made out with another girl, would you consider that him cheating on you?

If yes, then yes, messing around with other girls behind his back is cheating.

If you want it badly enough, talk to him about it. Ask him if he would be comfortable having an open relationship. You can set rules for it. Honestly, that rarely ever works out, but you can always try.

I, personally, would break up with him and explore my other needs. You’re young, you’re not married, there is no real commitment here. The fact that you’re on this blog asking me about it shows how much you really want to try something different. It also shows how things are just not really working in your current relationship. It doesn’t mean your boyfriend is a bad guy, a bad boyfriend, or that you don’t really care about him. It’s just not the right relationship for you if you’re seriously contemplating messing around with other people.

It’s scary to leave someone when you feel comfortable with them and you care about them. It’s scary risking being alone for a while. For most, it’s easier to be with someone than it is to be alone, even if it’s not exactly what you want in a relationship. That’s normal and completely understandable. However, when it comes down to it, you’re settling for less by staying with him. And you’re not doing him any favors by staying with him while thinking about other people.

Would you want him to stay with you if he was thinking about other girls and wanting to have sex with other people? No. Why would you want to be with someone unless they want you and only you? That’s the whole point of being together.

Gender is irrelevant. It’s the act itself that defines cheating.

My personal advice? End it on the best terms possible and do what you need to do for yourself. Do not mess around behind his back. Either break up or give him full disclosure on what you want. Because if you start doing stuff behind his back, lying to him, it’s a betrayal no matter what. And you can’t have a healthy relationship that way.

So I masturbate and it feels really good, but right when I’m about to orgasm I can’t. It happens every time. What if when I become sexually active and I can’t orgasm? I want to buy a vibrator, but I’m not old enough. Any tips?

Try some deep breathing. Taking yoga classes inadvertently does wonders for your sex life just from learning how to breathe correctly.

You may not even realize you’re doing it, but many women react instinctively to encroaching orgasm by holding their breath. *RUDEBUZZERSOUND* That’s not going to help you! Try to be more aware of how you’re breathing. The goal is to feel the sexual arousal your body is experiencing and then EXPAND it by taking a deeper breath which draws out the pleasure even more.

Breathe deeply into your pelvic area. I know that sounds weird, but when you slowly draw in the breath, visualize where you want it to go. Imagine that you’re sending the breath into the vaginal canal before slowly exhaling through the nose. This creates oxygen, decreases tension, and increases blood flow in the pelvic area. It has a HUGE impact on your sexual pleasure. Trust me.

so me and my boyfriend have been doing “hand” stuff, and whenever he really gets going, it starts to hurt a LOT.& not a hot type of hurt. like OUCH STOP hurt. and i dont know why. so, every time we “hook up” he gets off and I don’t because I always make him stop and I’m left feeling like I put in a bunch of effort for nothing returned. I’m still a virgin, so maybe its the fact that my cherry hasn’t been popped? i dont even know if it has been or not… idk what to do. i feel so unsatisfied.

Do you masturbate? Does it hurt when you use your fingers on yourself?

If the answer to the latter is “no”, then he’s doing it wrong. You need to work with him and take control, tell him what to do, what feels good, because he is obviously not experienced and doesn’t understand what he’s doing.

A lot of younger, inexperienced guys think they can just ram their fingers away, but that’s the opposite of what you want. Start off with him just rubbing through your underwear. Get yourself really wet and worked up just from that. Hump his hand. Don’t even go for penetration. Work on making that step feel really good. Then you can work up to having him massage you with skin on skin contact. If you’re finally starting to get what you need from that, have him use lube and ONE finger to slowly, gently go inside you, while focusing more on the clit.

You need to be the one to teach him what you like. It’s not fair that the amount of sexual satisfaction is unbalanced, you have every right to be just as satisfied as him, but for girls, we have to open up and take more control over the situation because you cannot leave it up to your boyfriend to know how to do it.

If he doesn’t try harder and listen to you when you tell him what you like, then that’s a serious problem and you may want to rethink your relationship with him. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced some real assholes who purposely do a bad job of fingering because they don’t want to put the work in. If they “suck” at it or they hurt you, then you’re not going to keep asking them to do it, right? It’s fucked up, but that is the reality for some people.

Hopefully that’s not the case with your boyfriend. So just try to work with him. It should NOT be hurting like that. So either he’s doing it wrong or there’s a rare possibility you have a medical issue. (I really think he’s just doing it wrong.)