Thank you. It’s confusing for me because I moved on so fast from the relationship after it ended and never really got the closure I needed. Part of me feels bad and part of me doesn’t for her. She wasn’t very nice to me in the past when my ex and I decided to keep in touch as friends. We were in a good place, I felt good about it. He should have stood up for the situation and didn’t. I was hurt by that, made me look bad. Do you think that’s part of the reason he’s reaching out? Regrets

He always comes back to me. Apart of me is starting to think could the
people we are now be a better fit then in the past? We have grown. Yet I
still think what he’s doing is really bad and I’m just as bad for
speaking to him given the circumstances. Very confused by it all.

–

No, I don’t think he has regrets. I think he just sided with the girl that’s currently sleeping with him. Now maybe he’s not as into her anymore and wants something different, so he’s falling back on you. Do you really want to be someone’s fallback plan? Ugh. No. Fuck that! You’re not a runner-up or someone to fill in when he’s bored.

You guys sound like you’re in a bad rut. A cycle of unhealthy behavior where neither of you is really willing to let go completely. No, it’s not because you belong together, it’s because you’re each others safety nets. It’s comfortable. It’s familiar. You know what you’re getting with him.

That doesn’t mean it’s right.

Ultimately, you’re going to decide whatever you want, but you sound like you’re letting your own loneliness get in the way of your good judgment. He’s in your comfort zone and it’s easy to want to go back to that when you feel like you don’t have anything better out there.

But there are better things out there. Better people. People who will excite you and open new doors for you and put you above the rest. You’ll fall in love with someone else and eventually this ex isn’t going to have anymore confusing ties to you – he’ll just be someone from your past, a significant part of your past, but still your past. There will be more clarity with time and distance.

I know you feel like “maybe” there’s a chance, maybe he’s changed, maybe it’ll be better this time, but I’m telling you, especially from how you’re talking about it, it will not work. You’re both feeling a little lonely and nostalgic. That’s the worst combination to try to start up something – regardless of who it is. I promise you that.

Use your judgment wisely. It ended for a reason, don’t go back and rehash it all. You deserve much, much better.