What kind of pictures are we talking about here? If it’s just a “clothes on” regular shoot then it shouldn’t be a problem. It seems like it’s about more than the pictures though. It’s the you and this other guy getting a lot of one on one time together part. Your boyfriend sounds really worried that you might be into this other guy or worried about what might happen if you spend time with your friend like that. So your bf reacted impulsively with anger and insults, taking it out on you, when really he’s just being insecure and scared.
Now, is that a reason? Yes. Does that mean it’s acceptable. NO.
Sounds like you guys have to work on establishing more trust in your relationship. If you’ve given him absolutely no reason whatsoever to doubt you then that’s something that he needs to work on and you tell him that. You make it very clear that you’re not interested in anyone else, that he needs to trust you, not act like an asshole and insult you. Call him out on it. Just because he gets jealous and insecure DOES NOT give him a license to treat you like shit and say hurtful things just because he’s acting butthurt. Lay down the law!
Ask him to be open with you when he’s feeling uncomfortable (without being mean) and then you guys can discuss WHY he’s uncomfortable with it. Which will lead to a better understanding of each other and better communication and hopefully a dissipation of the jealousy altogether.
But make it very clear that you will not tolerate being treated like that when you did nothing wrong. It’s not wrong to want to do something different and fun with your friend! Jealousy happens in relationships, but as long as you’re open, honest, and respectful of each other – you can work through it.
It is not, however, an excuse or a reason to ever be cruel, spiteful, mean, or just your garden variety of shitty towards your partner. Don’t allow him to do that EVER. Shut it down and stand up for yourself. You can be compassionate and aware of his feelings, but you’re not a punching bag and he doesn’t get to own you.
Do what you want to do and if he can’t accept that, then tell him goodbye. He needs to trust you, respect what YOU want, and accept that it’s your life. Don’t be afraid to piss him off. If he can’t be mature about your friendship with another male then it’s time to really look at what’s going on in your relationship.
Are you turning down opportunities, social events, avoiding certain friends, etc. because you’re worried it will piss him off or make him jealous or cause an annoying fight that you don’t want to deal with? Not good.
There’s a difference between staying out of situations that would be disrespectful to your partner and letting your partner dictate what you can and can’t do with your friends (and your life in general). He may not “order” you to do something, but if you find yourself walking around on eggshells for him because you don’t want him to overreact about something totally innocent or something he might misinterpret, then it’s a sign of a really unhealthy relationship. You deserve better. Please know that.
Love and sex aren’t always the same. You can love someone without having a fierce chemical attraction to them. You can be sexually attracted/aroused by someone that you don’t love. One does not always include the other.
It’s basically our journey in life to not only find happiness with ourselves, our friends, our families, but also to find that one person who embodies both qualities where you’re madly in love with them and they’re the one person that can turn you on more than anyone else.
Loving someone doesn’t mean they’re the one you’re in love with. It doesn’t sound like you’ve found that yet. Bigamy is not the answer. You really think you’re going to be happy for the rest of your life living with one person and then having a back up person to fuck because the first person isn’t sexually fulfilling for you? I think you deserve more out of your relationships than that and I think they deserve more too. I’m glad you’re honest about your actions with both your partner and your friend. That’s something. But I think you need to realize that there’s something missing in both relationships and you can’t combine them to make up the perfect relationship. It won’t work. It’ll end terribly with both of them because inevitably something will go wrong, someone will get too attached, jealous, hurt feelings, lying, betrayal, and then what are you left with? No partner and no best friend.
Thanks for following! Just a quick PSA… If you’ve messaged me a question and I haven’t answered, it’s likely because of one of the following three reasons:
1) I’ve already answered it! Yep! Happens every day. Socheck the sex advice tags page. It’s an organized page with a list of categorized tags for questions I’ve answered since I started this blog. There’s a lot of stuff there, guys! I’ve been at this for a while.
2) It was a really stupid question. Honestly, some things are really about common sense. YES, IT IS UNPROTECTED SEX WHEN YOU DON’T USE A CONDOM. That was just an example…
3) I simply have no idea how to answer your question. It might be outside of my realm of knowledge or it might be about something too detailed/personal for me to be able to comment on. I don’t know what your friends/boyfriends/girlfriends/crushes are thinking. I’m not a mind-reader or a fortuneteller or a psychic. Sometimes there is really nothing I can think of to say that would help and you probably just need to talkto whoever it is that you’re having a problem with.
So when you give me really specific situations like four paragraphs of an explanation about how your gf is from a really religious family and she doesn’t orgasm during sex and she won’t go down on you and “she did this so I did this, and then she did this and this and then this and then another thing…what is she thinking and what should I do?” Dude…how should I know??
I’m happy to try to give advice on relationships and sex to the best of my knowledge, but I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a doctor. I have no credentials that would certify me as an expert in sex, medicine, or relationships. I’m just me. Here to post hot gifs and maybe help by answering some questions I feel I know something about. So with that in mind…let’s keep going! 🙂
Do you think you have to use a riding crop or feathers or something just because she’s blindfolded? That’s such a cliche and not at all true. I mean, sure, you could try that if you wanted to, but I’d save that for later exploration. Not on your first try.
Blindfolding is about sensory deprivation. Removing one sense heightens the others. No sight means that taste, touch, smell, and hearing becomes more acute. It’s your first time, just explore and have fun with it. Test it out. See what it’s like! You’re not “supposed” to do anything specific when someone is blindfolded. There’s no manual or a step by step playbook that you’re supposed to follow. It’s simply exploring how not being able to see, increases your reaction to touch (and your other senses). The biggest sense involved during sex is TOUCH and when you remove a sense, it’s going to make touch more intense and you’re going to feel more than you usually would during sex. It’s incredibly erotic.
Make sure you’re paying attention to how she’s feeling and her comfort level during this. If she starts to get anxious or overwhelmed, talk to her about it, stop, take the blindfold off, wait until she’s ready to try again or be ready to change it up if she doesn’t want to try it anymore. Just be alert and aware of your partner’s emotions. It’s easy for a person to get overwhelmed when using sensory deprivation.
A tie is better than a bandana – make sure it’s comfortable but secure around her eyes – hopefully it’s a silk or satin tie because polyester would get scratchy.
First turn the lights off (gradual deprivation is better than sudden), then blindfold her, and as you’re putting it on, whisper in her ear about how amazing it’s going to be, how hot this is, how sexy she is, tell her how she’s going to love what you’re going to do to her. Basically whatever you feel comfortable with saying, but whispering it against her ear while you’re putting a blindfold on her is going to be really hot for her.
Everything that you usually do when you have sex is going to feel more intense for her because she can’t see any of it. You don’t have to do anything different than what you normally do! It’ll be different just because she has a blindfold on. You’ll find out what gets her going and arouses her the most through trial and error. Have fun with it and see what all the hype is about. 😉
Some basic suggestions about what to do after the blindfold goes on:
– Kiss her, kiss her everywhere, lick her, taste her, touch her, turn her on her stomach and kiss her over her back and thighs and neck and ass, then turn her over again and do it again. Take your time.
– Don’t kiss her! Brush your lips against hers without really kissing her, move down her body without touching her anywhere, just let her feel your warm breath on her skin, maybe let your lips graze her, but never any real pressure or kisses. It’ll drive her crazy! She’ll be begging you and grabbing at you (in that case, I would pin her wrists down so you can keep teasing her long enough to get her where you want her to be).
– Give her a massage. Oil it up!
Some other “easy” ideas to try:
– Tease her. She can’t see where you are or where your hands are going to be so use that to your advantage – surprise her – make her guess where you’re going to go next. Don’t give her exactly what she wants until you’ve built up her arousal enough for your liking. If she cums easily, bring her to the edge of orgasm and then taper off, don’t let her cum. Do that a few times and then when you finally let her orgasm, she won’t be able to move for an hour. It’ll be amazing.
– Ice cubes or cold water. You can use an ice cube around her nipples and her navel. Play with her nipples more than you usually would, try biting them lightly after they’re hard and erect from the cold. Whatever works for her! The sensations will be increased threefold because she’s blindfolded.
– Use a vibrator. Don’t tell her you want to use it, surprise her and bring it out after she’s blindfolded, let her hear it first, build up the anticipation, then use it on her. (If she’s the kind of person that would want consent beforehand, then obviously, get permission for any toy use before even getting into bed. You’ve been together for a year, you know her well enough by now to know what’s okay and what’s not.)
Find your inner alpha and make that girlfriend your bitch.
It’s really a base animalistic instinct. You need to be possessive. Take control. Let go of your inhibitions. Allow yourself to say things that might feel like they’d be embarrassing now, but in the heat of the moment, they’re anything but.
Here’s the thing: you need to be yourself. It’s not about playing a role, it’s about tapping into the more verbal and dominating side of yourself. All the things you think when you’re having sex – you have to find a way to SAY them. It’s a weird transition because we’re generally used to keeping those thoughts to ourselves, but gets easier the more you do it.
If you over-think it, it’s gonna sound really cheesy. You can’t plan out a script – it has to come from what you’re feeling. Give yourself permission to do that!
It has to come from you and not what you think she wants to hear. You’re not going to enjoy it if you’re just desperately guessing at what she might want. Trust me, you have the side of yourself she’s looking for, you just have to let it out. Take cues from her at first. What does she say/do when you have sex? Start there and see where it takes you. You’ll find your own way that works for you.
Another place to start? Possessiveness is where it’s at. Outside the bedroom, it’s unacceptable and unhealthy. That’s your relationship. In the bedroom? IT’S FUCKING HOT. That’s about sex.
Everything about her is YOURS and you tell her that, make your claim, dominate her, order her to do things to you, tell her what a little whore she is for loving it, etc. Describing what you want, what she looks like, what you want her do, all of that can be a crazy sexy turn on. The language is up to you. You can call her a slut, whore, bitch, cunt, etc. But it’s up to you to choose what really gets you going. Which words do you feel most comfortable using? For example, if saying “cunt” makes you cringe, don’t say it. Just find another word.
Examples: “Fuck, you’re such a little bitch, you love it when I do this to you”. “Ah, yeah, you fucking whore, you want it harder? You’re dripping all over me, you slut, you can’t get enough of me.”
Dominate her, manhandle her, make her feel like the control is out of her hands and she’s just yours to play with. Get her to masturbate in front of you. Put her on her hands and knees and spank her. Grab her hair. Hold her down. Make her beg to cum. Make her beg for anything. Engage her by getting her talk as well. Make her tell you what she wants you to do, demand it, get her to repeat filthy stuff about herself. Ie. “Tell me what a whore you are! Say it! A little cum slut who wants to lick my pussy clean”. Tell her she’s your fucking whore and you’re gonna do whatever the fuck you want with her. Use her. She’s YOURS.
It’s not the “degrading” part that she really wants, exactly, it’s the loss of control. Loss of control can be really exciting and freeing. That’s exactly what you need to be when you have sex – free – uninhibited, not in control of your feelings, your body, just letting everything go. That’s when things get wild, rough, angry, crazy, amazing. It’s all about getting to let go – getting to feel something and do things that you would never want “outside of the bedroom”.
Don’t worry about being campy. She’s not evaluating you like a term paper and correcting your grammar. It’s just letting the jumble of words and feelings and thoughts come out without thinking about it. When you’re in the heat of the moment, it all sounds fucking hot as hell.
(Tip: Establish a safe word. You probably think you don’t need one, and maybe you’ll never have to use it, but it’s ALWAYS good to have that back up. That way neither person is unclear about if/when things cross a line. It’s kind of like bungee jumping – you’re in a free fall, but you still get to have that safety cord around your legs to stop you from hitting the ground.)
Sumptuous Daydreams 