Author: sumptuousdaydreams

I may be losing my virginity sometime soon (with the person I’m dating, who’s also a virgin – we’re 19, if that helps). Basically, we trust each other (we’ve been best friends for months before dating), like each others bodies, and have done more or less everything except penetrative sex (manual, oral). I wanted to know if there’s anything we can do to make it hurt the least possible and for both of us to enjoy our first time as much as we can?

Also, he told me he would like to skip the condom during the first thrust, but obviously use it in the following – if I wouldn’t mind so -; and I actually find that right, as in the “official loss of virginity”, that first act. That’s why we’re thinking about holding on for a while as we are, doing the other stuff we have been doing; he’s going away to see his family during the summer, anyway; and do it, eventually, once he comes back.

That way I’ll have time to start taking the pill and everything (I’m not planning to skip using condoms, I would rather just feel twice as protected – and he’s supportive of that). What do you think about this? Good idea, bad idea? Any more advice you find relevant? Sorry for this being so long, and thanks in advance. XX 🙂

I do not advise that you skip using a condom, ever, but especially for the first time. Condoms desensitize the guy a little bit and if it’s his first time, he’s going to need all the help he can get to last as long as possible for you. So less sensitivity will really benefit you both in the long run.

Even if he enters you without a condom and then backtracks and puts one on, you’ve already exposed yourself to precum (which often has semen left over in it from previous ejaculations) and STI’s. So you’re already risking everything you’re trying to prevent. Also, it’s just not a good idea because once he’s in, then you’re tempted to keep going. Your mind makes all sorts of excuses as to why it’ll be okay or that he’ll only do it a few more times and then he’ll put one on. Then you might end up convincing yourself that if you use the “pull out” method, you’ll be fine, you’ll think it’s no big deal, and so on…

Point is, it’s a slippery slope and you don’t need the temptation to practice unsafe sex. Believe me, pretty much all rationality goes out the door when you’re having sex and people make a lot of really stupid decisions that they never would have made if they were thinking with a clear head.

And, yes, definitely have a back up plan. Condoms are only about 85% effective in preventing pregnancy and STI’s. So using a condom and being on the pill, NuvaRing, etc. is (in my opinion) the most effective and safe way to have sex.

Read this post I made about the importance of foreplay and how to make your first time as enjoyable as possible. 🙂

Does deep throating hurt? :/

Not necessarily. I mean, it’s uncomfortable because of the gag reflex issue, but I wouldn’t say it hurts… The only time it would hurt is if the guy is really rough with you (which you should immediately put a stop to). Deepthroating is uncomfortable, but many get used to it. You may find your jaw or throat being sore afterwards. The only time pain would occur is if the guy tries to force your head down or fucks your mouth while he’s in that deeply. If this ever happens, I’d be hard pressed to find a reason not to break up with him. I’d dump his ass so fast, he wouldn’t even have time to get his pants back on before he’s out the door.

Guys, never force yourself down your partner’s throat. It’s painful, they may vomit on you, they may bite you, and you are truly a gigantic fucking dickwad for doing it.

To help with your gag reflex, try squeezing your left thumb in a fist. The pressure point there is often effective to help people with a sensitive gag reflex so that could definitely come in handy for you! It works for some people, but not everyone.

The best way to do it is to relax your mouth, your throat, and gradually work him in deeper. Effectively “swallowing” him. Be aware of your breathing and make sure you take a breath right before he goes down all the way. Breathe through your nose after that. This is something you do with practice and you work your way up to being able to take him all the way in. Do not try to force his cock down your throat the first time! Little by little, push yourself a little further each time you give him a blow job.

It also depends on the size of what you’re trying to work with. The bigger they are, the more difficult deepthroating is. Please be aware that not everyone can deepthroat so while, of course, I say give it a shot and try it, don’t force yourself! Some people simply cannot do it and that’s okay!

So I had sex (protected) and she started bleeding I know thats normal and Im not sure if I came or not, but is blood on the condom slippery?

…you don’t know if you came or not?…

Yeah, I’m gonna say you definitely did not have an orgasm if you’re not sure of it.

And, yes, I suppose it does lubricate the condom more? I’m also going to assume this was a first time because there is no other time where bleeding during sex is “normal".

For the girl who asked for private advice…

(1)

(2)

(3) – watch the video to understand what exactly the hymen is and how it will affect you

Relax, take your time, and live in the moment. 🙂

Did you get my question?

Posting this for everyone.

I have about 30 messages in my inbox right now – all asking questions. I promise, I will try to get to all of them, but I can’t flood the blog. I try to answer a few questions every day, but you guys just keep coming at me! 😉

It’s okay, I’m happy to try to help, but you gotta be patient!

thank you for having my back from that dickhead anon. i don’t think it’s shameful for me to be a virgin, i take pride in it.. i’m just horny..haha :) is that a crime?

If being horny was a crime, every single person on this blog would be in jail right now!

And that anon was an idiot. I just told the truth. So good for you. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel ashamed about it. That’s their issue, not yours.

Hi, so my bf and I talked and it turns out I’m not that great at sex. The thing is I was a virging when I met him so I don’t have any experiance, on top of that I’m scared of failure and am too self-conscious to really act on my ideas. His previous gf was a big time slut wih all the right moves and I feel like I’m letting him down. Can you give me some tips on how to be more daring and not be so damn shy and just blow his mind?

Did he TELL you that you’re not good in bed???? If he did, I say tell him he can go fuck himself and you can find someone better than that asshole. No one should ever make you feel insecure or tell you that you’re not “up to par” in bed. That’s fucking bullshit. You don’t even want to be with an dickhead who acts like that! He doesn’t deserve the time of day from you!

However, if this is more of YOUR perceived insecurities and not exactly what he said, then let’s talk about it.

First things first, you have to forget about his ex. You will never get anywhere by comparing yourself to her. And just because she was experienced, doesn’t mean she was any good. He’s with YOU now, not her. Obviously she was lacking somehow for him because he’s with you now. Make sure you remind yourself of that every time you start to let those thoughts creep back in, self-doubt, and comparing yourself. The ex doesn’t matter. It’s all about you and him right now.

I know you said you talked to him, but what did he say exactly? If he was looking for something in bed that you guys haven’t been doing, then he should have been specific about what it was. How else are you going to know? Talk to him, communicate, find out what it is that he wants that you guys aren’t doing and then test it out.

Enthusiasm and confidence are the biggest benchmarks of good sex. It’s a huge turn on for both men and women. Taking charge with confidence is one of the hottest things you can do. So to hell with his ex, he’s yours now! Act on your ideas! I know you have them. I think that you know exactly what you want to do and how to spice things up, but you’re holding back because you’re worried about being held up to ex for comparison. Nothing is going to change for you until you stop thinking like that and let the past be the past. He wants to be with you so instead of being shy and insecure, let this be your damn victory parade! He’s going to find it the hottest thing ever.

Honestly, I think that’s what it comes down to. You’re letting the “idea” of his experienced ex get in between you and it’s interfering with your sex life! You’re not letting him down, I promise you. And it’s not all about him! What about you? Are you getting enough satisfaction from your sex life? I’m gonna guess no. Why? Because you’re too freaked out about not being good enough to enjoy it fully. Or maybe he’s a shit lay. I don’t know! But you owe it to yourself to try to figure this out.

Talk to him, talk about what he feels is missing, talk about what you’re not getting either, tell him what you’re worried about, tell him that you’re worried about not matching up. That’s something he would want to know! He’d want to know that you’re feeling that way so that he can reassure you and tell you just how wrong you are. Honesty is the place to start. If he understands where you’re coming from, that will help both of you so much more.

Then you can throw him down, get on top, and focus on nothing else but fucking the living hell out of him. Do it exactly the way you want to do it and the way I know you’ve been thinking about doing. It’s the first step to regaining your confidence and proving to yourself that you know what you want. It’s not about him – it’s about you. If you are confident and open and eager, you will blow his mind.

It’s not about the ‘tricks’ or this move over that move, it’s about how passionate you are with each other, your feelings for each other, and the connection you share. That’s what sets you apart from any other girl he’s been with. When you are YOU, when you let go of your inhibitions and are completely yourself with him, that alone will put you in your own category and there will never be any comparison.

Okay I have the most basic of questions. What is the most erotic way for me to grope a penis, I always feel like I’m just aimlessly grabbing for it and then when I find it I just rub up and down, any tips??

I’ve answered questions about handjobs before so check the sex advice tag in the future. 🙂

A previous post that should answer your question: Handjob Tips