Tag: relationships

I lied to my partner of 8 months about how many people I’d been with and I’m not sure if I should tell them or not. They’re the first person I’ve done things with but I said that I’d been with more people besides them because i didn’t want to seem inexperienced. Was it wrong of me to lie about that to them?

Lying is bad. Yes. But it isunderstandable in your case. You didn’t lie about cheating. You didn’t lie about having an STD or anything that could hurt your partner – just that you didn’t have sex with anyone before them.

It’s been 8 months! Come clean. It’ll feel so much better not to have that “secret” weighing on you. I think your partner will just be confused as to why you didn’t tell them the truth in the beginning. It’s such a silly thing to lie about. I know you were lying because you were embarrassed, but there is nothing to be embarrassed about! Inexperience is nothing to be embarrassed about. There are a lot of people who find it really intimate to be someone’s first. They don’t see it as something annoying or to be bothered about. When you care about a person and you’re in a relationship with them, being first can be a wonderful thing.

You shouldn’t have lied to your partner, but I understand why you did. Tell them the truth and they’ll understand too. Even if they’re a little hurt that you didn’t trust them enough to tell them in the beginning. Better late than never.

I have a feeling your partner will be mostly upset that they didn’t know it was your first time and probably kick themselves – wish they did something different. By lying, you did take away their ability to make different choices about your sexual relationship. Not that they wouldn’t want one anymore, just the way they would have gone about it. That’s really what it comes down to – you didn’t give them a choice. And that’s a little sad. It can’t be changed now, but it’s okay though because it still worked out and you guys are 8 months in! 🙂

Just tell them. It’ll only help your relationship by being honest and you’re clearly bothered by keeping this from them.

I’m bisexual and my boyfriend and I already agreed that we don’t want to have a threesome even if we fantasize about it. the problem is that we’re currently having a loing distance relationship and will be for the rest of the month… and since he left i think about girls a lot… and i know he probably does the same (isn’t that what guys do? idk) but i still feel like cheating him and i feel so guilty even if he remains my main naught thought…

Everyone has thoughts and fantasies. It’s normal. The only time that it becomes a problem is when you cross the line between thinking about it and actually wanting to do it/doing it.

If you’re seriously considering cheating on your boyfriend, if you’ve reached that point where you would want to be with another person, then yeah, it’s time to reevaluate what your situation is.

If you’re just fantasizing about other people, that’s totally okay. You’re not cheating on him by having fantasies. If you daydream about having sex with…Amber Heard, for example, that’s not cheating. If you fantasize about having sex with one of your friends, that’s not cheating.

However, if you start thinking that you really want to follow through with it and have sex with someone else, then that’s an emotional betrayal, and if you actually have sex or even just kiss someone else…it’s cheating. There’s a significant difference between having a fantasy and something that you would do in reality.

Some things to think about.

There’s this girl that I’m inviting over for the summer, I don’t want to be to straight forward with her but I’m a girl she’s a girl and I want to see if any thing could happen.. I mean she beautiful and I’ve thought about her that way a lot, I want to do things with her that I never have,I think it would be special if it was her, how do I approach her , or make it happen with out it being a some one night thing I mean it’s a whole summer. I guess what I mean is how do I get it to happen?

I hate to tell you this, but there’s no magic formula. You guys will have a whole summer to spend together. A lot can happen in those weeks. You just don’t know WHAT will happen and you can’t know. You guys will laugh, do crazy things, do lazy things, you’ll talk for hours, you’ll stay up together at night, and you’ll be the first ones you talk to in the morning.

That kind of time together changes things and gives you more opportunities to take chances than you would during any other part of the year. It actually makes it easier because you become closer, more intimate, and you feel more comfortable doing things that you didn’t think you were confident enough to do before.

Just go with it. Be open. Be honest. Have fun. You will know when the opportunity presents itself. Don’t be afraid to take it if/when it does. Don’t rush things either.

I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but there’s nothing else I can tell you. Do what feels right. Enjoy your summer and live in the moment. 🙂

So I’m always curious on being with a girl because Lesbian Porn turns me on soooooo BAD… Problem is i have a boyfriend… I mean who wouldnt love to have a threesome and i know he does and i do too but i’m such a jealous girl… I’m afraid he will give them more attention than me.. what do i do????? and how do i bring up the subject that i want a threesome?????

First of all, there’s nothing wrong with being curious.  Secondly, it is natural to be turned on by all kinds of things — everyone is different.  Some things that might work for you, might not work for me and vice versa.  That being said, if you’re really serious about having a threesome with your boyfriend and another girl that’s something you need to talk to him about, first and foremost.

It’s easy to say that every guy finds a threesome with two girls to be the dream, but that might not be the case for him.  Sure, it might be nice to fantasize about, but he might not actually want to act on it.  That being said, you’ve admitted that you’re a jealous girl and I’ve always found that in threesomes finding a balance is incredibly important.  No one likes to be left out, whether it would be you, or your boyfriend, or the other girl you plan on adding.

Also, you have to think about what girl you would want to invite if your boyfriend is open about the idea.  Ideally, it would be someone that you and your boyfriend were both attracted to.  There are a lot of variables here, and you have to decide if you would be comfortable sharing your boyfriend, or if you would be comfortable experimenting in front of him.  I can understand that you want to find out if you’re actually attracted to women, or if you’re simply turned on by seeing them together — which, believe it or not, can sometimes be the case.

Basically, sitting down and having a conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel, that you want to experiment, and that you’re interested in a threesome is the best place to start.  If you do reach the point where you decide to bring another girl into the bedroom with your boyfriend and yourself, it’s always nice for you to set some ground rules, as well, especially if you’re the jealous type.  For instance, maybe you can both agree that oral is fine for everyone, but you only want your boyfriend to penetrate you.  Again, that’s just a handful of the things that you need to think about and discuss.  But you have to remember, this isn’t something you have to rush into — planning might not sound sexy, but being open and honest and discussing what you want and how you want it is only going to make everyone happier in the end.

— teagan

I have a boyfriend who I love to death, we are soulmates mentally and emotionally, I feel like we were meant to be together, and I think he’s absolutely adorable, but I get nervous of other people judging me for dating him. I’ve been told I’m out of his league, because he doesn’t meet the stereotypical standard of ‘hot’…he’s very short, but I am too so it’s ok, and he’s a little chubby, and people tell me I can do way better. I love him but it’s off-putting to hear that from friends. Help?

If you love him and you want to be with him, who cares what anyone else thinks? Do YOU think you deserve a “hotter” guy? Do you wanna trade him in for a six foot something dude with a six pack? If you do, that’s your prerogative.

But you say you love your boyfriend and if you love him, in your eyes, he should be the most gorgeous person you’ve ever seen. Flaws or no. We all have flaws, but love really is blind. When you’re in love, you don’t see the physical flaws, you see the beauty.

You say you want to be with him, then be with him, and don’t let naysayers tell you otherwise. I guarantee most of them have never been in love or have found someone like you have. They don’t understand because they’ve never been there. What does it matter if they’re judging? You found something they don’t have! But I think they’re getting to you because, deep down, you believe it too.

I think you see yourself as out of his league…and that’s a huge problem. Because, deep down, you think you’re better than him. Your relationship is doomed if that’s the case. If you are embarrassed to be with him because of his looks, you’re not soulmates and you’re certainly not meant to be together. So own up to what you TRULY feel and figure it out. You want to let your friends convince you that you deserve someone hotter, go ahead. Who cares what his personality is like or if you have a connection with him? At least he’ll be a physical match for you and that’s what matters right, how you look standing next to each other?

By the way, I’m pretty sure your boyfriend has a much harder time with his insecurity about being with you since you’re apparently so “out of his league” that even YOU think it’s true. You might want to stop being so self absorbed for a minute and think about how it might be affecting him. You know…cause you supposedly love him and all that.

so my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for a little more than 2 years. I’m a guy and we have slowly moved from kissing, all the way to sex and I have had many orgasms and I find them amazing but my girlfriend has not. I have tried fingering her, and she stops me because she doesnt like the feeling of fingers (idk). I tried Oral and she told me it feels weird and shed prefer kissing me. She also stops me while having sex. Ive nearly gotten her to orgasm but she stops me. any advice?

She’s never gotten close to an orgasm. That’s why she stops you. What you’re doing isn’t working so rather than wait and be uncomfortable and bored while you continue to draw out something pointless that doesn’t do anything for her, she just stops you. Then she makes up an excuse as to why she doesn’t want it.

Now, she’s not telling you the truth because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’ll tell you because you need to know. It’s not working.

My advice is to read through the tags I have here, read some “how to” guides, and stop doing the same stuff you always do. You have to figure out something different (there’s a ton of suggestions in the tags).

Some basic tips: surprise her, give her a massage (A REAL ONE -MASSAGE OILS, LONG TIME, THOROUGH), do a ton of foreplay without penetration – just rub and grind, get her so worked up that she wants to take control, encourage her to be on top, and don’t jump right into oral – do a lot of making out and humping before you go down on her and then you need to find a rhythm with your tongue to hit her erogenous zones. Best way to do that is to have her guide you.

She needs to open up and trust you (that’s something you have to work on with your relationship as a whole, not just sexually) and you need to try new things. Work together or it’s not gonna happen.

I have amazing sex w/ my bf of 2 years but humping works best for me. My bf doesn’t know this and I want to try with him to get that pleasure. I’ve tried grinding on his dick and every time he just wants to stick it in me. Help!

You need to tell him what you want. Verbalize it. Be really clear with him about “something new” you want to try and tell him how you want it to work. I can’t stress this enough: when it comes to sex, men don’t want clues, they want the straight answer. They want you to lay it out for them. No guessing games. They want to know what you want so that they can do it for you! (If they’re the right kind of partner who is generous and loving, of course.) Grinding is frustrating for guys because they don’t get the pleasure that women do from it, BUT quid pro quo! If you get what you need, I assume that you will be very willing to return the favor? So it’s worth trying and it’s something that you need to discuss in order for him to understand. For him, grinding isn’t getting him off so of course he just wants to be inside you. You’re not telling him what you want so how can he know?

If he understands what you want to get out of it, he’ll be more willing to try and make it work to please you. If you’re not upfront with him about it, he’s not going to get it and he’ll just keep doing what feels the most natural and pleasurable for him. You need to clue him in so you guys can work on it together.

Gotta talk!

my bf forbids me to masturbate, only he is allowed to satisfy me he tells me

If you’re in that type of relationship (dom/sub) then you’re supposed to obey him.

If you do not want to be in that type of relationship, then who the fuck is he to tell you what you can and can’t do? No one is allowed to tell you what you do, only if you let them. That’s what a submissive’s role is: allowing the dominant to control you. If the submissive doesn’t give over that control, the dominant can’t do anything. It’s a mutual trust.

Again, if that is NOT what you want in a relationship then dump that asshole control freak, date someone else, and be free enjoy masturbating to the fullest. 🙂 He doesn’t get to tell you shit unless you want him to tell you, okay?

I broke up with my ex gf 6 months ago, we were together for 2years. Since then I keep worrying I will never be able to be intimate with someone else. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still in love with her or if i just feel extremely insecure. I don’t know how to get out of this situation. I can’t even picture myself in a relationship and it scares me to go out and meet people. I’ve become someone else and I’m terrified I’ll never find myself again. What should I do?

It’s hard to imagine what your life will be like when you’ve spent two years building a life around one person. It’s a shock to the system, really. Everything’s suddenly changed and now what are you supposed to do? You had plans, they were supposed to be there with you, and now that’s all dust. It’s not easy, it’s never easy, but it IS manageable.

Time heals all wounds. I know it’s cliche, but it’s true. You need more time and you need to start finding (more) ways to move her out of your life. You may not see her anymore (if you do, you have to find a way to limit that), but I’m willing to bet you still have reminders of her around. Get rid of them. Put away the pictures, the tshirts, delete the songs you listened to together – ones that remind you of her, delete/block her from any social media forums so you don’t feel tempted to “creep”. Remove her from your life and eventually her presence in your mind and your heart will start to fade. I know that sounds awful and you probably don’t even want that to happen, but it needs to happen and you know that. You won’t forget her or what you shared; you just need to make her less of constant presence in your mind and in your heart. The pain will start to lessen.

It takes time and everyone processes it differently. You may not be able to see a relationship in the future right now and that’s okay. Don’t think about relationships. Think about friends. Think about meeting new people. Don’t put the pressure on finding love, intimacy, and commitment. That will happen again someday when you meet the right person and it will just click for you. Sometimes it takes meeting someone new to truly realize that it is possible to move on. You WILL find love again, but only when you want to. And that will happen eventually as well. Don’t force yourself to make it happen. Live your life, try to be open, and someone will come along and surprise you. You can’t close yourself off – it’s hard not to do, but if you’re aware of it, you can control it.

The first step is removing her from your life in every way you can, just so that you can start to truly accept that it’s over – no matter how painful that may be, it’s going to help you in the long run.

Then you’re going to spend time with your friends and your family and you’re not going to worry about finding someone. You’re going to surround yourself with love and support and have fun. Meeting people doesn’t have to mean dating them. Just make friends. Take baby steps. I promise, when you’re ready, it will all come together. Just focus on yourself now – find you again. Figure out who you are without her. This is your time.

You will love again. It just takes time and (contrary to Cosmo’s “dating rules” blegh) there is no set time to get over someone. You will move on when you are ready to move on. Accept that it will happen somehow, someday in the future and then forget about it. Set all thoughts of dating and romance aside. You don’t need it right now. Focus on your life and what you want to accomplish. Life takes us on some very strange journeys. We never know where we’re going to end up and that’s the best part. 😉 Enjoy it.

Well, my girlfriend and I have been dating a while now, and I really wanna start doing more than just kissing. How do I go about knowing if she’s ready to do it too, ’cause I don’t have like any experience with this sorta thing….

You can go for “the talk” and directly ask her about having sex and say what you’re ready for OR you could let your hands do some exploring and see where she says stop and THEN have a conversation.

Either way, you’ll be having “the talk”. There’s no getting past it. Woman up and let your girl know what you’re thinking. You can start by asking or you can start by showing, it’s up to you. Just don’t go too fast or push too far. What you’re doing is testing the waters to see where she is with all this. Because, honestly, sometimes you don’t even know what you’re ready for until you’re in the moment and there’s a line crossed that sets off the “not ready!” alarms.

Figure it out together. That’s the most important thing. You’re not on an island while she’s on the mainland. You guys are in it together. Work together. Be a team. You’ll find your way TOGETHER.