Tag: sex advice

Hi! I am a lesbian and when me and my girlfriend have sex I almost always go down on her but she rarely does to me. I am the first person she’s ever been with and at first I thought it was because she just wasn’t confident having sex but now I don’t know. I don’t want to ask her up front to do it more because I want to respect her if she does feel uncomfortable or something. Any advice on how to either make her want to do it more or what i should do? thank you!

Respect comes from being upfront and honest. Respect her enough to be honest with her about what you want. It’s how you handle it AFTERWARDS that is the biggest thing.

Ask her to go down on you or ask her why she doesn’t seem to want to go down on you. Direct it on yourself, “I feel” “it makes me feel” “I could be totally wrong…” etc. Just don’t accuse her of something. Tell her how you’re perceiving the situation, which is that you think she’s uncomfortable with it.

Then you’re going to have a conversation about it. If she feels uncomfortable, respect that, and try to get her to explain why, and you guys can try to work on it. Maybe she doesn’t even realize that you feel like you’re not getting enough of it in return! Maybe you’ve been so obliging in the beginning because she was a virgin that she now thinks you DON’T want it as much as she does. We don’t know what goes on in other people’s heads! We can guess all we want, but the best chance we have is to just ASK THEM. Hopefully they’ll be honest with you in return.

It’s a conversation you need to have. You can’t try subliminal messaging to make her want to lick your pussy or bend over in front of her face and wag your ass to say “EAT IT!”.  It’s the equivalent of a guy trying to push a girl’s head down to suck his dick. It’s insulting and not at all subtle.

Just talk it out.

This is a pretty intimate question… But when me and my boyfriend do stuff it feels different to when I masturbate by myself. Like, if feels loads better when he does things to me but my orgasms feel different and I wondered if it’s normal? Because when I masturbate I only focus on my clit but when he fingers me it feels amazing but different? I’m worried I’m not normal because the orgasms feel lots different??

Orgasms are like snowflakes. No one orgasm is the exact replica of another. They’re all unique; each and every one. So, yes, it’s absolutely normal. Different ways of getting there, different experiences, different orgasms.

Hi, I’m sorry for this really weird question…Okay so I am a virgin, and I have a new boyfriend and he’s been like rubbing me (’cause I don’t want his fingers in my yet). It feels fantastic, and I get super wet, but he always asks me if I have cum yet, and I don’t know? Sometimes I just say yes because I think he is tired, or I say no because I want him to keep going. But how do I know if i came?

You’ll know. And don’t lie about orgasming – you’ll give him the wrong idea about what works for you and he’ll develop terrible habits and it’ll kill your sex life. Plus, honesty = best policy. Don’t let him pressure you to say you’ve orgasmed just cause he’s tired. If he’s tired, then okay, it’s not going to happen that time. Just enjoy the pleasure and work up to it. (You can also take turns with each other so it gives him a break and some pleasure then you can ask him to touch you again and keep going.) Just don’t lie to him to appease him!

You will know when you’ve had an orgasm. You haven’t had one yet.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for quiet a while now and she’s a virgin I’m not, I’m a girl btw. So lately we’ve been going pretty far and i feel like she will soon be ready to have sex with me but the thing is that she’s really gentle, soft. She touches and kisses me so gently and I love it but I do want her to get rough sometimes but I don’t think she can.. Twice now she has pinned me to a wall and kissed me but its dif in bed. Advice please?:)

Once she becomes more comfortable with sex and you guys become more comfortable with each other, I guarantee you’ll get that rougher side. Rough sex ultimately comes from confidence and being secure with yourself. You feel like you know what you’re doing, you trust the person you’re with, you feel like you can expose more of yourself, that’s when it will happen.

If it doesn’t happen after you guys have had sex for a few months, then you can bring it up and just flat out ask her to take you hard! If you’re not comfortable asking for that, then you need to evaluate the level of trust and communication in your relationship and how to improve it.

Really, just give her time. She’s inexperienced! It’s all new to her! Once she feels better and more confident about what she’s doing, she’ll surprise you and probably literally knock you off your feet! 😉

How is it possible for two lesbians to lose the virginity? Sorry for my english, but I m italian

When they have sex.

Whatever form of sex they choose, oral, fingering, scissoring, any of it, is when they lose their “virginity”. Heterosexual sex is defined by penetration, but that’s not all there is to sex! So, for lesbians, it’s what they personally define as “sex”. Not all lesbians agree on what crosses the line from foreplay to sex, it’s a subjective circumstance. So it’s different for each couple.

Okay so I have been sexually active with my boyfriend for about a year now. He was my first so I have nothing to compare him to, but I really don’t feel like he’s doing anything wrong. The thing is, I can not reach an orgasm. The sex itself is fantastic but there is no release. No end result for me. We can for long enough that it actually starts to hurt but I have never had an orgasm, not vaginal nor clitoral. Is there any logical reason for this?

First, do you orgasm when you masturbate? If you don’t masturbate, you need to start. If you do orgasm when you masturbate, then obviously there’s things you need to work on in your sex life. If you don’t orgasm when you masturbate, then there’s things you need to work on with yourself before applying it to your sex life.

You said it yourself, you don’t have anything to compare it to, so how do you know that there aren’t things he could be doing/doing better? You’re not having an orgasm and it’s been a year. Not good! It’s unfortunately normal for women not to experience an orgasm during sex and that’s usually due to a lack of foreplay, understanding of the female body, and the woman’s ability to relax.

So my advice is to change it up. Take control or have him surprise you. Make it rougher, make it sweeter. Oral is your best friend. Have him go down on you until you’re right on the breaking point and then take it over the edge with penetration. Don’t hold back. It seems like that’s what happens the most. Women hold back and fight their orgasms instead of embracing them.

Encourage him to try different things, different positions, a different location, roleplay, use toys, etc. ANYTHING different from what you’re doing now. Because what is happening now, isn’t good enough. You can check the sex advice tags page for tips on positions and oral sex. Have him read it as well.

Im a lesbian and ive had many sexual partners but ive rarely been on the recieving end. When i have its not really done much for me.. neither has masturbation. But giving really get me going. Ive only ever cum while giving. Is it normal?

We all need to stop asking about what’s normal and what’s not when it comes to sex. You like giving, you like being in a position of control, that’s the most arousing and sexually gratifying place for you. If you are receiving sexual pleasure from what you describe as “giving” then keep working it!

You don’t have to be on your back in order to receive sexual pleasure, remember that.

If you’re getting off on it, if you’re having orgasms, if you’re truly satisfied with your sex life (and your partner is satisfied), then what on earth could be wrong with that?

I lied to my partner of 8 months about how many people I’d been with and I’m not sure if I should tell them or not. They’re the first person I’ve done things with but I said that I’d been with more people besides them because i didn’t want to seem inexperienced. Was it wrong of me to lie about that to them?

Lying is bad. Yes. But it isunderstandable in your case. You didn’t lie about cheating. You didn’t lie about having an STD or anything that could hurt your partner – just that you didn’t have sex with anyone before them.

It’s been 8 months! Come clean. It’ll feel so much better not to have that “secret” weighing on you. I think your partner will just be confused as to why you didn’t tell them the truth in the beginning. It’s such a silly thing to lie about. I know you were lying because you were embarrassed, but there is nothing to be embarrassed about! Inexperience is nothing to be embarrassed about. There are a lot of people who find it really intimate to be someone’s first. They don’t see it as something annoying or to be bothered about. When you care about a person and you’re in a relationship with them, being first can be a wonderful thing.

You shouldn’t have lied to your partner, but I understand why you did. Tell them the truth and they’ll understand too. Even if they’re a little hurt that you didn’t trust them enough to tell them in the beginning. Better late than never.

I have a feeling your partner will be mostly upset that they didn’t know it was your first time and probably kick themselves – wish they did something different. By lying, you did take away their ability to make different choices about your sexual relationship. Not that they wouldn’t want one anymore, just the way they would have gone about it. That’s really what it comes down to – you didn’t give them a choice. And that’s a little sad. It can’t be changed now, but it’s okay though because it still worked out and you guys are 8 months in! 🙂

Just tell them. It’ll only help your relationship by being honest and you’re clearly bothered by keeping this from them.

Any tips/advice for first time rimming? gf and I are concerned about hygiene. We’re monogamous and std free. I know tongue can’t go directly directly from anus to vag, but can we catch anything orally from analingus (even after douching and shower)?

Douching is for the vagina… It has no bearing on anal sex. If you meant an enema, then NO. Enema = bad. It dries you out and makes you more prone to tearing. It’s unnecessary.

You can contract anything from unprotected oral sex – cunnilingus or anilingus. So if you’re really serious about protecting yourself, use a dental dam.

But, yes, in addition to STD’s, there are other things you can contract from rimming – such as bacterial diseases, intestinal parasites, or an infection like conjunctivitis. This can be avoided with thorough cleaning (you do NOT need to use an enema) and, obviously, don’t double dip. Just take a shower before and after. Scrub and soap each other up! Nice and clean. That’s all you need. (You can even use a wet finger in there to clean out any remains if you feel it necessary.)

Simple things like that will suffice in protecting you from the additional risks of anal play. But always remember that STD’s are just as easily contracted from anal as they are from vaginal. So don’t say you weren’t warned!

TIPS FOR RIMMING:

1. Use your breath. Blow warm air onto the anus and the skin surrounding it, or just hover above and breathe against it. Stimulates the nerves without you even having to touch anything!

2. Use your tongue. Lick it with a flat tongue, flick it, rub and push against the general backside region, or you can harden your tongue to penetrate, probe, tap and trace the rim. Start off with a nice flat tongue and work your way up to the tongue fuck.

3. Use your lips. Kiss and suck the asshole, taint, inner thighs, crack of the ass, buttocks, lower back and the back of the legs. Just use it all. Same as you would when eating pussy!

4. Use your fingers and hands. Finger the asshole gently and pull apart the butt cheeks. You also can reach around from behind and play with her pussy, clit, etc. Don’t use the same hand!

5. Use your teeth. As long as you are only doing little nibbles or gentle love bites — don’t bite to bruise in this instance, it’s unsafe. Nip her ass cheeks!

7. Positions: Sit on your partners face – Entwine yourself in a 69 -Lay face down with pillows under your hips, so your hips and ass are raised in the air for better access – Get on all fours, arch your back, spread your knees and ass cheeks apart – Lie on your back with a pillow under your ass, lifting it up in the air – Lie on your back, pulling your ankles to your ears, and expose your hole – Stand facing the wall, or bend from your waist, with your legs spread wide.