this is gonna be weird to ask but I have no where else to go. Do you know if shower masturbation (like laying down in the shower, legs open under the faucet) can cause butt shrinkage? Lol sorry to ask this :(

I totally appreciate the sarcasm. I think you’ve proven time and again that you take questions seriously and more than that I like that you can throw in a humorous answer once in a while to the queries that obviously don’t require an in depth statement. You have dozens upon dozens of questions that are tagged in your faq, and a little humor never hurts.

I sent you that ask because you seemed like you would be able to provide a positive and knowledgable response. However it appears you’d rather your followers not contact you for advice because you’d rather be an asshole. But no worries, I can always take my question to someone mature enough to give some advice.

Clearly you didn’t read the tags…

But, sure, I’m a total asshole and no one should ever contact me for advice ever because I am completely immature and don’t give a shit. I mean, that’s why I’ve answered over a hundred questions in great detail with painstaking care starting from the first day I made this blog. Also, I made sure to organize them by category and tagged everything carefully and created a separate page for  them so people could easily browse and find answers. It’s a sex and relationships FAQ by yours truly! But, no, you’re right. I’m an immature asshole. You found me out.

(why does no one ever read the tags???)

so I’m dating this guy and the sex is great, but Im a small girl and his dick is REALLY big. He always says he loves how tight I am, but I can’t help but feel a little embarrassed when its hard to get it in at first. Any advice? Also, I could really use advice on better blow jobs. Im good at it but because hes bigger than what I’m used to, my usual go-to moves don’t work as well.

Great sex. Big dick.

MY GOD I am so sorry for what you have to go through. It’s a truly harrowing ordeal from what you described. I mean, you could NOT be having sex. You could be having horrible sex! You could be having sex with a *gasp* tiny dick! But no, no, no. You are dealing with something far worse than all of those combined and I just want to personally say how sorry I am that you have to endure such things in your life. You’re a strong human being and I am sure that you will find a way to come out on the other side of this as a wiser, more empowered person.

Godspeed.

My guy doesn’t go down anymore, I know I’m clean I shower daily&eat well so I know I taste fine..I give him head every night before sex. I really enjoy it every time &stay down there for as long as he wants. He used to do the same But he’s gotten really used just me & when I ask him to do it he acts like its a huge chore&usually just won’t.but when he does(not often)he’s always all”your welcome”&acts he just blessed me & I should be thanking him. But it’s just an expected thing for him. Advice?

Stop sucking him off.

Quid pro quo. He doesn’t want to worry about your pleasure? Then why the FUCK are you concerned about his? Turn the tables on him. Use the same attitude he has when he “deigns” to go down on you. Refuse completely even. Whatever it is that he does when you ask (and you should not have to ask all the time like that!!!!). He’ll get pissed or be offended or indignant. You say “why should I care about what you want? You clearly don’t care about what I need.” That’s when you point out how it feels for you when he acts that way about returning the favor. I say this because sometimes it takes a drastic sort of way to get a partner’s attention like that rather than to have them hear you wanting to talk about it and then they tune out before you even get anywhere.

Be sure to remind him that he is not giving you some sort of “special treatment” and is in fact just being a decent person by going down on you. When was the last time you’ve had an orgasm? And I mean a real, full on orgasm – don’t shortchange yourself. Explain to him that he’s the one getting off every time and you’re getting next to nothing. If he tries to pull out the AGE OLD SEXIST WHINY FUCKBOY card of “well girls cant cum as easily as guys – its too hard for them and it’s a lot of work to make you cum ALL the time” – please do yourself a favor and tell him to find someone else to suck him off every night because: YOU. ARE. DONE.

Plainly, it’s not fair and you deserve more. Explain in clear terms that you are not being sexually satisfied. More so, I want you to understand that you DESERVE to be sexually satisfied and that he is 100% wrong in his attitude. Remember that because he might try to convince you of something else and you need to always remember that your needs are JUST AS IMPORTANT as his and just because he can cum in 20 seconds, doesn’t mean the 20 minutes you need are any less important or any less deserving simply because it’s a little longer than what he needs. A relationship is about finding a compromise that works for BOTH parties. Right now, you have no such compromise – it’s all about him.

If he’s being a selfish ass when it comes to sex then why keep putting yourself out there for him when he won’t take care of you? Oral is a necessity in any relationship, PARTICULARLY FOR WOMEN because it’s a huge factor in our ability to orgasm, so for him to act like you should be grateful that every once in a while he takes the time of day to go down on you…that’s really him saying ‘oh you’re welcome that I cared enough about you getting off today’. Oral is not a special favor, it’s a staple. And for him to have a double standard for it, honestly, if he’s the kind of guy who can’t understand the simplistic concept of quid pro quo or that it’s his responsibility as your sexual partner to take care of your needs then what is this dude’s appeal anyway?

I probably should give you some more impartial and level-headed advice, but that would just be concealing how I really feel. Should you discuss this with him? Yes. Should you tell him how much it bothers you that he doesn’t act like he cares about your needs? Yes. Should you tell him that it needs to change or your relationship has a serious issue? Yes. Will he change anything? I don’t know.

He sounds like he might just pull a dozen reasons out of his hat to defend himself and why it’s just better for him to get head whenever he wants and for you to just take whatever he feels like giving. Trust me, it sounds absurd that anyone could come up with reasons like that, but they can and they will because there are some people who are just selfish and lazy and once the honeymoon period of dating is over, they take their partners for granted and their true colors come out. Any guy who feels like he deserves head whenever he wants, but for women it’s just a special treat they’ll give out every once in a while…don’t put up with it for a second. Shut him down. You make him realize what a jackass he’s being.

If he doesn’t think your needs are as important as his then honestly I’d be reconsidering the whole “my guy” status and he’d be more like “ex-guy”.

Do you think it’s bad to still love someone that’s a total dick?

Are we talking about someone who’s an awful person or a guy that has a huge dick – he’s ALL DICK, ya know what I mean?

Because my answer would change based on that.

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lately i’ve been having sexual fantasies about my best friend, and i’ve kinda been getting off to them. does this mean i have a thing for her? i mean i haven’t really pictured us in a romantic relationship but these fantasies i’ve been having won’t go away

You say you haven’t pictured yourself in a romantic relationship with her…so try doing that. See what happens. I think something might be changing there for you, maybe feelings are evolving.

A sexual thought or two can easily happen with friends, but when they turn into fantasies that are enough that you’re significantly aroused by them, to the point of masturbating…well, that’s no longer a platonic relationship.

Fantasies don’t always mean you want to have sex with a person. Ie. fantasizing about something taboo – like sex with your attractive doctor or someone older or your friend’s boyfriend. It’s a hot fantasy because it’s “forbidden”, but you never really would want it to happen in reality.

The reason why I think there’s something more to your fantasies about your best friend is because friends are intimate connections in our lives. They’re people that are not far enough removed from our consciousness to be able to have shallow fantasies about. They’re very much intertwined with our emotions and rooted in a deep bond. So when you start have sexual thoughts about someone close to you like that, someone you deeply care about, then that’s more than just thinking about what the hottie next door would do to you in the pool.

It’s something far more real.

I’m a 21 y.o. guy who’s still a virgin. At the college I go to, its not common to hear of seniors being virgins. Why am I still one: Fear of premature ending. Even when im on my own, I maybe last 5min max, and I can assume Id last much less time if it was someone else doing to for me. I’ve gotten shyer and more insecure because of it, and have kept denying invites to parties, and apartments where girls are desperate. I just don’t want to be humiliated and let them down, per say. Any advice?

“parties and apartments where girls are desperate”

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You’re on your own, dude.