sex advice – Page 21 – Sumptuous Daydreams

This isn’t really about sex but yeah…I’m 16, complete virgin(not even kissed or anything)and I’ve only ever been to a girls school, I’m doing a duologue with this guy a year older than me and we have to kiss and spoon and stuff, and I’m not sure like how to get comfortable with it and make it less awkward I kinda feel sorry that he’s stuck with me for this because I’m really not pretty or attractive and I wanna make him, we’ll not enjoy it, but not hate it Urg, sorry if that doesn’t make sense

Get to know him. If you’re not into him, then treat him like you would any friend. The friendlier you are and the more open you are, the easier any exchange between you will be – even kissing and spooning. It’s about establishing a level of trust. Just relax and talk to him about other things besides what your project is, that will help you feel more comfortable, more trusting, and more confident in anything you do with him.

I know you feel weird being around him when you haven’t had much experience and it’s a lot of pressure when two people are partnered together like that, just total strangers who have to work together, but he’s lucky to have gotten someone like you. You actually care about making it work. You want it to be good. You want to make sure things go well for you both. That’s the best thing anyone could ask for in a partner. It would be a thousand times worse if you didn’t give a shit how it looked and he would be forced to do all the work. Think about that!

I’m SURE it’s not nearly as awkward or terrible as you think it is. We all have a way of making things seem so much worse than they really are. Human beings have a TERRIBLE sense of self perception, we are just ridiculously obtuse about how we perceive ourselves as opposed to how others see us. You are pretty. You are attractive. Just be friendly and get to know him. Everything else will work out. Have faith in yourself. If you keep beating yourself up for all the things you think you’re not, THAT is what will make it awkward and uncomfortable. If you have to fake confidence for a while, that’s okay. By faking confidence, you actually give yourself a little bit of confidence in return. Odd, I know, but it works!

Is it possible to be emotionally a lesbian but sexually straight? I’ve never had an emotional connection to guys like I have with women. Although I’m more attracted to a girls body and would rather be intimate with them, I can’t seem to hit the big O when I have sex with a girl. I have to think about guys to orgasm.

Anything is possible?

Honestly, I think you’re gay. lol. You’re a lesbian. It’s okay! haha.

I don’t think you picture guys during sex because you want to have sex with guys. The image of men, the stigma attached, especially sex with men, represents a more aggressive and dominating type of sex. That might be what you’re missing in your sex life, what you need to be able to orgasm.

Maybe you want that kind of forcefulness that you envision comes with a “dominating male” and you’re not getting that from your partners. Maybe you want a strap on used on you more often if penetration is what you’re looking for. Maybe it’s not the physical acts, but just the energy you need; you’re looking for a more “masculine” energy from your partner during sex. Maybe you need the sex to be rougher and and ramp up the intensity level. Maybe you’re not choosing the right girls to be with…

That’s a lot of maybe’s, I know! haha. Sorry. I can’t give you a definitive answer because I don’t know your particular reasons. Only you know the answer. I just tried to give you a few ideas and hopefully that will spark something for you and help you put together the pieces yourself.

Don’t be afraid to go after what you want/need when it comes to sex. It all starts with finding the right partner. 🙂

And if you truly think that you want to have sex with a guy, then by all means, try it out! What better way to know for sure then to actually experience it? After you have sex with a guy, you won’t doubt yourself anymore. Maybe it’ll turn out that you like both men and women! Maybe it’ll just reaffirm that you’re a lesbian. Maybe it’ll show that you do indeed enjoy sex more with men than women. Who knows? If you feel that strongly about it, then the only way to know is to test it out for yourself.

I have never fingered myself befor but i want to, but im to sceard my hole will be to small?

Okay, if it’s your first time you’re going to want to go slowly but I can assure you that you won’t have any problems with being too small — especially for your own fingers.

The trick is to make sure that you’re aroused, so you can fully enjoy what you’re doing. So, take your time. Watch some porn, lay in bed and tease yourself — your breasts, your clit, whatever works. You don’t have to rush yourself along and just shove your fingers inside yourself. That isn’t really pleasant for anyone.

So, once you’re feeling nice and relaxed and probably very wet from all the teasing you’ve been doing, then start fingering yourself. You can start with one finger and go slowly, building up from there. Just explore yourself a bit and really enjoy what you’re doing. If you’re wet, you shouldn’t have any problems with putting your fingers inside of yourself. (Hell, if you’re too nervous to get wet on your own, use some lube which you can buy from basically anywhere to help get you into the mood).

See what works for you, though. One finger. Two fingers. Whatever. Switch up the angles, or the speed, and see what really turns you on. In no time, you should be able to find out what really turns you on and build on it from there. There’s plenty of time to explore what feels good, and there is literally no right way to masturbate, so have fun with it!

-teagan.

So I’m straight–but recently I’ve really reallly been entertaining the thought of eating another girl out. I want to so badly! Any ideas on how one would initiate this?

Well, firstly, I’ve always thought sexuality is a fluid thing so even if you currently identify as straight, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing the same sex if you’re curious. In fact, congrats on being open minded and wanting to see what else is out there in the world.

That being said, I would try to find someone that you have a bit of chemistry with. Explain the situation and let them know that you’re curious, and looking to experiment a bit. Be up front with them, if that’s all you’re looking for. You don’t want to drag someone along and hurt their feelings because they think you’re looking for more than something physical.

I’m sure that you know some girls that might be into it already, hell, maybe some of your own “straight” friends are feeling the same way and you can help each other out. I can say from experience that I’ve had more than a few sexual encounters with friends of mine who didn’t think they were into girls. Just go with the flow and see where things take you. There’s no real rush, and hopefully you’ll find someone that you click well with and you have a lot of fun.

Of course, I have to remind you that safe sex is the best sex and if you’re planning on going out and picking up a random instead of someone you’re associated with, then make sure that you’re safe. Simple things like if you use sex toys, use condoms with them to keep everyone involved healthy and happy.

-teagan.

I’m a lesbian and I plan on eating my girlfriend out for the first time very soon. I don’t know how to use any sort of protection but I was wondering if I even had to since we’re both clean of STD’s and we’re virgins? We honestly don’t plan on having sex with anyone else. (We’ve been together for 2 years)

If you don’t use protection when engaging in sexual activity, such as eating a girl out, that’s a personal choice you make. You know you’re still a virgin, but you’re taking her on her word that she’s a virgin as well. You can never be 100% certain what she’s done with others. People lie. It’s just the truth.

Dental dams are the way to protect yourself when you go down on a woman. It’s a thin, rectangular piece of rubber (like a condom) that you put over the vagina to prevent any fluid exchange. (You also would use this for any mouth to anus play – rimming/analingus.) Almost everything is the same when you’re eating her out, the only difference is that, like a condom, there will be a thin piece of latex between you and her vagina. (If you’re allergic to latex, they make them in silicone too.) This video shows you what a dental dam looks like and how to place it over the vagina.

If you choose to engage in any form of unprotected sex, even when eating out a girl without dental dams or going down on a guy without a condom, you have to acknowledge and accept the fact that you are taking a risk. Both of those acts are often glossed over when it comes to safe sex because a lot of people either don’t realize the risk they’re taking or they choose to roll the dice and hope for the best. A lot of people take the risk and do just fine. Some aren’t as lucky. Use your judgment and choose your partners wisely.

Just know that, YES, you can get STD’s that way and, YES, it could happen to you. Just because you can’t get pregnant through oral does not mean that oral sex is “safe sex”. You could easily get gonorrhea in your throat from an unprotected blowjob or herpes/genital warts from unprotected cunnilingus. It can happen! That’s all I want people to understand. That it’s possible. You are not immune.

Now, it’s highly unlikely in your case, for your particular situation, but it’s good to know for the future! Up to you!

Additionally, you always want to have routine STD screenings when you’re sexually active. Trust is an essential part of a relationship, BUT you still need to protect yourself. So even if you believe with all your heart that your partner is committed to you and can’t possibly give you an STD they contracted from someone else, you still need to acknowledge that it’s POSSIBLE. So always be safe, protect yourself first and foremost, and get yourself tested on a regular basis.

i’m lesbian.. i’ve never had sex with a guy. i tried a vibrator for the first time today and i have no idea where my hole is??? i know it should be able to go in me, but idk how?? or where??? is it bc my cherry isnt popped or??

First, watch this video where she explains EXACTLY what the hymen is and how “popping your cherry” is a grossly inaccurate description.

Second, I want you to get a handheld mirror. Go into the bathroom or somewhere private, get naked from the waist down, prop one leg up, use the mirror, and LOOK AT YOURSELF. That’s the only way you’re going to be able to learn firsthand what you look like down there and where everything is. You should be able to see everything clearly.

Just look, explore, touch yourself, and you’ll be an expert in no time. You can even sit on your bed, spread your legs, and use the mirror to look at yourself while you masturbate! If you don’t have a handheld mirror, pick up a cheap one from ANY drugstore.

Go easy with penetration too. Start off using your fingers first before jumping to a vibrator. You need to let your body adjust slowly to that kind of intrusion otherwise it’s just not going to feel good. Take it slow and prepare your body for it.

Is deep throating something that you have to practice to get right? I’ve tried once but i couldn’t really handle it

Deep throating is absolutely something you have to practice! Don’t worry about not being able to do so immediately, some people have a really sensitive gag reflex, and some people don’t have a gag reflex at all.

First of all, deep throat can be a really enjoyable thing for both you and your partner — as long as you’ve made yourself comfortable doing it. You don’t want to feel obligated to do so or like you’re choking just trying to keep their cock down your throat.

If you have a really sensitive gag reflex, there are some ways to desensitize that. One way to do this is by practicing. Find a popsicle stick or something, and starting at the front of your tongue, move the stick along your tongue until you reach the part where you begin to gag. Once you find it, take a few days to continually poke at it, and get past the discomfort. You continue doing this, until you get all the way back. If you don’t condition yourself this way, it’s possible that you’ll have problems with gagging at any point on your tongue – the front, or the middle, or the back. I know it sounds weird, but it’s true.

Another thing to do, is go slow. Make sure that you have a signal for your partner if he’s going too fast, or being too harsh, and make sure he knows that you want to set the pace. Start by taking him completely into your mouth until you feel him hitting the back of your throat, and then slowly work up to accepting him even further into your throat. Eventually, with practice, you’ll also be able to deal with the movement that action requires, but don’t push yourself!

In all actuality, it might be possible that it just isn’t something you enjoy, or your body won’t allow you to do it. But, there’s no harm in practicing, and there’s no harm in not doing it, either. It’s your body, and it’s all up to you. (:

-teagan

Well i was wondering where am i supposed to spit after givin someone a blowjob, because like how is the situation you know?

First of all, you should never do anything that you’re uncomfortable with, so whether you want to spit or swallow is up to you.

There are a few options, once your partner comes you can either spit it on him, (though, that is probably something you would want to discuss with them first), or keep a cup handy to spit into. You can also keep a towel nearby, or just spit it on the blankets in a pinch. Good sex is usually messy sex, so you shouldn’t be too concerned about things getting a little messier. There’s also always the option of going into the bathroom if you have one at your disposal. Of course, that might cause your partner some discomfort, so to spare their feelings maybe tell them what you’re doing, so they aren’t horrified and think you’re just bailing on them. Communication is important here!

Of course, another thing to consider is that if you’re worried about the taste here, spitting is only going to make that worse since you’ll be holding it in your mouth for longer.

Also, if you really don’t want to deal with the spit or swallow issue, you can always let them cum elsewhere. Let them cum on your chest, or your stomach, or wherever you’re comfortable with — or not on you at all. You can always get them close to their climax, and then finish the job with your hand instead.

Basically, there is really no way you’re “supposed” to give a blowjob, or spit or anything else. The technique is up to you, and so is what you decide to do with the cum in your mouth. And don’t worry, if you decide you want to swallow instead, cum is good for you! (;

-teagan.

Hi there can I ask for some advice? I turned 18 recently and my friend bought me my first vibrator, I’ve used it twice but I’m all ways sore after I use it. I know because I’m a virgin it would hurt some, but it can get really unbearable. I’m worried that when I do have sex it will hurt just the same. I’ve masturbated before with my fingers, and try turning my self on before I use the vibrator but it still hurts.

First of all, congrats on having a friend who bought you something useful. (;

Secondly, there are lots of reasons that you could be experiencing discomfort. You said you try to turn yourself on first, but maybe you’re rushing things. If you’ve masturbated with just your hands before, and that’s worked for you, start there. Don’t try to rush yourself, think of something pleasant, look at porn, whatever and go slowly. So once you’re feeling turned on, start fingering yourself or massaging your clit and then incorporate the vibrator. Also, there’s no reason to start by fucking yourself with it, make use of the vibration. Tease yourself with it, trace around your clit, all over your pussy, whatever works for you. And then, work on inserting it. Start slowly, with the vibration off, and as you get comfortable, try dialing the vibrator speed up from there so you’re not overwhelming. That way you’re focused on the pleasure, and can see what is causing you the discomfort. If you go slowly, you’re more likely to find the point you’re having trouble with.

Finally, as a warning, make sure to take good care of your toys! Always wash them after use, and check that if they’re the kind that is rubber material, that they don’t have any tears or things like that. This collects bacteria, and can cause infection, which you do not want. Some vibrators are only sold as novelty, and thus, no one cares if they meet safety standards, so make sure you’re not using something inside of you that you shouldn’t be.

-teagan.

P.S.

crazedanddonfused said: Also if you’re having problems with being turned on enough before using it, you can get some water-based lube online, or free at a health clinic (or in Spencer’s!) to help.

Saying Hello!

Hi Guys! I just wanted to say hello! I’m Teagan, and I’ll be fielding some of the questions that you guys have been shooting our way. The mistress of this blog has currently been working solo, and wanted to pull in some fresh meat to help get questions out more quickly, as well as give a new perspective on some of your questions.

Any of the questions that I answer will be signed off with my name, so you’ll know who you’re talking to and who is answering your question. I look forward to hearing from all of you. (: