Okay so I have been sexually active with my boyfriend for about a year now. He was my first so I have nothing to compare him to, but I really don’t feel like he’s doing anything wrong. The thing is, I can not reach an orgasm. The sex itself is fantastic but there is no release. No end result for me. We can for long enough that it actually starts to hurt but I have never had an orgasm, not vaginal nor clitoral. Is there any logical reason for this?

First, do you orgasm when you masturbate? If you don’t masturbate, you need to start. If you do orgasm when you masturbate, then obviously there’s things you need to work on in your sex life. If you don’t orgasm when you masturbate, then there’s things you need to work on with yourself before applying it to your sex life.

You said it yourself, you don’t have anything to compare it to, so how do you know that there aren’t things he could be doing/doing better? You’re not having an orgasm and it’s been a year. Not good! It’s unfortunately normal for women not to experience an orgasm during sex and that’s usually due to a lack of foreplay, understanding of the female body, and the woman’s ability to relax.

So my advice is to change it up. Take control or have him surprise you. Make it rougher, make it sweeter. Oral is your best friend. Have him go down on you until you’re right on the breaking point and then take it over the edge with penetration. Don’t hold back. It seems like that’s what happens the most. Women hold back and fight their orgasms instead of embracing them.

Encourage him to try different things, different positions, a different location, roleplay, use toys, etc. ANYTHING different from what you’re doing now. Because what is happening now, isn’t good enough. You can check the sex advice tags page for tips on positions and oral sex. Have him read it as well.