sex – Sumptuous Daydreams

To all the newbies!

Thanks for following! Just a quick PSA… If you’ve messaged me a question and I haven’t answered, it’s likely because of one of the following three reasons:

1) I’ve already answered it! Yep! Happens every day. So check the sex advice tags page. It’s an organized page with a list of categorized tags for questions I’ve answered since I started this blog. There’s a lot of stuff there, guys! I’ve been at this for a while.

2) It was a really stupid question. Honestly, some things are really about common sense. YES, IT IS UNPROTECTED SEX WHEN YOU DON’T USE A CONDOM. That was just an example…

3) I simply have no idea how to answer your question. It might be outside of my realm of knowledge or it might be about something too detailed/personal for me to be able to comment on. I don’t know what your friends/boyfriends/girlfriends/crushes are thinking. I’m not a mind-reader or a fortuneteller or a psychic. Sometimes there is really nothing I can think of to say that would help and you probably just need to talk to whoever it is that you’re having a problem with.

So when you give me really specific situations like four paragraphs of an explanation about how your gf is from a really religious family and she doesn’t orgasm during sex and she won’t go down on you and “she did this so I did this, and then she did this and this and then this and then another thing…what is she thinking and what should I do?” Dude…how should I know??

I’m happy to try to give advice on relationships and sex to the best of my knowledge, but I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a doctor. I have no credentials that would certify me as an expert in sex, medicine, or relationships. I’m just me. Here to post hot gifs and maybe help by answering some questions I feel I know something about. So with that in mind…let’s keep going! 🙂

My girlfriend (lesbians) wants me to be really degrading to her in bed and make her feel like a slut (which I can get into if it’s what works for her) but i struggle to find dirty things to say that don’t sound campy. Do you have any recommendations?

Find your inner alpha and make that girlfriend your bitch.

It’s really a base animalistic instinct. You need to be possessive. Take control. Let go of your inhibitions. Allow yourself to say things that might feel like they’d be embarrassing now, but in the heat of the moment, they’re anything but.

Here’s the thing: you need to be yourself. It’s not about playing a role, it’s about tapping into the more verbal and dominating side of yourself. All the things you think when you’re having sex – you have to find a way to SAY them. It’s a weird transition because we’re generally used to keeping those thoughts to ourselves, but gets easier the more you do it.

If you over-think it, it’s gonna sound really cheesy. You can’t plan out a script – it has to come from what you’re feeling. Give yourself permission to do that!

It has to come from you and not what you think she wants to hear. You’re not going to enjoy it if you’re just desperately guessing at what she might want. Trust me, you have the side of yourself she’s looking for, you just have to let it out. Take cues from her at first. What does she say/do when you have sex? Start there and see where it takes you. You’ll find your own way that works for you.

Another place to start? Possessiveness is where it’s at. Outside the bedroom, it’s unacceptable and unhealthy. That’s your relationship. In the bedroom? IT’S FUCKING HOT. That’s about sex.

Everything about her is YOURS and you tell her that, make your claim, dominate her, order her to do things to you, tell her what a little whore she is for loving it, etc. Describing what you want, what she looks like, what you want her do, all of that can be a crazy sexy turn on. The language is up to you. You can call her a slut, whore, bitch, cunt, etc. But it’s up to you to choose what really gets you going. Which words do you feel most comfortable using? For example, if saying “cunt” makes you cringe, don’t say it. Just find another word.

Examples: “Fuck, you’re such a little bitch, you love it when I do this to you”. “Ah, yeah, you fucking whore, you want it harder? You’re dripping all over me, you slut, you can’t get enough of me.”

Dominate her, manhandle her, make her feel like the control is out of her hands and she’s just yours to play with. Get her to masturbate in front of you. Put her on her hands and knees and spank her. Grab her hair. Hold her down. Make her beg to cum. Make her beg for anything. Engage her by getting her talk as well. Make her tell you what she wants you to do, demand it, get her to repeat filthy stuff about herself. Ie. “Tell me what a whore you are! Say it! A little cum slut who wants to lick my pussy clean”. Tell her she’s your fucking whore and you’re gonna do whatever the fuck you want with her. Use her. She’s YOURS.

It’s not the “degrading” part that she really wants, exactly, it’s the loss of control. Loss of control can be really exciting and freeing. That’s exactly what you need to be when you have sex – free – uninhibited, not in control of your feelings, your body, just letting everything go. That’s when things get wild, rough, angry, crazy, amazing. It’s all about getting to let go – getting to feel something and do things that you would never want “outside of the bedroom”.

Don’t worry about being campy. She’s not evaluating you like a term paper and correcting your grammar. It’s just letting the jumble of words and feelings and thoughts come out without thinking about it. When you’re in the heat of the moment, it all sounds fucking hot as hell.

(Tip: Establish a safe word. You probably think you don’t need one, and maybe you’ll never have to use it, but it’s ALWAYS good to have that back up. That way neither person is unclear about if/when things cross a line. It’s kind of like bungee jumping – you’re in a free fall, but you still get to have that safety cord around your legs to stop you from hitting the ground.)

I am getting turned on by your gif’s of gay guys having sex. Is that weird? I am female and bisexual and normally think anal is weird whether it being two dudes, a guy and a girl, or two girls with a dildo.

Well, first, it’s just naturally more pleasurable for men to have anal sex than women because of anatomical differences and the presence of their G-Spot/prostate. So two men having sex has a different pleasure spin on it, to start with, rather than seeing women have anal sex.

Also, it’s just two hot guys fucking. It’s sex. Sex is a turn on. Whether it’s two guys, two girls, guy and girl, two girls one guy, two guys one girl, orgy, whatever! As long as it’s done right and there’s chemistry, there’s intimacy, there’s a feeling of real pleasure taking place…that’s the turn on!

You’re not thinking about anal sex when you see two guys, you’re thinking about how hot they look, how good they’re feeling, the rhythm they have, etc. You’re thinking about the sexual pleasure they’re deriving from it. It doesn’t matter as much HOW they’re getting it, but rather how good they’re making it look.

Sex turns you on. GOOD SEX turns you on even more. Men, women, it doesn’t matter which combination you use, it’s all still sex and if they’re doing it right, it’s fucking hot.

KEEPING IT UP

When in intercourse, my dick sometimes start unhardening so theres much less pleasure for both of us. Any thoughts on why that happens? Is it because I have more pleasure when I masturbate?

There’s several different factors that are a possibility as to why you might go soft during sex.

1) You’ve been drinking.

2) You’re stressed out and your mind is on other things. If it’s money or sports or family, etc. If you’re not in the moment, that could very well be the cause – especially if you don’t have a problem while masturbating.

3) Depending on your age, it could possibly be the beginning of ED (Erectile Dysfunction), in which case you would want to talk to your doctor about it. I doubt that’s it though.

4) You’re masturbating way too much and you need to cut back. Think of it like this: if you’ve been stranded in a desert for six days without water and you finally stumble across a spring, wouldn’t that be the absolute greatest drink of water you’ve ever had? Now imagine you haven’t masturbated or had sex for six days, and suddenly your girlfriend bends over and begs you to fuck her, don’t you think that you’ll experience one of the most mind-boggling orgasms of your life?

It’s about sensory deprivation for pleasure and you’re engaging in sensory overload which decreases your pleasure. If you’re jacking off every day or more than once a day, then sex isn’t going to have that much enjoyment for you because you’re all juiced out. Masturbation is great, yes, but fucking your girlfriend is better!

Also, when you masturbate really roughly with a hard grip and squeezing the head of your dick, it takes away from the sensation of entering something softer like the vagina. You’ve grown too accustomed to the pressure of your hand and pussy isn’t as forceful so you lose the sensation. CUT BACK ON JACKING OFF! And go easier on your dick. Masturbating should be about training your dick for sex, not ruining it. Stroke it gently, not aggressively. You want to increase your endurance and allow for pleasure, not completely ruin it for yourself.

WOMAN ON TOP

Anonymous: Hey, this is kind of awkward but I’ve seen that you give good advice so I hope that you can help me. The thing is that I would like to be on top but every time I do it just doesn’t feel good. It just doesn’t give me any pleasure but I would really like it to. So I guess that I just do something wrong… Any advice on how to do it better?

Pleasure from being on top, for women, begins with confidence above all. Riding a guy requires a level of self assurance and comfortableness with your sexual nature. You feel exposed up there and if you don’t let go of your inhibitions and allow the selfish desires of taking your pleasure exactly as you want, then it won’t work. Does that make sense?

It also takes practice. You learn something more about what you like and how moving this way with that angle feels better than going that way with the other angle, and so on. So you need to ride and ride and ride and ride him some more until you get it just right!

I’ve said this so many times, but I’ll say it yet again, being on top means YOU are in charge and it’s about YOUR pleasure. If you are feeling good, then he’s going to feel good! He’ll love seeing your reactions and watch as you ride his cock.

Get out of your head and be more in tune with your body. Focus on what feels good. Forget what you think you’re “supposed to do” when you’re on top, if it’s not working, then try something else, don’t linger. It’s all about you and finding out what you like when you’re up there. Not some misdirected idea of what he thinks is sexy or what you’ve seen in porn.

The most basic position for riding goes like this: Get on top of him, knees on either side, lean forward with your hands on his chest for leverage (it gives you more control over how deep you want to thrust as well), reach behind you to grab his cock and ease yourself down on him by sitting back a little bit, then rock back and forth on your knees in whatever way comes naturally to you. You can sit upright or hunch over him or lean all the way back on your hands and thrust away. You can face him or reverse it so he’s seeing your back. It takes practice to find a rhythm and prevent him from slipping all the way out of you. Completely normal. If you get tired, you can have him flip you over and keep going until you get your wind back and want to go again! It’s FUN!

Grinding when you’re on top is more likely to be pleasing for you. Try the ‘bump and grind’ which is basically thrusting your pelvis back and forth around in a circle (think 80’s rockstar?). This works for a lot of woman more than just up and down.

Grind back and forth / bounce up and down – that’s basically what it comes down to. This is YOUR time and YOU are in charge. He’s just there to watch at this point. Find your pleasure. Find what feels good. Don’t feel embarrassed about having to explore more to figure out what it is you like. Take your time. Move different ways. Encourage him to play with your breasts or rub your clit.

The best thing you can do is to be honest with your partner. Tell him you want to practice riding him! Seriously! Do it all night long! However long it takes to find out what you like. Once you figure it out, then he can come into the picture. Grinding is most likely going to be the best for you, but guys don’t get as much from it as we do because there’s not enough friction from grinding for them, so you’ll find a compromise. For now, just focus on you and what works for you then you can worry about him! 😉 Trust me, he’ll be MORE than okay with that!

Under the read more are some images of what different positions you can try on top to figure out what you like the best! Sometimes the visual helps more than an explanation. Once you see it, your imagination takes you to where you need to go. 😉