(Part 1) Hi! So I have a few questions. Well, I’m a virgin and i have a bf who’s had sex before, he has assured me that he understands me and I’ve slowly allowed for other things such as fingering and giving him a handjob… so I’ve been thinking of

(Part 2) going all the way but idk. He doesn’t want to use protection
cuz it’d be my first time and I kind of want to that way but I’m not
sure if the day after pill would be good enough? Also, Idk how to give a
bj, like are u supposed to swallow the cum?

(Part3)
And idk, I’m just kinda freaked out that I won’t do things
‘well’. Please help, he’s the first person I’d do these things with and
you know, first time and all that. I feel so lame asking this 😳 also, I
sometimes feel,Idk embarrassed

(Part4) of my body &whether or not he’ll enjoy stuff 😯 I’m
hopeless. Please help. (Sorry for not sending a single ask but I’m on my
phone which has a letter-limit) Thank you in advance~ a hopeless, naive
virgin

You have to use protection. Whether it’s a condom, a diaphragm, birth control pill, nuva ring, whatever. You cannot have sex without protection because you will very likely get pregnant. Unprotected sex = pregnancy = babies. The morning after pill is not meant to be used as a normal contraceptive. It’s a “in case of emergency” pill. In case the condom rips or there was some kind of an accident or if you were raped. It is NOT something you use after you have sex every time. It’s not designed to be used that way and it’s not safe for you to use like that.

Go on the pill. If you take it within 5 days after the start of your period, you’ll be protected from pregnancy. If taken at any other time, it’ll take 7 days for it to go into effect. See a doctor.

If you do not know one of the methods that I mentioned, then you shouldn’t be having sex yet. You need to be better informed and the best way to do that is to find a health clinic and talk to a medical professional who can give you all the information you need as well as provide you with an effective form of birth control.

Now, being on the pill prevents pregnancy, but does not protect you from STD’s or HIV. A guy telling you that he doesn’t want to use protection? Well, I can tell you from experience he’s likely had unprotected sex before. Probably with more than one girl. So now you’re putting yourself at serious risk with only “his word” to go by. Protect YOURSELF. Stand up for YOURSELF and your HEALTH. Just use a lubricated condom – it’s not going to make or break the deal. He shouldn’t have asked you that to begin with! It’s just stupid and incredibly irresponsible!

I’ve already answered many questions about BJ’s and first times. Take a look at the Sex Advice Tags page and browse through it. All your questions will be answered in there. “Oral” and “How To” will probably be the best ones to help you with what you’re looking for.

Be smart, protect yourself, and don’t ever rely on anyone else to do that for you. Sex can be an incredible experience or it can be a nightmare. Being informed, mature, and responsible will lead to it being a great experience.

can anything bad happen from using someone else’s vibrator

If you clean it properly and thoroughly, it shouldn’t be a problem. If you don’t clean it, there’s bacteria that can be transmitted and possible STD’s.

Also you better have permission to use it because if you don’t, I can assure you there might be some fallout of the physical and/or verbal nature – and that I can’t help you with!

To the anon who didn’t feel she could have toys, you could always get one of those three or four legged back massagers from Walmart or somewhere, if you want to go the vibration route. They’re pretty cheap, usually fairly quiet, and your family won’t think of it as a sex toy; they might even ask to borrow it (learned that from experience). You can always just say you need it for your shoulders or neck to help relax before bed! That’s what I did for my first one :)

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I’ve been going through your masturbation tips, but I couldn’t find anything that could work for me. I’m a female that has a difficult time getting an orgasm from clitoral stimulation. My fingers aren’t enough but because of my current living situation (living with my parents) I can’t conceal or use any toys. Any suggestions for me?

You can’t hide any toys? Really? It’s called the underwear drawer! haha. If you think that what you’re missing is deeper penetration then you don’t need a vibrator (which is the noise you’re worried about). Glass dildos have gotten really popular as of late. They don’t make noise, they’re slick and smooth – lube lasts longer with them, you can get a ribbed one for extra stimulation, and the best part is that if anyone sees it by accident – it doesn’t scream SEX TOY! outright. You could probably get away with passing it off as a cool artsy paperweight, lol. 

Another idea is maybe you could use a clitoral arousal gel. There’s a hundred different brands that offer them. You could probably find one at any drugstore or you could just get it from Adam & Eve (cheap). Anywhere. It could help you get that one step further that you need to reach the finish line. Clit gels enhance your sensitivity and makes it easier for you to reach peak arousal. It’s not a guarantee of orgasm by any means, but it’s a little extra help! If you’re worried about ordering anything sexual online, don’t worry, it all comes in a plain brown box with no indication of the company on the outside. They protect your privacy!

Still don’t want to risk it? Go old school. Get a cucumber! (Zucchini, carrot, summer squash, purple eggplant, and so on…) Clean it and use a condom if you can – you don’t want to risk any contagions or irritants. Women using a vegetable to masturbate is a time honored tradition!

Bath time! Use a showerhead.Or turn on the faucet and let the water run over your pussy. The best use of it is to roll your hips and fuck the water stream basically – letting it hit your clit over and over and over again.

My last thought is that you should try branching out from just using your fingers. Have you tried humping? You can hump your hand, the side of a bed, an exercise ball, a stuffed animal, a pillow, anything you have on hand. It’s about experimenting. Those are all soft edges. You can also try harder edges and see if those work better for yourself. Slide your pussy up and down anything firm that’s flat or round or shiny – a bedpost, pole, a railing, a TV remote, a candlestick holder, a bicycle seat, or a chair arm!

Try masturbating on your stomach. On all fours. On your knees. Sitting up. On a chair. Even just changing the angle by scooting up a little more or lying further back will change how it feels. You have to break out of what your usual routine is and get creative.

Yeah, living at home with the parents cramps your style and makes it more difficult to just relax and get what you need, but it doesn’t make it impossible. Try to get some time when they’re not home. Close the door (lock it if you can). Turn off the lights, Close the blinds. And just relax. Let yourself enjoy it, let yourself make some noise. Doesn’t matter if you orgasm every time, just try to enjoy the pleasure you get on the way there rather than fixating too much on the end goal (it’s counterproductive).

Hope something in here was helpful! Have fun!

Ok well my son and I have been dating for about 2 years now but about like I wanna say 4 months ago he cheated on my and well we’re back together. Now every time we have sex all i can think about is him being with someone else. How do I get this to stop. I want things to be normal with me and him again

You missed April 1st by 5 days, anon.

In your opinion, when does jealousy turn into obsession? When is it too much in a relationship?

In my opinion (thank you for letting that be clear because it’s a personal preference and not a psychological fact – though there actually isn’t an official APA consensus on this issue), I think a little jealousy is healthy, normal, and natural in a romantic relationship. Someone is flirting with your significant other and you get those little possessive butterflies, and you want to show everyone who your partner is going home with, and then it makes for a great night in bed afterwards. It’s not that you don’t feel like you’re not enough or that you really believe your partner will want someone else, it’s more like a reminder of what you have and how happy/proud/excited you are to be with them. Seeing the possibility of them with someone else just elicits that reminder and (in a trustworthy relationship) it shouldn’t do much more than bring out a tiny bit of possessive PDA and maybe a little bit more raunchiness in bed – all in good fun! 😉

Anything more than that crosses the line into lack of trust and it’s an indicator of low self esteem/self worth in the person who experiences jealousy. It becomes negative and unhealthy possessive behavior, possibly becomes aggressive, and possibly becomes violent. Explosive jealousy is the worst kind and has no part in a relationship. If someone feels so insecure about themselves that they lash out at anyone they deem a threat to their relationship, they usually end up taking it out on their partner the most. Backfires, right? The one thing they’re trying so hard to protect, they end up putting at risk. When you’re too worried about how to keep your relationship “safe”, you forget to enjoy being in the relationship to begin with.

Some people struggle with more self esteem issues than others and that’s because they’ve probably gone through some bad experiences in the past. Trust issues are extremely common for one simple reason: trust is easily, and often, betrayed. Jealousy is a result of those past betrayals and lack of self worth. So it’s up to you to determine what is an acceptable amount of jealousy and what isn’t because everyone is different. There’s no standard threshold. It’s about what you’re comfortable with, but in saying that, you also need to make sure that you’re aware of what you’re allowed to expect from partners and know what you don’t have to accept.

If you have to reassure someone a little more than usual early on in the relationship (not when you’ve been together for something like 2 years) and you’re comfortable with that, then that’s more than okay! However, if you’re making different decisions about where you go and who you see, hiding completely innocent things, and/or walking on eggshells when it comes to mentioning certain friends/activities, all because your partner might take it the wrong way and get jealous or be upset and cause another argument that you just don’t want to have again…then that’s far too much. Far too much. It’s crossed the line and you should never let yourself be put in that position.

The basis of a relationship is founded on trust, loyalty, and mutual respect. If your partner can’t trust you to be loyal and if your partner doesn’t trust you enough to believe that you’ll make decisions that are respectful of your relationship then what is the point? You end up living your life based on their obsessive and unacceptable needs. Sometimes it’s so subtle that you don’t even notice it until you’re in over your head and it feels nearly impossible to get out of.

Obsession is so far off the scale of jealousy that you should never be in a relationship where it actually reaches that point. That’s just scary and should be avoided at all costs. You should feel free to do whatever you want to do, see whoever you want to see, hang out with whoever you want to hang out with, go to whatever party you want to go to, and if you don’t feel free to do that because your partner will get jealous and freak out on you (when you’ve given them no reason to be and you are 100 percent loyal to them)…you have a problem in that relationship that needs to be addressed and if it’s not corrected, then it’s not something you should be doing anymore.

My long distance boyfriend and I try to have phone sex but I suck at it. I’m terrible at being sexy. He’s sooo good at talking dirty to me and I don’t ever know what to respond with. I don’t think he likes to be called daddy either so what else can I call him. Please help lol

First of all,  you shouldn’t be worried about what to be calling him, just go with whatever feels the most natural.  If it feels totally awkward for you to call him “daddy” or “sir” or whatever you think he wants to hear simply because you think  that’s what he wants to hear, that is only going to ruin the mood for both of you.  I can tell you for sure that hearing you moan his name or telling him how wet he makes you or how much you wish he was there to touch you is going to turn him on much more than you pretending to call him something that neither of you are into. 

That being said,  I know that sometimes it can be a bit difficult to get into the swing of things,  especially with phone sex.  You don’t want to sound like an idiot but you shouldn’t be so worried about how you sound that you don’t enjoy yourself.  If you’re in a relationship with someone,  you shouldn’t be afraid to deal with a bit of awkwardness when trying something new.  Focus on letting your partner know what you’re feeling and thinking about.  If there’s something about him that really turns you on,  tell him that.   If there’s something he calls you that turns you on,  tell him that,  too.  Let him know what you’d like to be doing to him,  let him know how you’re touching yourself at the time,  how much more you’d enjoy him touching you, etc.

There isn’t any kind of science to it,  that’s for sure.   Maybe he thinks he’s terrible at phone sex and thinks you sound like a pro.   It’s good that you’re open to trying to new things especially with long distance,  things can be rough and I wish you lots of amazing phone sex orgasms.

-teagan