That’s her prerogative! Not everyone likes oral sex. If you think she’s making it up because it hasn’t worked for her, then ask her about it. But she really just might not be into it.
Everyone’s got their own thing. Maybe she gets off on anal more than oral! Lol. Who knows? It’s not a bad thing that she just doesn’t like it, nothing to do with you.
The point is to find out all the other things she likes. There’s plenty! Trust me.
See, the problem with “faking it” though I get it (and I’ve done it) is that you mislead your partner into thinking something worked for you when it didn’t. It’s giving them false information and then later they think ‘well why isn’t this working? It worked when I did it last time!’
So “faking it” – while sometimes you just know it’s not going to happen and you don’t want to hurt their feelings and you just want to go to sleep – is only going to hurt your sex life. If you make them believe that something works for you, it’s only natural that they’ll continue to repeat it. When someone has trouble orgasming, a lot more exploration and experimenting needs to happen. You can’t just keep doing the same thing that never works.
It sucks that you’ve gotten to a point where you feel like you can’t be honest and sex is just an anxiety provoking chore that makes you feel like crap about yourself. Let’s change it!
You’re just gonna have to tell her. There’s no script. There’s no standard “right way” to do it. It’s gonna be awkward, and she will likely be upset with you, but wow oh wow you need to bite that bullet because it will GET BETTER from there. Nothing will change until you actually step up and change it for both of you.
Pick a moment that feels right to you, when it’s quiet, when neither of you are distracted by anything else, when it’s calm, and just come out with it. She’ll probably be hurt and upset that you lied/misled her because she’s the one who’s going to feel enormously embarrassed and maybe even guilty because she couldn’t tell the difference and she hasn’t been able to satisfy you. But the point of doing this is that you both get on the same page and you don’t end up resenting her! Also, so that sex can become something enjoyable and fun for you, not the mess that it is now. I guarantee you that this is not what she wants for you and she will feel HORRIBLE that this is what you go through when you’re having sex. I know you don’t want to hurt her, but this is to help you BOTH in the long run. So it’ll hurt but your relationship will grow stronger for it.
So you tell her that you love her (if you’re at that stage), that you love being with her, and that she’s amazing. You tell her that you’ve been afraid of letting her down by admitting that you never quite finish. Tell her you’ve never had an orgasm even when you masturbate so you have no idea what it feels like and you don’t know how to make it happen. (Maybe she can give you some tips on how she approaches it!) You tell her the truth, which is that you think it’s your fault that you can’t orgasm and you’re upset that this is happening (it’s not true though, it’s not your fault and it’s not her fault, it’s just something you have to work on TOGETHER to make it happen), you explain to her that you feel so guilty for lying – that’s why you don’t really initiate sex. Not because you don’t want her, but because you’re so worried about all of these other things going through your head.
Reaffirm that you DO want her and that you’re very attracted to her and that (name some things) feels really good and you love that and you love being close to her and you desperately want sex with her, but it’s been frustrating that you can’t get to the very end. You make it about you and your feelings and your worries and your anxiety – never ever say that she’s doing something wrong. (Unless it’s REALLY bad.)
It’s about positive reinforcement. If you make it out that she’s bad in bed, it doesn’t matter if that’s true or not, you’re going to kill any chance of a healthy sex life. The point is to improve your sex life by opening dialogue and talking about what works and what doesn’t. She needs to still feel like she’s desirable and not a total failure so be aware of that, but don’t overdo it because then it’ll be condescending. It’s a fine line to walk.
She might get defensive. She might get angry. She might even blame you!
(She shouldn’t, but if she does, try to stay calm and point out that it’s
hurtful to say that and you’re trying to fix this.) People say things they don’t
mean when it feels like they’re under attack. Make this peaceful. I’m just giving you some different scenarios because people react differently to
“criticism”.
Explain to her that you really do want to have sex, you just want to try new things. I would plan out some ideas in advance. She might ask you “well, what DO you want? What am I supposed to do? I can’t read your mind!”. So instead of having nothing to say, pull out some fantasies. Suggest some toys. Suggest role play. Suggest a different position. Whatever appeals to you. Read about it, google it, read through the tags here, etc. You won’t have an exact answer for her, but this way you have a “plan” and you don’t run into the hopeless feeling of ‘I can’t orgasm and I’ll never orgasm and it’s all pointless and we should just never have sex again!’
Instead, the feeling should be ‘okay so it hasn’t happened yet but it’s going to and this is what I need us to try going forward and we’ll see what happens!’
Whether you feel it or not, you have to come at this from a positive point of view. Nothing’s going to change if you’re just going to be negative and down on yourself. You want change! You want her! You want to feel all the things you should get to feel when you have sex! This is all going to happen and you want it to be with her!
When you guys get past the awkward stage of acceptance and you start trying out new things, new toys, and different positions (you can check the tags for some ideas), keep in mind that it should be FUN. Tell her you want FUN and to keep it light. Who cares if you don’t finish right now? Explain to her that you just want to fool around and if you don’t orgasm, that’s okay, just see if you can keep pushing yourself to get closer to it. The point is that you won’t lie to her about orgasming anymore. You’re going to be honest from here on out!
Make an agreement where if you don’t orgasm and you’re tired, she won’t try to keep going and you don’t want her to feel pressured to make it happen. Maybe you should agree that she won’t ask you whether you’ve orgasmed or not, just that you’ll stop her when you’re ready to stop. When things feel good and it’s working, you’ll tell her and encourage it. If you orgasm, obviously you’ll let her know! Otherwise, no pressure on it. Stop when you want to stop. Kiss her and cuddle. Or turn it around and start going at her! 🙂
If you relax and open yourself to new things, you’ll find out what makes your legs shake and your toes curl. Yes, orgasms are important, but if you make it the be all, end all, it puts too much pressure on what you’re doing. Relax. Deep breaths. Explore. Enjoy whatever pleasure you do get. The orgasm will happen eventually the more you experiment, so focus on the journey, not the destination. 🙂
making out is probably one of the best things in the world idk from the flirty eye contact and subtle body language to the slight hesitation the first time you brush your tongue against theirs to the little sounds they make and the feeling of their body under your fingertips idk man. i don’t think anything can beat that
Well, I hate to point this out, but you are on a PORN blog right now… So isn’t it a bit hypocritical to be upset by him watching porn while you are clearly looking at porn as well?
Have you tried watching porn together? That can be hot! Instead of seeing it as a threat, integrate it into your sex life. It’s foreplay!
Men watch porn for a variety of reasons, but a big one is that it’s a routine de-stresser. It’s uncomplicated. It’s relaxing almost due to years of porn watching and masturbating. Like getting off to help you sleep! Just quick and easy, a way to physically release, like going for a jog or something! haha. It’s that straightforward, no emotions tied up in it.
Some men watch a lot of porn, some watch a little, some don’t watch any at all, but just because he watches porn – that doesn’t mean it’s a reflection of something lacking in your relationship.
If you’re concerned that he’s not satisfied with your sex life, why not ask him if there’s any fantasies he’d like to try? If you don’t feel comfortable with something he says, don’t ever feel pressured into it! It’s okay! He’ll accept that. But it’s good to talk about these things! Porn is just a release and an escape.
Allow him to be honest with you about his porn habits, try watching it with him sometimes. It’s something he likes to do and you’re not a fan of it, but he’s not hurting anyone or cheating on you, so compromise here. I honestly don’t think that it’s fair for you to ask him not to watch porn if it’s something he enjoys. If he was chatting up girls on porn sites and doing the webcam thing or watching some violent and disturbing shit – that’s a whole different story, but watching “busty blonde take a big cock” is not something to be concerned about.
If he feels like he has to hide it from you in order to not hurt your feelings, he’s gonna end up pushed into a lie and then you’ll “catch him” and it’s all very silly. Porn is just fantasy, you guys are the wonderful reality. I bet if anyone asked him about the sex life you guys have, he’d tell them it’s amazing (and he’d mean it).
Porn /=/ dissatisfaction.
You’re feeling insecure about your relationship and your sex life. That’s something to talk to him about. If he stopped watching porn, I guarantee that you’d find something else that would cause you anxiety and insecurity about your relationship. Porn’s not causing those feelings, they’re already there, and that’s what you need to work on.
This piece is about prude-shaming and compulsory sexuality. It’s sort of a companion to this other piece, which is about slut-shaming and how wanting to have lots of casual, unconventional sex doesn’t make you a bad person. Follow SexEdPlus or check out SexEdPlus.Com for more stuff like this!
Well, I’ve posted some tips before about guys staying power here. So try some of them. You need to talk to him about this. Not in an argument where you blame him for not waiting for you, but calmly where you explain how it’s making you feel.
Not “you can’t fucking hold on for another minute to let me get off for once!?!?” but “every time you finish before me, it makes me feel like you don’t care if I get anything out of it, that you don’t care about my pleasure or satisfaction and that really hurts”.
See the difference?
You’re not wrong for feeling upset. It’s demoralizing when it happens every single time and never changes. It makes you feel like he’s not trying hard enough or that he doesn’t care to try harder. That’s upsetting! And after a year of the same thing happening every time, that really starts to hit you. You just want to cum before him once, goddammit! 😉 It messes up the whole build and climax point when he finishes and then you maybe get a quick rush job to finish you off after. You end up with no orgasm or a sub-par one. Certainly not the one you both had been working towards before he blew it! lol.
So read the tips on staying power. Talk to him about what you’re feeling. Show or tell him about the tips and see if he’s willing to give it a try. You’ve been together for two years, if you guys have a solid relationship, I can’t imagine that he would refuse trying when you present it this way.
If it doesn’t work then maybe a good compromise is to have him get you to orgasm first (with his mouth and/or fingers). Then once you’ve cum, his dick will come into play – but not until you’ve orgasmed first! He can wait until you’ve gotten at least one under your belt. The great thing about women is that we don’t need a refractory period and a second, third orgasm is much easier to get after the first one so it’s not like you can’t cum again WITH him. At least this way your needs are being attended to fairly.
You don’t hook up with your girlfriend’s sister unless you’re looking to napalm both relationships.
Your reasoning for not being with the sister is only that she was with someone at the time so you settled for the other one (your current gf)? Is that it? Cause that’s what you’re making it sound like. Not a good reason to be with someone. Ever. You’re being dishonest with yourself and you’re betraying the one you’re with. No one should ever be second best in their partner’s eyes. You don’t do that to someone you care about.
If this is how it feels to you, that you’ve basically settled for one because the other one was taken, then I should think the answer is fairly obvious. Break up with your girlfriend and leave the family alone. Do not go after the sister. If you care about either of them, don’t do that to their family, don’t divide them that way. Are you truly in love with either of them? I don’t think so. If you’re going to break up with one and choose the other, you better be damn well sure that you’re in love. That it’s worth it. This is not some silly game of who gets you hotter!
Besides dreams aren’t portents. Just because you dream about sex with this girl, doesn’t mean you’re in love with her or that you have to be with her or that you even WANT to be with her! It seems more of a sign that your current relationship is having issues – not that you have actual feelings for her sister. Dreams are rarely so literal as that.
Maybe this fixation on her sister is just an easy way to just blow it all up and walk away without having to deal with the consequences in a mature, rational way. Maybe you’re actually falling for her sister. I don’t know the answer, but you do. You need to address the problems in your relationship – don’t just throw a sister-shaped bomb at it and run away.
Do the right thing.
Hm, first I wouldn’t be so sure about the other one orgasming. Women tend to lie about it in order to not hurt their male partner’s feelings. It’s not a good thing to do and gives the men a skewed perception of what works and what doesn’t, but I do understand WHY women do it. When it comes down to it, sometime it’s just easier to tell that little white lie instead of the drama that comes with admitting that you didn’t “finish”. Sometimes you just want to sleep, dammit!
I digress.
I’ve given a lot of tips in the sex advice tags about orgasms and different positions to try. So check that out (including the “how to” tag!). The best advice I can give you is to keep trying different things.
– Be as relaxed as possible. Don’t think too much. Don’t try to control what your body is feeling. Give in to the pleasure – let go. Many women (without realizing it) actually fight against their own orgasms because it almost feels wrong to let our bodies take over without being able to keep a handle on it. No handles! No nothing! BE FREE!
– Find a rhythm and keep it.
– Experiment with going harder or slower (sometimes hard and rough will shock your system into a surprise orgasm, taking over before you have a chance to think too much – slow can build some of the most intense orgasms if you have the time).
Focus on your breathing – breathing deeply and evenly – as if you’re trying to draw the pleasure deeper into your body that way. You will actually feel your pleasure expand through your body as you draw deeper breaths.
Step 1: He’s no longer a “soon to be boyfriend” or “ANYTHING” of yours.
Step 2: Groin punch him.
Step 3: Tell all his friends that they’re desperate disgusting pigs and you wouldn’t go near them unless you were about to taser them.
Step 4: Hang out with your friends and have a boy-free summer. Just have fun. Senior year will be a new start.
This guy does not have any intention of being a true boyfriend nor does he show any respect for you as a person of value. He went and told all his friends that you’re easy and they should hit you up if they wanna get off too. He’s the asshole that all other assholes want to be. He didn’t just tell them that you went down on him, think about it, how could he have possibly said it in a way that would make them think that they’d have a shot? Also, they weren’t concerned about hitting up their friend’s “girl”? If they thought that you meant something to him, that he really cared about you, they wouldn’t dare approach you like that. Even assholes have rules.
It sucks when you realize that about people, that they’re not who you thought they were especially after you’ve been doing some intimate things with them, but try to see through the hurt and realize there’s better people out there. Far better guys.
It is NOT normal for boys to behave this way nor is it acceptable for them to behave that way. It needs to stop and the only way it will is if every time someone acts like that, they are met with the same abhorrent rejection and disgust they readily deserve. Girls often hesitate because “it’s his friend! I want him to like me! I don’t want his friend to tell him lies about how I’m a bitch and then he won’t want me anymore”. It’s the risk you take in order to stand up for yourself. When you look back a year from now, two years from now, for the rest of your life, you’re gonna be so relieved and proud that you stood up for yourself instead of having to feel shame and regret because you didn’t think your self worth was more important than some dickwad fuckboy.
No boy or girl should ever treat you that way and you tell them that. You’ll meet someone else, it’s not the end of your dating life! In the meantime, he’s over with and you’re gonna have a great summer with your friends and family. I’m sorry you met such an unbelievable jerk.
Sumptuous Daydreams 