Tag: sex advice

^This is from another blog that has the same problem as my inbox. I get these kinds of questions DAILY. And I can only answer so many without constantly repeating myself.

All of you that keep messaging me about being straight but being turned on/wanting to hook up with girls…

Stop calling yourself straight. You’re putting a label on yourself that limits your sexuality. You want to kiss a girl? Kiss a girl. You want to kiss a guy? Kiss a guy.

The world is not black and white. Sexuality is not as linear as society wants it to be. We are all over the spectrum. Stop panicking over what you think you should be versus what you want. Just let yourself be. Do what you want to do. Stop questioning it.

ENJOY IT. REVEL IN IT. EXPLORE.

How do you have rough sex? My gf (we are both girls) seems to really want it but i have no idea how to? the idea turns me on as much as it scares me. Im not really sure if i am scared because i have no idea what to do or the idea that i might hurt her; though i think it is both actually. Any advice for a first timer? She thinks i am too vanilla and i want to tell her i am not just that i am not sure how to

Take baby steps. You don’t have to jump in all at once. Try little things to experiment and see how it works for you, WHAT works for you. Being rough doesn’t mean you have to start slapping her around and flogging her!

Try some light spanking, scratching, hair pulling, biting, dirty talk. Have a safe word. Test each other’s limits, learn them. You could bind her hands and use a strap on, that’s hot, and it’s not overly rough, it’s more about dominance.

Try being more dominant, exerting more power during sex, more authority, more control. That’s where you start and that’s how you can show her that you’re not so vanilla after all. SHOW, don’t just tell. 😉

Rough sex is not always about the kinky stuff with toys – it starts with the psychological elements of dominant and submissive. One partner usually likes a little pain and the other likes to take control and get an adrenaline rush that way. It’s different for everyone. Don’t be afraid to get into it. That’s what a safe word is for, just in case anyone oversteps, and that’s how you learn limits. You can’t hold back otherwise it won’t be as good.

Talk about your fantasies. Discuss the things, kinks, that turn you on or that you’ve always thought about wanting to try. Let yourself go, let your emotions take over, find your baser sexual urges and tap into them! Getting rough requires trust and sexual freedom. If you don’t have sexual self confidence, then you’re not going to be able to release yourself fully.

Trust, let go, and fuck your girl exactly the way you want to fuck her.

Check out this article for more specific tips.

If i masturbate often (clitoral) can that make me lose sensitivity? Like will that make my orgasms become less intense

For women, no. (Men: see below.) The whole experience changes the more often you masturbate and have sex because you start to learn different things about how your body works AND you also start to RECOGNIZE the feelings that are building up in you.

When you first start masturbating, all the feelings and sensations are so new and overwhelming, you have no idea what to do with them and how to process it. Later on, you know what to expect, the newness isn’t there anymore, HOWEVER, this does not mean less sensitivity.

You actually experience more powerful orgasms as you experiment sexually because you figure out how to maximize your pleasure. It’s just a different feeling than the first few times you had an orgasm because back then it was NEW, not stronger, just NEW. Women don’t lose sensitivity, we gain experience.

MEN! Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for you! Yes, you do lose sensitivity when you masturbate frequently – especially when you jack off roughly. If you grip yourself too hard and you’re too “FULL THROTTLE!” when you beat off, you lose sensitivity in your dick and it makes it more difficult for you to cum when actually having sex. What good is a soft, warm pussy when your hand has had your dick in a vice grip every other day of the week? You’re fucking yourself over and not in a good way!

Guys, take the foot off the pedal when jacking off. Do it less frequently and loosen your damn grip. If all you want is your hand to share your nights with, then by all means, ignore what I’m trying to tell you. 😉

Hi I was wondering if I could get advice or tips on pleasing girls? My boyfriend and I are having a threesome soon and I have never done anything with a girl besides hook up with them. I am attracted to girls and still trying to figure out if I could be bisexual or not. I watch a lot of lesbian porn and so far I have been very turned on while kissing another female, It’s just I have never found the right girl to find out with. I am very nervous that I won’t be able to please the other girl right

I think you’re pretty much between a 2 and 3 on the Kinsey Scale… If not certainly a 3. You’re attracted to girls, you like making out with girls, etc. It just so happens that you haven’t found the right girl yet. That will happen eventually.

As for tips, check out the sex advice tags page.

But the easiest thing to stress is to trust your instincts. Think about what YOU like and then transfer it to her. You change and adapt according to the response she gives. Trust me, you’re not sexually inexperienced, you know what works to make yourself orgasm, now the tables are turned and you have to apply that knowledge to another girl. Maybe she’ll even teach you a thing or two… 😉

Recently my girlfriend and I tried anal, and for the first time in her life she cam, which means she has been wanting a lot more anal sex. I did not want to worry her too much as I have heard of it before, but when we are having anal sex there is usually a white discharge from her anus on my penis (I know it is NOT semen). What is this discharge and is it a bad sign for her or I?

Are you sure it’s not just lathered up lube? It tends gets all worked up and looks like discharge, but it’s just the lube coming out as a blob.

If it’s not that or semen, or semen mixed with lube, then there’s a possibility it could be a type of mucous that the body creates naturally in response to constipation and sometimes anal sex triggers that secretion. If that’s the case, there’s still no cause for concern. It’s normal, not unhealthy, and won’t hurt you or her.

You should tell her what happened anyway because if it continues, then there might be something going on with her health-wise (IBS or something) and she would want to get it checked on. No need to freak her out, but you have to be up front about it!

I’ve heard about it happening a lot so I don’t think there’s something wrong, but I’m not a doctor so this is just one layperson’s opinion.

does confidence have any effect on the ability to orgasm? I’ve been with a handful of girls and have made only a few cum. One was a very self confident girl and we had great sex and I was able to make her cum on average 4 times before I do, but this new girl I’m with I’m her first partner, and I’ve tried everything but I can’t make her cum. She’s not as confident as my other partners. I still haven’t seen her breasts because she won’t let me. she’d let me lick her all night and day though

Self confidence leads to being more comfortable and being comfortable means you’re relaxed and being relaxed means you’re more willing to let yourself be open and FEEL.

So, yes, confidence has a huge impact on whether or not a girl orgasms. It really does take two when it comes to sex. Women need to learn how to ACCEPT an orgasm and men need to learn all the right ways to give them one. It’s teamwork.

Help your girlfriend with her confidence. Build her up. Work on trust. Be patient. Listen to her. Get to know her needs and what she likes. It’ll happen.

Always remember though: all girls are different.

They like different things, different methods turn them on or turn them off, what works for one girl might not work for another. There’s no “one size fits all” concept when it comes to sex. Everyone is unique and that’s one of the best parts – learning everything there is to know about each person. So if you’re just repeating the same things you did with other girls and not changing it up based on the girl you’re with, that could be a big part of the problem as well.

You have to adapt to each individual’s sexual needs.

i figured this is the perfect place to vent/ask about my insecurity bc you’re so friendly and helpful. its the hair on my body; i know that many girls have body hair but not as bad as me :( i really wanna have sex i’m horny all the time but i would be too afraid bc of the hair like it’s on my boobs my stomach my lower back and WORST OF ALL: my butt! kissing and touching my stomach/butt wouldn’t be fun because the guy would be grossed out. i cant afford laser removal treatment!:( it sucksss :’/

If it bothers you that much, then wax it all. Have a standing monthly appointment. And if you’re embarrassed to have them do it, TRUST ME – THESE PEOPLE HAVE SEEN IT ALL (and worse) – so just wax it all.

It’s just hair though – not an infectious disease. HAIR. Everyone has it. You’re not a leper.

Don’t go through drastic measures just because you think people won’t find you attractive, because they will find you attractive. But if this is something you need to do to make YOU feel better and more confident and feel sexier, then go ahead.

Just always remember: it. is. just. hair.

That’s all.

anonymous asked sumptuousdaydreams:

Wow so um, I am a bit scared to masturbate in my room sometimes because of my parents..I’m 16 and I don’t want them to know of my.. sexual pleasures. I finish myself off with the help of your blog ofc almost everyday and..ah! what shoud I do? Stop?

….

My dad just walked in on me laying in my bed, room pitch black (as if I were sound asleep) a minute after I finished. My phone was placed on my chest since i use the help of your blog to get horny and shit. So the porn window was open! What to do??

Just act normal. There’s nothing wrong with what you were doing. It’s a little embarrassing for someone to catch you like that, but ignore it. He’s DEFINITELY not going to say anything about it. I’m sure he’s just as embarrassed as you are about walking in on you. Both of you are going to pretend like it never happened, haha.

Masturbating is a completely normal and healthy activity, just a private one. In the future, be more aware of who’s in the house, try doing it somewhere that has a locked door, or start pushing your parents to knock before they come in. Enforce the “KNOCK FIRST RULE”.

Besides, unless you have the Galaxy with that massive screen, I’m sure your Dad didn’t see much of anything. He’s probably going to excuse it as you taking a nap or resting or something. Dads don’t really like to go right to the “my daughter was getting off” conclusion. It doesn’t even occur to a lot of them! haha.

Trust me, it’d be much worse if your Dad caught you in bed with another person instead of just the phone. That is just not fun and not easy to ignore.

i’ve been hanging out with this guy for a few months and he recently told me he wanted to have sex. we aren’t together or anything but i think i sort of like him plus i really just want to have sex already. do you think it’s a bad idea?

It’s up to you. You might want to wait until you’re actually CERTAIN you like the person. I’m not saying be in love with them, but it really helps when you’re absolutely, positively INTO them. If you’re kind of like “meh”…it’s not going to even be worth trying. The sex will suck.

how old is too young to be having sex? I mean like middle school is ridiculous but what about high schoolers? Do you think thats too young to be having sex?

I think 9th and 10th grade is still too young, but it starts to become more acceptable (based on individual maturity levels) for juniors and seniors. Not that everyone should start having sex right then, but for some people. that can be the right time for them.

It’s really based on the person. I don’t think ANYONE should be having sex before they’re 16 really and 16 is still freaking young.