Tag: how to

Is it normal to actually be really petrified of having sex because of crippling inadequacy issues? I’m only 5.5 inches long and past partners have said I’m too small, so now whenever I have sex I spend most of the time worrying about whether she’s actually enjoying it or not. I know about using my hands and mouth, I love doing that, but once we actually have sex I just get really self-conscious and worried and my own inadequacy issues really start playing up on me. : /

Is it easier for guys with a larger penis to give women pleasure during intercourse simply because of their size/girth? Yes.

Are guys who are smaller/average incapable of giving a woman the same amount of pleasure as a more endowed guy during intercourse? NO.

First off, you’re not inadequate. You’re not unusually small. You’re perfectly average! The only thing that makes it different is that you have to work a little harder and think a little more about using your cock right to make a woman feel it in all the right places. Should that make you freak out? NOOOOOO!

It’s just about being a conscientious lover. Talk to her. Ask her what feels good. Try different things. WORK. YOUR. HIPS. Try different positions. (I suggested a few below that are geared towards allowing for deeper penetration.) Open and honest communication with your partner is guaranteed to improve your sex life and make you the best lover she’s ever had. Size doesn’t do that. Love, intimacy, openness, communication, eagerness – all of those things are what makes sex as amazing as possible.

You just have to own it. Own your cock. Fuck your girl. Have the hottest sex ever. Don’t let something like size get in your way. Besides, it’s not even length that really means anything, it’s width/girth that makes the difference.

Confidence in bed is one of the best things you can have. I guarantee you that she’s not thinking “he’s too small”, instead she’s probably wondering why you’ve suddenly gotten really shy and you’re not as enthusiastic as you were when you were eating her out 5 mins ago. That will be the part that frustrates her. Not the fact that you’re 5 1/2 inches because I’m telling you – that’s the average size of men across the world!

It would also help to change your mindset about foreplay. Don’t just consider it “all that stuff I have to do before sex actually happens” – foreplay is a PART of sex. It’s all tied together. You’re not just going through the motions before you get to the “good part” where you get to stick it in her. That kind of thinking is going to be a major downfall for you. Kissing, petting, fingering, oral – all of it is part of having sex, not just a prelude. And foreplay is ESSENTIAL. The more foreplay, the better the sex.

Any past partner that told you that you’re too small is an asshole and she should go fuck herself. Don’t listen to that bullshit. When did she say that? ‘Cause that sounds like something a pissed off ex would say to screw with your head. Don’t let bitches like that affect your self-confidence. The best thing you can do is keep learning new things, listen to your partner, experiment, and you’ll be a better lover for it.

Plus side to being 5.5? You’re gonna get many more partners willing to deepthroat which will feel awesome for you and you can hold that over other guys who can’t get it. There are benefits and downfalls to both, no one has it all!

Tips:

– Get her to orgasm at least once before penetration. Knowing that she’s already climaxed will make you feel more confident and help you with any performance anxiety. Oral or fingers or both, doesn’t matter, just get her off.

– Try different positions. It’s all about the angle. If you hit the right angle, it makes all the difference in the world.

– Doggy style:

1) Her ass should be in the air with her head and shoulders comfortably relaxed on a pillow. So not on all fours, okay? Face should be on the bed! For the most effective angle, have her arch her back and her thighs should be together. It’s easy, simple, and feels really good. Also, lean forward during, maintain as much physical contact as you can comfortably manage. Constant contact and physical stimulation of the rest of her body makes makes it more intimate and does wonders for a woman’s sexual pleasure.

2) Both of you kneeling on the floor, leaning over your couch or something of the same. Open her legs from behind and enter. This position is fun because her hands are free to touch herself if she wants. Fucking from behind is a bit of a power trip so, if you want to spice it up and try some things, maybe do some light spanking or role-play. (Always clear it with her before anything happens!)

– Missionary: Put a pillow under her ass and have her feet rest on your chest or shoulders. Deep penetration and great G-Spot stimulation. It’s hard for women to keep that position when things start to get crazy so try using your own arms to hold her knees in place; one arm in the crook of her knee before you brace your hand on the bed.

– Snake: Flip it around. Have her lie flat on her belly with her legs closed. Put a pillow under her hips so her ass is raised. Bend your knees, straddle her hips while staying upright. Spread her thighs just enough to allow penetration and slide on in! Don’t put your weight on her during, if you feel like you need to brace yourself against something, bend forward until you’re able to touch the bed, but don’t fall on her. A tight fit feels great for both so hold her thighs together while you’re fucking.

Keep experimenting! Encourage your partner to tell you what she likes the best and you can keep working off that. The more you know about what works, the better the sex will be.

The size of your penis does not dictate whether or not you’re good in bed. Cross my heart! So no more of that inadequacy bullshit. You have some new things to try. So go get it done! 😉

Any tips on how to last a bit longer in bed with my girlfriend? Thanks!

Few ways!

– Stop-Start: Get used to building your arousal to where you’re almost on the verge of climaxing. Get yourself worked up, but as soon as you feel you’re going too far, back off for a moment (5-10 seconds) and let yourself come down a little bit. Do this a few times and then you can ejaculate. It builds up your tolerance and teaches your body self control.

– Condoms: Wear a desensitizing condom (they sell them in any drugstore). These particular condoms have a lubricant inside them that buy you some more time in bed. Make sure you don’t put the condom on inside out, otherwise the desensitizing lubricant will end up inside her and that’s basically the opposite of what you’re looking to achieve… Try Trojan Extended Pleasure or Durex Performax. Durex is said to be the best one though!

– Squeeze: When you feel yourself about to blow, stop whatever you’re doing (pull out) and squeeze the head of your dick for about 5 seconds with your forefinger and thumb, wait for the sensation to subside. Once you’ve calmed down enough, get right back to it!

– Kegel Exercises for Men: What? You thought that was just for girls? NOPE! You get to try it too! 🙂 Read here. It builds up your endurance (just like exercising any other way would) AND it’s been said to produce more intense orgasms for men. So give it a shot!

– MORE FOREPLAY: You would think that more foreplay would decrease your staying power, right? Not true.

1) It actually lowers your sexual excitement. (This is for men, here.) Without foreplay, the idea of you getting to fuck someone and be inside them is wayyyy too exciting and overloads your brain. Which means you blow your wad too soon. The more time you spend on foreplay, the less likely you are to get too excited too quickly! It’s actually a distraction of a kind… You’re focusing on all the stuff before intercourse and not intercourse itself. Make sense?

2) Besides, the more time you spend on getting her wet and aroused, the better it is for you both! Bring her to orgasm during foreplay so that way if you don’t have the best staying power that night, she won’t mind as much because she’ll have already climaxed once. Besides, most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone, we NEED foreplay, so you’re just being a better lover, really.

Does deep throating hurt? :/

Not necessarily. I mean, it’s uncomfortable because of the gag reflex issue, but I wouldn’t say it hurts… The only time it would hurt is if the guy is really rough with you (which you should immediately put a stop to). Deepthroating is uncomfortable, but many get used to it. You may find your jaw or throat being sore afterwards. The only time pain would occur is if the guy tries to force your head down or fucks your mouth while he’s in that deeply. If this ever happens, I’d be hard pressed to find a reason not to break up with him. I’d dump his ass so fast, he wouldn’t even have time to get his pants back on before he’s out the door.

Guys, never force yourself down your partner’s throat. It’s painful, they may vomit on you, they may bite you, and you are truly a gigantic fucking dickwad for doing it.

To help with your gag reflex, try squeezing your left thumb in a fist. The pressure point there is often effective to help people with a sensitive gag reflex so that could definitely come in handy for you! It works for some people, but not everyone.

The best way to do it is to relax your mouth, your throat, and gradually work him in deeper. Effectively “swallowing” him. Be aware of your breathing and make sure you take a breath right before he goes down all the way. Breathe through your nose after that. This is something you do with practice and you work your way up to being able to take him all the way in. Do not try to force his cock down your throat the first time! Little by little, push yourself a little further each time you give him a blow job.

It also depends on the size of what you’re trying to work with. The bigger they are, the more difficult deepthroating is. Please be aware that not everyone can deepthroat so while, of course, I say give it a shot and try it, don’t force yourself! Some people simply cannot do it and that’s okay!

my boyfriend gave me oral for the first time ever tonight and he tried so hard to get me off and it felt so good but i felt like uit was taking me so long to even get close. and once i got close i never really got close and i just started losing it and he felt like he was a failure cos he couldnt get me to come. ive never orgasmed before and i just feel bad cos everything he did felt amazing but i just didnt come and i think hes even more disappointed than i am :/

Aw, that’s so sweet! It’s common not to orgasm the first time someone goes down on you (especially if the person giving it is inexperienced). I’m sure he was disappointed because no guy wants to let you down! He wanted to please you! Just reassure him that you did enjoy yourself and tell him that you really want to try it again (and again…and again…and again…).

The key to oral is rhythm and never BREAKING that rhythm. So my advice is that when he hits a good spot or does something that you really like, make sure he KEEPS doing that and don’t fucking let him stop! It’s about working you up, finding that pace, and then keeping a steady/increasing rhythm until you break!

Try to help him more next time, give him guidance, lead him where you want him, and if he does something really good, physically hold him there and tell him to keep going just like that!

He’s not a failure – I know you know that – but guys shoulder a lot of the burden and the ones who care about your pleasure really take it hard when it seems like they’re unable to give you what you need. Again, reassure him that you enjoyed yourself and you really want him to do it again. (Don’t overcompensate by drawing attention to your lack of orgasm, that makes it worse, just continue to show sexual interest in him and an eagerness for more.)

Sex is all about experimenting. The more you experiment, the more you learn, the better you get. So…tell him to get back down there and try again! The sooner the better! And make sure you relax! You guys will find a way to make it happen.

My boyfriend is planning on fingering me for the first time and I’m really nervous, like I have no idea what to expect or do or anything, could you possibly help? thanks

Fool around a lot before you go anywhere below the waist. Make sure you’re really wet (use lube if you want!).

Have him cut his nails BEFORE anything happens. Seriously.

It will be uncomfortable at first and he needs to do it gently. Your body needs time to adjust to the intrusion. So ask him to go slow, only ONE finger, and take it from there. If it hurts too much, stop and keep kissing, try again later, but he should gently ease into you when you’re really wet and slowly work up the pace.

Only do what you’re comfortable with. If you don’t like it, either stop him altogether or just ask him to do it differently. (Ie, slower, easier, whatever you need.) Don’t be nervous. You’re in control of the situation. You dictate the terms.

You will be sore after the first time, but you’re not going to experience PAIN. If it’s really hurting, then there’s something wrong with what he’s doing or you’re so nervous, you’re not letting your body relax and open up to him. Arousal is a huge factor here! The more aroused you are, the better it will feel.

So fool around, get comfortable, and let him touch you! 🙂

Hey so I haven’t had a lot of experience making out, or doing anything really other than kissing. The only times I’ve made out the guy just stuck his tongue in my mouth and didn’t move it at all and the other times I just had no idea what to do. What am I supposed to do with my tongue?

Well, first off, I am so sorry you had to deal with the dead tongue. UGH. The good news about that is that you know to never ever do that to someone else!

I think the best way to help you out here is to give you a video tutorial. And who better to show you how to kiss than Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair?

WATCH AND LEARN!

If you want a more detail oriented “how to” guide, read this. It’ll explain every step and even gives you pictures!

I suggest you watch the video AND read the tutorial. After that, get kissing! Practice makes perfect. You need to kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, and kiss some more. Kiss until you think your lips might fall off. That’s the only way anyone ever becomes a good kisser – with practice! 🙂

So I am 17 year old virgin. I have a friend whom I am very open with, and she suggested using the water faucet of my by way of pleasuring myself. It felt good, but it felt overly stimulating at the same time. Tips or ideas?

Experiment with the water pressure – obviously the stronger it is, the more intense the sensation. So turn down the water pressure in your case.

Also experiment with the temperature – lukewarm or even cool is ideal. Some people like to change it up from cool to warmer once they get closer to climaxing! Or the reverse.

Move your hips so that the stream is not always directly on your clit. You want a slow, easy build up so back off when it gets to be too much and let the water hit a less sensitive area and then move back in again. Do this over and over again until you orgasm!

You have to play around with it to find what works best for you. Everyone’s different, but yes, waterplay is fantastic once you hit it right! 😉

I’m a lesbian. I’ve never gone done on a girl but I want to with me girlfriend. Help? Tips?

First, think about what you like and what you would want done to you. That’s your starting point. If you’ve had someone eat you out before, pick through the good points and the bad points and apply it here.

I answered a guy about this with some tips a while ago and even though it’s for a slightly more specific situation, it still applies for you as well. So read here.

– The biggest mistake you can make is letting it be all about the clit. The clit is super important, yes!, but it’s not the only thing down there! Use your mouth and tongue to explore EVERYTHING.

– Tease a little bit before you dive right in. Lick up her thighs, kiss your way up her thighs, and kiss the outside of her lips before spreading her open. Feeling your breath on her there or close to there will drive her wild.

– Use your tongue. Your whole tongue. Flatten it out. Use just the tip. Lick her like an ice cream cone. Flick it. Use gentle strokes. As her excitement builds, add more pressure. Focus more on the area around her clit instead of the clit directly.

– You can take her clit in your mouth. Suck gently. Release. Gentle flicking can send her over the edge.

– Use your hands. Place your hands under her butt and gently lift her towards your mouth. Reach up and stroke her nipples. Slip a finger in, then two, or three, depending on how tight she is. Start slow, work your way up to a steady, faster pace. To stimulate her G-Spot, have your palm facing up and hook your fingers towards the top of her channel, massaging the spongy-like spot there (it’s about 3cm in). Remember, what your fingers are doing need to be done in tune with what your tongue is doing. Both together will send her flying.

– Circles. Do you know what I mean by circles? You should know.

– Rhythm is be all end all. You want to ALWAYS have a rhythm going. Be it the motion of your fingers in time with the flicks of your tongue or the way you lap at her, anything! Everything needs to be done at a steady and increasing or decreasing pace. Work her up, let her down, bring her back up again, (and shake it all about?).

– Pay attention to how she reacts. If she raises her hips to meet your lips, GOOD. She should be getting wet and her pussy lips should swell a bit with arousal. If she starts moaning and trembling, keep doing what you’re doing. Rapid breathing and writhing around are good things. Duhhhh. If she grabs your hair and pushes you in for more, things are definitely going well. Listen to her breathing, watch her muscle contractions, take note of what her hands and her body is doing.

– If you feel a bit lost or unsure, talk to her, ask her to direct you to where she wants you to be. Ask her what she wants, what she likes. Or maybe you just want a verbal confirmation that you’re on the right track. That’s fine! Communication is key. You just want to be able to utilize both verbal and non-verbal forms of communication. All women are different and ultimately complex. Some women love having their clits stroked, others are too sensitive. What turned her on one day, may not work the next. Some want penetration, some don’t! So talk, be in tune with her responses, and have fun with it. Don’t psych yourself out. This is something enjoyable and something for you to play with, not to freak out over with every excruciating detail.

Go forth and eat pussy!

How do you avoid grazing your teeth on the penis when you are giving a blow job? I’m afraid I will hurt the guy when I finally do give one:/

Wrap your lips over your teeth and make sure your lips are wet so it slides in and out easily. The wetter the better when it comes to BJs.

Darling, it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me!

Sorry. I digress…

It’s like a popsicle – you use your lips and your tongue to control it, suck on it, lick it, etc. Basically, use your lips as a shield to prevent your teeth from grazing him.

You’re not going to hurt him, I promise. He’ll love whatever you do! (You already know not to let your teeth touch him and that’s one the most common mistakes women make when first starting to give BJs!)

What are good sex positions to make girls orgasm?

It’s different for everyone! But here are some popular ones. (Psst…I’m assuming this is hetero, but if I’m wrong, I’ll post again for lesbians. I just assume hetero because straight women have a much more difficult time climaxing…)

1) Missionary  / with a pillow under her ass

Why? Deeper penetration, easier thrusting, his pubic bone will hit her clit, and the higher the pillows/angle of penetration will increase stimulation of the G-spot.


2) Doggie style / on her stomach

Why? Increased friction as he moves in and out and she can grind her clitoral area against the bed. CLIT ACTION IS NECESSARY!

3) Crisscross / facing each other

Why? If she takes a long time to orgasm, this one is good because you don’t tire out as easily in this position. It’s more relaxed. Woman on her back. Man on his side and turned towards her. Woman should have both her legs over the man’s hips and thighs, making a bridge. Thrust easily until climax!

4) Reverse Cowgirl / WOMAN ON TOP IS BEST (so any position with her on top really)

Why? Ugh. So many reasons… The woman gets to dictate the pace and the depth of thrusting. There’s easy access to the clit. She can touch it, he can touch it, or his pubic bone will rub against it.  With Reverse Cowgirl, the woman should put her legs together instead of full on straddling. The tighter the fit, the more intense the sensation. Also, there’s increased G-Spot stimulation, so that combined with the clit action makes a very happy lady!

5) Spooning / side by side

Why? Intimate. Creates a tighter fit. Allows the man to explore more with his hands, including stimulating the clit, breasts, etc. It’s less moving in and out and more staying inside her with shallow thrusts. Cuddly. G-Spot stimulation. Need I go on?

6) Butterfly / Counter Top / Modified Missionary (so many names for one damn thing)

Why? Visual stimulation for both. The angle is great for deep penetration. If you do it on a counter top or a desk, the change of pace from the usual bedroom is exciting. There’s G-Spot stimulation. This can also be done on the edge of the bed with the man standing. He can lift the woman’s ass and drive into her at a great angle that she’ll love!