Tag: sex advice

I’m a girl and just started a relationship with a guy a few weeks ago. This is the 2nd guy I’ve been with; the first one was a few years ago when I was a lot younger and he forced me into some stuff that was really not okay. For a long time I couldn’t even think about it, but it’s been a while. I’m still worried though that if anything sexual happens with the new guy I’ll panic and remember the last time and not be able to do anything with him even though I like him and want him to be happy.

The best thing you can do is explain to him that you want to take it slow. You don’t have to tell him everything that happened to you right away. Just start off by explaining that you had a bad experience in the past and you need things to move at a pace you’re comfortable with. If he understands that you want to be the one to initiate something, then he should back off and let that happen. If he doesn’t, he’s not someone you want to be with anyway.

You might have some flashbacks and bad moments and times where things move just a little too fast before you’re ready for them to happen and that’s okay! Just don’t give up. It’s not going to feel like that for forever.

First, you need to trust the person you’re with. Nothing is going to feel right or safe or comfortable for you unless you trust them. So focus on building your relationship with him rather than focusing on sex with him. Get to know him better, let him know you better, become close friends, and take small steps towards physical intimacy.

If he’s the right person, he’ll respect the boundaries you set, and you will be able to get through it together. Don’t close yourself off though, it’s too easy to do that, and it’s not going to get you what you want. Be clear with him about what’s okay and what isn’t. Don’t ever be afraid to tell him you want to stop or you’re not comfortable with something. It is your body, your right, YOUR DECISION. It’s not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. If you need to stop, then you need to stop. There is always a new day.

No one is allowed to take away your choice. It is your right to choose what you want. If they try to force you to do something you are not comfortable with then THEY are wrong and you should be angry with them for ever trying to make you do it. You are not wrong, THEY are. You have the right to stand up for yourself and say what it is you want, no one, NO ONE, is allowed to make you do anything sexually that you do not want to do. If anything like that happens, you need to tell someone and report them.

I know you like him and you’re worried this “problem” will drive him away, but you can’t think like that. This isn’t about his happiness. This is about your happiness AND his. A relationship is about partnership. When you’re with someone, whatever you go through, they’re going to be in it with you. Together. If he’s the right person, he will be supportive of you, he will protect you, and he will be your partner. You’ve isolated yourself for long enough. Trust is the first step.

My boyfriend and i were having sex and he had sped up and happened to slip out of my vagina and the tip of his dick slipped into my anus. Its bleeding, not a lot, and it hurts. Is there anything i should do or just give it time?

Well, first, I have to admit that I find it unlikely that it was an “accident”. I mean, it is possibly for that to happen accidentally, but very unlikely, especially since it was such a well aimed “slip” that made you bleed… It sounds like a guy trying to pass off what he did as an “accident” when, really, he was going for it.

I don’t know this for certain, I wasn’t there, and I’m not saying an accident is impossible, but the skeptic in me really questions this. You should think a little more about what happened and consider whether or not you need to have a discussion with your boyfriend about experimentation and realize that there could be a MAJOR consent issue here.

Secondly, the rough entry without proper lubrication and foreplay undoubtedly caused some anal fissures (tearing) and that’s why there’s bleeding. It should heal on its own, could take a week for it to heal fully, but if you continue to experience significant bleeding/pain after 24 hours, see a doctor.

I’ve read your advice saying “you’ll know” on female orgasms. I’ve been masturbating regularly for a year and even started using a vibrator. I’m still not getting there. It feels great, but I read & see what it feels like and that’s not what I reach. Like with most sex questions, I want to know if this is “normal.” Do I need to just keep at it? Go longer? Any tips? Thank you, and I love your blog!

Yes, it’s pretty common. Some women take a long time to figure out how to orgasm during masturbation and/or sex. It takes time, practice, and you learn even more about your body when you start having sex so that actually helps you when you masturbate.

Just keep trying. And try new things.

sorry I need help, my mum walked in on me wanking is there a protocol for this? I mean I’m 16 and she didn’t even knock on the door, so it wasn’t really my fault but I am just so embarrassed I never want to leave my room again what do I do?

lol. Don’t worry. It’s embarrassing but that’s it. Just pretend like it never happened. She won’t bring it up. You won’t mention it. It’ll be like nothing happened. Don’t worry, it’s just one of those things, it’s normal, life goes on. 🙂

my boyfriend prefers we have sex in dimmed lights, but I’m kinda, well actually really shy about letting him see me down there… I feel like I’m “unattractive” or that I have an “ugly” vagina… lol he tries making me feel better by complimenting me

I’ve said this before, but men are visual creatures. That’s why they like sex with the lights on. Seeing what’s in front of them is the biggest turn on for them, it lights up all those neurons.

Women prefer tactile sensations over visual stimulation. That’s why they like sex with the lights off. There’s a sense of privacy, intimacy, AND it’s a great way to cover up insecurities. So they feel more relaxed and actually safe that way.

Here’s the thing, you should be able to have sex without the lights on sometimes so compromise. Agree to sometimes have them on, sometimes off. It’s a way to change it up anyway.

But the most important thing here is that you need to start realizing that this guy WANTS to have sex with you and he WANTS to see you when he has sex with you. That should tell you something right there about what he thinks of you. He thinks you’re hot, he wants to fuck you and watch you while he fucks you. HE WANTS TO SEE YOU. Why would he want that if he thought you were unattractive or that you had an “ugly” vagina? That’s bullshit by the way, no vagina looks like a perfect rose, it’s a vagina. It’s awesome just the way it is. Appreciate all the pleasure it brings you (and loathe it for all the pain as well…).

I guarantee you that if he thought you were unattractive or turned off by how you look (anywhere), he wouldn’t want the lights on at all. It’s a vagina!  He’s happy to get his hands on it and his dick in it. It’s really that simple. EMBRACE IT.

I need help. So im a senior in hs l and theres this girl (also a senior) shes constantly asking if she could eat me. trust me I want to say yes but always end up saying no *she has a gf*. What do I do? Should I tell her to drop it or do a one & done?

On the one hand, morality, the other hand, getting laid…

I don’t know why you’re asking me. You know the score. Did you want me to give you permission and then you could justify it that way? Sorry. I won’t.

The “morally correct” decision is to say no because she’s with someone else and a) why do you want attention from a lying, cheating, bitch? b) it would be out of respect for the other person involved who would get hurt because of something you participated in, regardless of whether or not you know her.

But, hey, we all want to have sex and get our own needs taken care of. If there’s casualties…well, you can tell yourself it’s not your problem because she’s the one doing something wrong, not you. You have no loyalty to her girlfriend that she’s cheating on. So, why not go for it? It’s not your problem, right?

If it was me, I would probably be so turned off by the fact that she’s a lying, manipulative, cheater, that I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her. But that’s me. Honestly, if you were my friend, I wouldn’t approve of you doing it, but I also wouldn’t think you’re a “bad person” for doing it either. It’s easy to say “this is wrong”, but there are worse things in the world. If you want sex with her that badly, then it’s up to you.

Just make a choice you can live with.

Your bi anon that doesn’t like dicks could be homosexual biromantic

I really don’t like labels. You can’t put everything into a box. You can be attracted to guys without wanting to have sex with them. There’s such a broad and intricate spectrum of sexuality that it’s ludicrous to think that you can identify and label each person’s individual sexual desires.

And I especially don’t like the label “homosexual biromantic” because it’s just another way of saying you have strong feelings for someone that aren’t sexual. Gee. What’s another word for that? FRIENDS! Enough with the labels, just feel what you want to feel, have sex with who you want to have sex with, and be with who you want to be with.

It’s making us 10000x more neurotic as a society to hurriedly try and slap a label on everyone and put them in a box to categorize us by sexuality and that’s absurd. You can’t sort the entire human race like we’re a box of chocolates.

STOP TRYING TO DEFINE YOUR SEXUALITY. IT’S NOT IMPORTANT. THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE, WHOEVER AND WHATEVER GENDER THEY ARE, ARE THE IMPORTANT ONES. OKAY!?