Tag: sex advice

im (pretty sure) im a lesbian but i find guys attractive. i would never date a guy or have sex with a guy, i just dont want to, but i love how guys’ bodies look and feel and everything is beautiful but i dont have any sexual attraction towards men. it seems weird and i dont know if i might be bisexual or maybe pansexual but im just really confused.

You’re basically describing a straight woman’s attitude about women. They appreciate the female body and can say how attractive/gorgeous/sexy/beautiful another woman is without worrying about whether or not that makes them a lesbian. It’s appreciating good looks! It makes no difference if it’s men or women! You can appreciate beauty without needing to fuck it.

Unfortunately this is very much a stigma society places on us. If you’re gay, you can only find men having sex hot. If you’re straight, you can only find a man and a woman having sex hot. If you’re a lesbian, you can only find two women having sex hot.

That. Is. The. Dumbest. Bullshit. Ever.

Gay men appreciate the beauty of women and, often, in the media, they’re the main ones critiquing them. Interesting hypocrisy there, hm? They’re not sexually attracted to women, but they’re the “foremost authority” of fashion and beauty in the media? But wait! They’re gay! *gasp* Horrors! They should be repelled by women! How can they know who’s beautiful and who’s not? They’re supposed to think they’re ogres because they don’t want to have sex with them!

Do you see my point? Why is it any different for you to appreciate the hotness of a hot guy? You don’t want to have sex with him, you just know he’s gorgeous!

Acknowledging good looks means you have eyes. It has nothing to do with your sexuality.

so my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for a little more than 2 years. I’m a guy and we have slowly moved from kissing, all the way to sex and I have had many orgasms and I find them amazing but my girlfriend has not. I have tried fingering her, and she stops me because she doesnt like the feeling of fingers (idk). I tried Oral and she told me it feels weird and shed prefer kissing me. She also stops me while having sex. Ive nearly gotten her to orgasm but she stops me. any advice?

She’s never gotten close to an orgasm. That’s why she stops you. What you’re doing isn’t working so rather than wait and be uncomfortable and bored while you continue to draw out something pointless that doesn’t do anything for her, she just stops you. Then she makes up an excuse as to why she doesn’t want it.

Now, she’s not telling you the truth because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’ll tell you because you need to know. It’s not working.

My advice is to read through the tags I have here, read some “how to” guides, and stop doing the same stuff you always do. You have to figure out something different (there’s a ton of suggestions in the tags).

Some basic tips: surprise her, give her a massage (A REAL ONE -MASSAGE OILS, LONG TIME, THOROUGH), do a ton of foreplay without penetration – just rub and grind, get her so worked up that she wants to take control, encourage her to be on top, and don’t jump right into oral – do a lot of making out and humping before you go down on her and then you need to find a rhythm with your tongue to hit her erogenous zones. Best way to do that is to have her guide you.

She needs to open up and trust you (that’s something you have to work on with your relationship as a whole, not just sexually) and you need to try new things. Work together or it’s not gonna happen.

I have amazing sex w/ my bf of 2 years but humping works best for me. My bf doesn’t know this and I want to try with him to get that pleasure. I’ve tried grinding on his dick and every time he just wants to stick it in me. Help!

You need to tell him what you want. Verbalize it. Be really clear with him about “something new” you want to try and tell him how you want it to work. I can’t stress this enough: when it comes to sex, men don’t want clues, they want the straight answer. They want you to lay it out for them. No guessing games. They want to know what you want so that they can do it for you! (If they’re the right kind of partner who is generous and loving, of course.) Grinding is frustrating for guys because they don’t get the pleasure that women do from it, BUT quid pro quo! If you get what you need, I assume that you will be very willing to return the favor? So it’s worth trying and it’s something that you need to discuss in order for him to understand. For him, grinding isn’t getting him off so of course he just wants to be inside you. You’re not telling him what you want so how can he know?

If he understands what you want to get out of it, he’ll be more willing to try and make it work to please you. If you’re not upfront with him about it, he’s not going to get it and he’ll just keep doing what feels the most natural and pleasurable for him. You need to clue him in so you guys can work on it together.

Gotta talk!

my bf forbids me to masturbate, only he is allowed to satisfy me he tells me

If you’re in that type of relationship (dom/sub) then you’re supposed to obey him.

If you do not want to be in that type of relationship, then who the fuck is he to tell you what you can and can’t do? No one is allowed to tell you what you do, only if you let them. That’s what a submissive’s role is: allowing the dominant to control you. If the submissive doesn’t give over that control, the dominant can’t do anything. It’s a mutual trust.

Again, if that is NOT what you want in a relationship then dump that asshole control freak, date someone else, and be free enjoy masturbating to the fullest. 🙂 He doesn’t get to tell you shit unless you want him to tell you, okay?

I tried having sex with this one guy but I’m a virgin and it just hurt so freaking bad I made him stp before it was all the way in. Any advice on u kno… Loosening up?

Masturbate. And the next time you have sex, make sure you’ve done a ton of foreplay, have him go down on you, finger you, etc. All of those things will relax your body and open up your channel. If you could orgasm before penetration, that’s the best because you’re body is primed for penetration after the first orgasm.

I always get horny when on blogs like this and I insert a finger in myself but then pull it out right away, and I never actually pleasure myself. Is that bad? Should I stop doing that?

Yes, you should stop doing that.

Stop stopping! Follow through instead! Pleasure yourself! Why on earth would you stop? Live a little. Let yourself go.

So my fwb wanna have a threesome with another guy they are both straight but i didnt wanna fuck another girl What are some things i could do to please one while the other is fucking me and how can i make them both happy

…just to give you a couple visual cues.

I’ll also remind you that there will be two of them and you have three holes…

Have fun!

I broke up with my ex gf 6 months ago, we were together for 2years. Since then I keep worrying I will never be able to be intimate with someone else. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still in love with her or if i just feel extremely insecure. I don’t know how to get out of this situation. I can’t even picture myself in a relationship and it scares me to go out and meet people. I’ve become someone else and I’m terrified I’ll never find myself again. What should I do?

It’s hard to imagine what your life will be like when you’ve spent two years building a life around one person. It’s a shock to the system, really. Everything’s suddenly changed and now what are you supposed to do? You had plans, they were supposed to be there with you, and now that’s all dust. It’s not easy, it’s never easy, but it IS manageable.

Time heals all wounds. I know it’s cliche, but it’s true. You need more time and you need to start finding (more) ways to move her out of your life. You may not see her anymore (if you do, you have to find a way to limit that), but I’m willing to bet you still have reminders of her around. Get rid of them. Put away the pictures, the tshirts, delete the songs you listened to together – ones that remind you of her, delete/block her from any social media forums so you don’t feel tempted to “creep”. Remove her from your life and eventually her presence in your mind and your heart will start to fade. I know that sounds awful and you probably don’t even want that to happen, but it needs to happen and you know that. You won’t forget her or what you shared; you just need to make her less of constant presence in your mind and in your heart. The pain will start to lessen.

It takes time and everyone processes it differently. You may not be able to see a relationship in the future right now and that’s okay. Don’t think about relationships. Think about friends. Think about meeting new people. Don’t put the pressure on finding love, intimacy, and commitment. That will happen again someday when you meet the right person and it will just click for you. Sometimes it takes meeting someone new to truly realize that it is possible to move on. You WILL find love again, but only when you want to. And that will happen eventually as well. Don’t force yourself to make it happen. Live your life, try to be open, and someone will come along and surprise you. You can’t close yourself off – it’s hard not to do, but if you’re aware of it, you can control it.

The first step is removing her from your life in every way you can, just so that you can start to truly accept that it’s over – no matter how painful that may be, it’s going to help you in the long run.

Then you’re going to spend time with your friends and your family and you’re not going to worry about finding someone. You’re going to surround yourself with love and support and have fun. Meeting people doesn’t have to mean dating them. Just make friends. Take baby steps. I promise, when you’re ready, it will all come together. Just focus on yourself now – find you again. Figure out who you are without her. This is your time.

You will love again. It just takes time and (contrary to Cosmo’s “dating rules” blegh) there is no set time to get over someone. You will move on when you are ready to move on. Accept that it will happen somehow, someday in the future and then forget about it. Set all thoughts of dating and romance aside. You don’t need it right now. Focus on your life and what you want to accomplish. Life takes us on some very strange journeys. We never know where we’re going to end up and that’s the best part. 😉 Enjoy it.

IDEAS FOR WAYS TO MASTURBATE (FOR WOMEN)

I can’t even begin to count how many messages I receive on a daily basis with questions about masturbating.

“Is this normal?” “I can’t orgasm” “It doesn’t feel good” “I don’t like penetration, just my clit – am I ruined?” “I don’t know how to masturbate!” And so on…

Here’s the thing: there is no normal.

There is no one size fits all. No one method that is a sure thing. Everyone is different. Everyone has to explore to find their own way. However, masturbating is absolutely common, very healthy, and will help your future (or current) sex life immensely! So I’ve compiled a list of ideas that will hopefully help some of you. Really, it’s to spark some sexual creativity in you, not give you a specific manual.

The best way to utilize this list is to mix and match! Read through and see what different things appeal to you and then combine them, tweak them, to create a fantastic, custom-tailored, method of masturbation! (Boys, check the masturbating tag, I’ve given plenty of creative ideas there for you as well.)

My advice: Don’t touch yourself to get yourself wet. Be wet BEFORE anything goes between your legs. Foreplay is essential even when it comes to masturbating! Get yourself aroused before jumping to fondle your clit or finger yourself. It’s the best way to optimize your experience!

  • Use two fingers to gently rub circles around/on your clit.
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  • On your stomach or on all fours. It’s a different experience, different sensations. It’s easier to move your hips and fuck your fingers instead of your fingers fucking you. Alt. Use both hands to play with your clit, alternating with a sideways motion while lying on your stomach.
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  • Use a vibrator on your clit while penetrating yourself simultaneously with a dildo. Increase vibration intensity as you fuck yourself harder with the dildo.  Alt. Use a vibrator/dildo with one hand while using the other hand to play with your clit with your fingers. Suggested: vibrator from Spencer’s and glass dildo “Icicle #1”.
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  • In the bathtub, sit under the faucet and let it stimulate you. Whirpool jets in a bathtub can be used as well. Alt. use a showerhead – prop your leg up for optimal angle.Showerheads are extremely popular and with good reason… THEY WORK!
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  • Watch porn and once you’re aroused and wet, hump a stuffed animal. Rub your clit on the nose (or some firmer spot) over and over until you orgasm. Not every stuffed animal works for this so you’ll have to experiment to find one that works the best for you.
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  • Watch porn to get aroused and instead of rubbing your clit, flick it or slap it or tap it. Rubbing doesn’t work for everyone and you experience different sensations by using a different motion with your fingers. Experiment to see what you like the most!
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  • Read erotica (whether online stories or a book) to get aroused then penetrate yourself with one, two, or three fingers until you’re on the cusp of orgasm and finish yourself off by rubbing your clit.
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  • Turn off the lights. Close the blinds (if it’s daytime). Put a rolled up towel or blanket under your hips and while scrolling through this blog (or any site with pornographic images) play with yourself. The angle of your hips makes it easier for deeper penetration and different sensations.
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  • Dry humping. Hump your hand, a pillow, the edge of a bed, an exercise ball, etc. Try watching porn or looking through sex blogs (suggested: gifs where someone is riding their partner are preferred, they give you a sense of rhythm and adds to the imagination).
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  • Sit on a pillow on a chair in front of the computer or TV and bend a corner up to rub your clit to get yourself wet and aroused. Then lie on your back and finger yourself. Keep trying different positions, different angles, until you orgasm. Don’t be afraid to try “weird” positions because you never know what could be the most explosive for you. No positions are weird if they work!
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  • Nipple stimulation. Use one hand to punch your nipples while the other plays with your clit.
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  • Think about past sexual experiences or fantasize about entirely new ones. You don’t need porn to stimulate yourself. You have an entire pornographic library inside your head just waiting to be accessed ! IMAGINATION. Once you’re thoroughly wet and aroused, start touching yourself.
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  • Use a vibrator on top of your underwear, pressed against your clit. Ride it/hump it/grind against it if you start feeling the urge to move your hips. Don’t ignore those natural urges your body has. You have those instincts for a reason! It’s your body telling you what it needs to reach that peak point of orgasm. The best thing you can do for yourself is learn how to listen to your body and give it what it wants.
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  • Use the Eroscillator vibrator on your clit (hey, it’s recommended by Dr. Ruth!) and vary it up with several of its attachments (ie. Seven Pearls of the Orient).

Note: It is very common for women who consider themselves straight to masturbate to gay/lesbian porn. So please indulge without having a sexual identity crisis! It doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian if you enjoy lesbian porn. It doesn’t mean you’re straight if you enjoy straight/gay porn. It’s fantasy. Fantasies and new things are sexually thrilling. So instead of watching the usual thing that you’ve all seen and done before, why wouldn’t something completely different and sexy, like two women or two men, be a huge turn on? It’s exciting and hot. That’s it. Use it to take back to bed with your partner who is whatever freaking gender you want.

Stop worrying so much! Revel. Enjoy. Explore. Get horny. Fuck the hell out of yourself.

Well, my girlfriend and I have been dating a while now, and I really wanna start doing more than just kissing. How do I go about knowing if she’s ready to do it too, ’cause I don’t have like any experience with this sorta thing….

You can go for “the talk” and directly ask her about having sex and say what you’re ready for OR you could let your hands do some exploring and see where she says stop and THEN have a conversation.

Either way, you’ll be having “the talk”. There’s no getting past it. Woman up and let your girl know what you’re thinking. You can start by asking or you can start by showing, it’s up to you. Just don’t go too fast or push too far. What you’re doing is testing the waters to see where she is with all this. Because, honestly, sometimes you don’t even know what you’re ready for until you’re in the moment and there’s a line crossed that sets off the “not ready!” alarms.

Figure it out together. That’s the most important thing. You’re not on an island while she’s on the mainland. You guys are in it together. Work together. Be a team. You’ll find your way TOGETHER.