Tag: first time

so me and my boyfriend have been doing “hand” stuff, and whenever he really gets going, it starts to hurt a LOT.& not a hot type of hurt. like OUCH STOP hurt. and i dont know why. so, every time we “hook up” he gets off and I don’t because I always make him stop and I’m left feeling like I put in a bunch of effort for nothing returned. I’m still a virgin, so maybe its the fact that my cherry hasn’t been popped? i dont even know if it has been or not… idk what to do. i feel so unsatisfied.

Do you masturbate? Does it hurt when you use your fingers on yourself?

If the answer to the latter is “no”, then he’s doing it wrong. You need to work with him and take control, tell him what to do, what feels good, because he is obviously not experienced and doesn’t understand what he’s doing.

A lot of younger, inexperienced guys think they can just ram their fingers away, but that’s the opposite of what you want. Start off with him just rubbing through your underwear. Get yourself really wet and worked up just from that. Hump his hand. Don’t even go for penetration. Work on making that step feel really good. Then you can work up to having him massage you with skin on skin contact. If you’re finally starting to get what you need from that, have him use lube and ONE finger to slowly, gently go inside you, while focusing more on the clit.

You need to be the one to teach him what you like. It’s not fair that the amount of sexual satisfaction is unbalanced, you have every right to be just as satisfied as him, but for girls, we have to open up and take more control over the situation because you cannot leave it up to your boyfriend to know how to do it.

If he doesn’t try harder and listen to you when you tell him what you like, then that’s a serious problem and you may want to rethink your relationship with him. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced some real assholes who purposely do a bad job of fingering because they don’t want to put the work in. If they “suck” at it or they hurt you, then you’re not going to keep asking them to do it, right? It’s fucked up, but that is the reality for some people.

Hopefully that’s not the case with your boyfriend. So just try to work with him. It should NOT be hurting like that. So either he’s doing it wrong or there’s a rare possibility you have a medical issue. (I really think he’s just doing it wrong.)

Hi, I am 16 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we just started having sex and it no longer hurts but it doesn’t exactly feel good. I don’t climax its just kind of there but no pleasure. Any advice? Will it just take time?

It sounds like you need to learn more about what you like and what makes you feel good. You can’t rely on your boyfriend to know how to do that for you. Expecting your partner to somehow be a brilliant sex god and know exactly what to do to please you is entirely unrealistic and pretty much ABSURD when it comes to inexperienced, young partners.

So what can you do? Masturbate. Bring yourself to orgasm. Learn about your body. Once you know what you like and what works for you, bring that information into bed and guide your boyfriend to where you need him to be (that you’ve just newly discovered!).

If the sex isn’t good, then you need to:

A) change something ASAP

B) break up.

Since you’re both very young and you’re new to this, I say go with option A. You need to learn what makes you feel good so start by taking more control and figure out what your body likes. Then you can help your boyfriend understand what you need by leading him through it and encouraging him to do different things that you know works for you (hint: rhythm is your god).

This is a learning experience for you both so experiment with new things, read about different positions to try, work on his staying power (I’m just taking a guess on that one), and masturbate! Whatever you’re doing now isn’t working, so change it.

Your goal is to have each time be better than the last. 🙂

i didn’t bleed in my first time is that normal?

Yep! It’s becoming increasingly normal for girls to already have their hymen stretched and torn early on in life from sports, exercise, tampons, masturbating, etc. You probably had a little spotting at some point when you were younger and never questioned what it was, maybe brushing it off as something related to your period, when in fact, it was a slight tearing of your hymen.

No big deal! (And, yes, you were still a virgin when you had sex. Some people still ask that question, unfortunately, so I’m making it very clear: bleeding, or lack thereof, does not define a woman’s virginity.)

FIRST TIME ANAL

Hey, I’m a guy and looking into trying anal with my girlfriend. She’s definitely interested, but neither of us want to force it and cause her any pain that can be avoided. She said she would be ready for a little pain when push comes to shove, as it might take time getting used to the sensation, but we want to minimize it if at all possible. Can you give me some tips to help start us off and maybe give me, as a guy, some tips to really help soothe her and help her out?
– Anonymous

GO. AS. SLOWLY. AS. YOU. POSSIBLY. CAN.

That’s numero uno. The first time is always the hardest and it does hurt in the beginning and she will be sore as hell afterwards, but if you do it right, it won’t hurt nearly that much and after the first time, it gets easier. I’m glad you’re asking about it because that really shows that you want to do the best you can for your girlfriend. 🙂

Here are some basic guidelines to anal. I’m going to direct the tips to girls and what they can do. You can either have your girlfriend read this or suggest these things to her.

1) RELAX. Spend a few minutes relaxing your mind and your entire body. You can also relax your anal muscles – which would help you so much! Try tightening them by squeezing your butt muscles and hold for a few minutes, then release. Do this a few times and you’ll start to feel more of what it is you need to relax.

2) LUBE, LUBE, LUBE, AND MORE FUCKING LUBE! You seriously cannot use too much lube when it comes to anal. You don’t have any natural body juices helping out here so this is extremely important. The more lube you use, the more comfortable and enjoyable it will be. Use a water-based lubricant. The skin naturally absorbs and it dries up a little more quickly than the others, but that’s why it’s the safest form to use. You don’t want to risk infection because cleaning out the ass is more difficult. So water-based lube and lots of it!!! Keep it close by in case you feel like you need more during!

3) Before going right to it, start off by using a finger to get your anal muscles to relax and open to the intrusion. Slowly insert more fingers as it becomes more comfortable for you. Rimming is also a good idea (tongue fucking your ass). The anus has a concentration of nerve endings and can be an erogenous zone for some women. So the more gentle finger play and stimulation you have there, the better intercourse will feel.

4) Communicate! Talk to your partner about your fears or desires for anal sex. Continue to communicate when first trying anal sex by letting your partner know if it hurts or if you would like him to move more slowly or more quickly. It is important that you feel comfortable so don’t be afraid to talk to them about it! Just biting your pillow is NOT going to help you here. If you’re willing to try this in the first place, then you need to be in a position where you feel comfortable directing your partner in exactly what you need. Never force anything. This is all about easing into it at the pace that YOU need.

5) Women—you stay in control! Especially the first time you are trying anal penetration, it is good to be in control of your man’s dick so that you can guide it at a pace and pressure that you are comfortable with. Take your time in getting it in. This is also good because the lining of the anus is very sensitive, so pay attention to your body and stop if it is too painful. Some good beginning positions for when trying anal sex are missionary, doggie style, and laying on your side with your partner behind you on his side. These positions are the best because your anal muscles relax more easily in them. Men, you need to be on your toes and listen to your partner. Follow their cues without question. If you don’t listen, you risk hurting them and causing real damage to their body. So be extra aware of everything that you’re doing!

6) It WILL be uncomfortable at first, though the pain should not be overwhelming. If it is, stop, and keep using foreplay until you’re ready to try again. Real pain, pinching, intense discomfort, are all signs that you haven’t fully prepared your anus for penetration so you need to keep working on it. Don’t hold your breath when you feel the discomfort – breathe through it. Men, you can help to remind your partners by gently encouraging her to breathe. Whisper it in her ear, be reassuring, touch her, talk to her – just stay in constant communication so she doesn’t feel like she’s in this place of discomfort alone and you’re just there to fuck her ass.

7) Be safe! Shower before and after, taking extra care to clean down there. Do not go from ass to pussy, it can lead to infection or complications. Always use a condom! (That’s not even just about safety, it’s provides extra lubrication and it’s easier to slide in and out…) If you try anal and want to switch to pussy again, discard that condom and put on a new one to minimize the risk of infection.

8) Stimulating both your ass and your pussy will maximize your pleasure. Either have him finger your pussy or maybe even bring a vibrator in and use that while he’s playing with your ass. It feels great for BOTH partners! It’s important not to forget your clit and your pussy in general just because you’re focusing on anal sex. It all works together! Most women can’t climax just from anal so that’s why you need both.

9) For those receiving, it’s ideal to make sure you use the bathroom to empty all contents before starting. It’s rare, but it happens, so try to avoid any messy situation with a quick trip to the bathroom.

Okay, so some particular advice for guys…

– Don’t do what you’ve seen in porn. NEVER. I beg of you. Porn is the worst model you can use for sex. In most porn, you see a guy just ram it home in one shot. NEVER DO THIS. It will not only hurt your partner, but it’s also a mood killer and major turn off. You need to gently ease into her. If she tells you it’s too much, either stop where you are or pull out completely (depending on what she’s asking).

– When it comes to anal, you’ll be pushing in a little, then stopping, pulling out, try some fingering again, then go back and ease in a little more. It can be frustrating for you, I know, but you will hurt your partner if you do anything overzealous in the beginning. You can cause tearing and bleeding and your partner will NOT want to try it ever again. So patience is your best friend. Think of this as fun, not as some frustrating thing where you can’t just get into her already! Play around with it, enjoy the new sensations, listen to your partner, and you’ll be making both of your experiences very enjoyable!

– The best way for women to enjoy anal is to orgasm at least once before trying it. So try getting her off with oral sex (you can also start slipping your digits up the other way to begin preparing her – massage her anus first and then gently insert a finger). Women also prefer having regular intercourse before switching to anal. So have sex, make sure she orgasms, and then for the next round, that’s the best time to try anal. She’ll be aroused, ready, and relaxed – which is key! Jumping straight to anal without anything else is a bad idea and you’ll likely be rejected.

– I can’t stress this enough, listen to your partner. Do what they ask you to do. If you get too eager and go too fast before they’re ready, you’ll hurt them and the chances of them wanting to try anal sex again are slim to none. So do what you have to do to mentally prepare yourself to be patient and understanding. If your partner doesn’t enjoy it after the first time, then you need to respect that. Anal sex isn’t for everyone. Some people love it, others do not. Never pressure your partner into doing it again if they don’t want to or make them feel guilty for not wanting it. Respect their wishes. There are many…many…many different ways to explore and have fun with sex that doesn’t involve anal. So don’t be so disappointed! You’ve got plenty more to try!

I’m an 18 year old girl and I’ve gone down of guys before but we always get interrupted before he finishes. But I don’t even know what to do when he does cum. Do I spit or swallow or? I just need some advice.. Thank you!

That’s your choice! Think about what you’d be comfortable with. A lot of guys prefer it when you swallow because they like being in your mouth until the very end and it’s also really hot for them to watch you.

You can swallow, you can take it and then spit (some of it does accidentally go down your throat though and you actually taste more of it because, with spitting, it swirls around in your mouth for a longer period of time), or you don’t have to take any of his cum at all!

If you’re not comfortable with it then DO NOT SWALLOW. You don’t have to, it’s not a requirement, and your guy will be perfectly fine with it.

Just discuss it with him before you start and make sure that he knows to pull away and finish himself off (or you can do it with your hand) into a tissue or somewhere on your body, whatever you want.

Test the waters. Try actually getting the point of climax with him (no swallowing, he jerks off onto something else) and after you’ve seen it the first time, decide whether or not you would mind having him cum in your mouth the next time. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. It’s that simple. Just communicate that with your partner and make sure he’s on the same page so there are no “surprises”…

Do you consider receiving oral sex as losing your virginity

It depends. I think oral is a very intimate sexual act that someone is performing on you. It really all comes down to what you feel and how you look at it. Personally, I don’t think penetration is the be all, end all defining sex act that means you’re no longer a “virgin”.

If having a penis inside you is the only way to end your “virginity” then there are a HELL of a lot lesbians out there that are still virgins despite having multiple partners for years… It’s all in your personal perspective. What line would you need to cross to no longer consider yourself a virgin?

And is it really that important to make the distinction? Virgin, not a virgin, half a virgin, whatever! You’re engaging in sexual activity. That’s all.

Hi, so my bf and I talked and it turns out I’m not that great at sex. The thing is I was a virging when I met him so I don’t have any experiance, on top of that I’m scared of failure and am too self-conscious to really act on my ideas. His previous gf was a big time slut wih all the right moves and I feel like I’m letting him down. Can you give me some tips on how to be more daring and not be so damn shy and just blow his mind?

Did he TELL you that you’re not good in bed???? If he did, I say tell him he can go fuck himself and you can find someone better than that asshole. No one should ever make you feel insecure or tell you that you’re not “up to par” in bed. That’s fucking bullshit. You don’t even want to be with an dickhead who acts like that! He doesn’t deserve the time of day from you!

However, if this is more of YOUR perceived insecurities and not exactly what he said, then let’s talk about it.

First things first, you have to forget about his ex. You will never get anywhere by comparing yourself to her. And just because she was experienced, doesn’t mean she was any good. He’s with YOU now, not her. Obviously she was lacking somehow for him because he’s with you now. Make sure you remind yourself of that every time you start to let those thoughts creep back in, self-doubt, and comparing yourself. The ex doesn’t matter. It’s all about you and him right now.

I know you said you talked to him, but what did he say exactly? If he was looking for something in bed that you guys haven’t been doing, then he should have been specific about what it was. How else are you going to know? Talk to him, communicate, find out what it is that he wants that you guys aren’t doing and then test it out.

Enthusiasm and confidence are the biggest benchmarks of good sex. It’s a huge turn on for both men and women. Taking charge with confidence is one of the hottest things you can do. So to hell with his ex, he’s yours now! Act on your ideas! I know you have them. I think that you know exactly what you want to do and how to spice things up, but you’re holding back because you’re worried about being held up to ex for comparison. Nothing is going to change for you until you stop thinking like that and let the past be the past. He wants to be with you so instead of being shy and insecure, let this be your damn victory parade! He’s going to find it the hottest thing ever.

Honestly, I think that’s what it comes down to. You’re letting the “idea” of his experienced ex get in between you and it’s interfering with your sex life! You’re not letting him down, I promise you. And it’s not all about him! What about you? Are you getting enough satisfaction from your sex life? I’m gonna guess no. Why? Because you’re too freaked out about not being good enough to enjoy it fully. Or maybe he’s a shit lay. I don’t know! But you owe it to yourself to try to figure this out.

Talk to him, talk about what he feels is missing, talk about what you’re not getting either, tell him what you’re worried about, tell him that you’re worried about not matching up. That’s something he would want to know! He’d want to know that you’re feeling that way so that he can reassure you and tell you just how wrong you are. Honesty is the place to start. If he understands where you’re coming from, that will help both of you so much more.

Then you can throw him down, get on top, and focus on nothing else but fucking the living hell out of him. Do it exactly the way you want to do it and the way I know you’ve been thinking about doing. It’s the first step to regaining your confidence and proving to yourself that you know what you want. It’s not about him – it’s about you. If you are confident and open and eager, you will blow his mind.

It’s not about the ‘tricks’ or this move over that move, it’s about how passionate you are with each other, your feelings for each other, and the connection you share. That’s what sets you apart from any other girl he’s been with. When you are YOU, when you let go of your inhibitions and are completely yourself with him, that alone will put you in your own category and there will never be any comparison.

If i fingered myself for the first time, would i bleed? Like does that ‘pop the cherry’?

Watch this video.

You cannot “pop your cherry”. It’s a grossly incorrect term. (By ‘grossly’ I mean both gross and huge.) Your hymen is probably already stretched or torn enough from other normal, everyday activities that using your fingers wouldn’t be enough to cause bleeding. It is possible though.

Just watch the video.

hi, i’ve been going out with my man for two years and i’m still a virgin. and he respects that. i’ve never masturbated. case is, these past two months, he’s been opening up a whole new world literally. i gave my first blowjob. it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. and he tried to go down on me but i just wasn’t feeling anything. maybe i was too nervous? and a couple nights ago, we tried to have sex. but it just hurt. ALOT. so i told him to stop, and we didn’t. any tips, recommendations?! PLEASE!

One, please try masturbating. Masturbating is a big part of a healthy sex life. It’s the best way to learn about your body and what you like. You need to know what makes you feel good, before he can try to make you feel good.You can’t go into sex expecting your partner to know everything and be able to give you the maximum amount of pleasure possible – it just doesn’t work like that. So touch yourself, play with yourself, see what happens! It’ll make your first time better, trust me.

Yes, you were probably too nervous when he went down on you. Try, try, try again! Practice makes perfect. (Rhythm and circles are your life.) Help him out, lead him in the right directions. COMMUNICATE. But in order for him to please you, you have to know what you need. That’s where masturbating comes in! You’ll learn a great deal more about yourself that would take 10x longer to learn with a partner. You’ll figure out that small things things like breathing deeply and focusing will allow the pleasure to start building. It doesn’t just happen for women the way it happens for men. We have to focus, they don’t have to focus like we do. Of course there are exceptions to this, but on average, they don’t have to put much effort into getting a hard on or shooting their load (compared to women).

As for your first blow job, congrats! Put a trophy on the shelf 😉 You’ve been together for 2 years now, so exploring this new aspect of your relationship is new and exciting! Have fun with it and each other.

Before even thinking about sex, foreplay is a MUST so you should focus on trying to master that before attempting sex (again). That means blow jobs, hand jobs. have him finger you (GENTLY), have him go down on you, etc. All this foreplay will actually help you so much when it comes to intercourse.

The more you play with each other and find out those little spots and kinks that really turn you on…the better your sex life will be! You need to wade into the pool instead of just plunging in all at once. Take it slow, step by step. You don’t need to jump from first blow job to full on intercourse!

The next time you two try again, try to have an orgasm first. So…lots and lots and lots of foreplay. I really can’t stress that enough. You need to be soaking wet and fully aroused before even attempting anything. This will help minimize the amount of discomfort you experience during your first few times.
Boys, take note please, foreplay is essential to a woman’s pleasure. I know it’s sometimes agonizing for you because you just wanna skip right to it because you’re ready and eager and dying for her, but this is what your partner needs for it to be just as enjoyable! Of course, there’s exceptions for quickies, but do not ignore the value of foreplay, please!
If you orgasm first (whether through him fingering you or going down on you), your body will relax, be fully aroused, and well prepared for him to be inside of you. Read this post for more about the importance of foreplay and how to make your first time as pleasant as possible.
Feeling a small discomfort your first couple of times is normal. If you’re not masturbating or even having him finger you, then you’ll be much tighter and you will likely experience more discomfort than you need to. It should not be terrible, excruciating pain though!
Foreplay, turned on, soaking wet, add lube, and then tell him to go as slow as physically possible and to wait for your go ahead when you feel your body adjust to the intrusion and you’re ready to go for it.
The first time does not have to be the usual missionary position. Try side by side. That position allows for shallow thrusts and you can show him how you want your clit to be touched, guide his hand there! He can alternate between rubbing your clit and playing with your breasts. It’s win/win. If that doesn’t work for you then try other positions until you find one that feels good for both of you!
Take it slow, explore each other, masturbate, be safe, and enjoy yourself. 🙂

I am a lesbian and a virgin and I don’t shave ‘down there.’ will this be a problem when I do have sex? Also when I’ve tried to shave it just itches.

I suggest you wax. If shaving is annoying for you, (well, shaving is annoying for everyone) then make an appointment to get waxed. You don’t need to be BALD down there. That’s a matter of personal preference, of course, but you do need to be well groomed.

It’s necessary, whether male or female, for you to maintain what’s happening down there. (Boys: trimming is an absolute requirement – don’t be lazy, it’s gross and annoys your partners!) If you want a full bush, that’s great, but it still means shaping and trimming to a certain extent. Even with a full bush, it doesn’t mean you can let everything grow totally wild.

I’m going to be totally honest with you, it IS a turn off when everything is just a wild mess down there. Keep it neat. Waxing is the best option. Shaving is second best (see here for tips on shaving). There’s always going to be a little bit of itching when it grows back, but the more you do it, the less it affects you.

My advice is that you definitely need to do some form of maintenance down there before you have sex. It’s just polite, really. What exactly you want to do and how much, is entirely up to you!