Tag: sex advice

I’m homeschooled and have thus never had a sex ed class. My parents don’t want me to have sex until after marriage, so they won’t talk to me about it. Do you know of any youtube channels or anything where I can educate myself?

Kicesie focuses on the basics of Sex Ed. So she’s more like Sex Ed 101. A little boring, but her information is on point.

I find LaciGreen entertaining and informative! She talks about more specific questions, debunks sex myths, and does her part to erase sexual stigmas. I think you’d learn a lot from her as well once you get the basics down!

You’re doing the right thing by seeking out information. It’s well within your right to wait until marriage (if that’s what you want), but even if you are waiting until marriage, you still need to know about sex! Hello? Marriage = lifetime sexual commitment to one person (among other things, of course, lol).

As for the best information you can get about STD’s and birth control, visit http://www.cdc.gov/STD/.

If anyone else has recommendations for YouTube channels for sex education, please send them this way!

EDIT…

timeisamany recommended: Sexplanations

Okay so I explored myself for the first time today and I saw what looked like white stuff and maybe dirt around the clit? Is that bad? Am I gonna die?

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No, you’re not going to die.

It sounds like vaginal smegma to me (though be aware this is a guess and I am not a medical professional).

The vagina normally produces a clear or whitish substance to help cleanse itself and maintain a healthy environment. So it’s NORMAL to find white or liquid-y stuff down there. However, it should not have an overwhelming scent to it. So if you’ve found that your smell has changed (for the worse), smegma is probably the answer.

Smegma is a natural lubricating residue made up of shedded skin cells, skin oil secretions, and moisture, including sweat. Its cheesy like appearance can vary in color from almost white to a darker shade, depending on a person’s skin tone. Smegma gathers in the nooks and crannies of the body’s skin folds, including between the labia and around the clitoral hood.

Uncircumcised men have this as well, finding the same substance underneath the foreskin, but because of male circumcision, it is more common among women than men.

What smegma is known for is its characteristic smell, which some people find arousing and others find unpleasant. It’s not dangerous or life threatening or even an infection. It’s just a build up of normal bodily fluids so just gently wipe it away with some warm water. The mucosal skin of the genitals is sensitive so avoid using soap when you’re doing this.

Your body naturally cleans your vagina so soap is not necessary and many soaps are far too harsh to use down there anyway. I’m not saying don’t ever use soap down there, if you want to take the extra step to clean, use something like Summer’s Eve, but just know that rinsing yourself on a daily basis is really all your vagina needs to stay clean.

If you feel any pain, discomfort, or you find that washing it away is not helping the smell, then please seek medical attention! (You’re still not going to die though.)

4 Myths About Virginity

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As a sex educator, I find that I do a lot less eye-opening education about theory and psychosociology than I do myth-busting misconceptions about basic facts of anatomy and physiology.

And that’s not your fault, general public.

And in point of fact, I really don’t mind answering your questions, whatever they are—even these four! As far as I see it, I’m a one-woman public service provider, and I will do all that it takes to give you what you need.

And sometimes, myth-busting is exactly what you need.

Or, you know, adequate comprehensive, inclusive, pleasure-based sexuality education on a national scale, but I gave up Idealism years ago.

So let me put my Realist hat on to help you navigate through the murky waters of these four myths about virginity.

4 Myths About Virginity

Could you possibly give advice on how to get my girlfriend to sext without sounding like an asshole and just asking her?

Firstly, I don’t think that just asking her makes you sound like an asshole at all.  Communication should be number one in any relationship. Both sides will be much happier knowing that the other feels confident enough to discuss their feelings and open up to them.

That being said, there are a few options here.  Maybe start out slow, don’t just throw a dick pic in her direction and hope that’ll light her fire.  Truthfully, not many people like unsolicited dick pics, take it from me.

Maybe start out simple, tell her that you’re thinking about her, and you’re turned on.  Or you wanna know what she’s wearing, whatever you’re feeling.  And then let things progress from there.  I don’t know if you’re in an online relationship, or you actually know one another in person, but either way those are some good options.  Of course, if you know one another in person and are already sexually active, it might not take much convincing to get her to send you nudes, and vice versa. 

Sexting doesn’t just have to be about sending/receiving nudes anyway, hell, a lot of the sexting I’ve done was purely word motivated and sometimes that can really open things up.  A lot of times people find it easier to say things in a text message that they wouldn’t in person, so there’s just a few things to consider.  Plus, it can be all about the fantasy —if there’s something you wanted to try in person but were too afraid, maybe introduce it there and see how she reacts. The possibilities are endless.

-teagan.

a couple of questions…

ive been enjoying your post and also the great advise you seem to give. my situation is a tricky one, I’m a christian girl who has been attracted to girls lately, like thats all i seem to think about. to add to all this confusion I’m a virgin who is saving myself for marriage. so my issue it that i want to be with a girl but who? without no one finding out? and how would i go about finding someone with no ties to people who will know me from church. i want to have a secret relationship with a girl.

p.s. are you into girls? and if so how did you ask a girl. like there is no one i know really to experiment with. im kinda going crazy.

First of all, let’s get this straight. If you want to save yourself for marriage, sex is sex, so whether it’s with a male or a female you’re still having sex. Intercourse is usually what we refer to when people talk about saving themselves for marriage, but just because there is no penis involved, doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be having sex.

I understand it’s a bit more complex for you coming from a religious background, but the truth is you have to be willing to risk that someone will find out that you’re having relations with a girl. Of course, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but you don’t have to broadcast it for the world, either. It’s your life and your choices, and you’re allowed to experiment with whomever you wish and have relationships with whomever you wish. Sure, some people in your church or community might judge you, but that’s a risk that you would take whether you were sleeping with a girl — or sleeping with the shady guy that everyone thinks is trouble. People are always going to make their judgments so you can’t stop living simply because of the fear of what other people think.

Having said that, as someone who is bisexual, I can understand the desire to have sex with another female. It can be an awesome experience. There are several ways for you to find someone to interact with, but you may already know someone that is interested. Maybe you have a friend who is curious, too, and they’d be open to experimenting a bit — talk to them about it, see where it goes. Sometimes people surprise you, and there’s nothing more interesting than finding out that someone is interested in the same thing you are — and afraid to open up about it, as well.

-teagan.

coming from a girl. sex has been so uncomfortable so far, even though my bladder is empty, i feel the need to pee during sex and makes it so uncomfortable and unrelaxing. whats this about?

First of all, make sure that you don’t just have to pee! Make a trip to the bathroom before you start getting frisky, and see if that helps your problem.  Or if you have more impromptu sex, even if it disrupts the vibe, if you feel like you’re going to pee — go pee and then come back to your partner to continue.  Better safe than sorry, because obviously peeing on them is probably going to ruin the vibe — unless you’re both into that. Communication is key. (;

On the other hand, it could be something else.  There is always the possibility that the angle that you’re having sex from is allowing your partner to press against your G-spot.  In this case, after a bit of stimulation, that particular feeling of ‘Oh god, I have to pee!’ will generally pass and lead to an incredible orgasm if you’re lucky.  Generally, this happens more easily if you’re riding him, or you’re having sex from behind. Try a few positions, and try to work through the feeling and enjoy the experience with your partner who may have hit the jackpot by finding your G-spot.  It takes a lot of couples a long time to figure that out, so, enjoy it instead of feeling uncomfortable.

-teagan.

Hey! I’m a teenage girl who wants to lose her virginity with her boyfriend. My family is strictly Catholic and believe in no sex before marriage. I’m atheist though and I’ve been dating this guy for almost eight months. He’s got condoms, but should I be on a pill or something? We’re both virgins and neither of us have any venereal diseases. My main concern is pregnancy. My parents will not tolerate any kind of sex, so no help there. It’s too long to explain but my doc can’t help me out. Advice?

Condoms are only about 80% effective. Accidents happen with condoms – they can break or slip off or something could wrong. So, ideally, you want to be on birth control AND use a condom to be as safe as you possibly can.

If your doctor isn’t someone you trust to keep your confidence then I suggest you google free clinics in your area (such as Planned Parenthood). They will be able to help you with all your questions about safe sex, testing, and birth control needs. And, no, they will not contact your parents. They are required by law to keep your records confidential.

Would you say its polite to give oral after you have received?

Personally, I would say that giving oral is always polite. It’s something that most people enjoy, and a really fun experience to share together.

Some people are not quite as into oral sex, but that’s something that can always be discussed with your partner. Communication, as always, is the key.

As a quick side note, some people are pretty expectant of receiving oral once they’ve given it, and while I’m not down with all that selfish behavior, I think it’s something to consider. If someone goes down on you, they’re probably going to want something in return. But, as far as it being polite, well, absolutely. Everyone loves an orgasm.

-teagan.

What are the chances of me and my girlfriend getting an STD if we both perform oral sex on each other, with no protection (we’re both girls)? We’re both virgins, and plan on not having sex with anyone else.

Slim to none.

So my boyfriend can’t get off unless he does it Like no matter how long we do it and he says it’s been that way forever, he has only came during sex twice. Is there anything I can even do?

First, it’s not you. It has nothing to do with you. Just so that’s clear…

I’ve discussed this issue before. I think the likely problem here is that he masturbates too roughly. He’s gotten too accustomed to the grip of his own hand, that entering something softer, like pussy, ends up not being enough for him. He’s basically ruining sex for himself that way. He’s trained his cock to work with his own hand and nothing else!

There’s nothing YOU can do in this situation because it’s a problem he’s created for himself. What he needs to do is masturbate less and when he does masturbate, he needs to lighten his grip (a lot!). By jerking off so aggressively, he’s desensitized himself. Now he needs to find a way train his cock so that it reacts easily to stimulation again instead of needing that fierce grip of his own hand. So, ask him to cut back on masturbating and to take it easier on himself when he does (sparingly). By doing both of those things, he’s using sensory deprivation for future pleasure and allowing his cock to regain its natural sensitivity.

Be sure to tell him that it’s going to seriously improve your sex life! Check out the masturbating tag where I talked about this issue before.