Help! I need relationship advice if you can help. My bf and I have been together for a while now. I have a guy friend that is getting into the photography business. He asked to photograph me. I dont see a problem with it. When i told my bf about it he freaked out and said I shouldn’t do it. I was hurt because he started saying things like “you’re not a model”. I know that but it hurts coming from him. I want to help my friend out and not piss my bf off anymore. Is that possible?

What kind of pictures are we talking about here? If it’s just a “clothes on” regular shoot then it shouldn’t be a problem. It seems like it’s about more than the pictures though. It’s the you and this other guy getting a lot of one on one time together part. Your boyfriend sounds really worried that you might be into this other guy or worried about what might happen if you spend time with your friend like that. So your bf reacted impulsively with anger and insults, taking it out on you, when really he’s just being insecure and scared.

Now, is that a reason? Yes. Does that mean it’s acceptable. NO.

Sounds like you guys have to work on establishing more trust in your relationship. If you’ve given him absolutely no reason whatsoever to doubt you then that’s something that he needs to work on and you tell him that. You make it very clear that you’re not interested in anyone else, that he needs to trust you, not act like an asshole and insult you. Call him out on it. Just because he gets jealous and insecure DOES NOT give him a license to treat you like shit and say hurtful things just because he’s acting butthurt. Lay down the law!

Ask him to be open with you when he’s feeling uncomfortable (without being mean) and then you guys can discuss WHY he’s uncomfortable with it. Which will lead to a better understanding of each other and better communication and hopefully a dissipation of the jealousy altogether.

But make it very clear that you will not tolerate being treated like that when you did nothing wrong. It’s not wrong to want to do something different and fun with your friend! Jealousy happens in relationships, but as long as you’re open, honest, and respectful of each other – you can work through it.

It is not, however, an excuse or a reason to ever be cruel, spiteful, mean, or just your garden variety of shitty towards your partner. Don’t allow him to do that EVER. Shut it down and stand up for yourself. You can be compassionate and aware of his feelings, but you’re not a punching bag and he doesn’t get to own you.

Do what you want to do and if he can’t accept that, then tell him goodbye. He needs to trust you, respect what YOU want, and accept that it’s your life. Don’t be afraid to piss him off. If he can’t be mature about your friendship with another male then it’s time to really look at what’s going on in your relationship.

Are you turning down opportunities, social events, avoiding certain friends, etc. because you’re worried it will piss him off or make him jealous or cause an annoying fight that you don’t want to deal with? Not good.

There’s a difference between staying out of situations that would be disrespectful to your partner and letting your partner dictate what you can and can’t do with your friends (and your life in general). He may not “order” you to do something, but if you find yourself walking around on eggshells for him because you don’t want him to overreact about something totally innocent or something he might misinterpret, then it’s a sign of a really unhealthy relationship. You deserve better. Please know that.