Sumptuous Daydreams

It’s a simple matter of her wanting to see you lose a bit of control. She ALWAYS orgasms first? Then you have (or she has) to finish you off manually or orally? I think it’s great that you look out for her needs, but you’re either holding back a lot or she’s doing something that you’re not into. If you need her to do something differently, just tell her. She WANTS sex to be just as good for you as it is for her.

When you never just “slip up” and get so into it that you can’t help but fucking blow it before you’re “supposed to”….she can tell you’re holding back and that’s frustrating. It’s also a little disappointing because she wants to know that she’s attractive and sexy enough to make you want to blow your wad right then and there!

Simultaneous orgasms are possible, but you have to work a bit harder for them. The best thing you can do is communicate during sex, be aware of how close she is to orgasm. You should be able to see signs of it (when you’re with someone for a while, it’s easier). She can also verbalize it for you (“I’m so close”), but your best bet is to know exactly what turns her on and exactly when she’s going to orgasm. When she starts getting close, that’s when you need to time your orgasm to match hers.

It’ll be trial and error, but when you see her getting closer, you can feel it/see it/hear it, that’s when you speed up and do whatever you need to do to cum yourself. If you can time it so you’re 5 seconds after her – that would be awesome. Simultaneous orgasms are difficult but achievable if you get your timing down. Takes practice. Most people don’t think to do that which is what leads to the issue of guys always coming faster. You have to actually THINK about working together to cum together. 😉

While you’re trying the “focusing on timing” method. Maybe a few times you can get a little raunchy/wilder than usual, and go all out. Cum while you’re inside of her. Cum before her. Then eat her out or finger fuck her until SHE comes. It’s changing it up. Instead of her finishing you off, finish her off. Either way, you both should always be taken care of!

Have fun!

Maybe you’re right, that she doesn’t care enough about your needs like you care about hers. If that’s the case, then you guys don’t stand a chance and you should get out now.

Maybe you’re wrong and she actually really does care a great deal but her inability to get you to orgasm is making her feel inadequate. So much so that she’s starting to feel insecure about all of it and it comes across as her not wanting to try harder or do different things. Instead, she doesn’t want to try more because that only means failing even more, and then she feels like she’s letting you down – that she’s not good enough for you – that she’s not enough for you.

I don’t know what the truth is.

So my advice? 1) She’s gonna have to learn to figure out how to get onboard with oral. I mean, really. It has to happen. She’ll get used to it the more she does it. At least she can start off with it and end with her fingers. That way it’s evened out and neither her jaw nor her hand will wear out as quickly. 2) You should save up money for that dildo or strap on. You want to orgasm, you gotta work for it. You need to figure out what the best thing is for you and the only way to do that is through experimentation.

Make sure she knows that it’s not her fault that it takes you a longer time – it’s different for everyone! Really sit down with her and explain (WITHOUT ARGUING) how bad it makes you feel when she stops and it makes you think that she doesn’t care enough to please you. Be as openly honest as you can, heartfelt, vulnerable, all of it. It’s the only way to really get through to a person.

Don’t accuse her of anything. Use “I statements”. I feel, I want, I wish, I like, I don’t like, etc. Nothing that comes across as “YOU DON’T LOVE ME ENOUGH TO MAKE ME CUM”. For example: “it makes me feel like you don’t care about me and that hurts so much” vs. “you don’t care about what I need, I care more about you than you do about me!”

Big difference, right?

After that conversation, try those different positions you want to try. Get her excited about them by being excited to try them on her as well! It seems like you might be encroaching on the rut of “sex as a chore”. So break out of it. Try some new stuff. Don’t put all the focus on the orgasm, just enjoy whatever it is you do feel. Try doing lots of foreplay, have fun, and neither of you orgasm! It’ll take the pressure off, and in the process, actually help you get closer to your goal.

If an orgasm is the only thing you care about, then you’re not doing it right.