Tag: orgasm

Hi, I’m sorry for this really weird question…Okay so I am a virgin, and I have a new boyfriend and he’s been like rubbing me (’cause I don’t want his fingers in my yet). It feels fantastic, and I get super wet, but he always asks me if I have cum yet, and I don’t know? Sometimes I just say yes because I think he is tired, or I say no because I want him to keep going. But how do I know if i came?

You’ll know. And don’t lie about orgasming – you’ll give him the wrong idea about what works for you and he’ll develop terrible habits and it’ll kill your sex life. Plus, honesty = best policy. Don’t let him pressure you to say you’ve orgasmed just cause he’s tired. If he’s tired, then okay, it’s not going to happen that time. Just enjoy the pleasure and work up to it. (You can also take turns with each other so it gives him a break and some pleasure then you can ask him to touch you again and keep going.) Just don’t lie to him to appease him!

You will know when you’ve had an orgasm. You haven’t had one yet.

Okay so I have been sexually active with my boyfriend for about a year now. He was my first so I have nothing to compare him to, but I really don’t feel like he’s doing anything wrong. The thing is, I can not reach an orgasm. The sex itself is fantastic but there is no release. No end result for me. We can for long enough that it actually starts to hurt but I have never had an orgasm, not vaginal nor clitoral. Is there any logical reason for this?

First, do you orgasm when you masturbate? If you don’t masturbate, you need to start. If you do orgasm when you masturbate, then obviously there’s things you need to work on in your sex life. If you don’t orgasm when you masturbate, then there’s things you need to work on with yourself before applying it to your sex life.

You said it yourself, you don’t have anything to compare it to, so how do you know that there aren’t things he could be doing/doing better? You’re not having an orgasm and it’s been a year. Not good! It’s unfortunately normal for women not to experience an orgasm during sex and that’s usually due to a lack of foreplay, understanding of the female body, and the woman’s ability to relax.

So my advice is to change it up. Take control or have him surprise you. Make it rougher, make it sweeter. Oral is your best friend. Have him go down on you until you’re right on the breaking point and then take it over the edge with penetration. Don’t hold back. It seems like that’s what happens the most. Women hold back and fight their orgasms instead of embracing them.

Encourage him to try different things, different positions, a different location, roleplay, use toys, etc. ANYTHING different from what you’re doing now. Because what is happening now, isn’t good enough. You can check the sex advice tags page for tips on positions and oral sex. Have him read it as well.

Im a lesbian and ive had many sexual partners but ive rarely been on the recieving end. When i have its not really done much for me.. neither has masturbation. But giving really get me going. Ive only ever cum while giving. Is it normal?

We all need to stop asking about what’s normal and what’s not when it comes to sex. You like giving, you like being in a position of control, that’s the most arousing and sexually gratifying place for you. If you are receiving sexual pleasure from what you describe as “giving” then keep working it!

You don’t have to be on your back in order to receive sexual pleasure, remember that.

If you’re getting off on it, if you’re having orgasms, if you’re truly satisfied with your sex life (and your partner is satisfied), then what on earth could be wrong with that?

When my girlfriend and I have sex I can always make her cum from the front and squirt at the same time but when I’m fingering her from behind it more difficult and almost impossible.. Any advice?

It’s all about the angles! You have to be able to hit the right spots and doing it backwards changes up your whole thought process. You’re used to doing it the way that has proven “successful” and now you rely on that too much.

You have a routine but that can also be seen as a rut when it comes to sex. You have to change it up, try hitting different places until you find what works the same as it does when you’re fucking her from the front. Experiment. Maybe try some toys. Point is, you can’t do the same things when you’re in a different position. You have to adapt!

If i masturbate often (clitoral) can that make me lose sensitivity? Like will that make my orgasms become less intense

For women, no. (Men: see below.) The whole experience changes the more often you masturbate and have sex because you start to learn different things about how your body works AND you also start to RECOGNIZE the feelings that are building up in you.

When you first start masturbating, all the feelings and sensations are so new and overwhelming, you have no idea what to do with them and how to process it. Later on, you know what to expect, the newness isn’t there anymore, HOWEVER, this does not mean less sensitivity.

You actually experience more powerful orgasms as you experiment sexually because you figure out how to maximize your pleasure. It’s just a different feeling than the first few times you had an orgasm because back then it was NEW, not stronger, just NEW. Women don’t lose sensitivity, we gain experience.

MEN! Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for you! Yes, you do lose sensitivity when you masturbate frequently – especially when you jack off roughly. If you grip yourself too hard and you’re too “FULL THROTTLE!” when you beat off, you lose sensitivity in your dick and it makes it more difficult for you to cum when actually having sex. What good is a soft, warm pussy when your hand has had your dick in a vice grip every other day of the week? You’re fucking yourself over and not in a good way!

Guys, take the foot off the pedal when jacking off. Do it less frequently and loosen your damn grip. If all you want is your hand to share your nights with, then by all means, ignore what I’m trying to tell you. 😉

does confidence have any effect on the ability to orgasm? I’ve been with a handful of girls and have made only a few cum. One was a very self confident girl and we had great sex and I was able to make her cum on average 4 times before I do, but this new girl I’m with I’m her first partner, and I’ve tried everything but I can’t make her cum. She’s not as confident as my other partners. I still haven’t seen her breasts because she won’t let me. she’d let me lick her all night and day though

Self confidence leads to being more comfortable and being comfortable means you’re relaxed and being relaxed means you’re more willing to let yourself be open and FEEL.

So, yes, confidence has a huge impact on whether or not a girl orgasms. It really does take two when it comes to sex. Women need to learn how to ACCEPT an orgasm and men need to learn all the right ways to give them one. It’s teamwork.

Help your girlfriend with her confidence. Build her up. Work on trust. Be patient. Listen to her. Get to know her needs and what she likes. It’ll happen.

Always remember though: all girls are different.

They like different things, different methods turn them on or turn them off, what works for one girl might not work for another. There’s no “one size fits all” concept when it comes to sex. Everyone is unique and that’s one of the best parts – learning everything there is to know about each person. So if you’re just repeating the same things you did with other girls and not changing it up based on the girl you’re with, that could be a big part of the problem as well.

You have to adapt to each individual’s sexual needs.

I’m a girl and I’m not new to sex, but I do have an issue. I have never came, or orgasmed, except while masturbating. All my male partners cum before I even get close and it discourages me. I’d like to experience it with someone. Advice please?

Well, first of all, find some new partners.  Sure, it’s always possible that you’re not going to come every time — but you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable just because it takes a bit more work for you to climax. They’re being pretty shitty if they’re simply cumming, and then forgetting that you haven’t.  Maybe they simply don’t want to acknowledge that they didn’t please you, or maybe they’re just assholes, but as in most things in life — communication is key!

Find someone that is willing to work with you to find out what you like.  Maybe it’s simply that they’re rushing through the sex, and you’re not experiencing the pleasure you should be.  Try different positions, try more foreplay, anything to help build you up and get you really aroused and ready for sex.  That being said, climaxing simply from penetration is a rarity for a lot of women, so don’t be afraid to spice it up and add some clit stimulation.  You can touch yourself, have your partner touch you, or maybe even incorporate a small vibrator so that you really enjoy yourself.

There are tons of options, and it’s just about exploring what works for you. We all want to experience pleasure, and it’s important to find someone that cares about pleasuring you, as much as they care about being pleasured themselves.

-teagan.

How come I can only orgasm when I rub my clit? Not anything. No fingering or sex. I’m dying! Please help. I’m 15 btw.

Well, first of all the reason you are probably only having an orgasm from rubbing your clit is because that’s what you’ve been relying on.  There are numerous other methods that you can try as well, whether it’s fingering yourself or using a toy, or just humping a pillow. It sounds to me like you’ve found something that works for you, and get frustrated when the other methods don’t work as quickly.  So, take your time. 

Try to explore your body and find out what feels the best.  Also, instead of trying to focus on only coming from fingering yourself and being frustrated when that doesn’t work, finger yourself and rub your clit so that you get the best of both worlds.  There are a lot of options, and some work well for some people and not as well for others.  In the end, if rubbing your clit is what works for you, then do it, but you can always add something to that so you don’t feel as though you’re stuck in a routine.

-teagan.

coming from a girl. sex has been so uncomfortable so far, even though my bladder is empty, i feel the need to pee during sex and makes it so uncomfortable and unrelaxing. whats this about?

First of all, make sure that you don’t just have to pee! Make a trip to the bathroom before you start getting frisky, and see if that helps your problem.  Or if you have more impromptu sex, even if it disrupts the vibe, if you feel like you’re going to pee — go pee and then come back to your partner to continue.  Better safe than sorry, because obviously peeing on them is probably going to ruin the vibe — unless you’re both into that. Communication is key. (;

On the other hand, it could be something else.  There is always the possibility that the angle that you’re having sex from is allowing your partner to press against your G-spot.  In this case, after a bit of stimulation, that particular feeling of ‘Oh god, I have to pee!’ will generally pass and lead to an incredible orgasm if you’re lucky.  Generally, this happens more easily if you’re riding him, or you’re having sex from behind. Try a few positions, and try to work through the feeling and enjoy the experience with your partner who may have hit the jackpot by finding your G-spot.  It takes a lot of couples a long time to figure that out, so, enjoy it instead of feeling uncomfortable.

-teagan.