If this is a sudden thing, my first suggestion is to talk to her about it directly. There might be something deeper going on than her just not being in the mood. If there’s a bigger issue going on, trying to encourage sex and not acknowledging a relationship problem will only make things much, much worse.
But if you’re certain that your relationship is stable and that there’s nothing going on with her, with work, family, friends, etc. Then let’s talk about your sex life.
In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, “The basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen, and women are like fire. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what [they’re] doing [they] can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.”
Sex for women doesn’t happen with a snap of your fingers. It’s not just about the body, it’s about the mind as well. Which is why you can’t think about just how to make her want sex, you need to think about improving ALL aspects of your relationship, ESPECIALLY the non-sexual aspects. It’s about the perfect storm. You need to have everything aligned in order for your sex life to be at its peak.
Also, women need sex to be worth it. Women will always choose cuddling or an early night over a mediocre sexual experience. It’s like, why bother? Why go through the trouble if all they’re going to get is something lackluster? So you need to make sure it’s worth it. Make it exciting! Get her excited about it! If she’s excited about sex, then she’ll be the one jumping on YOU. So, in order to sexually motivate your girl, you have to work on making sex exciting for her so that she considers it a priority over running errands or getting an extra hour of sleep. How? Here are some tips:
– Be spontaneous. Whether it’s surprising her with a home cooked meal and setting the scene with candles and music or just popping up somewhere to give her flowers and a quick kiss before leaving. Spontaneity is the best way to spice up your sex life. The key is not to think about SEX while doing these things. You want to improve the romance and get back the spark in your relationship. When you have that, sex naturally follows. Don’t make the mistake of “finding ways to have sex”. Work on your RELATIONSHIP. Do nice random sweet little things for her throughout the day. They don’t have to big huge, grand gestures. Little things often mean so much more than elaborately planned events. Believe it or not, something as simple as sending her sweet texts to show you’re thinking about her or getting her favorite takeout without her having to ask, or cleaning for her, or giving her a handwritten love note will go a LONG way to help your sex life. Show her that you care. That’s a huge aphrodisiac. There’s nothing better than to feel loved, wanted, and cared for. Plus, by being spontaneous, you have a better chance of getting her out of her own head and freeing up her body to relax and be open to arousal. One of the biggest roadblocks to sex for women is their mind. They think too much and get distracted too easily. If you catch her off guard, you have a better chance of keeping her focused on sex rather than have her thinking about all the other stuff she has to do. Keep her in the moment. Try talking dirty to her! Tell her what you want to do to her. Make sure she’s REALLY there with you. 🙂
– Show affection without expectations. Women know when you want to fuck. You start with all these little touches and not-as-subtle-as-you-think gestures and we know it just means you want to fuck. That’s not a bad thing. The bad thing is when you show affection ONLY when you want sex. So show her affection without any ulterior motive for sex. Kiss just to kiss. Compliment just to compliment. Hold her hand, give her a massage, kiss her, little touches, etc. Do all of that WITHOUT any thought of sex or attempting to take it any further. It’s a great feeling just to have someone want to be affectionate with you without EXPECTING anything to come of it. It will put her in the mood for later!
– Talk about sex. Work it into the conversation at an appropriate time. Maybe describe a fantasy you have or something you want to do to her. The idea is not to have sex right after that, but to get her mind working. It’s like foreplay without even touching her. Get her THINKING about sex and have her thinking about it during the day. The best thing is if she reciprocates and tells you about her fantasies as well. This leads to better communication and, of course, better sex! Describing scenarios and fantasies will awaken your senses and help you better understand what she wants. If you understand what she wants, she’ll be much more eager to have sex.
– Dress decently! Don’t be a slob. Actually take some time to think about your appearance and the clothes you’re wearing. Don’t wear wrinkled crap, make sure you actually match, try layers, and an ironed button down with the sleeves rolled up to your elbows is sexy as helllllll. Maybe you should even take a trip to the mall to get yourself some new clothes! Well dressed men are extremely attractive and draw attention. So if it means taking an extra 5-10 minutes to get dressed, do it. If you start paying more attention to how you dress, it will have an affect on her. If you look good, you’ll feel good, which will make her feel good, which will help your sex life!
– Foreplay. Anything can be foreplay. Something as simple as stopping to hold her waist and kiss her neck and stroke her back before moving on to do whatever you were doing before. PAY ATTENTION TO FOREPLAY. PROLONG FOREPLAY. All those little touches and little moments that you make a conscious effort to be affectionate with her will help put her in a more sexual mood. It’s all about warming her up. And when you’re in bed, take your time, touch her everywhere EXCEPT the “main” places. Men truly do not understand the value of foreplay for women and how it affects a woman’s sexual experience. Foreplay is what will define whether or not the sex is good. You could lose the game before you even start…
– Hug her. Yep. That’s it. Find ways to just hug her really tightly, hold her and make it last for at least 30 seconds. Why is this important? Well, hugs are nice! Who doesn’t like being hugged by someone they love? It’s a great feeling. Also, when you hold your girlfriend like that, it produces oxytocin (particularly for women), which is the hormone that facilitates trust and a sense of sexual connection and desire. Turn your head into her hair, breathe in deeply, let her know that way that you just like holding her, being near her, touching her. You want to have an easy going, comfortable, tactile rapport with your girlfriend. Hugs, hand holding, touching, etc. Like I said, it’s not about sex, it’s about intimacy and creating the desire for sex.
– Notice her time of day. Does she prefer morning sex, afternoon sex, or sex at night? Does she like having sex after a work out? Does she like it on the weekends? When she’s feeling her best, that’s when she’ll want sex more. So when does she feel her best? Paying attention to WHEN she’s in the mood will help increase your chances in the future to capitalize on those moments!
– Tease her in public. It’s exciting, a little bit dangerous with the possibility of being discovered, and it’s a way to show her that you’re craving her. Be covertly “inappropriate” while out in public. Ie, while sitting across the table from friends, talking about something inane, slide your fingers up her thigh and just around her underwear line. Do this for about 15 seconds and then remove your hand. Do a couple of these in a night and she’ll attack you as soon as you walk in the door or even as early as the car. 😉
Sumptuous Daydreams 