If you’re not enjoying foreplay, you’re doing it wrong.
Tag: sex advice
Is it weird that I don’t like really rough or dirty sex? I’ve had sex a couple of times before and when someone gets too dirty it turns me off because I’m a bit scared of someone not stopping after all. Some of my past relationships have ended because of it.
It’s not weird at all. Everyone is into different things. Some people like really dirty, rough sex and some people don’t. Sex is about pleasing you —so if you’re not into that, let your partner know. The number one thing here is communication, if someone is taking things in a direction that you don’t want to go then you should talk to them about it.
And as far as ending the relationship, if someone really cares about you, they’ll be willing to work with you on what turns you on and off. And if they’re not, well, move on because they’re not worth your time anyway. A relationship shouldn’t be one sided.
-teagan.
P.S.
It sounds like one of your biggest roadblocks is trust; trusting your partner. You said you were worried they might cross a line, not that anyone has ever crossed it. That’s where trust comes in. Discuss your concerns with your partner, draw a clear line about what is acceptable for you, then trust them to respect that. Over time, trust builds and the line might be slowly pushed back. Fear of what MIGHT happen seems to be stopping you from enjoying anything being done in the moment. You worry about what’s coming next instead of enjoying what you’re doing right then. That’s why you need trust.
If you set the rules, you then have to trust your partner to follow them. Hopefully once they prove themselves to be respectful and reliable, to do as you ask and not do anything that makes you uncomfortable, then you, in turn, will actually feel MORE comfortable about loosening the reins a bit and exploring.
Not everyone likes it rough, so you’re not alone or “weird” for that, but don’t let it frighten you, okay? You have the power and CONTROL over what happens. Not enjoying it is one thing, being afraid of it is another thing entirely.
I’m a girl and I’m not new to sex, but I do have an issue. I have never came, or orgasmed, except while masturbating. All my male partners cum before I even get close and it discourages me. I’d like to experience it with someone. Advice please?
Well, first of all, find some new partners. Sure, it’s always possible that you’re not going to come every time — but you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable just because it takes a bit more work for you to climax. They’re being pretty shitty if they’re simply cumming, and then forgetting that you haven’t. Maybe they simply don’t want to acknowledge that they didn’t please you, or maybe they’re just assholes, but as in most things in life — communication is key!
Find someone that is willing to work with you to find out what you like. Maybe it’s simply that they’re rushing through the sex, and you’re not experiencing the pleasure you should be. Try different positions, try more foreplay, anything to help build you up and get you really aroused and ready for sex. That being said, climaxing simply from penetration is a rarity for a lot of women, so don’t be afraid to spice it up and add some clit stimulation. You can touch yourself, have your partner touch you, or maybe even incorporate a small vibrator so that you really enjoy yourself.
There are tons of options, and it’s just about exploring what works for you. We all want to experience pleasure, and it’s important to find someone that cares about pleasuring you, as much as they care about being pleasured themselves.
-teagan.
Do guys care about hair down there? Because i normally shave but when i do, it grows back like the next day, im scared that when i become sexually active its gonna be prickly down there
First of all, if a guy isn’t going to have sex with you because you have pubic hair — you’re not missing anything. Secondly, it’s your vagina! Do what you want with it! If you want to shave — shave! If you want to wax — wax! If you want to grow that shit like a jungle and braid it, go the fuck ahead. It’s your body, and it’s your choice.
We like to impose our own views about what is and isn’t proper on one another and ourselves, when in reality it is a completely minor issue. Shave, don’t shave, whatever. That’s up to you. But, don’t let whether a guy is going to find it attractive dictate what you do.
-teagan.
I want to use a strap on with my girlfriend but I was wondering if it would feel good for me to or if it would just be pleasure for her
A run of the the mill strap on is usually more about pleasure for the person receiving, but there’s an erotic element for the person wearing it. The simulation of the act is really exciting – consider it a great form of foreplay for you. You’re pleasing your partner and it’s also a bit of a trip. 😉 Think about what it’s going to be like looking down and watching as you thrust in and out of your girlfriend…the way she’ll be moaning…the look on her face…
It’s very much a visual/psychological pleasure you’ll get from using it on someone.
However! It doesn’t mean that you won’t experience any physical pleasure from wearing the strap-on as well! Depending on how aroused you are and the position you keep the dildo, you can orgasm from that alone. The friction from the base of the dildo or the strap can be stimulating enough for an orgasm. Everyone is different, so it may or may not be enough for you, but you will experience some kind of physical pleasure no matter what. Trust me!
You can also get a dual pleasure strap on, one that has an insert against your clit (it’s like the rabbit part on the rabbit vibrators) or a dildo inside of you as well.
There’s also the Feeldoe which is a strapless double dildo. Using it without a harness requires you to have really strong muscles down there to be able to hold it in place. 90% of women just can’t do it, it keeps slipping out, so I really just advise you to get a harness no matter what toy you get. It takes a lot of pressure off you and it means less work, which means more pleasure. 😀
There’s tons of different versions of a double dildo, the feeldoe is just where it started so you can find them anywhere.
Also, just a tip, if you’re going to wear the harness, let your girlfriend pick the dildo. What works for you, might not work for her, and she’s the one receiving! So that’s something you two need to do together or have her do it.
How come I can only orgasm when I rub my clit? Not anything. No fingering or sex. I’m dying! Please help. I’m 15 btw.
Well, first of all the reason you are probably only having an orgasm from rubbing your clit is because that’s what you’ve been relying on. There are numerous other methods that you can try as well, whether it’s fingering yourself or using a toy, or just humping a pillow. It sounds to me like you’ve found something that works for you, and get frustrated when the other methods don’t work as quickly. So, take your time.
Try to explore your body and find out what feels the best. Also, instead of trying to focus on only coming from fingering yourself and being frustrated when that doesn’t work, finger yourself and rub your clit so that you get the best of both worlds. There are a lot of options, and some work well for some people and not as well for others. In the end, if rubbing your clit is what works for you, then do it, but you can always add something to that so you don’t feel as though you’re stuck in a routine.
-teagan.
I have been in a serious, and by serious I mean living together, relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years (we’re both girls) and we’re sexually active. It’s by far the longest relationship I’ve ever had with just one person, I’ve mostly been a “one night stand person”. But I feel like I’m getting frustrated about the lack of sex or intimacy we’re having now that we’re “serious”, and I’m afraid it’s starting to push me towards flirting with other people. Help??
Well, as someone that can relate to you not being a ‘relationship’ type person, I can see why you would feel as though you were frustrated by that level of commitment. But, let’s be real here, if you’ve invested this much time in this relationship there’s obviously something there. So, as always, communication with your partner is key.
If you’re feeling as though there is a lack of sexual chemistry and behavior between the two of you right now, that’s what you need to talk about. Try to figure out what is making things boring, is it simply not having sex enough? Are you only having sex in the same way, so it feels like a routine? Whatever the reason, asking your partner is the first step. Maybe they feel the same way. Try to see what new things you would both be interested in trying, whether it’s toys or a new position, there are so many options to spicing up your relationship.
With that being said, some relationships just aren’t meant to last forever. If you’re feeling unsatisfied and your efforts to fix the problem aren’t working, maybe it’s time to move on. But, don’t be a dick, if you’re being pushed towards other people – end this relationship first! No one likes a cheater, especially if you’ve invested in a relationship for as long as you have this one. You owe the person you care about honesty, and even though breaking things off will hurt, it won’t hurt nearly as much as cheating on them and being found out.
-teagan.
@tigerdaffy said: What’s your view on girls/women calling their husband/lover ‘Daddy’ in a sexy way. Because it’s so much more socially acceptable, but it still makes me feel weird when people do it.
Personally, I’m not into it. It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like it all and I don’t see the appeal of it. I don’t want a “daddy” in the bedroom, it creeps me out. I also don’t like the sir/mistress thing either. I can’t fathom that being a part of my sex life. It doesn’t turn me on to have someone dominate me or control me or make me their submissive. Nor do I want anyone to call me those things.
The Daddy/Mommy thing does raise some questionable issues for me, psychologically, but I think the “Daddy” term has been reinvented for sex as another form of “sir” or “master”. It’s a submissive term of endearment, but not quite so harsh as the others so that’s probably why it’s become more socially acceptable. Just a thought!
However, simply because I don’t like it or particularly understand the appeal, that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with it! There are many people who LOVE that kind of sexual partnership and that’s okay! Just like it’s okay for me to NOT like it for myself.
Everyone has their own thing. We are incredibly different when it comes to things that are sexually arousing and appealing for ourselves. What I may find the hottest thing ever, might make you think I’m weird for liking at all (if you judge…).
I guarantee you that every single person in the whole entire world likes something sexual that someone else will inevitably respond to with: “…weird…”.
We all have our things. Some are more different than others. Some are more hidden than others. But they are still there and we should embrace who we are, not denounce others for it.
True story: okay so one time I was about to shag a guy and we were both naked and baked and right before I was going to give him head he called me “mommy” (kinda like how girls call guys daddy I guess?) and we just stared at each other and I slowly put my clothes on and told him some bullshit story about forgetting to feed my cat, that isn’t bad is it? Cause I still feel terrible
I’m so sorry! That’s terrible! lol. Of course you were put out of the mood by that. No woman wants to be called “mommy” in the bedroom.
(Unless that’s a specific fetish… And if that is your thing then you need to have a discussion with your partner about that before trying anything out because you will risk having very similar situations to the above. Some people might be into it, some might not. Don’t take the risk and ruin everything – talk before you act.)
I understand how you felt the need to run far, far away and as fast as you possibly could, but you really didn’t need to make it such an uncomfortable situation! You could have broken up the tension by using humor. Perhaps by joking that you don’t plan on being called that until you actually are one. Anything to make it seem less awful and awkward for the guy!
Plus, you were both high! That should be taken into account when looking back at him saying that, haha.
I’m not saying you were wrong for leaving. You were obviously made to feel very uncomfortable and unsexy so anything happening after that was out of the question. But it didn’t have to be SO BAD as to make up a story about forgetting to feed your cat??? I mean…really…your cat wasn’t going to survive for the 20 mins you were going to use to have sex? lulz. Maybe you should prepare a better excuse for future situations if you need a fast exit because that one is NOT going to cut it…
In situations like that, humor, honesty, and no judgment is your best course of action. You could have told him the truth, nicely, with a non-judgmental tone: you just weren’t into it and it wasn’t going to happen tonight.
Then you put on your clothes, say goodbye, and run away from the boy with mommy issues…
Will I lose my sensitivity if I masturbate very frequently?
Nope.
You’ll learn how to maximize your pleasure.
Sumptuous Daydreams 