I have been in a serious, and by serious I mean living together, relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years (we’re both girls) and we’re sexually active. It’s by far the longest relationship I’ve ever had with just one person, I’ve mostly been a “one night stand person”. But I feel like I’m getting frustrated about the lack of sex or intimacy we’re having now that we’re “serious”, and I’m afraid it’s starting to push me towards flirting with other people. Help??

Well, as someone that can relate to you not being a ‘relationship’ type person, I can see why you would feel as though you were frustrated by that level of commitment.  But, let’s be real here, if you’ve invested this much time in this relationship there’s obviously something there.  So, as always, communication with your partner is key.

If you’re feeling as though there is a lack of sexual chemistry and behavior between the two of you right now, that’s what you need to talk about.  Try to figure out what is making things boring, is it simply not having sex enough?  Are you only having sex in the same way, so it feels like a routine?  Whatever the reason, asking your partner is the first step.  Maybe they feel the same way.  Try to see what new things you would both be interested in trying, whether it’s toys or a new position, there are so many options to spicing up your relationship.

With that being said, some relationships just aren’t meant to last forever.  If you’re feeling unsatisfied and your efforts to fix the problem aren’t working, maybe it’s time to move on.  But, don’t be a dick, if you’re being pushed towards other people – end this relationship first! No one likes a cheater, especially if you’ve invested in a relationship for as long as you have this one.  You owe the person you care about honesty, and even though breaking things off will hurt, it won’t hurt nearly as much as cheating on them and being found out. 

-teagan.