Tag: relationships

just wanted to get your thoughts on this. my aunt and i were having a conversation and i mentioned that i’d like to stay a virgin until i’m married because i don’t want a relationship based on sex, having a child and baby daddy problems and i don’t want to catch a STI. she understood my reasoning, but she said i should have sex so i won’t marry a guy who likes sex so much that he cheats on me. i understand what she’s saying but i’m also like the relationship must have been weak in the 1st place.

While I don’t agree with your aunt’s reasoning (that just sounds absurd to me), I am with her on the fact that waiting isn’t necessary and it’s not something I would recommend.

If that’s what you want, then of course that’s your right! But personally I think you need to test drive the car before you buy it…

Having sex doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is based on sex. Build a relationship and have sex be a part of it. You can be safe; there’s plenty of different birth control options and STI prevention that are extremely effective when used correctly.

Don’t have sex because you think it’s going to keep him from cheating or something later on – I mean, I don’t even understand that theory – but you should have sex so you can see what your sexual chemistry is.

You could have every single aspect of your relationship lined up perfectly: they’re your best friend, you spend every day with them, you can’t get enough, the sexual tension is crazy, you can’t wait, and then you get in bed… *bomb whistle*

It’s happened many…many…many times. Everything could be absolutely perfect and then the chemistry just isn’t there! If you want to commit to someone for the rest of your life, I think you should know what you’re getting into. What if they have performance problems? What if it’s terrible!? What if you committed to this person that you love, but your sex life is horribly boring and you realize you would have known it wasn’t the right fit if you’d been with them BEFORE making that commitment!

Marriage, relationships, being in love…it’s not based on sex, but sex is an INTEGRAL part of it. Without it, you’re just hanging out with your platonic best friend.

Those are my thoughts. But it’s just an opinion. If you disagree, then do what you feel is right for YOU. Everyone’s different. 🙂 Good luck!

Hi, I’m in an awesome relationship with the most wonerful boy on earth. We have sex maybe once in a week, it’s pretty good, we both cum everytime but it’s pretty boring actually. I’ve told him many times that I want him to pull my hair, bite my neck etc and fuck me really hard, but he’s so careful, says he doesn’t want to hurt me and so on… What should I do? We have been together for 7 months and we always do the same stuff. And he doesn’t want me to give him oral sex witch is disturbing.

What is his reasoning for not wanting you to go down on him? Maybe if you figure out what he’s REALLY worried about then you guys can fix the problem.

I’d also try to push the envelope a little bit with him in bed. Just test the waters to see how he reacts when you get a little rough. If you want to go hard, get on top and fuck him senseless. Show him that it doesn’t hurt you and how good it can be. Don’t go too far though and make him uncomfortable, just try something a little outside the norm and see if he’s okay with it.

So talk and try to take the lead a bit.

hey im the girl whos under 16 with an extremely horny girlfriend. to answer your question, im scared of sex because i have been molested, which she knows of. im not basing my fear of it off of that, but i dont like people touching me a lot, which she said she was fine with. plus i cant even get like.. a tampon in no matter what angle i aim it or position im in soooo.. and plus im young so ugh

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I won’t presume to understand what you went through and how it affects you still, but I can see that it would affect your perception of sex and everything involved with it. It changes it – all of it.

Perhaps what you need now is to work on finding a way to change it again. Change it for the better and take back what was tainted for you so unfairly.

I think this might be a case of miscommunication. You’re coming from a very different place than your girlfriend, a very different view of everything. Because of what you went through, you’re highly sensitive to things that other people, who haven’t been through what you have, are not. Subtle touches, average physical contact, those things are different for you. So it’s possible that your girlfriend might think she’s being restrained, but it’s still too much for you. What she believes is holding back, is not what you see holding back as. Do you know what I mean?

I don’t know what your girlfriend is thinking or where she is with all of this. The best advice I can give you is to have a flat out, brutally honest, conversation with her, explaining that you feel she’s pressuring you and how uncomfortable it makes you. You’re not ready, and that’s more than okay. So find a way to communicate that to her. You’re not ready now, but it doesn’t mean you won’t ever be. You’re not ready for all of it, but maybe you’re ready for some of it. Find out what that is. Talk about it. Talk constantly. Always check in with each other. She’s feeling frustrated, you’re feeling pressured, so now you have to find a compromise.

I’m sure that if you explain to her that what she’s been doing has been too much for you, she’d feel terrible about it and pull back. Maybe you’ve been putting off having that direct of a conversation with her because you’re embarrassed or you don’t want to hurt her feelings or maybe it’s because you want to be able to give her what she’s asking for and you’re upset with yourself for not being able to. I don’t know. Only you know.

You have to figure this out for yourself and set the pace for yourself, then tell her what that is. Work with her. Don’t shut her out and don’t let her push you to places you’re uncomfortable with because you don’t want to be “weird” or make her feel guilty. This kind of situation requires an enormous amount of trust and a great deal of constant communication. It’s not easy, but it will get easier with time.

Don’t let this stop you from continuing to move forward with exploring your sexuality and your sexual needs, Just do it at your own pace and take it slooooooooow. You guys are so young. There’s nothing wrong with backing off and just taking baby steps. Think of it this way, you should try mastering each step before moving on to the next. Get your PhD in making out. Get your masters in petting and groping. Find out everything there is to know about each other – not just sex. You’re babies. Just keep your hands on yourselves instead of each other for a while. 😉

All in good time.

I’ve hooked up a guy I like about five times,we’ve been talking for about a month. I enjoy our time together when we are intimate but sometimes I find I get a little bored. He doesn’t seem to have the same reaction just by how he acts during. It feels too repetitive even though we haven’t been hooking up for that long. Any tips? I’ve given him head multiple times but he won’t go down on me. I asked and he said he doesn’t do that. Any tips to get to him to be more open to it? Thanks!

If you’re bored, end it. I could give you a ton of sex tips, but honestly, you shouldn’t have to try that hard in the beginning (ESPECIALLY in the beginning!).

If it’s not there for you, it’s just not there. There’s nothing wrong with that. And if you give him head, but he won’t reciprocate…what the fuck are you even bothering with him for? He doesn’t do that? Tell him to go fuck himself then because you’re not going to anymore. A guy who’s not willing to reciprocate, needs to get the fuck over himself, and he’s certainly not worth your time. He’s already a shitty lay!

Cut your losses now and go find someone else. There are plenty of other guys out there that are going to have more sexual chemistry with you AND they will be more than delighted to go down on you. 🙂

So I have been daiting my boyfriend for well over 6 months and I want to have sex with him (I’m a very sexual person) but he’s a virgin. Would it be weird if I took control of him and showed him how to do certain things??

Not at all! If he’s ready to have sex, by all means, take the reins. He’ll be grateful to you for it! If he’s not ready, then that’s another story, and you need to take it slow. Wait until he says or shows that he’s ready to take the next step. Don’t push.

But if you both agree that you’re ready to have sex, then go ahead! If you show him what to do, he’ll feel a lot more at ease and more confident.

my girlfriend wants me to have sex with her, but we’re both under 16 and im terrified of sex lmao. ive made it clear i wont do it, and i know she wouldnt rape me, but she keeps pushing me. help?

Okay, well, one: why are you terrified of sex?

Two: Tell your girlfriend, with all honesty – no jokes, no room for misinterpretation – that you are NOT READY. Tell her that you need her to respect that and then draw a line. Tell her what you feel comfortable doing and where the line is for what you’re not ready to do. (Ie. Anything below the waist.)

If she doesn’t respect that, then you have a much bigger problem than a horny girlfriend and you might want to consider breaking up with her. Don’t ever let someone push you into doing something you don’t feel comfortable with. They don’t have that right. Girl or boy, it doesn’t matter.

You are both way too young. So tell her to slow down, that YOU need her to slow down, and see what happens. Sex will be there when you’re ready for it. There’s no rush. Seriously, it’s not a race! There’s no house on fire! If she’s horny, she can handle it herself. She’s not going to die if she doesn’t have sex.

Just make your boundaries clear and if she keeps pushing them, then you need to push back and show her just how serious you are. This isn’t a joke, this isn’t something she can seduce you into doing. Tell her to stop when she goes too far and if she doesn’t, end it with her. Because no one ever gets to do that to you. They’re not respecting your wishes and they’re not respecting YOU. No healthy relationship can work that way. It’s a fundamental issue of respect. If she shows none for you, then how can you be with her? Just draw the line.

Is it weird that I don’t like really rough or dirty sex? I’ve had sex a couple of times before and when someone gets too dirty it turns me off because I’m a bit scared of someone not stopping after all. Some of my past relationships have ended because of it.

It’s not weird at all. Everyone is into different things. Some people like really dirty, rough sex and some people don’t. Sex is about pleasing you —so if you’re not into that, let your partner know. The number one thing here is communication, if someone is taking things in a direction that you don’t want to go then you should talk to them about it.

And as far as ending the relationship, if someone really cares about you, they’ll be willing to work with you on what turns you on and off. And if they’re not, well, move on because they’re not worth your time anyway. A relationship shouldn’t be one sided.

-teagan.

P.S.

It sounds like one of your biggest roadblocks is trust; trusting your partner. You said you were worried they might cross a line, not that anyone has ever crossed it. That’s where trust comes in. Discuss your concerns with your partner, draw a clear line about what is acceptable for you, then trust them to respect that. Over time, trust builds and the line might be slowly pushed back. Fear of what MIGHT happen seems to be stopping you from enjoying anything being done in the moment. You worry about what’s coming next instead of enjoying what you’re doing right then. That’s why you need trust.

If you set the rules, you then have to trust your partner to follow them. Hopefully once they prove themselves to be respectful and reliable, to do as you ask and not do anything that makes you uncomfortable, then you, in turn, will actually feel MORE comfortable about loosening the reins a bit and exploring.

Not everyone likes it rough, so you’re not alone or “weird” for that, but don’t let it frighten you, okay? You have the power and CONTROL over what happens. Not enjoying it is one thing, being afraid of it is another thing entirely.

I’m a girl and I’m not new to sex, but I do have an issue. I have never came, or orgasmed, except while masturbating. All my male partners cum before I even get close and it discourages me. I’d like to experience it with someone. Advice please?

Well, first of all, find some new partners.  Sure, it’s always possible that you’re not going to come every time — but you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable just because it takes a bit more work for you to climax. They’re being pretty shitty if they’re simply cumming, and then forgetting that you haven’t.  Maybe they simply don’t want to acknowledge that they didn’t please you, or maybe they’re just assholes, but as in most things in life — communication is key!

Find someone that is willing to work with you to find out what you like.  Maybe it’s simply that they’re rushing through the sex, and you’re not experiencing the pleasure you should be.  Try different positions, try more foreplay, anything to help build you up and get you really aroused and ready for sex.  That being said, climaxing simply from penetration is a rarity for a lot of women, so don’t be afraid to spice it up and add some clit stimulation.  You can touch yourself, have your partner touch you, or maybe even incorporate a small vibrator so that you really enjoy yourself.

There are tons of options, and it’s just about exploring what works for you. We all want to experience pleasure, and it’s important to find someone that cares about pleasuring you, as much as they care about being pleasured themselves.

-teagan.

I have been in a serious, and by serious I mean living together, relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years (we’re both girls) and we’re sexually active. It’s by far the longest relationship I’ve ever had with just one person, I’ve mostly been a “one night stand person”. But I feel like I’m getting frustrated about the lack of sex or intimacy we’re having now that we’re “serious”, and I’m afraid it’s starting to push me towards flirting with other people. Help??

Well, as someone that can relate to you not being a ‘relationship’ type person, I can see why you would feel as though you were frustrated by that level of commitment.  But, let’s be real here, if you’ve invested this much time in this relationship there’s obviously something there.  So, as always, communication with your partner is key.

If you’re feeling as though there is a lack of sexual chemistry and behavior between the two of you right now, that’s what you need to talk about.  Try to figure out what is making things boring, is it simply not having sex enough?  Are you only having sex in the same way, so it feels like a routine?  Whatever the reason, asking your partner is the first step.  Maybe they feel the same way.  Try to see what new things you would both be interested in trying, whether it’s toys or a new position, there are so many options to spicing up your relationship.

With that being said, some relationships just aren’t meant to last forever.  If you’re feeling unsatisfied and your efforts to fix the problem aren’t working, maybe it’s time to move on.  But, don’t be a dick, if you’re being pushed towards other people – end this relationship first! No one likes a cheater, especially if you’ve invested in a relationship for as long as you have this one.  You owe the person you care about honesty, and even though breaking things off will hurt, it won’t hurt nearly as much as cheating on them and being found out. 

-teagan.

Could you possibly give advice on how to get my girlfriend to sext without sounding like an asshole and just asking her?

Firstly, I don’t think that just asking her makes you sound like an asshole at all.  Communication should be number one in any relationship. Both sides will be much happier knowing that the other feels confident enough to discuss their feelings and open up to them.

That being said, there are a few options here.  Maybe start out slow, don’t just throw a dick pic in her direction and hope that’ll light her fire.  Truthfully, not many people like unsolicited dick pics, take it from me.

Maybe start out simple, tell her that you’re thinking about her, and you’re turned on.  Or you wanna know what she’s wearing, whatever you’re feeling.  And then let things progress from there.  I don’t know if you’re in an online relationship, or you actually know one another in person, but either way those are some good options.  Of course, if you know one another in person and are already sexually active, it might not take much convincing to get her to send you nudes, and vice versa. 

Sexting doesn’t just have to be about sending/receiving nudes anyway, hell, a lot of the sexting I’ve done was purely word motivated and sometimes that can really open things up.  A lot of times people find it easier to say things in a text message that they wouldn’t in person, so there’s just a few things to consider.  Plus, it can be all about the fantasy —if there’s something you wanted to try in person but were too afraid, maybe introduce it there and see how she reacts. The possibilities are endless.

-teagan.