how to – Sumptuous Daydreams

I have a question, lol so my gf and I have been dating for almost a year and yesterday she told me she wanted me to blindfold her next time we have sex, I am okay with doing that but I don’t know exactly what to do while she’s blindfolded? and what could I use to blindfold her? I have a tie and a bandanna, which would work better? Please help lol /. oh and we are both girls 18yrs old and never done something like this.

Do you think you have to use a riding crop or feathers or something just because she’s blindfolded? That’s such a cliche and not at all true. I mean, sure, you could try that if you wanted to, but I’d save that for later exploration. Not on your first try.

Blindfolding is about sensory deprivation. Removing one sense heightens the others. No sight means that taste, touch, smell, and hearing becomes more acute. It’s your first time, just explore and have fun with it. Test it out. See what it’s like! You’re not “supposed” to do anything specific when someone is blindfolded. There’s no manual or a step by step playbook that you’re supposed to follow. It’s simply exploring how not being able to see, increases your reaction to touch (and your other senses). The biggest sense involved during sex is TOUCH and when you remove a sense, it’s going to make touch more intense and you’re going to feel more than you usually would during sex. It’s incredibly erotic.

Make sure you’re paying attention to how she’s feeling and her comfort level during this. If she starts to get anxious or overwhelmed, talk to her about it, stop, take the blindfold off, wait until she’s ready to try again or be ready to change it up if she doesn’t want to try it anymore. Just be alert and aware of your partner’s emotions. It’s easy for a person to get overwhelmed when using sensory deprivation.

A tie is better than a bandana – make sure it’s comfortable but secure around her eyes – hopefully it’s a silk or satin tie because polyester would get scratchy.

First turn the lights off (gradual deprivation is better than sudden), then blindfold her, and as you’re putting it on, whisper in her ear about how amazing it’s going to be, how hot this is, how sexy she is, tell her how she’s going to love what you’re going to do to her. Basically whatever you feel comfortable with saying, but whispering it against her ear while you’re putting a blindfold on her is going to be really hot for her.

Everything that you usually do when you have sex is going to feel more intense for her because she can’t see any of it. You don’t have to do anything different than what you normally do! It’ll be different just because she has a blindfold on. You’ll find out what gets her going and arouses her the most through trial and error. Have fun with it and see what all the hype is about. 😉

Some basic suggestions about what to do after the blindfold goes on:

– Kiss her, kiss her everywhere, lick her, taste her, touch her, turn her on her stomach and kiss her over her back and thighs and neck and ass, then turn her over again and do it again. Take your time.

– Don’t kiss her! Brush your lips against hers without really kissing her, move down her body without touching her anywhere, just let her feel your warm breath on her skin, maybe let your lips graze her, but never any real pressure or kisses. It’ll drive her crazy! She’ll be begging you and grabbing at you (in that case, I would pin her wrists down so you can keep teasing her long enough to get her where you want her to be).

– Give her a massage. Oil it up!

Some other “easy” ideas to try:

– Tease her. She can’t see where you are or where your hands are going to be so use that to your advantage – surprise her – make her guess where you’re going to go next. Don’t give her exactly what she wants until you’ve built up her arousal enough for your liking. If she cums easily, bring her to the edge of orgasm and then taper off, don’t let her cum. Do that a few times and then when you finally let her orgasm, she won’t be able to move for an hour. It’ll be amazing.

– Ice cubes or cold water. You can use an ice cube around her nipples and her navel. Play with her nipples more than you usually would, try biting them lightly after they’re hard and erect from the cold. Whatever works for her! The sensations will be increased threefold because she’s blindfolded.

– Use a vibrator. Don’t tell her you want to use it, surprise her and bring it out after she’s blindfolded, let her hear it first, build up the anticipation, then use it on her. (If she’s the kind of person that would want consent beforehand, then obviously, get permission for any toy use before even getting into bed. You’ve been together for a year, you know her well enough by now to know what’s okay and what’s not.)

My girlfriend (lesbians) wants me to be really degrading to her in bed and make her feel like a slut (which I can get into if it’s what works for her) but i struggle to find dirty things to say that don’t sound campy. Do you have any recommendations?

Find your inner alpha and make that girlfriend your bitch.

It’s really a base animalistic instinct. You need to be possessive. Take control. Let go of your inhibitions. Allow yourself to say things that might feel like they’d be embarrassing now, but in the heat of the moment, they’re anything but.

Here’s the thing: you need to be yourself. It’s not about playing a role, it’s about tapping into the more verbal and dominating side of yourself. All the things you think when you’re having sex – you have to find a way to SAY them. It’s a weird transition because we’re generally used to keeping those thoughts to ourselves, but gets easier the more you do it.

If you over-think it, it’s gonna sound really cheesy. You can’t plan out a script – it has to come from what you’re feeling. Give yourself permission to do that!

It has to come from you and not what you think she wants to hear. You’re not going to enjoy it if you’re just desperately guessing at what she might want. Trust me, you have the side of yourself she’s looking for, you just have to let it out. Take cues from her at first. What does she say/do when you have sex? Start there and see where it takes you. You’ll find your own way that works for you.

Another place to start? Possessiveness is where it’s at. Outside the bedroom, it’s unacceptable and unhealthy. That’s your relationship. In the bedroom? IT’S FUCKING HOT. That’s about sex.

Everything about her is YOURS and you tell her that, make your claim, dominate her, order her to do things to you, tell her what a little whore she is for loving it, etc. Describing what you want, what she looks like, what you want her do, all of that can be a crazy sexy turn on. The language is up to you. You can call her a slut, whore, bitch, cunt, etc. But it’s up to you to choose what really gets you going. Which words do you feel most comfortable using? For example, if saying “cunt” makes you cringe, don’t say it. Just find another word.

Examples: “Fuck, you’re such a little bitch, you love it when I do this to you”. “Ah, yeah, you fucking whore, you want it harder? You’re dripping all over me, you slut, you can’t get enough of me.”

Dominate her, manhandle her, make her feel like the control is out of her hands and she’s just yours to play with. Get her to masturbate in front of you. Put her on her hands and knees and spank her. Grab her hair. Hold her down. Make her beg to cum. Make her beg for anything. Engage her by getting her talk as well. Make her tell you what she wants you to do, demand it, get her to repeat filthy stuff about herself. Ie. “Tell me what a whore you are! Say it! A little cum slut who wants to lick my pussy clean”. Tell her she’s your fucking whore and you’re gonna do whatever the fuck you want with her. Use her. She’s YOURS.

It’s not the “degrading” part that she really wants, exactly, it’s the loss of control. Loss of control can be really exciting and freeing. That’s exactly what you need to be when you have sex – free – uninhibited, not in control of your feelings, your body, just letting everything go. That’s when things get wild, rough, angry, crazy, amazing. It’s all about getting to let go – getting to feel something and do things that you would never want “outside of the bedroom”.

Don’t worry about being campy. She’s not evaluating you like a term paper and correcting your grammar. It’s just letting the jumble of words and feelings and thoughts come out without thinking about it. When you’re in the heat of the moment, it all sounds fucking hot as hell.

(Tip: Establish a safe word. You probably think you don’t need one, and maybe you’ll never have to use it, but it’s ALWAYS good to have that back up. That way neither person is unclear about if/when things cross a line. It’s kind of like bungee jumping – you’re in a free fall, but you still get to have that safety cord around your legs to stop you from hitting the ground.)

What do I do with foreskin while giving a guy head or a hand job? Does it come up and down with whatever motion I’m doing or do I just push it to the bottom and try to avoid it or what? Thanks <3

Foreskin isn’t anything to worry about. It’s a natural part of the penis. It’ll go along with whatever you’re doing. 😉 It’s actually easier to give a handjob to a guy who’s uncut because you don’t need as much lube, the foreskin is a natural way for you to slide your hand up and down. Just take care not to be OVERLY rough because if you pull it back too far, that’s painful. So take it slow and see how he reacts, then you can up the pace!

Some ideas…

– If you hold the shaft and move up and down, the foreskin will slide up and down over the head.

– You can also pull the foreskin down below the head of the penis, then use short strokes up and down keeping the head exposed.

– One more… You can pull the foreskin all the way up so it covers the head, use short strokes with one hand, and finger/play around with the bunched up foreskin using your free hand.

As always, the best way to give someone pleasure is to ask them what they like. Everybody likes something different so treat each and every guy as a learning experience. Ask him to show you what he likes, how he wants you to do it. It can be really hot to see him touch himself and it’s great for you to know exactly how to please him (and throw in a few personal touches of your own to surprise him!).

Play around with it. Explore. Have fun! Don’t be afraid of foreskin! It’s not an alien. It’s just an extra couple of inches of skin. THAT’S IT.

How do you have rough sex? My gf (we are both girls) seems to really want it but i have no idea how to? the idea turns me on as much as it scares me. Im not really sure if i am scared because i have no idea what to do or the idea that i might hurt her; though i think it is both actually. Any advice for a first timer? She thinks i am too vanilla and i want to tell her i am not just that i am not sure how to

Take baby steps. You don’t have to jump in all at once. Try little things to experiment and see how it works for you, WHAT works for you. Being rough doesn’t mean you have to start slapping her around and flogging her!

Try some light spanking, scratching, hair pulling, biting, dirty talk. Have a safe word. Test each other’s limits, learn them. You could bind her hands and use a strap on, that’s hot, and it’s not overly rough, it’s more about dominance.

Try being more dominant, exerting more power during sex, more authority, more control. That’s where you start and that’s how you can show her that you’re not so vanilla after all. SHOW, don’t just tell. 😉

Rough sex is not always about the kinky stuff with toys – it starts with the psychological elements of dominant and submissive. One partner usually likes a little pain and the other likes to take control and get an adrenaline rush that way. It’s different for everyone. Don’t be afraid to get into it. That’s what a safe word is for, just in case anyone oversteps, and that’s how you learn limits. You can’t hold back otherwise it won’t be as good.

Talk about your fantasies. Discuss the things, kinks, that turn you on or that you’ve always thought about wanting to try. Let yourself go, let your emotions take over, find your baser sexual urges and tap into them! Getting rough requires trust and sexual freedom. If you don’t have sexual self confidence, then you’re not going to be able to release yourself fully.

Trust, let go, and fuck your girl exactly the way you want to fuck her.

Check out this article for more specific tips.

i’m lesbian.. i’ve never had sex with a guy. i tried a vibrator for the first time today and i have no idea where my hole is??? i know it should be able to go in me, but idk how?? or where??? is it bc my cherry isnt popped or??

First, watch this video where she explains EXACTLY what the hymen is and how “popping your cherry” is a grossly inaccurate description.

Second, I want you to get a handheld mirror. Go into the bathroom or somewhere private, get naked from the waist down, prop one leg up, use the mirror, and LOOK AT YOURSELF. That’s the only way you’re going to be able to learn firsthand what you look like down there and where everything is. You should be able to see everything clearly.

Just look, explore, touch yourself, and you’ll be an expert in no time. You can even sit on your bed, spread your legs, and use the mirror to look at yourself while you masturbate! If you don’t have a handheld mirror, pick up a cheap one from ANY drugstore.

Go easy with penetration too. Start off using your fingers first before jumping to a vibrator. You need to let your body adjust slowly to that kind of intrusion otherwise it’s just not going to feel good. Take it slow and prepare your body for it.

Is deep throating something that you have to practice to get right? I’ve tried once but i couldn’t really handle it

Deep throating is absolutely something you have to practice! Don’t worry about not being able to do so immediately, some people have a really sensitive gag reflex, and some people don’t have a gag reflex at all.

First of all, deep throat can be a really enjoyable thing for both you and your partner — as long as you’ve made yourself comfortable doing it. You don’t want to feel obligated to do so or like you’re choking just trying to keep their cock down your throat.

If you have a really sensitive gag reflex, there are some ways to desensitize that. One way to do this is by practicing. Find a popsicle stick or something, and starting at the front of your tongue, move the stick along your tongue until you reach the part where you begin to gag. Once you find it, take a few days to continually poke at it, and get past the discomfort. You continue doing this, until you get all the way back. If you don’t condition yourself this way, it’s possible that you’ll have problems with gagging at any point on your tongue – the front, or the middle, or the back. I know it sounds weird, but it’s true.

Another thing to do, is go slow. Make sure that you have a signal for your partner if he’s going too fast, or being too harsh, and make sure he knows that you want to set the pace. Start by taking him completely into your mouth until you feel him hitting the back of your throat, and then slowly work up to accepting him even further into your throat. Eventually, with practice, you’ll also be able to deal with the movement that action requires, but don’t push yourself!

In all actuality, it might be possible that it just isn’t something you enjoy, or your body won’t allow you to do it. But, there’s no harm in practicing, and there’s no harm in not doing it, either. It’s your body, and it’s all up to you. (:

-teagan

So I am trying to figure out some new ways to spice up me and my gf relationship she has been acting like she isn’t into sex anymore ik she still loves me so what are some ways I can make her want to have sex?

If this is a sudden thing, my first suggestion is to talk to her about it directly. There might be something deeper going on than her just not being in the mood. If there’s a bigger issue going on, trying to encourage sex and not acknowledging a relationship problem will only make things much, much worse.

But if you’re certain that your relationship is stable and that there’s nothing going on with her, with work, family, friends, etc. Then let’s talk about your sex life.

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, “The basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen, and women are like fire. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what [they’re] doing [they] can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.”

Sex for women doesn’t happen with a snap of your fingers. It’s not just about the body, it’s about the mind as well. Which is why you can’t think about just how to make her want sex, you need to think about improving ALL aspects of your relationship, ESPECIALLY the non-sexual aspects. It’s about the perfect storm. You need to have everything aligned in order for your sex life to be at its peak.

Also, women need sex to be worth it. Women will always choose cuddling or an early night over a mediocre sexual experience. It’s like, why bother? Why go through the trouble if all they’re going to get is something lackluster? So you need to make sure it’s worth it. Make it exciting! Get her excited about it! If she’s excited about sex, then she’ll be the one jumping on YOU. So, in order to sexually motivate your girl, you have to work on making sex exciting for her so that she considers it a priority over running errands or getting an extra hour of sleep. How? Here are some tips:

– Be spontaneous. Whether it’s surprising her with a home cooked meal and setting the scene with candles and music or just popping up somewhere to give her flowers and a quick kiss before leaving. Spontaneity is the best way to spice up your sex life. The key is not to think about SEX while doing these things. You want to improve the romance and get back the spark in your relationship. When you have that, sex naturally follows. Don’t make the mistake of “finding ways to have sex”. Work on your RELATIONSHIP. Do nice random sweet little things for her throughout the day. They don’t have to big huge, grand gestures. Little things often mean so much more than elaborately planned events. Believe it or not, something as simple as sending her sweet texts to show you’re thinking about her or getting her favorite takeout without her having to ask, or cleaning for her, or giving her a handwritten love note will go a LONG way to help your sex life. Show her that you care. That’s a huge aphrodisiac. There’s nothing better than to feel loved, wanted, and cared for. Plus, by being spontaneous, you have a better chance of getting her out of her own head and freeing up her body to relax and be open to arousal. One of the biggest roadblocks to sex for women is their mind. They think too much and get distracted too easily. If you catch her off guard, you have a better chance of keeping her focused on sex rather than have her thinking about all the other stuff she has to do. Keep her in the moment. Try talking dirty to her! Tell her what you want to do to her. Make sure she’s REALLY there with you. 🙂

– Show affection without expectations. Women know when you want to fuck. You start with all these little touches and not-as-subtle-as-you-think gestures and we know it just means you want to fuck. That’s not a bad thing. The bad thing is when you show affection ONLY when you want sex. So show her affection without any ulterior motive for sex. Kiss just to kiss. Compliment just to compliment. Hold her hand, give her a massage, kiss her, little touches, etc. Do all of that WITHOUT any thought of sex or attempting to take it any further. It’s a great feeling just to have someone want to be affectionate with you without EXPECTING anything to come of it. It will put her in the mood for later!

– Talk about sex. Work it into the conversation at an appropriate time. Maybe describe a fantasy you have or something you want to do to her. The idea is not to have sex right after that, but to get her mind working. It’s like foreplay without even touching her. Get her THINKING about sex and have her thinking about it during the day. The best thing is if she reciprocates and tells you about her fantasies as well. This leads to better communication and, of course, better sex! Describing scenarios and fantasies will awaken your senses and help you better understand what she wants. If you understand what she wants, she’ll be much more eager to have sex.

– Dress decently! Don’t be a slob. Actually take some time to think about your appearance and the clothes you’re wearing. Don’t wear wrinkled crap, make sure you actually match, try layers, and an ironed button down with the sleeves rolled up to your elbows is sexy as helllllll. Maybe you should even take a trip to the mall to get yourself some new clothes! Well dressed men are extremely attractive and draw attention. So if it means taking an extra 5-10 minutes to get dressed, do it. If you start paying more attention to how you dress, it will have an affect on her. If you look good, you’ll feel good, which will make her feel good, which will help your sex life!

– Foreplay. Anything can be foreplay. Something as simple as stopping to hold her waist and kiss her neck and stroke her back before moving on to do whatever you were doing before. PAY ATTENTION TO FOREPLAY. PROLONG FOREPLAY. All those little touches and little moments that you make a conscious effort to be affectionate with her will help put her in a more sexual mood. It’s all about warming her up. And when you’re in bed, take your time, touch her everywhere EXCEPT the “main” places. Men truly do not understand the value of foreplay for women and how it affects a woman’s sexual experience. Foreplay is what will define whether or not the sex is good. You could lose the game before you even start…

– Hug her. Yep. That’s it. Find ways to just hug her really tightly, hold her and make it last for at least 30 seconds. Why is this important? Well, hugs are nice! Who doesn’t like being hugged by someone they love? It’s a great feeling. Also, when you hold your girlfriend like that, it produces oxytocin (particularly for women), which is the hormone that facilitates trust and a sense of sexual connection and desire. Turn your head into her hair, breathe in deeply, let her know that way that you just like holding her, being near her, touching her. You want to have an easy going, comfortable, tactile rapport with your girlfriend. Hugs, hand holding, touching, etc. Like I said, it’s not about sex, it’s about intimacy and creating the desire for sex.

– Notice her time of day. Does she prefer morning sex, afternoon sex, or sex at night? Does she like having sex after a work out? Does she like it on the weekends? When she’s feeling her best, that’s when she’ll want sex more. So when does she feel her best? Paying attention to WHEN she’s in the mood will help increase your chances in the future to capitalize on those moments!

– Tease her in public. It’s exciting, a little bit dangerous with the possibility of being discovered, and it’s a way to show her that you’re craving her. Be covertly “inappropriate” while out in public. Ie, while sitting across the table from friends, talking about something inane, slide your fingers up her thigh and just around her underwear line. Do this for about 15 seconds and then remove your hand. Do a couple of these in a night and she’ll attack you as soon as you walk in the door or even as early as the car. 😉

hey, i’m a guy and i love jacking off, but its becoming boring, what are some ways to make it better, without having to buy anything specifically marketed as a sex toy. like what household products other than lubricants can make it feel better? or anything else you can do while jacking off?

Try different places and positions when you’re jacking off. Instead of just in your chair or on your bed, do it somewhere else. Stand in your backyard and beat off! lol. Just try anyplace new and a new position to break out of the rut.

Also, if you watch the same kind of porn, stop watching it. Instead try using your imagination rather than visual stimulation. Fantasize. Also, you can try watching something really different. If you’re straight, watch gay porn! If you’re gay, watch straight porn! Seriously, anything to change it up. I’m not promising it will work, but you should always keep an open mind.

Now, you can get REALLY creative with household items. You have a plethora of options available to you. I’ll suggest a few and then you should take a look through what you have and open your mind to the possibilities…

-A banana. No, I’m not messing with you. Cut the tip off and squirt the inside out. Pop it in the microwave for a few seconds to warm it up (not too long or you’ll burn yourself!). Then fill it with some kind of lube, doesn’t matter what, wrap the sections around your cock, or shove your load into the hole, and pump away! IT WORKS!

-Fuck your pillows. Stack them on top of each other or side-by-side. Lie on top and go to town. You also can use just one; mold it around your dick and thrust against it. Try couch cushions too. Put your cock in between the cushions (standing or kneeling) or slip it underneath the cushions. Crammed in between, you control the resistance as you press into the tight crevice.

– Use a hot, wet towel in the shower to jerk off into. The weight and moist cocooned warmth will feel awesome. Better than the standard shower jack off.

– More food… No, I’m not going to tell you to fuck a pie. Fuck a large cucumber! Or a melon, squash, watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, and so on… Cut a hole to fit your cock in one side, and a smaller opening the size of a pencil in the other. Hollow out the inside to fit you and then fuck that squishy goodness. You can put your finger over the smaller hole and remove it to adjust the suction to simulate the effect of getting a BJ. Bonus points for warming them up in the microwave beforehand. (Remember, not more than a few seconds! You’ll burn yourself!)

– Get a plastic baggie and fill it with something like Crisco, Vaseline, Jell-O, or banana pulp (if you’ve tried the first suggestion, then you already have that on hand!). Hold it in your preferred hand and stuff yourself in there. Fuck away!

– Get a stuffed animal, cut a hole in the bottom, and fuck the stuffing out of it. Yeah, I made a pun. 😉

Like I said, you have a ton of different things you can try. You just have to think outside of the box! If it’s getting old, there’s always something new to experiment with. (Just be safe and make wise choices about what you’re putting your cock in.)

My boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex for a long time but we can’t because the condoms won’t fit? Don’t get me wrong, is not as if he has an extremelly big or gigantic penis, it’s actually pretty normal, but the condom won’t come down and he says it is just so tight it hurts. Maybe he has a fat penis or I don’t know. lol. We know the right side to put it and the way it should go, we just want to be confortable and find a condom that will make him feel good and will make me feel safe.

Condoms are not one size fits all. It’s really common for guys to have trouble finding the right fit. Have you been experimenting with different condoms to find a better fit?

Here’s a size chart that should help you get a better idea of what you need.

Another common mistake is that you THINK you know how to put it on correctly, but you don’t. There are some really basic mistakes that everyone makes so don’t be embarrassed about that. Read this to double check and make sure you are doing everything correctly.