Tag: body

so ive been going out with my girlfriend for about 3 months and never have trouble getting hard whenever were just fooling around but anytime i think were going to have sex (when i bring a condom) i cant get it up and get really frustrated and upset. the only time we’ve been able to do it is when she surprised me with a condom. any advice? this is really confusing and frustrating and just destroying my sex drive

I hate it when people say this, but in your case, it seems to be the exact problem… It’s all in your head.

You seem to be getting really anxious or nervous about having sex, which is why when you know it’s going to happen and you prepare for it, you essentially psych yourself out. You bringing the condom is also you knowing that you’re going to have sex and stressing out about it. Stress and anxiety are some of the most common factors involved in not being able to induce or maintain an erection.

Am I wrong to assume that when you don’t start getting hard at first, you get even more frustrated and stressed out? Well, that’s exactly what’s causing it! It’s a vicious cycle. You’re stressed out and anxious about sex which makes it harder for your body to relax and react in a natural way and when it doesn’t happen you get even more worked up which virtually ruins your chances of getting it up at all!

The fact that you have no problem when she surprises you, or when you’re fooling around, eliminates any physical problems that might have been a possibility. You are physically capable, it’s your mental state that’s causing it.

You have to talk to your girlfriend about how you’re feeling, whatever stress may be on your mind, let her know that you’re frustrated about this. She would want you to be able to talk to her about this! It makes things less awkward when you’re open and honest about what’s going on. Never let something like this be the pink elephant in the room!

Since it seems to be a detriment for you to “prepare” for sex (it gives you too much time to think about it) ask your girlfriend if she wouldn’t mind being the condom carrier for a while. 😉

It shouldn’t always be on her to bring protection, of course, but since it’s causing you to be more worried about sex (and then leading to no sex), ask her to help you by taking that responsibility off the table for a while.

You need to think about why you’re stressed about this. Are you worried about your performance? Worried about pleasing her? Worried about getting her pregnant? All of the above? None of the above? You have to try to pinpoint the source so that it can be resolved!

In the meantime, if your girlfriend makes sure you’re always prepared for sex, then you don’t have time to psych yourself out about it. Don’t make plans for sex. Let it happen when it happens so it’s always a surprise of some kind. (ALWAYS USE PROTECTION! That’s why I said ask your girlfriend to bring condoms. Just because you’re not planning to have sex at a specific time doesn’t mean you can’t always be prepared for it.)

After a few times of this happening without incident, you should eventually be able to fall into a good routine and feel more confident about your sex life. Then it won’t matter who brings the condoms – you’ll be ready to go and feeling good about it no matter what!

Another good thing to try is that if you’re not getting hard when you’re fooling around: take the pressure off of you (and your dick) by focusing on her and eat her out, finger her, just focus on getting her off by other means. Don’t let yourself get upset and frustrated – it’ll only make things worse. So when you know its not happening right then, switch gears, and turn it onto her without thinking too much about it. Relax and make a clear decision to take care of your girlfriend, forgetting about what’s going on with you. By focusing on something other than your lack of erection and putting all your energy into making her feel good and seeing how she reacts, it might actually help you calm down mentally and allow your body to physically get excited the way it wants to!

how is it like to have sex if i’m on my period? is it disgusting for boys?

I can’t speak for boys. It’s really a personal thing. I know some guys are okay with it and others are totally grossed out by it. Also, a lot of girls don’t even want to consider it because when you’re on your period you feel gross anyway and the messy factor is just not appealing. Although! There are also a lot of girls who would love to have sex even when on their period, but they worry about their partners being turned off or grossed out and even think them weird for wanting it. So a lot of girls don’t even try asking because they’re embarrassed.

Lesson to learn here? Everyone has their own personal preferences, you’ll never know what your partner is or isn’t okay with unless you ask, and judging someone’s sexual interests will NEVER do you or them any good. Be open!

why is it that when my boyfriend tries having sex with me in certain positions i feel pressure and it starts to hurt? Especially when im bent over for example

There’s a number of different reasons why it could hurt. Many of them have to do with medical issues so the next time you see your gynecologist or internist, I STRONGLY advise that you discuss it with them. (STD’s are a possibility…)

However, a common reason why certain positions hurt is because he’s penetrating you more deeply and possibly hitting your cervix. If your cervix is closer than average or tilted, he could be banging against it. PAINFUL! It’s another reason to talk to your doctor because they can examine you and tell you if that’s the problem.

Sex should not hurt (if you’re not a virgin). So this is definitely a problem you need to address with your doctor ASAP so that you can find out why this is happening. Avoid those positions that hurt until you get to the bottom of this.

Also, try using lube! You might not be aroused enough sometimes and if he’s pumping away, that’s extremely unpleasant.

And tell him to take it easy and be more gentle. He might be going too hard and being too rough with you, especially in those positions where he has the opportunity to penetrate you more deeply.

where exactly is the g-spot?

The whole area is a spongy tissue like spot about the size of a quarter. It feels rougher to the touch than the surrounding tissue. The G-spot is composed of erectile tissue, which means it swells up when blood rushes to it…which is what happens when a woman is aroused. The more aroused she is, the more likely you are to find it and be able to use it!

It is located about one to two inches back from the vaginal opening inside the front vaginal wall. The “front” wall is the wall of the vagina on the same side as the belly button.

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(And in case you were wondering where the male G-Spot is…)

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im a virgin and i masturbated twice or so, but im scared that i might popped my cherry because if i got married and blood didnt come out, they’ll think i’ve had sex before which is really unacceptable in our countries, and im not sure if blood did or didnt come out, im really scared

It’s actually really common these days for your hymen to “break” (incorrect description, but we’ll get to that) as early as childhood due to exercise, sports, gymnastics, tampons, horseback riding, even bike riding. That kind of excessive pressure on your pelvic area naturally stretches the hymen on its own. It’s a myth that penetration is the only way to “break” your hymen!

In fact, the “pop your cherry” expression is ridiculously inaccurate! You can’t “break” or “pop” your hymen. Watch this video where it explains exactly what your hymen is, looks like, and how it works.

Your hymen stretches and that’s what usually causes the bleeding, but nowadays with tampons and masturbating, women are inadvertently preparing their first time experience to be a lot more pleasurable.

NOT ALL WOMEN BLEED WHEN THEY HAVE SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME.

The thing you have to understand for yourself is that bleeding is NOT an indicator of whether or not a woman is a virgin! Some girls bleed their first time and some DON’T! Some bleed even after they’ve had sex once or twice before. It all depends on how much tissue there is in the hymen and that varies depending on the individual. Some have more than others so those with more will experience a little bit more pain and bleeding. Others experience almost no pain and maybe just a spot of blood! Like a speck! Or nothing at all!

I understand that in certain cultures, blood is the “official” confirmation of virginity, but it’s so inaccurate! The only thing that determines whether or not you’re a virgin is whether or not you’ve ever had sex.

The problem with this antiquated thinking is that it was based on a time where women were less physically active. Women didn’t play sports. Women didn’t exercise (rigorously). Women didn’t use tampons. Women weren’t engaging in physical activities that would stretch the hymen. So it was far more common for them to experience pain and bleeding after their first time. So men just took that idea and made it practically a law without understanding it in the slightest. I know it’s tradition, but it’s tradition based on woeful ignorance of the female anatomy.

Today, it is becoming increasingly common for girls not to bleed at all when having sex for the first time simply based on their physical activities or masturbating or tampons. You’ll still be tight and it will uncomfortable your first time because you’ve never had sex before, but it’s very possible that you won’t bleed and it might not even be because you masturbated! It could just have happened due to your active lifestyle (not sexually active!).

I can’t tell you what to do or how to handle the situation if it arrives because it’s not my culture and I would be an idiot if I tried to advise you on yours, something of which I know nothing about. The only thing I can do is make sure that YOU understand the actual medical reasoning behind this so that you can arm yourself with that knowledge and be able to educate anyone who would question you or doubt you.

Im really embarrassed and self conscious of my nipples… One of them is like inverted… Is that bad?

NO! It’s not bad! Not at all! At least 10-20% of ALL women have inverted or flat nipples. It’s normal, in the same way that the color and size of areola differ from woman to woman. It’s nothing more than just a little quirk that makes your breasts YOURS. I can’t even begin to explain to you how many different kinds of breasts there are. Actually! I take that back.

How many women are there in the world? Let’s round up and say 4 billion, okay? That’s how many different kinds of breasts there are in the world. 4 BILLION. (Even the surgically enhanced women do not have identical breasts.)

Every single woman has something unique about their breasts that makes them different from the woman standing next to them. Are inverted nipples as common as some other things? No. But what difference does it make? Your partner will not care about one nipple being hidden. They want to play with your boobs. The want to squeeze and grope and lick and suck. If they can do that, they will be happy as can be!

The embarrassment stems from you and how you’re perceiving yourself, not (potential) sex partners judging you. You’re only getting in the way of yourself by making it into something shameful and weird. Nipples aren’t going to make or break the deal. It’s really not the big deal you’re making it out to be in your head.

So do what you need to do to feel better about it and take ownership of it. Don’t let it be some giant pink elephant in the room where they see you naked and you let your imagination run wild with all the things that you think they’re judging you on. Confront it! Tell them you have an inverted nipple and you’re shy about it. Show them. Let them convince you how much of a big deal it’s NOT. Honesty and openness will make any sexual experience you have so much better. They’re not going to be “turned off” or “weirded out” by it, I can absolutely promise you that.

You are normal.

There is nothing wrong with you or your nipples. Got it?

I’d love to ride my man more often, but I get so self conscious when I do. I’m not the skinniest girl and am quite chubby, and I’m so nervous about things like bouncy up and down and everything. I know it’s a great way to give guys pleasure, but I don’t get pleasure from it because I’m so nervous :/. Please help!

I completely understand. Being on top exposes all of those little areas of our bodies that we’re insecure about. The first thing to remember is that your man LOVES it when you ride him. He does! He’s not seeing or focusing on this “bulge” or that “jiggle”, he’s seeing you riding his cock and it’s the hottest thing ever to him.

However! It’s not all about the guy. YOU have to feel good about it first. And I’m going to correct you about something – it’s not just a great way to pleasure a guy; being on top is the BEST position for WOMEN!

Women are the ones who get the most out of being on top. And that’s why you should want to do this, not just cause your guy will be into it. DO THIS FOR YOU!

So…take baby steps. Work your way up to feeling better and more confident about being on top. You can’t let your insecurities about your body get in the way of YOUR pleasure. After trying this position a few times, you’ll soon realize that all those other little things that you were worried about don’t mean jack squat when you’re squeezing his dick inside of you and riding him like a fucking bronco!

The more you realize how GOOD it feels and that he’s enjoying it just as much, then the more relaxed you’ll be and the more secure you’ll feel even with the being “exposed” part.

How to take baby steps? You can make sure the room is dark. No visual stimulation, it’s just all about the sensation. Now, this would be for you, primarily. He’ll like it more when he gets to see you, but like I said, baby steps first! You can work up to it! (And he’s going to love whatever you do, really.)

You can also try reverse cowgirl. That way he’s just seeing your back and ass, there’s less exposure there for you, so you get to feel more secure and he will get an awesome view of his cock going in and out which will drive him crazy.

Basically, try to create situations where you feel comfortable being on top, however you need to do it. Think about what the things are that bother you and then think about what would make you feel more comfortable when you’re on top. Once you start feeling sexier up there (and you will because having control is hot and gives you so many more options), you’ll slowly begin to loosen the reins on your limitations and just ride the fuck out of your guy without a care in the world but getting your damn orgasm!

GO FOR IT! OWN YOUR BODY! OWN YOUR PLEASURE! YOU’RE SEXY AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!

Okay so I’m a 15 year old girl and i have these like inner lips or what ever they are called in my vag that are long and ugly but idk if they will naturally just go away or if they will stay, idk but they make me really self conscious about my vagina. Idk if you can help or what but i need some reassurance. Please!

First off, the correct terminology for your “inner lips” is the “inner labia” or “labia minora”, but I think the second one sounds stupid – like it’s a moon in another galaxy or something… Sheesh. There’s also the “outer labia”.

Second, your vagina is not ugly. Unless you can somehow bounce a ball on your labia like a trampoline, then there is no problem and you are perfectly normal!

We are trained to believe that there is one NORMAL type of V and that’s the one we see in porn. SO FALSE! Women in porn are, for the most part, very similar when it comes to their bodies. As are men. That’s why they were hired. They fit someone’s standard of “most appealing” and made sure everyone became a carbon copy. It sucks, it’s misleading, and it trains its viewers to like one thing and one thing only – everything else is “wrong” or “weird”. WE MUST CHANGE THIS!

There are, arguably, 30 different types of vaginas, with different shapes, sizes, and colors.

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Labia come in all shapes and sizes. Most women aren’t symmetrical down there, and it’s incredibly common for a woman’s inner labia to protrude beyond the outer labia. So believe me when I tell you that your pussy is fabulous and just as it should be.

And you wanna hear something even better? YOU’RE LUCKY. You’ve seen how many women come onto this blog and ask me about how to orgasm, right? Orgasms don’t come easily for most. Well, you’re going to find out something different.

The type of labia you have, with longer inner lips, actually makes sex better! The inner labia are chock-full of nerve endings, and they encase the clitoral head, which means that during sex, there’s a whole lot more friction going on. Friction = stimulation = BIG O’s. When you’re ready to have sex someday, you’re going to be very pleased to discover just how nice that feels… (Don’t you dare have sex yet! You’re only 15! Waiting will not kill you and I promise, sex will be so much better if you wait a few years.)

Love the V. Worship the V. Accept the V!

Being self conscious over something that is REALLY not a big deal to others isn’t worth your time. You have a normal vagina that holds many pleasures so please go explore it and find out all about it until someday (in the distant future) when you’re ready for someone else to go spelunking down there for you. 😉

Okay, I have a problem… I love my boyfriend, I love having sex with him, I love how I’m comfortable around him, but my anxiety is now seriously starting to hold me back from enjoying sex. I am on the birth control pill and I take it religiously every morning, we always use a condom and make sure it didn’t break or tear, yet every month when I’m supposed to get my period, I have massive anxiety attacks that it won’t come. I don’t want to stop having sex but I just don’t know what to do.

You are taking all the precautions possible. There’s nothing to be worried about. You’re on the pill and you’re using condoms. Other than having him get a vasectomy, you’re doing everything you can.

Your anxiety about this leads me to think that there are some other stressful things going on in your life. Or maybe you know someone who recently got pregnant?

Talk to your doctor or someone else qualified and have them explain to you the chances of you getting pregnant with the preventative measures you’ve taken. Your chances are very, very small. You’re taking on the pill, that’s 99.9% effective. Then you have a condom as a physical barrier. The condom more than takes care of that freak chance of .1% you have left after the pill. You have to think about this logically, with facts, not let your head run away with all the ‘what if’s’.

Keep being careful and you will not get pregnant until you want to be pregnant. Okay? Think about some of the other factors in your life right now that might be influencing this anxiety about pregnancy.

i love having sex, but i’m somewhat self conscience of my chest area, what do i do?

Chest area? You can’t even call them boobs? Breasts even? Cause you have them, you know…

Are you worried that something about them is unattractive (ie. nipples, birthmark, whatever) or do you feel like they’re too small/big?

There’s not much I can do to help you other than to say that you have to find a way to love and accept your body just the way it is. And there are many people who love your body just the way it is too. We are our own worst critics. Our self image is completely distorted from how others perceive us. Not to mention the media portrays a fucked up example of “normality” when it comes to our bodies. What they show is actually ABNORMAL and representative of perhaps 1% of the human population. Everyone looks different, everyone has their own thing, and if you’re worried about other people – don’t. People that you’re with often like you more than you like yourself. And isn’t that sad?

Love and embrace your body for everything that it is and that will actually make YOU sexier and more beautiful simply because of your confidence.

I understand how hard it can be to reach that point of self assurance so if you really feel that strongly about it, for now (DON’T MAKE THIS A LIFELONG HABIT), why not just keep your shirt on during sex or your bra? Work your way up to being more exposed and feeling more confident about your body. Don’t hide away forever. It doesn’t do you or your partner any good. You need to feel confident and comfortable during sex, so do what you need to do to make that happen.