so me and my boyfriend have been doing “hand” stuff, and whenever he really gets going, it starts to hurt a LOT.& not a hot type of hurt. like OUCH STOP hurt. and i dont know why. so, every time we “hook up” he gets off and I don’t because I always make him stop and I’m left feeling like I put in a bunch of effort for nothing returned. I’m still a virgin, so maybe its the fact that my cherry hasn’t been popped? i dont even know if it has been or not… idk what to do. i feel so unsatisfied.

Do you masturbate? Does it hurt when you use your fingers on yourself?

If the answer to the latter is “no”, then he’s doing it wrong. You need to work with him and take control, tell him what to do, what feels good, because he is obviously not experienced and doesn’t understand what he’s doing.

A lot of younger, inexperienced guys think they can just ram their fingers away, but that’s the opposite of what you want. Start off with him just rubbing through your underwear. Get yourself really wet and worked up just from that. Hump his hand. Don’t even go for penetration. Work on making that step feel really good. Then you can work up to having him massage you with skin on skin contact. If you’re finally starting to get what you need from that, have him use lube and ONE finger to slowly, gently go inside you, while focusing more on the clit.

You need to be the one to teach him what you like. It’s not fair that the amount of sexual satisfaction is unbalanced, you have every right to be just as satisfied as him, but for girls, we have to open up and take more control over the situation because you cannot leave it up to your boyfriend to know how to do it.

If he doesn’t try harder and listen to you when you tell him what you like, then that’s a serious problem and you may want to rethink your relationship with him. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced some real assholes who purposely do a bad job of fingering because they don’t want to put the work in. If they “suck” at it or they hurt you, then you’re not going to keep asking them to do it, right? It’s fucked up, but that is the reality for some people.

Hopefully that’s not the case with your boyfriend. So just try to work with him. It should NOT be hurting like that. So either he’s doing it wrong or there’s a rare possibility you have a medical issue. (I really think he’s just doing it wrong.)