I have a situation that I need help sorting out. My ex of 2 years, we’ve been broken up for over a year now. I left him. Has started to contact me again. Even tho he now has a gf that’s away at school. He plays it off as flirting but If he’s lonely just watch porn, why email me? Ive asked if he’s happy with her why contact me. He stopped for a few days but now started again. Said he thinks of me. I know he looks bad. I need to know why is he doing this now? We haven’t talked in a while.

Give people enough time alone and they start to revisit the past, think about the good things, forget the bad. It’s a selective memory process. You get lonely, you start thinking about the good things in your past relationships, and suddenly you wonder why it ever ended.

It never works out though. Because it’s been so long that you’ve forgotten the stuff that went wrong and the good things aren’t there anymore either because the relationship no longer exists. People get confused and it’s an easy thing that happens when you don’t have your focus being pulled towards the present/future.

I guess my point is, he’s just reminiscing and if you were the one to end it, it likely feels like something unfinished to him. A loose end. A what-if? It’ll take time, more than a year, more than three years, or even until he really, truly falls for someone else before that “unfinished” feeling starts to fade for him.

But make no mistake, he’s not doing this because he’s thinking of you as you are now. He’s remembering the good things and without someone there to distract him (ie. his gf and you should feel sorry for the girl because how would you feel if the situation was reversed ? It’s an awful thing to do to someone), he’s fantasizing about something that’s now only partially real and partially make believe.

Don’t let yourself get sucked back into the past. There’s no point. All you’ll do is go in circles until you end right back up where you were last time and you guys broke up. It won’t even be as good the second time around, it’ll be a mess of old wounds and mixed emotions. Cut him off. Go cold turkey. Don’t talk to him anymore. It’s not worth the confusion.

You don’t want to be part of him hurting someone else and you especially don’t want to repeat a past relationship that ended for a good reason – even if it seems a little fuzzy now. Protect yourself and let him go.