I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time awhile ago (my first time) and we had been dating for awhile, but then I found messages of him cheating on my so I broke up with him, but since then i think about it more than usual, am I attached if I just wanna have sex with him again?

He was your first, there’s always going to be something special about that, something that sets it apart from the rest. Not that it was necessarily good, but because that was your first and you always remember that. It’s one of those moments in life you never forget. It’s not attachment or any of those misogynistic theories that a girl will become obsessed with a guy she loses her virginity with. It’s bullshit. It was one of those moments that’s going to stand out to you when you look back at your past, but it doesn’t mean you’ve freaking imprinted on the guy or anything.

That said, he cheated on you. He lied to you. He betrayed you. So it makes it a 1,000x worse that he was your first because you now have what was something special to you, tainted with that kind of hurt. It’s often the case that when someone wants to have sex again with their ex that cheated…it’s usually revenge sex. I don’t know if that’s what you were thinking, but it is common. Maybe you’re thinking, you fuck him, show him what he lost out on, and then leave him in the dust. He hurt you so why not hurt him? He deserves it, right?

Or maybe that’s not it at all! Maybe you’re ready to have sex again, but since he was your only experience, your thoughts revert back to him. Also, you know he can’t hurt you anymore than he already has so he’s a safe bet. It’s easier to go back to someone you know than risk your feelings again by starting with someone new.

You’re not attached to your ex. The whole “theory” of girls getting too attached and obsessed with their first is a myth. Some girls value it more than others, that’s true, but don’t try to fit yourself into the box because you’ve “heard” that’s what happens. It’s just not true.

I don’t advise having sex with your ex. It never works out like you think it will. It always ends up messy and bad. Plus, this guy is an asshole who cheated so all the more reason to just focus on what’s ahead. Open yourself to meeting someone new. If it’s sex you want, there’s PLENTY of guys out there that would be an eager and willing partner for you.

Don’t go back to the ex just because it’s familiar and safe and the only thing you know. Take chances. Move on. Have new experiences. Then you won’t be thinking of him as your only option anymore.