Tag: Anonymous

Ok well my son and I have been dating for about 2 years now but about like I wanna say 4 months ago he cheated on my and well we’re back together. Now every time we have sex all i can think about is him being with someone else. How do I get this to stop. I want things to be normal with me and him again

You missed April 1st by 5 days, anon.

In your opinion, when does jealousy turn into obsession? When is it too much in a relationship?

In my opinion (thank you for letting that be clear because it’s a personal preference and not a psychological fact – though there actually isn’t an official APA consensus on this issue), I think a little jealousy is healthy, normal, and natural in a romantic relationship. Someone is flirting with your significant other and you get those little possessive butterflies, and you want to show everyone who your partner is going home with, and then it makes for a great night in bed afterwards. It’s not that you don’t feel like you’re not enough or that you really believe your partner will want someone else, it’s more like a reminder of what you have and how happy/proud/excited you are to be with them. Seeing the possibility of them with someone else just elicits that reminder and (in a trustworthy relationship) it shouldn’t do much more than bring out a tiny bit of possessive PDA and maybe a little bit more raunchiness in bed – all in good fun! 😉

Anything more than that crosses the line into lack of trust and it’s an indicator of low self esteem/self worth in the person who experiences jealousy. It becomes negative and unhealthy possessive behavior, possibly becomes aggressive, and possibly becomes violent. Explosive jealousy is the worst kind and has no part in a relationship. If someone feels so insecure about themselves that they lash out at anyone they deem a threat to their relationship, they usually end up taking it out on their partner the most. Backfires, right? The one thing they’re trying so hard to protect, they end up putting at risk. When you’re too worried about how to keep your relationship “safe”, you forget to enjoy being in the relationship to begin with.

Some people struggle with more self esteem issues than others and that’s because they’ve probably gone through some bad experiences in the past. Trust issues are extremely common for one simple reason: trust is easily, and often, betrayed. Jealousy is a result of those past betrayals and lack of self worth. So it’s up to you to determine what is an acceptable amount of jealousy and what isn’t because everyone is different. There’s no standard threshold. It’s about what you’re comfortable with, but in saying that, you also need to make sure that you’re aware of what you’re allowed to expect from partners and know what you don’t have to accept.

If you have to reassure someone a little more than usual early on in the relationship (not when you’ve been together for something like 2 years) and you’re comfortable with that, then that’s more than okay! However, if you’re making different decisions about where you go and who you see, hiding completely innocent things, and/or walking on eggshells when it comes to mentioning certain friends/activities, all because your partner might take it the wrong way and get jealous or be upset and cause another argument that you just don’t want to have again…then that’s far too much. Far too much. It’s crossed the line and you should never let yourself be put in that position.

The basis of a relationship is founded on trust, loyalty, and mutual respect. If your partner can’t trust you to be loyal and if your partner doesn’t trust you enough to believe that you’ll make decisions that are respectful of your relationship then what is the point? You end up living your life based on their obsessive and unacceptable needs. Sometimes it’s so subtle that you don’t even notice it until you’re in over your head and it feels nearly impossible to get out of.

Obsession is so far off the scale of jealousy that you should never be in a relationship where it actually reaches that point. That’s just scary and should be avoided at all costs. You should feel free to do whatever you want to do, see whoever you want to see, hang out with whoever you want to hang out with, go to whatever party you want to go to, and if you don’t feel free to do that because your partner will get jealous and freak out on you (when you’ve given them no reason to be and you are 100 percent loyal to them)…you have a problem in that relationship that needs to be addressed and if it’s not corrected, then it’s not something you should be doing anymore.

this is gonna be weird to ask but I have no where else to go. Do you know if shower masturbation (like laying down in the shower, legs open under the faucet) can cause butt shrinkage? Lol sorry to ask this :(

lately i’ve been having sexual fantasies about my best friend, and i’ve kinda been getting off to them. does this mean i have a thing for her? i mean i haven’t really pictured us in a romantic relationship but these fantasies i’ve been having won’t go away

You say you haven’t pictured yourself in a romantic relationship with her…so try doing that. See what happens. I think something might be changing there for you, maybe feelings are evolving.

A sexual thought or two can easily happen with friends, but when they turn into fantasies that are enough that you’re significantly aroused by them, to the point of masturbating…well, that’s no longer a platonic relationship.

Fantasies don’t always mean you want to have sex with a person. Ie. fantasizing about something taboo – like sex with your attractive doctor or someone older or your friend’s boyfriend. It’s a hot fantasy because it’s “forbidden”, but you never really would want it to happen in reality.

The reason why I think there’s something more to your fantasies about your best friend is because friends are intimate connections in our lives. They’re people that are not far enough removed from our consciousness to be able to have shallow fantasies about. They’re very much intertwined with our emotions and rooted in a deep bond. So when you start have sexual thoughts about someone close to you like that, someone you deeply care about, then that’s more than just thinking about what the hottie next door would do to you in the pool.

It’s something far more real.

Help! I need relationship advice if you can help. My bf and I have been together for a while now. I have a guy friend that is getting into the photography business. He asked to photograph me. I dont see a problem with it. When i told my bf about it he freaked out and said I shouldn’t do it. I was hurt because he started saying things like “you’re not a model”. I know that but it hurts coming from him. I want to help my friend out and not piss my bf off anymore. Is that possible?

What kind of pictures are we talking about here? If it’s just a “clothes on” regular shoot then it shouldn’t be a problem. It seems like it’s about more than the pictures though. It’s the you and this other guy getting a lot of one on one time together part. Your boyfriend sounds really worried that you might be into this other guy or worried about what might happen if you spend time with your friend like that. So your bf reacted impulsively with anger and insults, taking it out on you, when really he’s just being insecure and scared.

Now, is that a reason? Yes. Does that mean it’s acceptable. NO.

Sounds like you guys have to work on establishing more trust in your relationship. If you’ve given him absolutely no reason whatsoever to doubt you then that’s something that he needs to work on and you tell him that. You make it very clear that you’re not interested in anyone else, that he needs to trust you, not act like an asshole and insult you. Call him out on it. Just because he gets jealous and insecure DOES NOT give him a license to treat you like shit and say hurtful things just because he’s acting butthurt. Lay down the law!

Ask him to be open with you when he’s feeling uncomfortable (without being mean) and then you guys can discuss WHY he’s uncomfortable with it. Which will lead to a better understanding of each other and better communication and hopefully a dissipation of the jealousy altogether.

But make it very clear that you will not tolerate being treated like that when you did nothing wrong. It’s not wrong to want to do something different and fun with your friend! Jealousy happens in relationships, but as long as you’re open, honest, and respectful of each other – you can work through it.

It is not, however, an excuse or a reason to ever be cruel, spiteful, mean, or just your garden variety of shitty towards your partner. Don’t allow him to do that EVER. Shut it down and stand up for yourself. You can be compassionate and aware of his feelings, but you’re not a punching bag and he doesn’t get to own you.

Do what you want to do and if he can’t accept that, then tell him goodbye. He needs to trust you, respect what YOU want, and accept that it’s your life. Don’t be afraid to piss him off. If he can’t be mature about your friendship with another male then it’s time to really look at what’s going on in your relationship.

Are you turning down opportunities, social events, avoiding certain friends, etc. because you’re worried it will piss him off or make him jealous or cause an annoying fight that you don’t want to deal with? Not good.

There’s a difference between staying out of situations that would be disrespectful to your partner and letting your partner dictate what you can and can’t do with your friends (and your life in general). He may not “order” you to do something, but if you find yourself walking around on eggshells for him because you don’t want him to overreact about something totally innocent or something he might misinterpret, then it’s a sign of a really unhealthy relationship. You deserve better. Please know that.

I’m with this girl, and I’m over the moon for her. It’s not constant butterflies and jitters, just content comfort and she makes me literally laugh out loud even though I don’t usually laugh. I love her. There’s no question, I just have this urge to blab about her to someone. Have a wonderful day, I love your advice posts.

I know you said bigamy is a messed up road to go down but I’m one of those people who sort of took it. (my partner doesn’t mind it if I have sex with my best friend). I love my partner more than anything but I find myself more sexually attracted to, and thus have more sex with, my best friend. I’m not just talking mentally attracted; I get a lot wetter with my friend than my partner and it really frustrates me. Any ideas on why this is happening and what I could do to change it? It makes me sad.

Love and sex aren’t always the same. You can love someone without having a fierce chemical attraction to them. You can be sexually attracted/aroused by someone that you don’t love. One does not always include the other.

It’s basically our journey in life to not only find happiness with ourselves, our friends, our families, but also to find that one person who embodies both qualities where you’re madly in love with them and they’re the one person that can turn you on more than anyone else.

Loving someone doesn’t mean they’re the one you’re in love with. It doesn’t sound like you’ve found that yet. Bigamy is not the answer. You really think you’re going to be happy for the rest of your life living with one person and then having a back up person to fuck because the first person isn’t sexually fulfilling for you? I think you deserve more out of your relationships than that and I think they deserve more too. I’m glad you’re honest about your actions with both your partner and your friend. That’s something. But I think you need to realize that there’s something missing in both relationships and you can’t combine them to make up the perfect relationship. It won’t work. It’ll end terribly with both of them because inevitably something will go wrong, someone will get too attached, jealous, hurt feelings, lying, betrayal, and then what are you left with? No partner and no best friend.

It never works.

I just wanted to drop a note and let you know that I really appreciate your blog. I’ve learned a lot from the things you post and it’s been really helpful to be able to learn more about sensual things in a positive way. I’ve been kind of sheltered and your blog is very tastefully done. Thanks for having such a great blog.