So, there’s times I’m playing with my girlfriend and after a while I’m no longer interested in coming but I did enjoy the experience. Is this normal? I’d like to think it’s possible to enjoy sex without release. (I’m a woman, by the way.)

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!

Orgasm is not the be all, end all. It’s an enjoyable release, but sometimes it requires too much energy to expend, energy that you just might not have at that moment, but it doesn’t mean you don’t want to still experience pleasure.

Sex is about pleasure – not an orgasm. It’s a way to release energy (varying levels of it) and share intimacy. It’s a chance to play and experiment, and there’s the opportunity to GIVE pleasure as well – which is gratifying in a different way.

Now, of course, this is different for everyone. Some women don’t mind not always having an orgasm – they’re happy to please their partners, enjoy the intimacy, experience the pleasure of touch, oral, etc. But there are others who would be extremely frustrated by the lack of an orgasm – craving it far more. Everyone’s different!

If you are not left feeling discontent, unsatisfied, or frustrated, then it is absolutely okay to not orgasm sometimes or not even desire it. You’re enjoying being with your girlfriend. You’re enjoying that intimacy and pleasure of touch. It doesn’t have to result in an orgasm if you just don’t want to push yourself to the limit that day. Totally normal.

This does not mean you should never want an orgasm. If your sex drive is more subdued than past experience, then you might want to consider factors in your life that are contributing to that. But if there’s occasions where you have that body wracking, toe curling orgasm and then occasions where you’re enjoying just being in the moment while not reaching climax – I’d say you have a pretty darn healthy and fulfilling sex life.