Here’s a dilemma I have: I find lesbian girls extremely attractive, especially some of the “butch” (sorry for using it, lack of a better word) girls. I’ve imagine myself having sex, making love, fooling around, etc with my friends who are STRICTLY lesbians. The issue is I’m a male. What happens if you fall for a lesbian from birth? What do you do then as a guy? I always wonder is it possible to have a healthy, loving and safe relationship involving 3 people who are willingly open?

You certainly do have a dilemma. Lesbians are called lesbians for a reason: they don’t want to be with a man. At all. They want women. If they were going to be in a poly-amorous relationship, it would be with two other women! (And bigamy is a very messed up road to go down… I wouldn’t attempt it.)

What is it about your lesbian friends that attracts you to them? Their personalities? Their masculine energy? Their independence? Their lifestyle? There are plenty of “butch” women out there that are straight or bisexual – therefore interested in being with a man. You don’t have to be gay to have that kind of personality/energy.

Maybe you’re attracted to the unattainable. Being the only man to ever make a lesbian enjoy a heterosexual relationship. You want to be the GOD that changed their lives the way no one else could. It’s a heady sexual power trip. Makes for some good fantasies.

Or maybe you’re attracted to them because they’re safe. Lesbians would reject you for just being a man. You don’t have to be afraid of them turning you down for any other personal reason. There’s no risk, no chance, no opportunity, so maybe you find comfort in that, in the fact that you can’t ever be with them so there’s no chance of being hurt. That’s something easy to fantasize about.

I’m just theorizing. I don’t know why you’re drawn to lesbians, but you have to figure it out for yourself and change something because it is never going to work out for you this way.

Lesbians = women who want women. Which isn’t to say that you can’t have many lesbian friends, but they don’t want to be with you romantically, sexually, or have anything more than a platonic relationship.

You don’t stand a chance so give up whatever delusion you might have about being with a lesbian and start focusing on what it is about the QUALITIES your lesbian friends possess that make you attracted to them. I don’t think you want to sleep with them because they like to sleep with women. There’s something else there. Figure out what.