Tag: first time

my boyfriend gave me oral for the first time ever tonight and he tried so hard to get me off and it felt so good but i felt like uit was taking me so long to even get close. and once i got close i never really got close and i just started losing it and he felt like he was a failure cos he couldnt get me to come. ive never orgasmed before and i just feel bad cos everything he did felt amazing but i just didnt come and i think hes even more disappointed than i am :/

Aw, that’s so sweet! It’s common not to orgasm the first time someone goes down on you (especially if the person giving it is inexperienced). I’m sure he was disappointed because no guy wants to let you down! He wanted to please you! Just reassure him that you did enjoy yourself and tell him that you really want to try it again (and again…and again…and again…).

The key to oral is rhythm and never BREAKING that rhythm. So my advice is that when he hits a good spot or does something that you really like, make sure he KEEPS doing that and don’t fucking let him stop! It’s about working you up, finding that pace, and then keeping a steady/increasing rhythm until you break!

Try to help him more next time, give him guidance, lead him where you want him, and if he does something really good, physically hold him there and tell him to keep going just like that!

He’s not a failure – I know you know that – but guys shoulder a lot of the burden and the ones who care about your pleasure really take it hard when it seems like they’re unable to give you what you need. Again, reassure him that you enjoyed yourself and you really want him to do it again. (Don’t overcompensate by drawing attention to your lack of orgasm, that makes it worse, just continue to show sexual interest in him and an eagerness for more.)

Sex is all about experimenting. The more you experiment, the more you learn, the better you get. So…tell him to get back down there and try again! The sooner the better! And make sure you relax! You guys will find a way to make it happen.

im a virgin and i masturbated twice or so, but im scared that i might popped my cherry because if i got married and blood didnt come out, they’ll think i’ve had sex before which is really unacceptable in our countries, and im not sure if blood did or didnt come out, im really scared

It’s actually really common these days for your hymen to “break” (incorrect description, but we’ll get to that) as early as childhood due to exercise, sports, gymnastics, tampons, horseback riding, even bike riding. That kind of excessive pressure on your pelvic area naturally stretches the hymen on its own. It’s a myth that penetration is the only way to “break” your hymen!

In fact, the “pop your cherry” expression is ridiculously inaccurate! You can’t “break” or “pop” your hymen. Watch this video where it explains exactly what your hymen is, looks like, and how it works.

Your hymen stretches and that’s what usually causes the bleeding, but nowadays with tampons and masturbating, women are inadvertently preparing their first time experience to be a lot more pleasurable.

NOT ALL WOMEN BLEED WHEN THEY HAVE SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME.

The thing you have to understand for yourself is that bleeding is NOT an indicator of whether or not a woman is a virgin! Some girls bleed their first time and some DON’T! Some bleed even after they’ve had sex once or twice before. It all depends on how much tissue there is in the hymen and that varies depending on the individual. Some have more than others so those with more will experience a little bit more pain and bleeding. Others experience almost no pain and maybe just a spot of blood! Like a speck! Or nothing at all!

I understand that in certain cultures, blood is the “official” confirmation of virginity, but it’s so inaccurate! The only thing that determines whether or not you’re a virgin is whether or not you’ve ever had sex.

The problem with this antiquated thinking is that it was based on a time where women were less physically active. Women didn’t play sports. Women didn’t exercise (rigorously). Women didn’t use tampons. Women weren’t engaging in physical activities that would stretch the hymen. So it was far more common for them to experience pain and bleeding after their first time. So men just took that idea and made it practically a law without understanding it in the slightest. I know it’s tradition, but it’s tradition based on woeful ignorance of the female anatomy.

Today, it is becoming increasingly common for girls not to bleed at all when having sex for the first time simply based on their physical activities or masturbating or tampons. You’ll still be tight and it will uncomfortable your first time because you’ve never had sex before, but it’s very possible that you won’t bleed and it might not even be because you masturbated! It could just have happened due to your active lifestyle (not sexually active!).

I can’t tell you what to do or how to handle the situation if it arrives because it’s not my culture and I would be an idiot if I tried to advise you on yours, something of which I know nothing about. The only thing I can do is make sure that YOU understand the actual medical reasoning behind this so that you can arm yourself with that knowledge and be able to educate anyone who would question you or doubt you.

My boyfriend is planning on fingering me for the first time and I’m really nervous, like I have no idea what to expect or do or anything, could you possibly help? thanks

Fool around a lot before you go anywhere below the waist. Make sure you’re really wet (use lube if you want!).

Have him cut his nails BEFORE anything happens. Seriously.

It will be uncomfortable at first and he needs to do it gently. Your body needs time to adjust to the intrusion. So ask him to go slow, only ONE finger, and take it from there. If it hurts too much, stop and keep kissing, try again later, but he should gently ease into you when you’re really wet and slowly work up the pace.

Only do what you’re comfortable with. If you don’t like it, either stop him altogether or just ask him to do it differently. (Ie, slower, easier, whatever you need.) Don’t be nervous. You’re in control of the situation. You dictate the terms.

You will be sore after the first time, but you’re not going to experience PAIN. If it’s really hurting, then there’s something wrong with what he’s doing or you’re so nervous, you’re not letting your body relax and open up to him. Arousal is a huge factor here! The more aroused you are, the better it will feel.

So fool around, get comfortable, and let him touch you! 🙂

Hey so I haven’t had a lot of experience making out, or doing anything really other than kissing. The only times I’ve made out the guy just stuck his tongue in my mouth and didn’t move it at all and the other times I just had no idea what to do. What am I supposed to do with my tongue?

Well, first off, I am so sorry you had to deal with the dead tongue. UGH. The good news about that is that you know to never ever do that to someone else!

I think the best way to help you out here is to give you a video tutorial. And who better to show you how to kiss than Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair?

WATCH AND LEARN!

If you want a more detail oriented “how to” guide, read this. It’ll explain every step and even gives you pictures!

I suggest you watch the video AND read the tutorial. After that, get kissing! Practice makes perfect. You need to kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, and kiss some more. Kiss until you think your lips might fall off. That’s the only way anyone ever becomes a good kisser – with practice! 🙂

hey! i slept the first time with my boyfriend and it was the first time for him too. he could not cum and he said he could not really feel anything, is it because he was masturbating so much (i’ve read your post about that)? maybe you could help me because i don’t know what to do :$ thank you :)

It’s very possible that too much aggressive masturbation could be the cause, but I’m a little worried because that excuse sounds a lot like a guy trying to make up some bullshit reason as to why he “can’t” wear a condom – because he can’t “feel” as much… If that’s the case, tell him to fuck off. You don’t need that kind of assholery in your life.

Now, I could be completely wrong about that! I have no idea what your situation is. So if it’s not that or an issue of masturbating, then it could possibly be a physical problem, or perhaps drug-related, prescription or non-prescription. It may be because of strong religious injunctions and/or guilt; the idea of not wanting to surrender to a woman; or, even fear of pregnancy! There’s a lot that goes into a guy’s state of mind when he’s not able to ejaculate. Either it’s a real physical problem or there’s something going on in his mind that’s stressing him out too much.

It was your first time! Keep trying. Make sure your movements have enough friction happening. If all you were doing was grinding, that could be the problem right then and there! If the same thing happens every time, then he should see his doctor about it. Remember though, this has NOTHING to do with you. His inability to orgasm is not your fault by any means so do not put that on yourself!

To be safe, tell him to keep his hands off his dick for a few weeks, try to have sex a few more times, and see what happens!

My boyfriend wants to eat me out but ive never done it before&He knows that. Hes so sweet but im so incredibly nervous What if i smell? What if i taste bad? What if he doesnt like what he sees or just doesnt like me down there at all? Agdjdndnc

Look, your boyfriend wants to go down on you…SO LET HIM! Do you know how many girls have to push and needle their boyfriends into giving them head? Guys are selfish assholes. Your boyfriends WANTS to give you extra attention!

I know it’s nerve wracking the first time and you feel really vulnerable in that position, but it’s all going to be just fine! Whatever nerves you have, just laugh them off, be playful and silly, enjoy yourself. Don’t take it so seriously. The only way you’re going to enjoy it is if you relax.

Trust me, if you smell bad or taste bad, you would know about it. Just shower before you do anything and you’ll feel more confident about the whole cleanliness issue. It’s not a matter of whether or not he’s going to like it down there, it’s a matter of whether or not he’s going to be any good at it! Honestly, he has ten thousand more reasons to be nervous and worried about this than you do – he’s the one who has to perform! 😉

Approach it with a sense of humor and be confident. Your job is to help him go to all the right places and enjoy what he’s doing to you, nothing more. He’s asking you for this, not the other way around, so let him make you feel good. That’s going to be the biggest turn on/pay off for him. 🙂

So I am 17 year old virgin. I have a friend whom I am very open with, and she suggested using the water faucet of my by way of pleasuring myself. It felt good, but it felt overly stimulating at the same time. Tips or ideas?

Experiment with the water pressure – obviously the stronger it is, the more intense the sensation. So turn down the water pressure in your case.

Also experiment with the temperature – lukewarm or even cool is ideal. Some people like to change it up from cool to warmer once they get closer to climaxing! Or the reverse.

Move your hips so that the stream is not always directly on your clit. You want a slow, easy build up so back off when it gets to be too much and let the water hit a less sensitive area and then move back in again. Do this over and over again until you orgasm!

You have to play around with it to find what works best for you. Everyone’s different, but yes, waterplay is fantastic once you hit it right! 😉

How do you avoid grazing your teeth on the penis when you are giving a blow job? I’m afraid I will hurt the guy when I finally do give one:/

Wrap your lips over your teeth and make sure your lips are wet so it slides in and out easily. The wetter the better when it comes to BJs.

Darling, it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me!

Sorry. I digress…

It’s like a popsicle – you use your lips and your tongue to control it, suck on it, lick it, etc. Basically, use your lips as a shield to prevent your teeth from grazing him.

You’re not going to hurt him, I promise. He’ll love whatever you do! (You already know not to let your teeth touch him and that’s one the most common mistakes women make when first starting to give BJs!)

Stupid question, i really want to make my boyfriend come I’ve given him hj and bj but i always stop early because i dont know what its going to be like. i love the fact that i get to please him and i’m ready to be doing all that. i hate the fact that i tease him and never let him release! but yeah what should i do? should i have a chat to him about it?

Definitely talk to him! If you’re feeling nervous about it, you need to explain exactly that to him – let him know what it is your feeling/thinking. Guys need us to spell it out for them, they respond well to a direct “this is what’s going on” approach. They do not understand mixed messages and get confused very easily so the best form of communication is the one that is as straightforward and honest as possible.

What is it exactly that you’re worried about? Some white stuff is gonna come out and you just wipe it off with whatever you have handy. That’s it really. Just make sure you’re not in the way so it doesn’t get on your clothes and make a mess. Also don’t let it get in your eyes! Burns like a mofo. 😉

If you’re really worried about taking it all the way to the finish line,  try this: do what you usually do and then when he gets close, instead of stopping altogether, have him take over. Tell him to finish himself off. So he’ll jack off in front of you and you can watch and see for yourself without worrying about the responsibility. He’ll think it’s hot if you ask – anything so that he gets to come! Once you see it the first time, it’ll never be a big deal again, haha.

Do you want me to post some “cum shot” gifs for you so you have an idea of what it’s going to look like?

I’m 17 years old girl. I lost my virginity couple of weeks a go to a guy and after that we’ve fucked one time. I really like this guy but we’re not together. Now everytime we talk about sex, he tells me that he would like me to be on top. My problem is that I want to try it but I’m afraid that I don’t know how to do it. I have a lot of pressure about that. Like, having sex in general is a new thing to me. How to be on top? what should I do to make him get the pleasure?

Okay, first off, don’t let this guy pressure you into doing anything you don’t feel comfortable with or ready to do. If you’re feeling self conscious about being on top, simply tell him that you’re not ready to do that yet. If he has a problem with it then he can go fuck himself.

I know you said you want to do it, but your hesitancy makes me question if it’s what you want for yourself or if it’s what you want to please him… You see?

Do only what YOU feel comfortable and prepared to do. Don’t let him dictate what positions you’re going to be in! You just had sex for the first time! You’re not even dating! Just tell him you’ll get on top when you want to, but not right now. Not until you feel more confident about sex in general.

When you’re totally ready to climb up there (and it has to be coming from YOU and YOUR DESIRE to get into that position) read this post from an anon question I answered a while back.

A girl on top makes it all about the girl. It’s about you and what you like and what makes you feel good. He’s your playtoy and you’re doing whatever the fuck you want to him. This is why I’m advising you to wait until you feel more comfortable with sex because being on top means exploring what feels good for you. You’re setting the rhythm, the pace, gyrating, whatever it is you like. Until you’re ready for that kind of control…take it slower and if this guy isn’t okay with that, then you need to find another guy. End of story.