Tag: masturbating

Hi there can I ask for some advice? I turned 18 recently and my friend bought me my first vibrator, I’ve used it twice but I’m all ways sore after I use it. I know because I’m a virgin it would hurt some, but it can get really unbearable. I’m worried that when I do have sex it will hurt just the same. I’ve masturbated before with my fingers, and try turning my self on before I use the vibrator but it still hurts.

First of all, congrats on having a friend who bought you something useful. (;

Secondly, there are lots of reasons that you could be experiencing discomfort.  You said you try to turn yourself on first, but maybe you’re rushing things.  If you’ve masturbated with just your hands before, and that’s worked for you, start there.  Don’t try to rush yourself, think of something pleasant, look at porn, whatever and go slowly.  So once you’re feeling turned on, start fingering yourself or massaging your clit and then incorporate the vibrator.  Also, there’s no reason to start by fucking yourself with it, make use of the vibration.  Tease yourself with it, trace around your clit, all over your pussy, whatever works for you.  And then, work on inserting it. Start slowly, with the vibration off, and as you get comfortable, try dialing the vibrator speed up from there so you’re not overwhelming.  That way you’re focused on the pleasure, and can see what is causing you the discomfort.  If you go slowly, you’re more likely to find the point you’re having trouble with.

Finally, as a warning, make sure to take good care of your toys! Always wash them after use, and check that if they’re the kind that is rubber material, that they don’t have any tears or things like that.  This collects bacteria, and can cause infection, which you do not want.  Some vibrators are only sold as novelty, and thus, no one cares if they meet safety standards, so make sure you’re not using something inside of you that you shouldn’t be.

-teagan.

P.S.

crazedanddonfused said: Also if you’re having problems with being turned on enough before using it, you can get some water-based lube online, or free at a health clinic (or in Spencer’s!) to help.

Your help would be fab, whenever I masturbate I don’t get any real pleasure from fingering myself, whether as when I’m with my boyfriend, it feels better than clitoris stimulation does… is that weird? Is there anyway to change that? How can I make it feel as good as when he does it?

The good news is that you already know what you SHOULD be feeling and you’re not getting.

It’s absolutely normal that it feels better with your boyfriend. A sexual partner, with the intimacy and surprise that comes with another person feels amazing and it’s why people like having sex instead of just staying home by themselves… If masturbating was an adequate substitution for sex, there would be a MUCH happier world out there…

BUT! The fact that you struggle to find any pleasure at all is not something that should happen. Masturbating, while certainly not better than (GOOD) sex, is a pleasurable activity that teaches us a lot about ourselves and what we enjoy.

My suggestion is to try doing different things than what your boyfriend does to you. Experiment. Instead of trying to replicate his actions, find your own. It may be penetration, it may be clitoral stimulation, it may be both! But I think you need to try a new path instead of trying to recreate what you do with him. You can’t do what he does to you because he’s not there! That doesn’t mean that there aren’t OTHER ways to make yourself feel good.

Try a vibrator. Go slower when working yourself up. Make sure you’re really horny and wet before touching yourself. Relax. Close your eyes. FEEL what your body responds to and act accordingly.

The biggest and most common mistake I hear from girls when they have trouble with masturbation, is that they’re doing what they think they’re “supposed” to do to masturbate instead of giving their body what it’s asking for. Ie. Fingering. You should NOT jump into that first thing. You need to work yourself up, get your arousal to its peak before even considering it. Some girls don’t even want penetration at all.

Stop thinking about what masturbating is “supposed” to be and what it is you do with your boyfriend. Pay attention to your body and find out what it is you like. You have to listen closely and take your time. Once you figure it out, it’s going to make your sex life 1000x better! 😉

well i know its kinda a weird question.. but can i loose my virginity if i masturbate even if i masturbate like roughly?

It’s all in how you define your virginity. If you mean having your hymen torn/stretched, then yeah, you could lose your “virginity” that way. But really? The only way you stop being a virgin is after you have sex with another person.

There are stricter rules on this in other cultures, I’m aware. Being a virgin is even defined as being an “unmarried/single woman”! The primary definition remains though, which is: a person who has never had sexual intercourse.

Don’t worry so much about the whole “am I virgin if I do this/am I not?” etc. There’s no point in dissecting this “grey” area and getting to a point where you’re saying “well, I’m half a virgin!” (thank you Mean Girls).

When you have sex with someone else for the first time, then you are no longer a virgin. But the label isn’t important, okay? People place far too much stock in the whole concept of “virginity”.

hey, i’m a guy and i love jacking off, but its becoming boring, what are some ways to make it better, without having to buy anything specifically marketed as a sex toy. like what household products other than lubricants can make it feel better? or anything else you can do while jacking off?

Try different places and positions when you’re jacking off. Instead of just in your chair or on your bed, do it somewhere else. Stand in your backyard and beat off! lol. Just try anyplace new and a new position to break out of the rut.

Also, if you watch the same kind of porn, stop watching it. Instead try using your imagination rather than visual stimulation. Fantasize. Also, you can try watching something really different. If you’re straight, watch gay porn! If you’re gay, watch straight porn! Seriously, anything to change it up. I’m not promising it will work, but you should always keep an open mind.

Now, you can get REALLY creative with household items. You have a plethora of options available to you. I’ll suggest a few and then you should take a look through what you have and open your mind to the possibilities…

-A banana. No, I’m not messing with you. Cut the tip off and squirt the inside out. Pop it in the microwave for a few seconds to warm it up (not too long or you’ll burn yourself!). Then fill it with some kind of lube, doesn’t matter what, wrap the sections around your cock, or shove your load into the hole, and pump away! IT WORKS!

-Fuck your pillows. Stack them on top of each other or side-by-side. Lie on top and go to town. You also can use just one; mold it around your dick and thrust against it. Try couch cushions too. Put your cock in between the cushions (standing or kneeling) or slip it underneath the cushions. Crammed in between, you control the resistance as you press into the tight crevice.

– Use a hot, wet towel in the shower to jerk off into. The weight and moist cocooned warmth will feel awesome. Better than the standard shower jack off.

– More food… No, I’m not going to tell you to fuck a pie. Fuck a large cucumber! Or a melon, squash, watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, and so on… Cut a hole to fit your cock in one side, and a smaller opening the size of a pencil in the other. Hollow out the inside to fit you and then fuck that squishy goodness. You can put your finger over the smaller hole and remove it to adjust the suction to simulate the effect of getting a BJ. Bonus points for warming them up in the microwave beforehand. (Remember, not more than a few seconds! You’ll burn yourself!)

– Get a plastic baggie and fill it with something like Crisco, Vaseline, Jell-O, or banana pulp (if you’ve tried the first suggestion, then you already have that on hand!). Hold it in your preferred hand and stuff yourself in there. Fuck away!

– Get a stuffed animal, cut a hole in the bottom, and fuck the stuffing out of it. Yeah, I made a pun. 😉

Like I said, you have a ton of different things you can try. You just have to think outside of the box! If it’s getting old, there’s always something new to experiment with. (Just be safe and make wise choices about what you’re putting your cock in.)

FOLLOWER PARTICIPATION TIME! I NEED YOUR HELP!

So about 90% of my ask box is constantly filled with questions from girls/women about masturbating.

…I can only answer this question so often and I can only give one perspective – my own. That’s not good enough because everyone is different and everyone likes different things. One method might work amazingly for some while the same method will do nothing for others.

So what to do?

I need you – all of you females that follow me (sorry boys, next time) – to message me or send me a fanmail or reply to this post with some of the ways that YOU like to masturbate.

I’ll repeat: TELL ME HOW YOU LIKE TO MASTURBATE.

You can be anon, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to reply to your message. What I’m going to do is compile a list of at least 10 different ways to masturbate (hopefully you guys will give me more than that) and then I’m going to post it for everyone to see as a “master list” of sorts. Then I can have that for anyone else in the future to see if they need ideas for how to masturbate.

No names will be used. I just need ideas! I need you to tell me what works for you and it needs to be as detailed as you can be. No “I use toys” or “I watch porn”. DETAILS! What toys specifically? How exactly do you touch yourself when you watch porn, and what kind of porn are you watching, and where are you watching it, etc? What is your surefire, go-to, method to orgasm?

Don’t worry about being “weird” or “unusual”. IF IT WORKS, IT WORKS. There’s no judgment here! And the stuff that we don’t typically hear about is exactly the kind of thing other women need to know! Because maybe that’s exactly what they’ve been looking for!

I’m sure there will be many that overlap so the goal is to have at least 10 distinctly different ways to masturbate. This is to help others so please don’t be shy! Who knows? You may discover something new to try yourself! That’s the whole point!

Exchange secrets, ladies!

It’s time to get this masturbation issue solved once and for all.

So message me or even just reply here, whatever you feel comfortable with. Fan mail is ideal if your response is too long for the usual ask box message. Remember, I’m not giving out names. This is just going to be a compiled list. NOW START TYPING AND HIT SEND!

image

So I masturbate and it feels really good, but right when I’m about to orgasm I can’t. It happens every time. What if when I become sexually active and I can’t orgasm? I want to buy a vibrator, but I’m not old enough. Any tips?

Try some deep breathing. Taking yoga classes inadvertently does wonders for your sex life just from learning how to breathe correctly.

You may not even realize you’re doing it, but many women react instinctively to encroaching orgasm by holding their breath. *RUDEBUZZERSOUND* That’s not going to help you! Try to be more aware of how you’re breathing. The goal is to feel the sexual arousal your body is experiencing and then EXPAND it by taking a deeper breath which draws out the pleasure even more.

Breathe deeply into your pelvic area. I know that sounds weird, but when you slowly draw in the breath, visualize where you want it to go. Imagine that you’re sending the breath into the vaginal canal before slowly exhaling through the nose. This creates oxygen, decreases tension, and increases blood flow in the pelvic area. It has a HUGE impact on your sexual pleasure. Trust me.

Hi, I am 16 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we just started having sex and it no longer hurts but it doesn’t exactly feel good. I don’t climax its just kind of there but no pleasure. Any advice? Will it just take time?

It sounds like you need to learn more about what you like and what makes you feel good. You can’t rely on your boyfriend to know how to do that for you. Expecting your partner to somehow be a brilliant sex god and know exactly what to do to please you is entirely unrealistic and pretty much ABSURD when it comes to inexperienced, young partners.

So what can you do? Masturbate. Bring yourself to orgasm. Learn about your body. Once you know what you like and what works for you, bring that information into bed and guide your boyfriend to where you need him to be (that you’ve just newly discovered!).

If the sex isn’t good, then you need to:

A) change something ASAP

B) break up.

Since you’re both very young and you’re new to this, I say go with option A. You need to learn what makes you feel good so start by taking more control and figure out what your body likes. Then you can help your boyfriend understand what you need by leading him through it and encouraging him to do different things that you know works for you (hint: rhythm is your god).

This is a learning experience for you both so experiment with new things, read about different positions to try, work on his staying power (I’m just taking a guess on that one), and masturbate! Whatever you’re doing now isn’t working, so change it.

Your goal is to have each time be better than the last. 🙂

Im a girl and when im horny i look at pictures like the ones on your page and hump the edge of my bed instead of fingering. Is that wierd?

Not in the least.

Everyone has their preferred method. Whatever gets you off, gets you off! That’s why I’m always trying to tell girls who ask me about masturbating not to conform to what they think masturbating is “supposed” to be and instead just explore to figure what makes them feel good. Humping a pillow or the side of the bed or a rolled up blanket are all actually very common forms of masturbating.

WHATEVER WORKS! GET IT DONE!

hi, i’ve been going out with my man for two years and i’m still a virgin. and he respects that. i’ve never masturbated. case is, these past two months, he’s been opening up a whole new world literally. i gave my first blowjob. it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. and he tried to go down on me but i just wasn’t feeling anything. maybe i was too nervous? and a couple nights ago, we tried to have sex. but it just hurt. ALOT. so i told him to stop, and we didn’t. any tips, recommendations?! PLEASE!

One, please try masturbating. Masturbating is a big part of a healthy sex life. It’s the best way to learn about your body and what you like. You need to know what makes you feel good, before he can try to make you feel good.You can’t go into sex expecting your partner to know everything and be able to give you the maximum amount of pleasure possible – it just doesn’t work like that. So touch yourself, play with yourself, see what happens! It’ll make your first time better, trust me.

Yes, you were probably too nervous when he went down on you. Try, try, try again! Practice makes perfect. (Rhythm and circles are your life.) Help him out, lead him in the right directions. COMMUNICATE. But in order for him to please you, you have to know what you need. That’s where masturbating comes in! You’ll learn a great deal more about yourself that would take 10x longer to learn with a partner. You’ll figure out that small things things like breathing deeply and focusing will allow the pleasure to start building. It doesn’t just happen for women the way it happens for men. We have to focus, they don’t have to focus like we do. Of course there are exceptions to this, but on average, they don’t have to put much effort into getting a hard on or shooting their load (compared to women).

As for your first blow job, congrats! Put a trophy on the shelf 😉 You’ve been together for 2 years now, so exploring this new aspect of your relationship is new and exciting! Have fun with it and each other.

Before even thinking about sex, foreplay is a MUST so you should focus on trying to master that before attempting sex (again). That means blow jobs, hand jobs. have him finger you (GENTLY), have him go down on you, etc. All this foreplay will actually help you so much when it comes to intercourse.

The more you play with each other and find out those little spots and kinks that really turn you on…the better your sex life will be! You need to wade into the pool instead of just plunging in all at once. Take it slow, step by step. You don’t need to jump from first blow job to full on intercourse!

The next time you two try again, try to have an orgasm first. So…lots and lots and lots of foreplay. I really can’t stress that enough. You need to be soaking wet and fully aroused before even attempting anything. This will help minimize the amount of discomfort you experience during your first few times.
Boys, take note please, foreplay is essential to a woman’s pleasure. I know it’s sometimes agonizing for you because you just wanna skip right to it because you’re ready and eager and dying for her, but this is what your partner needs for it to be just as enjoyable! Of course, there’s exceptions for quickies, but do not ignore the value of foreplay, please!
If you orgasm first (whether through him fingering you or going down on you), your body will relax, be fully aroused, and well prepared for him to be inside of you. Read this post for more about the importance of foreplay and how to make your first time as pleasant as possible.
Feeling a small discomfort your first couple of times is normal. If you’re not masturbating or even having him finger you, then you’ll be much tighter and you will likely experience more discomfort than you need to. It should not be terrible, excruciating pain though!
Foreplay, turned on, soaking wet, add lube, and then tell him to go as slow as physically possible and to wait for your go ahead when you feel your body adjust to the intrusion and you’re ready to go for it.
The first time does not have to be the usual missionary position. Try side by side. That position allows for shallow thrusts and you can show him how you want your clit to be touched, guide his hand there! He can alternate between rubbing your clit and playing with your breasts. It’s win/win. If that doesn’t work for you then try other positions until you find one that feels good for both of you!
Take it slow, explore each other, masturbate, be safe, and enjoy yourself. 🙂

Hey so this is kinda embarrassing but when I finger myself I cannot male it feel good and I dont like it is there something wrong with me??

There’s nothing wrong with you! Focus on your clit and other erogenous areas rather than pumping your fingers in and out of you. Many women don’t even find enjoyment in penetration while masturbating. You have to experiment to find what works for you so don’t give up!

Timing is everything. You should be really wet and aroused before your fingers even think about going inside. You can’t just start off with penetration! You have to work up to it. And if it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it! Find out what YOU like instead of what you think you’re supposed to like.