Tag: first time

Even if I’m really wet, it still hurts when he puts it in sometimes. What helps with this? If it’s arrousal, I don’t really know anything about what arrousal. I’m really tight like It hurts just puting a finger in me. I guess lots of advice with penetration would help

Is he going slow or rushing? You need to have a lot of foreplay, a lot of fooling around and kissing and touching before trying it. And even then, you have to go slow, ease in, let your body adjust to it. The more often you do it, the easier it gets, but you have to let your body adjust – he can’t just ram into you before you’re ready especially when your body is very new to this.

Are you sure you’re wet enough? Try using a water based lube and see if that makes a difference. Also, if you’re worried or nervous about the penetration – that works against you. It’ll make you tighter and dry. Try to relax, lie down comfortably, kiss and touch and have him rub circles around your clit for a little until you’re soaking wet and then he can slowly push a finger in and test it out. He shouldn’t be jamming them in and immediately trying to fuck you.

There was a post on tumblr I saw recently that said girls enjoy fingering when “you know the difference between summoning a genie and stuffing a chicken”. So accurate.

Your body needs to relax in order to open up more to the intrusion. Have you tried oral sex? Having him go down on you? That’s one of the best things to make penetration more pleasurable for you – if he can get you to orgasm BEFORE penetration, the contractions from your orgasm will naturally open your channel and you’ll be well aroused and ready for him. Even if you don’t orgasm through oral, the oral still helps a lot because that pleasure will help your body relax, open, lubricate itself with your arousal, and make you ready for penetration. Send him down there and let it happen! Oral is gold.

If none of this works then I would say it’s time to see a doctor because it’s possible there may be some health issue going on or an obstruction that’s causing you pain. (If you can use a tampon without pain, then there’s no obstruction.)

The point is, sex should not hurt. So keep asking why and don’t ever just accept things the way they are. You will figure it out and you will experience pleasure, just keep looking for different answers/ways because sex does not and should not hurt (unless you want it to, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing).

(Part 1) Hi! So I have a few questions. Well, I’m a virgin and i have a bf who’s had sex before, he has assured me that he understands me and I’ve slowly allowed for other things such as fingering and giving him a handjob… so I’ve been thinking of

(Part 2) going all the way but idk. He doesn’t want to use protection
cuz it’d be my first time and I kind of want to that way but I’m not
sure if the day after pill would be good enough? Also, Idk how to give a
bj, like are u supposed to swallow the cum?

(Part3)
And idk, I’m just kinda freaked out that I won’t do things
‘well’. Please help, he’s the first person I’d do these things with and
you know, first time and all that. I feel so lame asking this 😳 also, I
sometimes feel,Idk embarrassed

(Part4) of my body &whether or not he’ll enjoy stuff 😯 I’m
hopeless. Please help. (Sorry for not sending a single ask but I’m on my
phone which has a letter-limit) Thank you in advance~ a hopeless, naive
virgin

You have to use protection. Whether it’s a condom, a diaphragm, birth control pill, nuva ring, whatever. You cannot have sex without protection because you will very likely get pregnant. Unprotected sex = pregnancy = babies. The morning after pill is not meant to be used as a normal contraceptive. It’s a “in case of emergency” pill. In case the condom rips or there was some kind of an accident or if you were raped. It is NOT something you use after you have sex every time. It’s not designed to be used that way and it’s not safe for you to use like that.

Go on the pill. If you take it within 5 days after the start of your period, you’ll be protected from pregnancy. If taken at any other time, it’ll take 7 days for it to go into effect. See a doctor.

If you do not know one of the methods that I mentioned, then you shouldn’t be having sex yet. You need to be better informed and the best way to do that is to find a health clinic and talk to a medical professional who can give you all the information you need as well as provide you with an effective form of birth control.

Now, being on the pill prevents pregnancy, but does not protect you from STD’s or HIV. A guy telling you that he doesn’t want to use protection? Well, I can tell you from experience he’s likely had unprotected sex before. Probably with more than one girl. So now you’re putting yourself at serious risk with only “his word” to go by. Protect YOURSELF. Stand up for YOURSELF and your HEALTH. Just use a lubricated condom – it’s not going to make or break the deal. He shouldn’t have asked you that to begin with! It’s just stupid and incredibly irresponsible!

I’ve already answered many questions about BJ’s and first times. Take a look at the Sex Advice Tags page and browse through it. All your questions will be answered in there. “Oral” and “How To” will probably be the best ones to help you with what you’re looking for.

Be smart, protect yourself, and don’t ever rely on anyone else to do that for you. Sex can be an incredible experience or it can be a nightmare. Being informed, mature, and responsible will lead to it being a great experience.

My boyfriend doesn’t have much sexual experience… but I do. How can I direct him without being offensive?

The trick is to find a balance between ENCOURAGING and being CONDESCENDING (or overbearing).

You don’t want to tell him: “do this”/”don’t do that”/”go here”/”not there”.

Instead, try for subtle guidance. Place his hands where you want them to be, when he hits the right spot or gets a good rhythm – hold him there and encourage him to keep going. Moan, gasp, use any verbal or non verbal cues to clearly encourage him and show him what gets you going.

If there’s things you want to do and he doesn’t have the slightest clue where to start or even know that you want it, make it a sexy suggestion. Whisper in his ear what you want him to do to you (or you want to do to him) while you’re making out or even use it as a seductive way to get things started! Mention it while sexting or during phone sex. He won’t resent you for being “forward” and eager to have sex with him – in fact, he’ll love it (who wouldn’t?) – but that’s what you have to make sure is always the key idea/feeling coming across. Eagerness, sexual desire, attraction, craving, need, etc.

What I mean is, make sure you put an emphasis on making him feel the eagerness and desire that you have to fuck him, instead of making it feel like you’re giving him a step by step “how to” guide because he’s falling short of your expectations. Basically, it’s about positive reinforcement, not negative reinforcement. Always talk about the good, avoid the bad (unless the bad is so bad that you really need to tell him not to do something). He’ll take cues from the good and eventually learn what not to do from what you don’t mention or react well to.

Take the lead for now. Be the “top” to show him what you want and what makes you tick. As you guys start to become more familiar with each other and he grows more comfortable, then you can step back and let him take the reins sometimes so it’s a more even exchange. He won’t begrudge you for being assertive during sex (especially if he’s inexperienced). He’s just excited to be having sex and learning about this whole new world. 😉 The point is not to make him feel inadequate about it, which is where the positive reinforcement comes in. Jump on top of him, show him what you want, fuck him the way you want to fuck. You’re not telling him “this is how you do it” you’re telling him “this is what I like”. See the difference?

Definitely be vocal and assertive about you want and make sure it happens, but the effectiveness is all in the delivery. Have fun!

Okay I have a huge question hope you can help, so I’m going on a date to watch the stars, and he wants to finger me in his car and wants me to make the first move. I have never go fingered before How would I do that and turn him on we will be in the back seat of his car any advice you can give would help a lot ~b

You’ve done a lot of planning for this date, lol! Talking is good! It’s really not as complicated as you think. If he wants you to make the first move you can take his hand (when you’re wet and ready after you’ve been making out for a while) and put it between your legs. Boom! First move made and he can take it from there.

I’m sure you already know how to turn him on. Kiss a lot. A LOT. Use your hands, let them roam. Grab his hair, clutch at his back and his arms, touch his neck, straddle his thigh. To turn him on even more, you can squeeze the inside of his thigh or even massage his crotch through his pants. Whatever you feel comfortable with. He’ll love any kind of intimate touch from you.

It’s not like it’s going to be a surprise for him, you guys have talked about it. No need to worry about reactions or rejection. You’re on the same page! Enjoy your date under the stars!

How do I tell my current bf that the first person I did it with was a girl? I like men but I’m not so used to touching their thing down there and i know he knows that. I’m just not sure if I should say anything about my past though.. Should I?

Why do you feel unsure about telling him? If you’re engaging in sexual activity with your partner, one of the first steps is to tell the other person your sexual history. I don’t mean every detail of it, just the bare bones. How many, have you been tested, etc. Just tell him you haven’t had sex with a guy before and that way you can hold off for a little while before explaining that you’ve been with a girl before. I think you should tell him, but if you want to wait on it so you get to know him better before revealing that, then wait.

I’m a guy. I’ve been with my girlfriend for six months now and she’s coming over for the first time this weekend. I would really like to do more than just kissing. But how do I go about it? I’ve never done anything like that before…

Ask her. I’m assuming you guys are pretty young, so the best thing to do at your age is seriously just talk about it. Trying to “go for it” without knowing where she stands is probably going to lead to you being shot down and supreme awkwardness. Why put yourself (and her) through that? Don’t surprise her. This is new for you both so it’s something you need to talk about.

Ask her if she wants to try something more. Tell her you you want to finger her or go down on her. (If you’re worried you don’t know how to do something, check the sex advice tags because I give many ‘how to’ tips.) Focus this next step on something FOR her. Give before you even think about asking to receive – understand? Don’t ask her for a handjob, ask her if she would want you to do something for her.

If she’s ready for more, she’s likely to offer to return the favor. (Note: I’m not guaranteeing that she will, that’s up to her and what she’s ready for, I’m just suggesting that it’s a possibility.) If you show interest in HER sexual needs, it shows that you actually care about her, not just getting off. It’s a good way to get a girl excited about sexually pleasing you in return. The ice will be broken, curiosity abounds, etc. Just have fun with it and be safe.

If she’s not ready for more, then make your peace with that, and keep being best friends with your hand. 🙂

Hi, I’m sorry for this really weird question…Okay so I am a virgin, and I have a new boyfriend and he’s been like rubbing me (’cause I don’t want his fingers in my yet). It feels fantastic, and I get super wet, but he always asks me if I have cum yet, and I don’t know? Sometimes I just say yes because I think he is tired, or I say no because I want him to keep going. But how do I know if i came?

You’ll know. And don’t lie about orgasming – you’ll give him the wrong idea about what works for you and he’ll develop terrible habits and it’ll kill your sex life. Plus, honesty = best policy. Don’t let him pressure you to say you’ve orgasmed just cause he’s tired. If he’s tired, then okay, it’s not going to happen that time. Just enjoy the pleasure and work up to it. (You can also take turns with each other so it gives him a break and some pleasure then you can ask him to touch you again and keep going.) Just don’t lie to him to appease him!

You will know when you’ve had an orgasm. You haven’t had one yet.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for quiet a while now and she’s a virgin I’m not, I’m a girl btw. So lately we’ve been going pretty far and i feel like she will soon be ready to have sex with me but the thing is that she’s really gentle, soft. She touches and kisses me so gently and I love it but I do want her to get rough sometimes but I don’t think she can.. Twice now she has pinned me to a wall and kissed me but its dif in bed. Advice please?:)

Once she becomes more comfortable with sex and you guys become more comfortable with each other, I guarantee you’ll get that rougher side. Rough sex ultimately comes from confidence and being secure with yourself. You feel like you know what you’re doing, you trust the person you’re with, you feel like you can expose more of yourself, that’s when it will happen.

If it doesn’t happen after you guys have had sex for a few months, then you can bring it up and just flat out ask her to take you hard! If you’re not comfortable asking for that, then you need to evaluate the level of trust and communication in your relationship and how to improve it.

Really, just give her time. She’s inexperienced! It’s all new to her! Once she feels better and more confident about what she’s doing, she’ll surprise you and probably literally knock you off your feet! 😉

I lied to my partner of 8 months about how many people I’d been with and I’m not sure if I should tell them or not. They’re the first person I’ve done things with but I said that I’d been with more people besides them because i didn’t want to seem inexperienced. Was it wrong of me to lie about that to them?

Lying is bad. Yes. But it isunderstandable in your case. You didn’t lie about cheating. You didn’t lie about having an STD or anything that could hurt your partner – just that you didn’t have sex with anyone before them.

It’s been 8 months! Come clean. It’ll feel so much better not to have that “secret” weighing on you. I think your partner will just be confused as to why you didn’t tell them the truth in the beginning. It’s such a silly thing to lie about. I know you were lying because you were embarrassed, but there is nothing to be embarrassed about! Inexperience is nothing to be embarrassed about. There are a lot of people who find it really intimate to be someone’s first. They don’t see it as something annoying or to be bothered about. When you care about a person and you’re in a relationship with them, being first can be a wonderful thing.

You shouldn’t have lied to your partner, but I understand why you did. Tell them the truth and they’ll understand too. Even if they’re a little hurt that you didn’t trust them enough to tell them in the beginning. Better late than never.

I have a feeling your partner will be mostly upset that they didn’t know it was your first time and probably kick themselves – wish they did something different. By lying, you did take away their ability to make different choices about your sexual relationship. Not that they wouldn’t want one anymore, just the way they would have gone about it. That’s really what it comes down to – you didn’t give them a choice. And that’s a little sad. It can’t be changed now, but it’s okay though because it still worked out and you guys are 8 months in! 🙂

Just tell them. It’ll only help your relationship by being honest and you’re clearly bothered by keeping this from them.

my boyfriend ate me out for the my first time and i thought it was supposed to feel really good like everyone says but it gave me no pleasure, it just felt like i was being licked:/ is it me? is it him? i want it to feel good but idk what he can do or how i can tell him

It’s you and it’s him. You have to relax more and it sounds like he needs to learn what spots to hit and what RHYTHM means.

You can actually help him with this. When you try again, try giving him a little more direction, lead him to the spots that you know work for you and ask him to speed up the pace. Pay attention to the little things that spark and you can gasp and tell him to keep doing that. You have to give it time, breathe, and keep asking him to change it up if it’s not working. Go faster, go there, go here, down, up, in, out, suck, whatever!

If you felt like you were just being licked, then that’s all that was happening. Not good.

You can’t lick pussy like it’s a lollipop.

You need to fucking devour it.