My boyfriend doesn’t have much sexual experience… but I do. How can I direct him without being offensive?

The trick is to find a balance between ENCOURAGING and being CONDESCENDING (or overbearing).

You don’t want to tell him: “do this”/”don’t do that”/”go here”/”not there”.

Instead, try for subtle guidance. Place his hands where you want them to be, when he hits the right spot or gets a good rhythm – hold him there and encourage him to keep going. Moan, gasp, use any verbal or non verbal cues to clearly encourage him and show him what gets you going.

If there’s things you want to do and he doesn’t have the slightest clue where to start or even know that you want it, make it a sexy suggestion. Whisper in his ear what you want him to do to you (or you want to do to him) while you’re making out or even use it as a seductive way to get things started! Mention it while sexting or during phone sex. He won’t resent you for being “forward” and eager to have sex with him – in fact, he’ll love it (who wouldn’t?) – but that’s what you have to make sure is always the key idea/feeling coming across. Eagerness, sexual desire, attraction, craving, need, etc.

What I mean is, make sure you put an emphasis on making him feel the eagerness and desire that you have to fuck him, instead of making it feel like you’re giving him a step by step “how to” guide because he’s falling short of your expectations. Basically, it’s about positive reinforcement, not negative reinforcement. Always talk about the good, avoid the bad (unless the bad is so bad that you really need to tell him not to do something). He’ll take cues from the good and eventually learn what not to do from what you don’t mention or react well to.

Take the lead for now. Be the “top” to show him what you want and what makes you tick. As you guys start to become more familiar with each other and he grows more comfortable, then you can step back and let him take the reins sometimes so it’s a more even exchange. He won’t begrudge you for being assertive during sex (especially if he’s inexperienced). He’s just excited to be having sex and learning about this whole new world. 😉 The point is not to make him feel inadequate about it, which is where the positive reinforcement comes in. Jump on top of him, show him what you want, fuck him the way you want to fuck. You’re not telling him “this is how you do it” you’re telling him “this is what I like”. See the difference?

Definitely be vocal and assertive about you want and make sure it happens, but the effectiveness is all in the delivery. Have fun!