I’m a 20 year old virgin. I always told myself I wanted to wait to be in a serious relationship before sleeping with anyone, but I’ve been hanging out with this guy for five months now, and he’s told me he doesn’t want a relationship, but the more time we spend together, the more I want to sleep with him. The biggest thing that’s holding me back is fear. I’m afraid to like it, I’m afraid that it will complicate our relationship, I’m afraid that I’ll regret it later on. Advice?

I think waiting until you’re in a serious relationship puts a lot of pressure on sex that it doesn’t need. It’s a personal choice and if it means that much to you, then of course! Wait. But sex is not the be all/end all form of intimacy so it doesn’t cheapen a serious relationship if you’ve had sex with someone other than them before.

That being said, the guy you’re spending time with sounds like a selfish douche. Don’t waste any more time on him than you already have. If he was into you and shared your feelings, he would be 100% committed and with you. But he’s not. Guys are simple when it comes to this. If they care about you, they will be with you. If they just wanna fuck around, you will hear every excuse in the book as to why they want to keep things “just casual”.

If he cared, he would be in a relationship with you right this very second. But he’s “just not that into you”. I know that sucks and it hurts to hear and you don’t want to believe it, but it’s true. I think you know that deep down. So listen to your instincts, drop him, and move on. Find someone better. You don’t want to be with someone where you are more invested in the relationship than they are. You are setting yourself up to be hurt. Have some respect for yourself and love yourself. You deserve so much more and there is someone out there that is going to be 10000x better and they will make you wonder why you ever wasted your time with this guy.

But you have to be open to moving on, open to meeting someone new. Open and free. Give yourself that. If you want to hook up with some hot guy you meet one night, then do it! If you want to wait until you’re in an exclusive relationship, then wait! But whatever your choice is, it’s not going to be with this current guy. He’s not right for you, you deserve better. Stop hanging out with him and try meeting new people.

He’ll try to get you back (because nothing teases people more than the unattainable), but it’s just a sick game. He doesn’t really want you. There is no grey here. Just black and white – he doesn’t want what you want – so as painful as it is – cut your losses and save your heart for someone who deserves it.