I’m a sexually repressed female. I don’t act on my urges very often and I was raised very sheltered. I date women, and I sleep with men on occasion.. I started really watching porn when I was 18. I got into it wayyyy more in the past two years but I got to the point that I was watching really graphic porn. The violent and the fetishized were flooding my dash and I started to find it hard to cum with a partner. so I deleted my “sex tumblr” because I felt desensitized.. Can you offer any advice?

Well, the problem with porn is that it can act like a drug. With drugs, prolonged usage requires consistent increases in dosage because your body starts to get used the drug, your threshold (tolerance) is higher, and you need a stronger dose in order to overcome it.

The same thing with porn. The more porn you watch, the more desensitized you become. Which often leads to you seeking out more hardcore/fetishes/violent porn because it’s different, new, more intense – something to shock your senses into arousal because now you have a higher threshold to overcome.

Deleting your blog was a good step! However, you should step away from porn altogether. You’re being overstimulated and making it far more difficult for any real life encounters to live up to the wild and violent fantasies you’ve been immersing yourself in. Cut yourself off, go cold turkey, and then give it time.

Your sensitivity will start to come back and increase the longer you stay away from porn. It’s like delayed gratification: the less sex you have in your daily life, the more special/exciting/arousing it will be when you do actually have it.