Anonymous asked sumptuousdaydreams:I have a situation that I don’t feel comfortable talking to others about very much and maybe get a second opinion before I act on anything. My current boyfriend is kinda OBSESSED with me, and I don;t know if I’m really diggin’ him that much… and him and my mom are really close so I feel like I’m really alone when it comes to helpful advice. Even worse I talked to him numerous times about giving me space, and a week later MY MOM LET HIM MOVE IN. I feel trapped in my relationship & idk what 2 do
If someone is making you uncomfortable like that, you have every right to speak up for yourself, and you NEED to speak up for yourself. Your Mom, unfortunately, has put you in a bad position, but you DEFINITELY need to talk to her about this. You’re walking on eggshells and hoping no one will get upset, but you can’t do that, it will only make the situation worse for you.
Obsessive tendencies in a relationship only get worse. I once had a guy talking about marrying me when I’d only known him for two weeks and after one date! I got out of that as quickly as possible and it’s a good thing too because I started learning a whole bunch of stuff about him afterwards that was less than stellar. Definitely some psychological issues. It wasn’t easy cutting him out though because he made me feel so terrible for not returning his feelings, told me that I had reached into his chest and ripped out his heart, that he had to go to therapy after what I “did”. And, yes, this was after a grand total of three weeks and one date and one kiss (not even a real kiss). He made me feel uncomfortable and came on way too strong when I didn’t feel the same way. I asked him to go slower and he said he would, but he just seemed like he couldn’t help himself. I knew then that it wasn’t going to work and made my exit as quickly as I could.
So my advice is for you to find a way out of this relationship with this guy ASAP. Discuss it with your mom, tell her exactly how uncomfortable and smothered you’re feeling, tell her that you don’t like the way he makes you feel, tell her how you’re feeling trapped. I don’t know what she’ll do because I don’t know her, but hopefully if you sit down with her and let her know that this is getting bad, she’ll listen. As your mother, she should, and most likely will, listen to you. Her relationship with him comes second to her relationship with YOU. She’s your mother, she’s supposed to protect you.
Now, ending it with him…especially since he’s living with you…won’t be easy. If he’s obsessive, he’s not going to let you break up with him so easily. He will argue with you, try to convince you to stay with him, guilt you, anything! If he does anything that makes you feel unsafe, you need to tell your parents or someone at school or someone in a position of authority. Do not, for one second, let him make you feel afraid. You have the power to end it, the RIGHT to end it, and it’s OKAY that you’re not that into him. It sucks and feelings will get hurt, but that’s life. You would be lying to him if you stayed in the relationship when his feelings obviously don’t match yours so breaking up is the right thing to do for you both! It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to you.
You should be honest with him and tell him that you don’t feel the same way about him that he feels about you. Make it very clear that you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. I’m not saying crush him into the ground, but if you’re not strong and firm about it, he’ll think he still has a chance to “win you back”. A notion that’s often very delusional and it will be even more uncomfortable for you. It can also get out of control. So be clear, concise, and strong.
You should never feel trapped in a relationship. You have the power to get out. Believe that and keep reminding yourself of that, no matter how messy it is with your mom and him staying with you. If you ever feel afraid or he crosses a line, tell someone immediately and get help.
If you want to talk more about this, message me again, and we can discuss it privately. Even if it’s only so you just have someone to vent to.
Sumptuous Daydreams 