sex advice – Page 23 – Sumptuous Daydreams

Okay so I’m bisexual but at the same time I feel like I’m a lesbian cause I only like doing stuff with guys I don’t get feelings for them even remotely but this girl likes me and I just really like her and I’ve never felt like this with a guy like I realllllyyyy like her does it seem like a lesbian? I’m just confused and need advice…

You like being with guys and girls. You’re attracted to guys and girls.

You FELL for a girl.

That doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian. It means you fell for SOMEONE. It just happened to be a girl that you made your first real connection with. It was either going to be a guy or a girl – 50/50 chance there. You’d probably be panicking about being straight if this was reversed.

This doesn’t mean you won’t fall for a guy in the future. Male/female – it doesn’t matter. You made a connection with someone and you should take advantage of that because connections like that are rare, we don’t find them often, so when we do, we need to do everything we can to enjoy it and immerse ourselves in it to the fullest.

Whatever happens in the future will happen, but what does it matter? Are you suddenly going to stop being attracted to boys because you’re dating a girl? You’re going to declare yourself a lesbian and then your sexual attraction to the male gender will just magically disappear? It doesn’t work that way! lol. You just happened to form an emotional (as well as physical) connection with a girl first. That’s all.

Stop worrying about the lesbian/bi/straight bullshit. The older you get and the more people you meet, the more you’ll start to understand yourself, and you won’t be so concerned about being exactly “this” or exactly “that” anymore.

The world is not black and white so stop trying to put yourself in a box that doesn’t make sense. Focus on this girl and all these new feelings you’re experiencing. Nothing else matters. Be with her. Be happy! 🙂

well i know its kinda a weird question.. but can i loose my virginity if i masturbate even if i masturbate like roughly?

It’s all in how you define your virginity. If you mean having your hymen torn/stretched, then yeah, you could lose your “virginity” that way. But really? The only way you stop being a virgin is after you have sex with another person.

There are stricter rules on this in other cultures, I’m aware. Being a virgin is even defined as being an “unmarried/single woman”! The primary definition remains though, which is: a person who has never had sexual intercourse.

Don’t worry so much about the whole “am I virgin if I do this/am I not?” etc. There’s no point in dissecting this “grey” area and getting to a point where you’re saying “well, I’m half a virgin!” (thank you Mean Girls).

When you have sex with someone else for the first time, then you are no longer a virgin. But the label isn’t important, okay? People place far too much stock in the whole concept of “virginity”.

How does tribbing work? Where exactly does the vuvla come in contact? And is there any kind of doggy-style trib? [If you don’t know the answer, feel free to ignore] It’s just that there’s barely any resources or information even online.

As defined by The Free Dictionary…

Tribadism: n. a lesbian practice in which one partner lies on top of the other and simulates ~~the male role in~~ heterosexual intercourse.

Otherwise known as tribbing. A common tribbing position is “scissoring”.

It’s a shitty definition. Makes it seem like lesbians are trying to be straight and that there’s one lesbian in the “male” role. Ugh. So inaccurate.

It’s just about grinding your pussies together in whatever angle works best for optimal contact (hitting the clit!). You can trib from behind, but it’s a lot more difficult to get what you need from that angle. It becomes more about one woman humping the other instead of both getting that contact.

Do you understand how it works now? 😉

Hello! I just found your blog, and I really like it! I haven’t browsed all the way through, but I saw a lot of people asking you for advice, and I liked your answers. If I can offer a topic I haven’t seen discussed all that much for girls having sex for the first time (other girls too)? Please let them know to go pee shortly after sex, every time! It REALLY helps to avoid UTIs, which are a huge pain and require antibiotics to treat. Just thought I’d warn all the ladies! : )

It’s true! Urinating after sex flushes out bacteria and helps avoid a urinary tract infection (UTI).

However, it is a MYTH that peeing after sex helps prevent pregnancy so don’t fall for that one. Condoms and other forms of birth control are the only things that prevent pregnancy!

Oh! And thank you! I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog! 🙂

So I’m 21 and currently living in California to study, me and this guy has been dating and he asked me if I was a virgin, I told him that I first had sex when I was 15. He seemed very shocked at this and later that week he broke up with me. And there’s been rumours that I’m a whore fatet that. However the age of sex is 15 in Sweden, was it wrong of me to lose my virginity that young?

That’s ridiculous! 15 is young, but certainly not unusual. I don’t know what his problem was. Be glad you’re rid of him because he’s obviously an asshole. I don’t even understand how rumors got started because of THAT. It’s so absurd… He clearly has some issues and they have NOTHING to do with you.

No, it was not wrong of you to have sex when you were 15. As long as it was your choice and it was what you wanted. I do think it’s on the young side and I always advise people to wait a little longer, but you did nothing wrong! Don’t for one second feel ashamed just because some uptight dickwad tried to put you down. It’s your life and your choice and it certainly does not mean that you’re a “whore” or any of that BULLSHIT. You had sex when you were 15. SO WHAT? Who cares? You’re 21 now. It’s all in the past.

You did nothing wrong so please don’t ever let people like that guy (or anyone else) make you feel like you did. They have no right to judge you and you shouldn’t give a shit about what they think (because what they think doesn’t matter).

YOU matter. What YOU think matters. That’s all you have to worry about: you.

To be honest, I’m really scared to have sex with my girlfriend. I’m really self conscious about my genitals. My labia is CRAZY uneven. Sometimes I personally enjoy it, but I get scared that she’ll get freaked out by it. I’ve had sex before but it was meaningless and I was drunk. Any advice to get over the anxiety and fear?

Pussy confidence. You gotta find yours.

Longer labia means more sexual pleasure for you so OF COURSE you enjoy it. Tell your girlfriend that you feel insecure about it. Be honest and let her know how you’re feeling. She’ll understand and she’ll reassure you that she’s not at all freaked out. There’s nothing to be freaked out about! Everyone’s pussy looks different. If she knows you’re feeling weird about it, then it’ll won’t be the awkward “pink elephant in the room”…or awkward pink vagina in the room…

Just come clean, be honest about your insecurities, and realize that there’s nothing weird about your pussy! You like it! So everyone else should too! If they don’t, then you’re not dating the right people! Best thing to do is lay your feelings out on the table so there’s no doubts, but always remember that YOU have to accept yourself first before anyone else can.

So find your pussy confidence.

I am 21 and a virgin and I am not stupid and I know when I have sex it will hurt the first time, but I was curious how badly does it it hurt?

It varies for everyone. It really depends on how much your hymen has been stretched already. If you play(ed) sports, horseback ride, use tampons, masturbate with penetration, all or any of those things would impact your hymen. So you could experience some pain to no pain at all.

Unless you have a rare medical condition, it shouldn’t hurt much at all. (Ie. If you have an imperforate hymen, that would make it very painful, but the condition only occurs in about 2% of the female population and you would know by now if you have that.)

The stretching of your vaginal walls takes some getting used to if you’re not using tampons or masturbating with penetration. That’s what makes it the most uncomfortable and it will probably take 2 or 3 times for you to really enjoy sex because your body needs time to adjust to the intrusion and expand itself the way it knows how to do.

The best way to make your first time the least painful, most enjoyable, is to do a HELL of a lot of foreplay, be soaking wet/aroused, and have an orgasm before any penetration occurs. Have your partner eat you out, or masturbate, or even hump them until you come. After an orgasm, your vaginal walls naturally widen and your muscles relax so it’s much easier for you to enjoy.

You could also have your partner finger you gently until you can feel yourself opening up and start experiencing pleasure.

If you’re tense, nervous, bracing yourself, clenching your muscles, that will only make it hurt more. Do it right. Relax. Take your time. Enjoy every moment that leads up to it because foreplay at this stage is far more important than the actual act of intercourse. Don’t worry about pain because it won’t be anything like you’re thinking.

I am getting turned on by your gif’s of gay guys having sex. Is that weird? I am female and bisexual and normally think anal is weird whether it being two dudes, a guy and a girl, or two girls with a dildo.

Well, first, it’s just naturally more pleasurable for men to have anal sex than women because of anatomical differences and the presence of their G-Spot/prostate. So two men having sex has a different pleasure spin on it, to start with, rather than seeing women have anal sex.

Also, it’s just two hot guys fucking. It’s sex. Sex is a turn on. Whether it’s two guys, two girls, guy and girl, two girls one guy, two guys one girl, orgy, whatever! As long as it’s done right and there’s chemistry, there’s intimacy, there’s a feeling of real pleasure taking place…that’s the turn on!

You’re not thinking about anal sex when you see two guys, you’re thinking about how hot they look, how good they’re feeling, the rhythm they have, etc. You’re thinking about the sexual pleasure they’re deriving from it. It doesn’t matter as much HOW they’re getting it, but rather how good they’re making it look.

Sex turns you on. GOOD SEX turns you on even more. Men, women, it doesn’t matter which combination you use, it’s all still sex and if they’re doing it right, it’s fucking hot.

hey, i’m a guy and i love jacking off, but its becoming boring, what are some ways to make it better, without having to buy anything specifically marketed as a sex toy. like what household products other than lubricants can make it feel better? or anything else you can do while jacking off?

Try different places and positions when you’re jacking off. Instead of just in your chair or on your bed, do it somewhere else. Stand in your backyard and beat off! lol. Just try anyplace new and a new position to break out of the rut.

Also, if you watch the same kind of porn, stop watching it. Instead try using your imagination rather than visual stimulation. Fantasize. Also, you can try watching something really different. If you’re straight, watch gay porn! If you’re gay, watch straight porn! Seriously, anything to change it up. I’m not promising it will work, but you should always keep an open mind.

Now, you can get REALLY creative with household items. You have a plethora of options available to you. I’ll suggest a few and then you should take a look through what you have and open your mind to the possibilities…

-A banana. No, I’m not messing with you. Cut the tip off and squirt the inside out. Pop it in the microwave for a few seconds to warm it up (not too long or you’ll burn yourself!). Then fill it with some kind of lube, doesn’t matter what, wrap the sections around your cock, or shove your load into the hole, and pump away! IT WORKS!

-Fuck your pillows. Stack them on top of each other or side-by-side. Lie on top and go to town. You also can use just one; mold it around your dick and thrust against it. Try couch cushions too. Put your cock in between the cushions (standing or kneeling) or slip it underneath the cushions. Crammed in between, you control the resistance as you press into the tight crevice.

– Use a hot, wet towel in the shower to jerk off into. The weight and moist cocooned warmth will feel awesome. Better than the standard shower jack off.

– More food… No, I’m not going to tell you to fuck a pie. Fuck a large cucumber! Or a melon, squash, watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, and so on… Cut a hole to fit your cock in one side, and a smaller opening the size of a pencil in the other. Hollow out the inside to fit you and then fuck that squishy goodness. You can put your finger over the smaller hole and remove it to adjust the suction to simulate the effect of getting a BJ. Bonus points for warming them up in the microwave beforehand. (Remember, not more than a few seconds! You’ll burn yourself!)

– Get a plastic baggie and fill it with something like Crisco, Vaseline, Jell-O, or banana pulp (if you’ve tried the first suggestion, then you already have that on hand!). Hold it in your preferred hand and stuff yourself in there. Fuck away!

– Get a stuffed animal, cut a hole in the bottom, and fuck the stuffing out of it. Yeah, I made a pun. 😉

Like I said, you have a ton of different things you can try. You just have to think outside of the box! If it’s getting old, there’s always something new to experiment with. (Just be safe and make wise choices about what you’re putting your cock in.)

I am getting ready to buy my first vibrator and dildo. I am going to order online for descrectionary purposes. Is there aything you can suggest?

In the sex advice tag this post lists a few good sites to order toys from. It does depend on what kind of stimulation you prefer. Do you just want clitoral stimulation or just penetration or both? Because you can find a toy that has both or focuses on just one. So keep that in mind.

As for SPECIFIC toys…I open that up for my followers.

What is your number one, all time favorite vibrator? The one that never fails to get you off? The one that you would get rid of your boyfriend/girlfriend first before having to get rid of? (JOKE!)

The Hitachi Magic Wand is a timeless favorite. I, personally, hate the Rabbit and all its knock off brothers and sisters. I blame Sex and The City for overhyping that thing. The Gigi is multifunctional in all the right ways (most of the LELO products are similar and effective). The Silver Bullet is super popular, simple, and cheap. Almost every sex shop has its own version and you can even get it on Amazon.

Ultimately, it’s difficult to recommend a toy because I don’t know what you like. It’s a decision that requires personal experimentation and knowing what kind of stimulation turns you on/gets you off.

How about you guys?